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Father won't let kids go...last minute. IDEAS?


mrsfuzzmo
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My family was surprised with a cruise by my parents for our Christmas Gift. There are 15 of us. 9 Adults and 6 kids. One of the families is divorced and the kids (13 & 14 yrs) were all set to travel with Mom. Estranged Dad said they could go. Everything is booked, paid for, special photo session for entire family group photo. This may be the last big family vacation with Grandma & Grandpa. They are paying for the whole trip so that we can all be together on on last big adventure. The kids have never cruised and are all absolutely thrilled to be able to do this with their cousins. Lots of family events planned.

 

NOW, Dad of two of the kids is saying they can't go. No reason. He's just that kind of guy. (hence the divorce). The kids spend time with him, have traveled with him, etc. We leave in June. He is refusing to let them come on the trip with their Mother and family for no reason what so ever other than to upset his ex-wife.....and the kids.

 

Does anyone have any experience with this? Grandparents are completely heartbroken.....and of course angry with him. Kids are devastated, so is Mom of course.

 

Mom is looking into legal ways around it, but I thought I'd just reach out here to see if anyone has had any luck with any kind of legals aspect? Just trying to find out if anyone has gone through this and succeeded in getting the kids to go.

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I HATE that parents do this sort of stuff to their kids...it doesn't hurt the EX...it hurts the KIDS. Thankfully, my divorced parents NEVER, EVER said a bad word about the other to us..or, within earshot.

 

This forces the kids to "pick sides" and that is harmful to children.

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Ask her lawyer to seek a court order so that they can go. I think judges look poorly on balky dads. EM

 

Yes, I think she's going to consult a lawyer but it's going to cost some cash, so if there is a chance it would work, it would probably be worth it. We are reaching out to some attorney friends to see if this is even doable. I sure hope so....for the kids sake.

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Gotta go to the lawyer if you can't get Dad to budge. I can't believe that the kids (at that age) would even be speaking to him for pulling that kind of stunt. Time is tight so I suggest ASAP

 

If there is a separation agreement that could also be used as a negotiation point....

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Yes, I think she's going to consult a lawyer but it's going to cost some cash, so if there is a chance it would work, it would probably be worth it. We are reaching out to some attorney friends to see if this is even doable. I sure hope so....for the kids sake.

 

Of course it is doable. People do it all the time because of jerks like her ex. It just takes time and money.

 

This here is a prime lesson to those that don't get it. You need a legal document like a letter of consent from the ex giving you permission to travel out of the country and it needs to be notarized. No, the kids having a passport is not the same as giving permission to travel. That just means both parents agreed to a passport. You could have been in lovie dovie land when you got the passport and now in the divorce from h*ll so the Powers That Be want to make sure.

 

 

Please don't take the advise of those people who say "well, I've never been asked to prove it". Who cares. Your recommendation not to do it is not costing you anything but can cost the person who listened to you their cruise, money and fun time. Not to mention disappointment.

 

Once you figure out you are going on a cruise notify the ex and get the paperwork going. Have where you are cruising, the ship, the dates etc. including permission to treat medically. I have heard so many people say "you don't need it", "but he agreed to the passport" etc. Then getting the letter should not be an issue.

 

 

Here is a story: my brother had full custody, legal and physical of my nephew. He knew the ex and her new husband would cause trouble. It was obvious when he showed the movie where the scuba diving couple got left behind in the ocean - right after he got scuba certified on the way to the Caribbean. Son was 14 at the time. What a horrible thing to do to a child. There are special places for people like him.

 

 

So, again, even with his custody papers he petitioned the courts to allow him to travel with his son. He notified the school when we were leaving. The ex's husband showed up at the school earlier in the day in an attempt to pick up his son so that we could not catch the plane. My brother suspecting he would pull something went to pull him out early. Step was already there trying to force son to leave with him. The principal was next to useless. Step threatened to beat the crap out of my brother for taking him when "it is our day". Finally my brother asked the principal, "are you going to wait until this gets physical before you call the police?" Finally, on his way. Now remember, brother has full legal and physical custody, has the letter from the court and he still had to deal with this. He really, legally, didn't need anything but the divorce papers.

 

 

We get to the airport. The airlines wanted to see his permission to travel with his son documentation. We are traveling from LAX to Miami and on to San Juan for this cruise. Divorce papers were nice but they still wanted to see the permission to travel. Remember too, the people you are dealing with at travel counters are just that, people. They don't know legal gobbly gook for nothing. They just want the proof to travel. They really don't want to read your whole divorce stuff.

 

Bottom line - people GO TO THE COURTS to get permission unless you can get it in writing, notarized in advance for the right to travel with your kids from the ex.

 

Some of you might remember there was a lady who was going to surprise her kid with a cruise and was going to stop on the way to the airport to pick up the kid, get the ex to sign some papers (not notarized) and it would be a fun surprise for all. Some people really are mental midgets.

 

OP - good luck and don't talk to friends for advise. Get a lawyer, go to the courts and get it done. The kid goes on the cruise and dad learns a lesson in life too. He learned that his ex is smarter then he gives her credit for and he learns that the days of manipulating his teen son are fast coming to a conclusion.

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Yes, I think she's going to consult a lawyer but it's going to cost some cash, so if there is a chance it would work, it would probably be worth it. We are reaching out to some attorney friends to see if this is even doable. I sure hope so....for the kids sake.

 

Wow, how hard for the whole family! I wonder if there is any room for emotional pressure, along the lines of making it clear this will damage the kids relationship with their dad forever. Probably not, but might be worth a thought.

