First cruise anxiety - 14 year-old

We are cruising as a family for the first time this March. It will be the third cruise for wife and me. Our youngest daughter (11) is excited with no worries at all. However, our 14-year-old daughter has fear/anxiety with flying (she has flown twice, including last spring), and not cruise ships. It is a 'loss of control' issue and thinking of all the catastrophe-like situations that could occur.

We plan on showing her YouTube videos of cruises, showing her what the boat looks like and all the fun activities and food are available. Does anyone have any other ideas as to what might help ease her fears/concerns?

Thanks in advance!

KCcruzor

She sounds like me! I’m still afraid of flying, even while flying, but my anxiety about cruising dissipates when I get on the ship. It’s so big and sturdy, plus fun (unlike flying). You can also give her statistics about how many cruise ships sail everyday, and how many have sunk.

It might help to discuss her anxiety, her specific concerns. Discuss her worst case scenarios and best case scenario. Try and get her to see that in most cases it will fall in the best case scenario.

If she is frightened about being left behind in port. Get her to suggest a plan she can implement. Having her ID with her. A phone, how to make a call home or to you. The idea is to make her feel if that something did go wrong she would be in control.

Or she is afraid of the ship sinking tell her about the muster. Let her know where she has to go. Be sure to point out that cruise ships don't sink.

The main point is to let her come to her own conclusions about how safe she will be. Let her come up with a plan that will make her feel in control.

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. Does anyone have any other ideas as to what might help ease her fears/concerns?

 

Thanks in advance!

KCcruzor

14 YO?

Probably has access to Xanax from someone at school.

I'm sorry.

Had to go there

14 YO?

Probably has access to Xanax from someone at school.

 

I'm sorry.

Had to go there

LOL!! Was gonna say Benadryl

I would talk to her doctor....he might be able to suggest some treatments or solutions...lots of folks have a "fear of flying"....but 14 is mighty young to get started with those fears!

I hate to go straight to the medications route as well, but honestly, along with talking about things and making reassuring statements, some meds may be genuinely helpful for the situation. Talk to your doctor - even something as simple as lorazepam is quick acting, non habit forming for short term use, and will help with anxiety - a lot.

Most kids, once they get on the ship and they get involved (be sure to register her in the teen club), these sorts of irrational fears and concerns melt away quickly, so meds will likely be a very short term thing just to get over the flight and the first 24-36 hours onboard.

I would talk to her doctor....he might be able to suggest some treatments or solutions...lots of folks have a "fear of flying"....but 14 is mighty young to get started with those fears!

"Get started"? Maybe it is a genuine phobia - and I'm not aware of a certain age or time in life that would validate that. 4 - 14- 44 - how can you say when it is rational or not? Your suggestion of talking to a doctor makes sense - but as to the rest of your comments......

CB you never cease to amaze me with your posts! I wish you would return a second time to any of the threads you post on to see (and maybe answer) the comments to your responses.

For a 14 year old, I would do meds too. No reason to suffer through it. Bonine for motion sickness actually actually really calmed my kid and it was over the counter. Try it at home and see what you think first. If she thinks it works, that should be enough ;)

On another note, I would steer clear of YouTube as a method of reassurance. YouTube is chocked full of "Cruise ship horror story" videos as well which your daughter will inevitably run across if she decides to continue surfing YouTube on her own after the fact.

We are dealing with a similar situation right now - my 17YO (well cruising experienced) daughter is bringing a 17YO first timer with us on this cruise. While exploring YouTube she came across the classic "Piano crashing across the room/plates crashing everywhere/people holding on for dear life/etc etc" videos and promptly texted my daughter all freaked out.

Us experienced cruisers know that these situations are very rare, and many of them (like the ones where people claim the ship is sinking because a little water came into their stateroom under their balcony door) are blown entirely out of proportion, but nonetheless, they will *not* be reassuring to her. ;)

Unless I've misread the OP, the 14 year old hasn't yet spoken about any cruise anxiety. The parents are concerned that it might develop. Possibly a little soon for medication?

Our daughter when she was that age had similar fears.

We just spoke with her about how safe flying is compared to other forms of transportation and also spoke about how nice the cruise would be.

