Age You Felt Safe Letting The Kiddos Roam

Hi! My family has our first cruise in August (Oasis of the Seas), and we're beyond excited! I have a question on how much "freedom" to give the kids / tweens coming along with us.

At home, we're not exactly hover-parents - They go outside, around the neighborhood, etc. on their own. However, taking them out of the country for the first time and on a HUGE cruise ship they are not familiar with gives me SOME reservations about just letting them roam about. In particular, my 12 year old. While I think we'll be hanging out as a family most of the time (that's the point, isn't it?) I'd love for him to go hang out with other kids he meets without having Mom and Dad hover over him on occasion, but don't want him getting lost or in trouble either.

At what age did you feel comfortable letting the kids go off on their own on your cruise (if at all)?

My son was 11 1/2 when we went on our first cruise. We let him go by himself to places. But he couldn't just "roam". He had to tell us where he was going and we told him where we would be, and he had to check back occasionally. He also had a cell phone to use with the IConcierage app (Norwegian Escape) so he could contact us.

My son is the kind of kid who hates getting in trouble and he has had some skills from being a Boy Scout etc. I wasn't too worried about him and it turned out just fine. Just make rules and make sure they are followed.

My son was 11 1/2 when we went on our first cruise. We let him go by himself to places. But he couldn't just "roam". He had to tell us where he was going and we told him where we would be, and he had to check back occasionally. He also had a cell phone to use with the IConcierage app (Norwegian Escape) so he could contact us.

 

My son is the kind of kid who hates getting in trouble and he has had some skills from being a Boy Scout etc. I wasn't too worried about him and it turned out just fine. Just make rules and make sure they are followed.

Yeah, "roam" was probably the wrong terminology, lol. I meant if we're hanging out at the pool my son asking to go with some other kids to the rock climbing wall, etc. He has a cell phone and yep, he'd get a time to meet back up with us.

If you give him boundaries I'm sure he will be fine. Especially if he is all ready used to some freedom at home.

I would recommend you have him stick to public areas and that he joins kids club the first night on board. The club's are separated by ages, and will hang out with kids of similar ages.

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So much depends on the individual child - you should have a good "gut" feeling of how much autonomy your own twelve year old can handle. With mine, aimless hanging out was never in the cards, but agreed upon getting from one activity to another - with periodic checking in - worked well.

I have an 11 year old (will be nearly 12 on board) and like you guys said, she'll be able to go places on her own, with my knowledge and consent. She's not the kid who would just wander or run rampant anyway!

The 14 (will be nearly 15, omg I'm so old ;) ) year old, I have no problem with him basically setting his own schedule and doing his own thing. That said, he'll probably be with us most of the time anyway, and we will get the onboard app for communication.

I'm enjoying this thread. My friend has 4 kids, and this is our first cruise. We are a little skeptical about leaving them, and they are on the shy side, but we've heard great things about kids clubs and activities.

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We let our grandkids go to kids' places onboard by themselves at 10.

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Our one hard and fast rule is to NEVER go into someone else's cabin - also NEVER invite someone else into our cabin! We felt very safe letting our 15 and 16 year olds do things on their own on Harmony last summer - our 10 year old was allowed to go with her brother or sister or to and from the kids club as long as she checked in on arrival. All our kids had cell phones onboard which made coordinating family activities and meals MUCH easier. Overall we felt the ship was very safe!

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Roaming is bad....but, I would let my kids come and go to specific places, for specific reasons. We would tell them WHERE to find us, and they would have to come and check in physically, before heading to the next thing.

You can check this thread too, almost exactly the same question was asked:

http://boards.cruisecritic.com/showthread.php?t=2514529&highlight=roam+the+ship

My son was 9.5 on his first cruise. We let him hang out with his friends from Kids Club on sea days and when we were sailing between ports. He could also safely navigate between our stateroom and the kids club. He would stop by his favorite bar to get a fruit smoothie - and the bar tender could tell us which direction he was last seen heading. As long as we were not in port, we knew he couldn't go too far. He will be 16.5 this time around (and no kids club on this ship), so I know he will cope with moving between our staterooms and the gym/pool self-sufficiently.

