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After-Action Report, Victory, May 8-11, 2014

HeyYouKidsGetOffMyLawn
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HeyYouKidsGetOffMyLawn

HeyYouKidsGetOffMyLawn

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While I appreciate the attention, I'm currently at work and won't be able to compose and post the next chapter until this evening.

 

I mowed my lawn yesterday, BTW. I'm not sure why that matters.

 

Sent from my Nexus 5 using Forums mobile app

Edited by HeyYouKidsGetOffMyLawn
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Naomi John

Naomi John

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The intra-ship P/A system comes to life.

 

"Hello, you miserable creatures. This your cruise director with some important information. We have docked at Cozumel, but will not be unloading for a few more minutes. I promise we'll make another announcement when it's time to..."

 

<pause> <tap> <tap> <tap>

 

"Okay people, I know this microphone works and you can all hear me. Please, for the love of all that is good in the world, stop running towards the exit doors. It will just be a few more..."

 

<pause>

 

"Oh no. Is that a knife? What? You want us to play "Happy" by Pharrell Williams again? Again? Are you serious? Okay, Okay. I believe you. Would a crew member please go to the Lido deck and press play on the music box thingy? And I can not stress this enough, do it quickly. Don't worry, you don't have to fiddle with any knobs or buttons, just press play. It's the only song this boat owns."

 

<pause>

 

"I see you've broken down the doors leading outside. Well, I give up. If there is anybody on this boat who is not currently pushing and shoving their way off the ship, I suppose you can make your way down here and join the festivities."

 

"As a side note, I hate my life and every single one of you. That is all."

 

 

This is probably what our CD was thinking on our last cruise. People were lined up 30 mins, before docking. If you were on floor 2 or 3, they blocked the halls and stairs. The CD kept repeating, please do not go for exit, but no one listened.

 

Great narrative.

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HeyYouKidsGetOffMyLawn

HeyYouKidsGetOffMyLawn

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While we wait, we’re handed menus, and I note that bottles of Dos Equis are $4 each. I order a lemonade for $3, and my wife expresses concern about getting a Margarita. Because we need to be sober enough to drive a dune buggy this afternoon. The manager clarifies, “In Mexico, you drink two, maybe three beers, you can drive. It is no problem.” He says this with a perfectly straight face.

 

At two PM, we watch a convoy of at least ten shiny, brightly painted, brand new dune buggies drive by. Right down the road past our empty building. And we look at each other and say, in unison - “We are in the wrong place, aren't we?” We are married, we do that a lot.

 

Looking at the menu again, my wife orders a strawberry Margarita for $7. She turns to me and clarifies. "If I'm going to die today, I'm going to drink a Margarita first." The drink arrives, and it is HUGE. I swear that was a 20 oz glass. I take a sip, and declare it to be good.

 

Then a single dune buggy pulls into the dirt parking lot. Not shiny, not new, and certainly not part of a convoy. The faded paint was probably once a pretty vivid leopard-skin pattern, copied from a tacky pair of underwear. Those days were long ago, though. A young American couple climbs out, and they are laughing non-stop. The driver gets out, reaches into the back seat and removes a beer from the cooler. He’s wearing a light-blue golf shirt with an embroidered patch on the left side of the chest.

 

Cracking the beer and taking a long sip, the driver helps the tourist couple unload their backpacks from the buggy and settle into a table next to the road. They’re still laughing as they inspect the menu. The driver walks into the bar and is gone for several minutes.

 

We nervously strike up a conversation with the couple and discover they’re from the Vision of the Seas, he’s a fireman, and they just finished the same tour we booked.

 

Finally, I find enough courage to ask the question, “Be honest with me. Did you die? Because my wife thinks we’re going to die this afternoon.”

 

Mr. Fireman of the Seas gives me a blank stare. “No. We did not die. And that’s the dumbest question I've heard all day.”

 

“Thanks. I was just wondering.”

 

The driver returns from inside the bar and walks over to our table in the shadiest part of the porch. He’s wearing a white shirt now, with a different embroidered patch over his left chest. It’s hard to read, but the initials seem to match the tour company we’re expecting.

 

“Do you have the paperwork?”

 

“Sure. It’s right here.” I hand him my treasured paperwork and he examines it for a moment.

 

“Do you have the money?”

