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Suzieanna

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Dan was walking home from a Halloween party at his friends house, when he heard a thumping noise behind him. THUMP, THUMP, THUMP, THUMP. When Dan turned around he saw it was a coffin behind him.

 

Dan started walking quicker but the THUMPS were still right behind him. Soon Dan was running, the coffin started running to.

 

Now Dan was running faster than he had ever ran in his life but the coffin was still right behind him!

 

“HELP!” Dan screamed! He ran into his house and tried to slam the door but the coffin caught the door and started following him up the steps THUMP, THUMP, THUMP, THUMP, Dan ran into the bathroom and grabbed the first thing he saw, cough drops, and threw them at the coffin….and of course the coffin’ stopped.

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So there was this female business executive who was late for a meeting.

She is going 65 on a street where the speed limit is 40.

 

A cop pulls her over and says “ma’am, can I please see your license?”

 

She says “I’m sorry, officer, but I got it revoked two years ago for drunk driving.”

 

His brow furrows and he straightens up. “Well, can I please see the registration of your car?”

 

She says “I stole the car and I killed the driver; he’s in the trunk.”

 

“Ma’am, DON’T MOVE, I’m calling for backup.”

 

He mutters furiously into his walkie-talkie…

 

Five minutes later, half the squad pulls up, the Chief of Police walks over to the woman’s window.

 

“Ma’am, can I see your license?” he asks sternly.

 

“Of course, officer,” she smiles demurely and pulls out a license from her purse.

 

He squints warily at it. “This looks legitimate,” he mumbles.

 

“Can I see the registration to this car?”

 

She pulls it out of the glove compartment and hands it to him.

 

“Ma’am, stand back!”

 

He bangs open the trunk of the car and flinches: but it was completely empty…

 

The woman brandishes a finger at the first cop and says accusingly, “And I’ll bet that liar told you I was speeding too!!”

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My wife has left me and taken my thesaurus.

 

I can't find the words to express how upset I am.

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TO:WELSHWIZARD......HEY JEN

 

We miss you over on "last to be first"-----"first to be last"

We think that when the mods rebooted the site that we probably lost you then

SOO.....please go to floataway lounge and rejoin us

 

 

Happy New Year to all

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Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

I reckon Celebrity, your favoured cruise line should hire you as the resident comedian Uncle Mic. Some ripper jokes there.

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My wife has left me and taken my thesaurus.

 

I can't find the words to express how upset I am.

No worries old son, plenty more wives out there.

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Happy new year.:D

 

Hey Mc

Love the squibble humor you have.....pun intended 😉😉....here's an old one

 

Did you hear about the plastic surgeon who hung himself ?

 

Not on your cruise....looking for Jen of Wales....hope she comes back 💙💙

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Hey Mc

Love the squibble humor you have.....pun intended ....here's an old one

 

Did you hear about the plastic surgeon who hung himself ?

 

Not on your cruise....looking for Jen of Wales....hope she comes back

 

LOl, had himself in stitches he did.;)

 

BTW, he made sure it wasn't 12" as he didn't want another foot.

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I just woke my half asleep hubby up...just to tell him your joke. ;):D

Was there a welcome in the hillside? lol.

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A farmer was out on his Welsh hillside tending his flock one day, when he saw a man drinking with a cupped hand from the stream which ran down from one of his fields. Realising the danger, he shouted over to the man, 'Paid a yfed y dwr! Mae'n ych-y-fi!' [Don't drink the water. It's disgusting!]

 

The man at the stream lifted his head and put a cupped hand to his ear, shrugged his shoulders at the farmer, and carried on drinking.

 

Realising the man at the stream couldn't hear him, the farmer moved closer, 'Paid a yfed! Dwr ych-y-fi! Defaid yn cachu yn y dwr!' [Don't drink. Water's disgusting. Sheep poo in the water.]

 

Still the walker couldn't hear the farmer. Finally the farmer walked right up to the man at the stream and once again said again, 'Dwr yn ych-y-fi! Paid a'i yfed!'. [Water's disgusting. Don't drink it!]

 

'I'm dreadfully sorry my good man, I can't understand a word you say dear boy! Can't you speak English?' Said the man at the stream, in a splendid English accent.

 

'Oh I see', said the farmer, 'I was just saying, if you use both hands you can get more in........ !

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