We started taking our daughter on cruises when she was 14. We got her to join the kids group for her age, then she was free to go to activities there, or to meet her new friends in other places [always after asking us first, receiving permission, and finding out where we would be]. We had a firm rule of only gathering in public places, no cabins, and I know she followed that rule because a couple of times when we returned to our cabin for some reason, we found a couple of girls standing in the corridor waiting for our daughter to get something from our cabin....she wouldn't let them come in with her!

We also made sure to have dinner together every evening in the MDR, and she was always with us on shore days.

Oddly, even though she was allowed to spend time with her friends, a lot of the time she "found" us around the ship and spent time with us! It was great!

You have to know your own children, and if they're capable of following your "cruise rules".

We let our son go on his own when he was 12. He obviously had rules though, knew what he could/couldn't do. He didn't like the kids club so he stayed away from that. He basically camped somewhere between ice cream, the arcade and the pizza place. I think most of the time he spent at the slides/in the pool though. He enjoyed it and loved the freedom. He would wake up around 8am and leave and wouldn't come back in until 11 or 12 at night. He had so much fun!

One idea to add since I saw it happen on the last cruise....warn them about not sitting or stand/walk on the railing. We saw some teenagers standing on the rail and urging others in the group to also do it. Being the teacher that I am, I told them to get down and told them of the danger of falling overboard. Luckily no one got hurt

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Roaming is bad....but, I would let my kids come and go to specific places, for specific reasons. We would tell them WHERE to find us, and they would have to come and check in physically, before heading to the next thing.

IMO, it is best to have children tell you where to find them. It is too easy for a child to be somewhere they aren't suppose to be ...... leave for a few minutes to check in with you and then return to where ever they were in the first place. I've learned that many parents think that they know their children very well but aren't aware of what they are doing when with friends - away from parents and with peer pressure. If you know where they are, you can physically go visit them and insure that they are where they said they would be.

This is a question that is very much an individual decision based on parental comfort and how well screwed on the kid's head is.

With our kids in order to earn their "wings" they first had to navigate from a somewhat random spot on the ship to muster station and get there within 7 minutes without assistance from us.

Rules were very much like others on the thread. Not on anyone's cabins, let us know where you are (they used the phones around the ship to leave voice mails). We reserved the right to go check and did.

Our oldest could go in the pool as long as he was with someone else. Or youngest, not being a strong swimmer was not allowed in the pools without a parent. Even now the younger would not be allowed in the pool without us.

On non port days breakfast and lunch were "whatever" but supper was with us.

On port days they are with us from breakfast until we return to the ship. On our next cruise we may relax the supper with us rule on port days.

Of course standard family rules still apply and failure to follow them results in the revoking of their wings for a specific period of time. No one wants that, but you only have to enforce it once.

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8 but it depends on the maturity of the kid.

Here's a kid's opinion on the subject

[YOUTUBE]xCUc9-YB2NA[/YOUTUBE]

IMO, it isn't just about the maturity of the kid but also of the adults - some of whom would rather be off doing their own thing than paying attention to their children. We all think that we "know" our children. However, when your children grow up, it is interesting to have a talk with them about what they were getting into when you were not around. I'm not saying that they were necessarily into something very bad but were doing things that you may not have approved of. A child may be fine wandering around a cruise ship on their own but there are people on the ship that may not have the best intentions for your child.

If a child is under the age of 12 should be visually checked on every hour if they are not in a ship supervised program. I would not leave a child unsupervised after dinner (when many adults are drinking and are may be paying less attention to their kids).

Teenagers are the best at deceiving their parents. IMO, they too should be checked on - probably without making a big deal of it. Simply walk by unannounced in the area they are suppose to be. I would never go to bed with my teenager still out of the cabin. And, most importantly, don't book two cabins (presumably to have one parent in each cabin) and allow these "children" to sleep in one cabin alone. Think about when you were a teenager. Did you ever sneak out of the house? Did you ever say you were going one place and actually went somewhere else? This is normal for teenagers. Just some food for thought.....

I went on a cruise when I was 13 and my parents pretty much let me go where I wanted as long as I ended up in the main dining room in time for dinner. I didn't get up to any debauchery, but as the parent you should know your kid best. Instead of worrying about what the exact age cutoff is, ask yourself "Can I trust (child) to roam around on the cruise?" If you think yes, then let them. If your gut tells you no, don't let them.