Be patient and just speak with her with reassuring words.

Keith

We are cruising as a family for the first time this March. It will be the third cruise for wife and me. Our youngest daughter (11) is excited with no worries at all. However, our 14-year-old daughter has fear/anxiety with flying (she has flown twice, including last spring), and not cruise ships. It is a 'loss of control' issue and thinking of all the catastrophe-like situations that could occur.

 

We plan on showing her YouTube videos of cruises, showing her what the boat looks like and all the fun activities and food are available. Does anyone have any other ideas as to what might help ease her fears/concerns?

 

Thanks in advance!

KCcruzor

Hi. As parent of two teens with diagnosed general anxiety, including the type you describe, I strongly recommend you and your teen talk to her doctor about options.

Our teens love cruising, and one is also particularly anxious about flying. We make sure we have a number of options available to get her thru, just in case.

Depending on the severity of the anxiety, options can include everything from talk strategies, preparation strategies, to distractions for the flight ( music, movies, snacks) to medications. Its very personal, and can be very serious. If she were to have a panic attack on the plane and you were not prepared, it could mean deplaning and missing the flight and cruise. Also be prepared for a turbulent flight. Turbulence and anxiety are a bad mix.

With your doctor's help, you can ensure you are prepared for various levels of anxiety - that preparation alone might help reduce the anxiety as well.

Good luck and have a great trip!

Generally, I would try to avoid medication.

If the "Loss of control" issue is your daughter not having any control over what is going on, then show her how much control she actually does have. If it refers to your daughter losing control of herself, then perhaps a chat with a doctor would be in order.

I'm so sorry your daughter is fearful of flying. Here is some guidance to help her:

http://www.travelandleisure.com/travel-tips/getting-over-fear-of-flying#san-francisco-international-airport

https://lifehacker.com/how-i-beat-my-fear-of-flying-1052703615

https://www.nbcnews.com/better/health/your-4-step-guide-overcoming-your-fear-flying-ncna786746

I used to travel 3 - 5 days per week for work and I do have a certain fear of flying. To this day, I always feel a bit nervous but I have used breathing techniques to overcome feelings of claustrophobia and I do find concentrating on timed games on my iPhone or iPad help enormously. Education about flying and also, just doing it frequently helped me to mostly overcome my fears but I still get a little anxiety whenever I board. I've been able to help many other people who happened to be seated near me. I remember a university professor who was absolutely terrified but had to fly as her father was hospitalized and not expected to make it. I talked with her throughout the flight and I remember when they put the landing gear down, she gasped and thought something was wrong, but I was able to reassure her, "That is normal. They put the landing gear down and locked it. It's a good sound!" What I would suggest with your daughter is that you seat her between two people she feels the safest with such as between dad and her sister. Bring along her iPad or iPhone with some games that require her to be active on them - timed games - that grab her attention. Also practice focused breathing with her, where you count to 4 as you breathe in through the nose slowly and count to 4 as you breathe out through the mouth slowly while relaxing the body. There are times when I board a plane and feel claustrophobic - especially if the person in front of me reclines their seat back all the way in economy. If you have airline miles or can afford to upgrade to business or first class, this can greatly mitigate that problem. If you must fly economy your daughter might prefer an aisle seat with her dad next to her.

There are an average of 87,000 flights in the US per day. You don't hear about commercial flights crashing too often. Even if there were trouble, usually the captain can put the plane down somewhere safely. No need to worry!

There are an average of 87,000 flights in the US per day. You don't hear about commercial flights crashing too often. Even if there were trouble, usually the captain can put the plane down somewhere safely. No need to worry!

Yea, but the dice are gonna come up craps eventually.

Are you concerned about the flight anxiety or the potential for cruise ship anxiety at this point? I can see flight anxiety since you are in a seat, in an object that is moving in ways that appear to defy physics and uncontrollably. Cruise ships are nothing like flying. They are huge. To the point where you can barely even tell that you’re moving. I would not anticipate fears related to flying moving with her to a fear of the cruise ship.

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If she is afraid of cruise ships I would take her to a mall that is attached to a hotel and explain to her that this is how big the ship will be and maybe bigger! Make sure she knows that inside it's going to be just like being at the mall or in the hotel lobby and restaurants.