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Thanks for all your support and advice! The kids have passports and have traveled internationally with the family - with a signed and notarized consent form from the Dad. This time he doesn't want them to go. And he is also doing the "Cruise ships sink, sharks are everywhere, only drunks on cruises and they may throw you overboard" type of things to the poor kids. JERK.

 

My sister is contacting her lawyer today to see what can be done.

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is there anyone sane in the fathers orbit who has some influence on him? It might be worth having the kid tell the story to an aunt who has a chance of talking some sense into him. The dad might win the battle of keeping the kids off the trip, but everyone else will see that this will destroy his relationship with the kids and hope fully someone will talk some sense into him.

 

The mom should continue to try to petition the courts but hopefully someone else will talk sense into the dad in the interim ( this happened a few years back with a family that brought their daughters best friend on vacation with them every year. The dad of the family paying for the trip had terminal cancer and the noncustodial parent of the teenage friend initially said no to the last trip, and then the daughter of the original family said she didn't want to go on vacation without her friend. It created a lot of stress and drama, but in the end the dad relented.) People are truly awful sometimes.

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is there anyone sane in the fathers orbit who has some influence on him? It might be worth having the kid tell the story to an aunt who has a chance of talking some sense into him. The dad might win the battle of keeping the kids off the trip, but everyone else will see that this will destroy his relationship with the kids and hope fully someone will talk some sense into him.

 

I think this is a good suggestion BUT I would be very careful about putting the kids in the middle of it. Their dad is being a total a$$, but he's their dad and should not be put in a position of trying to use others to influence him. He knows they want to go and the kids know the dad's being a jerk.

 

Just my two cents.

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No one to influence Dad. He's estranged from his family and is remarried so really no one to help. Here's the really stinky thing that he's now pulling:

 

He won't keep the kids for the week if my sister goes on the cruise without them. He says it's her responsibility to watch them during the week and so she'll need to find someplace for them to stay during the week while she's gone. He doesn't want them. They can't go along......but he won't keep them. REAL GEM THIS ONE!@$$!!!

 

Talking with the attorney today! Crossing fingers everything works out.

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In a way the father making the ignorant issue about not wanting his own kids while mom is on vacation may work in her favor with the judge. Do the kids have a lawyer/rep? Not sure where you live but in the US one is automatically assigned to them for just this reason. I didn't see the ages of the children listed but if they are old enough they can request which parent they want to live with and if they want to visit or not visit with the other parent. Something to think about while she is in court.

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In a way the father making the ignorant issue about not wanting his own kids while mom is on vacation may work in her favor with the judge. Do the kids have a lawyer/rep? Not sure where you live but in the US one is automatically assigned to them for just this reason. I didn't see the ages of the children listed but if they are old enough they can request which parent they want to live with and if they want to visit or not visit with the other parent. Something to think about while she is in court.

The ages of the children in OP's post was 13 &14 ;)

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I've been in the same situation where stepdaughter's mom signed the letter, tickets were purchased and the day we were flying to the cruise (we lived in different states), the mom refused to drive daughter to the airport.

So, she missed the cruise and there was nothing we could do at that late date.

You can't reason with some people, and agree, children shouldn't be placed in the middle of this.

Getting a court order allowing children to go should not be too complicated. I will add, at least in my experience, the older they get, the less you get asked for the travel letter.

Best of luck to this mom!

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Family attorney states it's too late to get a judge to approve a court order. We don't leave until June 16th. We are reaching out to any contacts that can help us find a judge to expedite an order.

 

Could you have him repeatedly run over by a bus. That would solve both the immediate and potential long range problems.

 

DON

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Family attorney states it's too late to get a judge to approve a court order. We don't leave until June 16th. We are reaching out to any contacts that can help us find a judge to expedite an order.

 

 

Seek another attorney. In my jurisdiction a local attorney could get an emergency hearing within a week. You need someone who practices daily in the relevant court....

 

 

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Forums

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Seek another attorney. In my jurisdiction a local attorney could get an emergency hearing within a week. You need someone who practices daily in the relevant court....

 

 

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Forums

 

 

Almost WordPerfect for what I was going to say.

 

Ant attorney who can't get this order before a judge with a month to work in should give the fame away.

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Seek another attorney. In my jurisdiction a local attorney could get an emergency hearing within a week. You need someone who practices daily in the relevant court....

 

 

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Forums

 

It is the attorney that represents the children. She's been involved in the entire divorce/custody scenario. Crossing fingers we can find a judge to hear it, or .....that bus thing sounded good. ;)

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It is the attorney that represents the children. She's been involved in the entire divorce/custody scenario. Crossing fingers we can find a judge to hear it, or .....that bus thing sounded good. ;)

 

 

I'm not in America, but really fund it hard to believe that any competent attorney who has any sort of practice in Family Law couldn't get an urgent application like the one outlined here, dealt with in under a week.

 

Once before a Judge it'll take all of, maybe half an hour.

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My god daughter once had this great opportunity to go to a school for a semester in Maine. Her parents were getting a divorce and Dad had to sign off on the trip. Well, daughter was pretty mad at Dad because Dad had cheated on Mom so they weren't even on speaking terms. Dad was saying he wasn't going to sign off. They had a court hearing regarding the divorce and this issue came up. The judge pretty much reamed the Dad out about it and it was ordered the girl could attend the school. It literally came up to a couple days before she was to leave though. Crazy.

 

I bet that once a court order is gets talked about, he probably will give up the fight. Its a shame, that an adult wants to ruin a kids family vacation for spite. I don't get it.

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