Times have really changed when it comes to how protective we all are with our children and Grandchildren. When our DD was 5, we took her on her first cruise (the old Fairwind). By the time she was 8, she was a cruise veteran and we gave her some limited freedom on ships (when she was with a friend). One memory is when she took 3 other girlfriends (also around 8) into a bar (during the afternoon) and bought them all drinks (non-alcohol of course). Now, I doubt if we would give a child that kind of freedom. When I was 8-9, on Saturdays I would go out of the house by 9....and often not return to about 5 (I was out playing with various friends in our neighborhood). I cannot recall my parents ever supervising me at a playground....we would simply go on our own. My Elementary School was about 8 blocks from my house and I walked from first grade (with no adults). That meant crossing 8 streets (1 with lots of traffic)....but in those days the schools had volunteer crossing guards at the major intersections. At lunch, I would walk 8 blocks home for food, and then back to school. In those days this was the norm. As I said at the beginning of this post, times have really changed.

Hank

Times have really changed when it comes to how protective we all are with our children and Grandchildren. When our DD was 5, we took her on her first cruise (the old Fairwind). By the time she was 8, she was a cruise veteran and we gave her some limited freedom on ships (when she was with a friend). One memory is when she took 3 other girlfriends (also around 8) into a bar (during the afternoon) and bought them all drinks (non-alcohol of course). Now, I doubt if we would give a child that kind of freedom. When I was 8-9, on Saturdays I would go out of the house by 9....and often not return to about 5 (I was out playing with various friends in our neighborhood). I cannot recall my parents ever supervising me at a playground....we would simply go on our own. My Elementary School was about 8 blocks from my house and I walked from first grade (with no adults). That meant crossing 8 streets (1 with lots of traffic)....but in those days the schools had volunteer crossing guards at the major intersections. At lunch, I would walk 8 blocks home for food, and then back to school. In those days this was the norm. As I said at the beginning of this post, times have really changed.

 

Hank

I vividly remember those times and it is sad how much has changed. Now I see lots of parents standing by the school bus stop waiting for their children to arrive -- thinking that it is not safe for them to walk home (and we live in a relatively safe small city). Why people would think that it is safe on a cruise ship with hundreds or thousands of strangers is beyond me.

P.S. Strophic - as with many parents, I thought I knew my daughter best. She was clean-cut, got good grades, was a cheerleader ..... the all around American girl. Little did I know what was going on behind the scenes (I know now and am still horrified). Thankfully she was not into drugs but was involved with a boy that did (he ended up dead). BTW, his family was nice as well and he was clean-cut and well spoken (to our face) but was a monster behind the scenes. Unfortunately, I learned from experience.

Times have really changed when it comes to how protective we all are with our children and Grandchildren. When our DD was 5, we took her on her first cruise (the old Fairwind). By the time she was 8, she was a cruise veteran and we gave her some limited freedom on ships (when she was with a friend). One memory is when she took 3 other girlfriends (also around 8) into a bar (during the afternoon) and bought them all drinks (non-alcohol of course). Now, I doubt if we would give a child that kind of freedom. When I was 8-9, on Saturdays I would go out of the house by 9....and often not return to about 5 (I was out playing with various friends in our neighborhood). I cannot recall my parents ever supervising me at a playground....we would simply go on our own. My Elementary School was about 8 blocks from my house and I walked from first grade (with no adults). That meant crossing 8 streets (1 with lots of traffic)....but in those days the schools had volunteer crossing guards at the major intersections. At lunch, I would walk 8 blocks home for food, and then back to school. In those days this was the norm. As I said at the beginning of this post, times have really changed.

 

Hank

I didn't let my kids walk to and from school without me until 2nd grade (I was allowed in kindergarten). There are plenty of crossing guards here (same as when I was a kid, paid). Things are statistically safer today than when I was growing up. I'm lucky to live in an area where kids walk to school, bike all over town, and roam independent in elementary school (and even leave school at lunchtime).