 

“Yes. I have the money. Do you have the stuff? Let’s meet behind the abandoned warehouse at midnight. No cops.”

 

“What?”

 

“Yes. I’m paying the balance in cash. I assume cash is good?”

 

“Senor, cash is the best.”

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HeyYouKidsGetOffMyLawn

HeyYouKidsGetOffMyLawn

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I hand him a short stack of twenty dollar bills, fanned apart like a hand of cards so he could count them at a glance. He stuffs them into his pocket.

 

He leads us over to a map of the island on a sheet of plywood, leaning against the wall of the building. The map is heavily weather beaten for additional authenticity.

 

Pointing to the eastern edge of the map, “We eat lunch here, you like chicken, yes?”

 

“Sure. Chicken is fine”

 

“I have snorkel gear behind the building, you can walk across the road and go snorkeling, I'll drink a beer and wait. Please don't drown. Then we get into the buggy and I drive you here to the southern tip of the island.” More pointing.

 

“I thought we were driving?”

 

“NO! I drive. You ride. It’s better this way.”

 

We pause and look across the road again at the muddy shoreline. Possibly the ugliest beach entry I've seen in a while.

 

“I don’t want to cause any problems, but we really do not want to snorkel there.”

 

“No problem. I can take you to another beach. It's where we take the little kids who can't swim. Your wife will like that better, I think.”

 

“Actually, does that sounds better. “

 

Pointing again at the southern edge of the map. “This is, how do you say, big eco park. I'll show you the crocodiles, the lighthouse and the ruins.”

 

“Next, we drive up the eastern edge of the island. It's very nice. We'll stop at the kids beach and you can play in the water.”

 

“Finally, we stop at the tequila factory and you go on the tour.“ Winking. "They also sell tequila there. It's very good."

 

“Then I'll take you back to the pier.”

 

Long story short: That's what happened.

 

Lunch is a table full of chicken fajitas. Including a small woven basket with steaming hot flour tortillas wrapped in a cloth. The manager comes out a second time to deliver a four inch saucer with a quarter-inch of thin green liquid.

 

“This is very hot. Be careful."

 

He wasn't wrong. I take a spoon and transfer three drops to my fajita. Nothing happens for a moment, then mouth scorching heat attacks me. I finish my lemonade in three gulps and tears are running down my face.

 

Well, I was warned.

 

As we're finishing the meal, the driver is busy loading another twelve pack of beer in cans, some glass bottled Cokes and water into the ice chest behind the front seats of the buggy.

 

I sit in the other front seat. With a little assistance, dear wife is able to crawl onto the padded platform in the back and we're roaring off down the road.

Edited by HeyYouKidsGetOffMyLawn
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Pic Chick

Pic Chick

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In Key West, the trolley ride was fun..I don't remember which trolley tour, but it specifically mentioned that they have a lift for wheelchairs, so that should make it easy for you to get the correct one.

 

FYI...don't book through Carnival. The trolley station was right at the corner of the big museum statue..and buying your tickets from them will save you about $20.00.

 

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I717 using Forums mobile app

 

Just wanted to make sure you knew- CCL has started price matching the tour operators. If there's a CCL excursion and the exact same tour available by another (or same) tour company you get 110% of the difference. You can prebook online and get all the benefits of booking through CCL (we won't leave you!) while getting the better price since you did the homework ;)

 

My husband Nydney1 just got our excursion refund if you have any questions or need anything. Yep sweetie- I threw you out there :)

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CruisingwithRickandNik

CruisingwithRickandNik

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Just wanted to make sure you knew- CCL has started price matching the tour operators. If there's a CCL excursion and the exact same tour available by another (or same) tour company you get 110% of the difference. You can prebook online and get all the benefits of booking through CCL (we won't leave you!) while getting the better price since you did the homework ;)

 

My husband Nydney1 just got our excursion refund if you have any questions or need anything. Yep sweetie- I threw you out there :)

 

Thanks for the info! Very good to know for next time!

 

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I717 using Forums mobile app

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CruisingwithRickandNik

CruisingwithRickandNik

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I can't wait to read more but I don't want it to end either. You definitely need to go on a much longer cruise so the story is longer. Enjoying this so very much!

 

You're in luck...we're going on a 7 day NCL cruise on the Getaway in September...

 

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I717 using Forums mobile app

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