My oldest DS has sever general anxiety. So sever that our home school district decided they didn't want to deal with him (THANKFULLY!!) and he went to a private school for those with "issues" on their dime.

First I would say if she doesn't have one, find a therapist for her to talk to for a bit before hand. I don't know exactly when your cruise is though. In all truth, intensive therapy (4 days a week for my DS) helped more than any medications could. To the point where even a year before he graduated high school, he decided to stop meds with our blessing if that is what he wanted to do. I would say he is now the most well adjusted out of everyone else in our house.

That being said, every time we traveled we did have a Xanax script for him filled. At no point did he take them other than the very first time we got the script because he was anxious about how they would make him feel so we did it at home. Just him knowing he had it available if needed helped him a lot! We still keep a bottle of 10 of them in-date in the house for him. For the past 3 years we have thrown them away and get another bottle of 10. If her doctor knows about her anxieties this shouldn't be a problem. I work in pharmacy and we fill a lot of small amount sedative scripts for flying.

Another think I would think of is look at her and your friend group or even coworkers. Good chance is that someone, somewhere you know has taken a cruise with someone in her age group! Having someone who you can see who had a good experience could ease her fears. Who knows, this could also mean you find new cruising buddies!

My 14yo son will be joining us for his first cruise shortly. Thankfully he doesn't have any anxiety about the cruise or trip (we are driving vs flying) but he's flown and no issues. But ironically he's deathly afraid of heights. I mean his feet get more than 4' off the ground and knees start shaking while trying to climb a ladder. We are working on the height thing at home slowly.

As for the drive to the terminal, we've already downloaded numerous cruise ship type movies.

Death Ship

Ghost Ship

Poseidon (new and old)

Titanic

Etc.

Yes we are warped. Lol

Lavender essential oil is great for anxiety/calming.

My 13 yr old is a gloom and doom kid. He hates disaster stories/movies. He hates travelling more than 30 minutes from our house because "too much could happen".

We were in a bad car accident in 2011, so some of his fear has a basis. However, I remind him that he survived.

I don't sugar coat anything for him. I'm honest with him about life and death. I tell him I have no guarantees that he will never experience something terrible, but this is where he has to put his faith into action.

He can sit on the sidelines and live "safe" or he can have all the adventures the Lord calls him to and experience things he's never experienced before!

We're all gonna die someday and somehow. The only thing that will matter is how we LIVED.

My 14yo son will be joining us for his first cruise shortly. Thankfully he doesn't have any anxiety about the cruise or trip (we are driving vs flying) but he's flown and no issues. But ironically he's deathly afraid of heights. I mean his feet get more than 4' off the ground and knees start shaking while trying to climb a ladder. We are working on the height thing at home slowly.

As for the drive to the terminal, we've already downloaded numerous cruise ship type movies.

Death Ship

Ghost Ship

Poseidon (new and old)

Titanic

Etc.

 

Yes we are warped. Lol

Sounds exactly like something I would do! Lol

I'm willing to bet her fears will be alleviated once she gets on the boat. It is such a shock to the system and blows your mind wide open, you won't have time to feed your fears. My first cruise was right out of high school. My first thought "a boat in the middle of the ocean, this is the dumbest idea my mom has ever had" and my second was envisioning the titanic and all the things that could happen "this the dumbest..." 6 cruises later... Your 14 year old isn't going to have those thoughts when she gets on board.

You could tell your daughter about me. I'm a big 'fraidy cat about a lot of things. I never wanted to cruise because I was afraid I'd feel closed in, there would be an emergency on the ship, etc. etc.

Well, my mother in law asked all of the adult kids and their spouses to join her on a cruise for her 80th birthday. I couldn't say "No, I'm afraid I'll be afraid", so I went.

That was ten years and 25 cruises ago for me. I feel like I'm walking around in a hotel, not closed in on a ship. As for anything going wrong on the ship --- remind her (I wish someone had reminded me), people are awake all night on their shift, taking care of the ship. The ship's crew does mandatory safety drills ALL THE TIME. Everything is taken care of around the clock.

It WILL be fine -- because I did it ....... and did it again and again and again. And I'm a 'fraidy cat!