I vividly remember those times and it is sad how much has changed. Now I see lots of parents standing by the school bus stop waiting for their children to arrive -- thinking that it is not safe for them to walk home (and we live in a relatively safe small city). Why people would think that it is safe on a cruise ship with hundreds or thousands of strangers is beyond me.

 

P.S. Strophic - as with many parents, I thought I knew my daughter best. She was clean-cut, got good grades, was a cheerleader ..... the all around American girl. Little did I know what was going on behind the scenes (I know now and am still horrified). Thankfully she was not into drugs but was involved with a boy that did (he ended up dead). BTW, his family was nice as well and he was clean-cut and well spoken (to our face) but was a monster behind the scenes. Unfortunately, I learned from experience.

I agree. My daughter is grown, but I would never have left her roam on a ship on her own at such a young age. I can't imagine having a child leave in the morning and their parents not seeing them until late in the evening. There are some strange dangerous people in the world, and there is no background check for anyone booking a cruise. Maybe I watch the news too much....

I echo what others have said about it being up to you to know your kids and how much independence they can handle.

That being said, here's our experience with this. We have two daughters (currently 12 and 10), and we've been on four cruises with them. Our first cruise (ever) was when they were 8 and 6. Getting on that ship I was interested (but not concerned, per se) about some safety things. Could they get over the railings and fall overboard (they are kids, afterall)? What was the counselor-to-kid ratio in the kids clubs? Things like that. They didn't get any independence that first cruise, outside of the kids clubs, because they didn't have the awareness/weren't able to make the necessary decisions on their own to make it worthwhile for all of us.

We expect our kids to be polite and respectful all the time. They can still be kids and have fun while being polite and respectful. On-board we need to be able to expect that they will be at the appointed place, at the appointed time, that we agree upon. And, in the event something delays them (or us!), we needed to be able to set a fallback plan and then expect them to meet us there.

On our most-recent cruise (July 2017) they were aware and old enough to make those decisions, and so we were willing to give them opportunities to earn independence. It helps that there are two of them and they are going to stay together even if we don'tcare if they do or not. We were on the Allure of the Seas. We agreed that our fallback plan was that, if not everyone made it to the meeting place within 10 minutes of the agreed-upon time, that everyone had to return to the stateroom and meet there. Sometimes you run late, for a reasonable reason, so a 10 minute grace period felt right. And we didn't want to have to carry phones - and in any event, what if someone loses their phone - turning off my phone being one of my favorite parts of going on vacation. But everyone has a room key card, so that makes the stateroom the perfect fallback. Additionally, even though both of our girls are competitive swimmers, one of our rules was that they couldn't go swimming without one of us being on the pool deck. That's not because we think we're better lifeguards than the actual lifeguards on duty, but because we didn't think the crew/other guests shouold have to be responsible for our kids in the event of an accident (and because we'd had an incident with a young boy "pantsing" our girls and other kids in a pool on a prior cruise). I'm not saying I think every parent should act this way, but if your kid is acting like a jerk and/or gets hurt (God forbid) and you're not there, then I will judge you.

Anyway, the first time they wanted to go off on their own we agreed on a place and time to meet up. They actually got there before my wife and I did. So they kept on getting more independence, and of longer duration when possible, the rest of the cruise. This was particularly beneficial because they wanted nothing to do with the kids clubs on this cruise.

Look, let's not pretend like the ability to go on a trip and not have your kids hanging off you the whole time isn't 100% desireable as a parent. Do some parents take advantage of that, and fail to provide enough supervision? Absolutely. But if your kids will conduct themselves more responsibly than some of the adults on board - as measured by other people, not just yourself - why shouldn't they be able to be on their own?

That's what we loved about the kids clubs on our first cruises:

"Daddy can I go to the club again?"

"Oh you mean the place that you love and is safe, that I CAN'T go to? And I could go to that martini making class? Yeah let me think about that for a minute..."

As opposed to the Bataan Death March of the Magic Kingdom??

So yes, know your kids. If they can handle the independence, set reasonable guidelines, and let them determine how much independence they continue to get. If they can't that doesn't mean you shouldn't go on the trip, but I also think it doesn't mean you get to let the crew and the rest of us have to deal with your little barbarians, either. ;)