5PiecesOfMyHeart Posted March 22, 2017 #151 Share Posted March 22, 2017 Just found your review and loving it. You had me at 'alternative sober'. Cant wait for more! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcgore83 Posted March 22, 2017 #152 Share Posted March 22, 2017 Great review! I am laughing my a** off! Keep in coming. I totally agree with you about the purses. $300 dollar purse to carry $5 in cash???:) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vanislandcruisers Posted March 22, 2017 #153 Share Posted March 22, 2017 Awesome Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BK456 Posted March 22, 2017 #154 Share Posted March 22, 2017 We are big drinkers while on a cruise and wandered into the skybox sports bar one evening, halfway through the 7day cruise, and oh my...... they have their own little drink menu posted on the bar counter and tabletops that is ridiculous. They have two drinks in particular that all but knocked us on our @ss.... I'm talking showing up to dinner in the MDR feeling NICE. It's definitely worth your time. One was a special margarita with fresh lime juice as the only mixer.... and they had a special "long island" with 6 alcohols and a splash of sprite. Brace yourself...... It will make for a good night. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dmet0225 Posted March 22, 2017 #155 Share Posted March 22, 2017 If my OK in-laws had this sense of humor, I'd actually look for reasons to go to OK more often! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rock_ON!! Posted March 22, 2017 #156 Share Posted March 22, 2017 Girl, you crack me up. This is the most entertaining review I've read in a while. You have set the bar as far as humor goes. Sent from my iPad using Forums Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scoggins84 Posted March 22, 2017 #157 Share Posted March 22, 2017 If my OK in-laws had this sense of humor, I'd actually look for reasons to go to OK more often! Most of us are OK! :cool: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
watermelonqueen99 Posted March 22, 2017 Author #158 Share Posted March 22, 2017 Just found your review and loving it. You had me at 'alternative sober'. Cant wait for more! Glad you found this mess, thanks for reading! :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
watermelonqueen99 Posted March 22, 2017 Author #159 Share Posted March 22, 2017 Great review! I am laughing my a** off! Keep in coming. I totally agree with you about the purses. $300 dollar purse to carry $5 in cash???:) I know, right?! I can put that $5 in my bra if I have to, and save $300. :'):') Thanks for reading! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
watermelonqueen99 Posted March 22, 2017 Author #160 Share Posted March 22, 2017 Awesome Thank you, and thanks for reading! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
watermelonqueen99 Posted March 22, 2017 Author #161 Share Posted March 22, 2017 We are big drinkers while on a cruise and wandered into the skybox sports bar one evening, halfway through the 7day cruise, and oh my...... they have their own little drink menu posted on the bar counter and tabletops that is ridiculous. They have two drinks in particular that all but knocked us on our @ss.... I'm talking showing up to dinner in the MDR feeling NICE. It's definitely worth your time. One was a special margarita with fresh lime juice as the only mixer.... and they had a special "long island" with 6 alcohols and a splash of sprite. Brace yourself...... It will make for a good night. I was already sold on whatever you were gonna say when I saw "we are big drinkers", but you sealed the deal for me to visit the sports bar at "6 alcohols and a splash of sprite." Thank you for that, we are now lifelong friends. :') Thanks for reading! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
watermelonqueen99 Posted March 22, 2017 Author #162 Share Posted March 22, 2017 If my OK in-laws had this sense of humor, I'd actually look for reasons to go to OK more often! Ha! :'):'):') Thanks for reading! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
watermelonqueen99 Posted March 22, 2017 Author #163 Share Posted March 22, 2017 Girl, you crack me up. This is the most entertaining review I've read in a while. You have set the bar as far as humor goes. Sent from my iPad using Forums Thank you! And thank you for reading! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
watermelonqueen99 Posted March 23, 2017 Author #164 Share Posted March 23, 2017 I trust that everyone has put on their nicest pair of sweats (this was formal night, after all), settled in with an expensive, aged bottle of the finest wine you have (read: Boone's Farm), curled up on their couch, and are anticipating the next highly sophisticated installment of my review. Before I get started, though, I gotta ask Photobucket to have every d*mn seat ever made. I logged in to add a few pictures for the review, and 4.5 hours later, when all 3 pictures were finally uploaded, I see this: What the h*ll? I KNOW I did not upload any of those pictures C took of me lying naked on one of those clamshell beds on Serenity, with Guy's Burgers strategically placed to cover up the important parts. (Our version of the scene from Titanic where Jack paints a nude portrait of Rose, only ours was much more elegant and classy.) No, I did what any lady would do and uploaded those b*&^%$s to my Instagram account. So don't come at me with this "violates our terms of use" garbage. Anyway, when I left off, we had toured the shops and the casino. We probably lost a ton of money, so let's go somewhere that will make us feel better about that, the casino bar: We didn't spend a whole lot of time at this bar. We did run into a bartender here, though, that we met last year on the Splendor. I don't know if I should be flattered or try to get myself on the liver transplant list over the fact that she recognized us, but it was nice to see a familiar face. She told us she spends her daytime shift working just a few steps away at the coffee shop. I don't like or drink coffee, so I can't comment on the taste/quality. Actually, that's not completely true. Mid-week, one of our Alchemy bartenders introduced us to a drink she makes that uses Espresso from the coffee shop. It was amazing. (If anyone wants to share a room at the Betty Ford Center, I'm pretty cute, keep a tidy room, and I'm a good listener.) Here's the coffee shop: Moving on down the Promenade deck is the Red Frog Pub. We didn't spend any time here at all, but I got a couple of pictures in case you're interested: To be continued......(Gonna try to post another installment tonight.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ScrapbookJ Posted March 23, 2017 #165 Share Posted March 23, 2017 This is so much fun to read! Thank you very much for the smiles!! I'm from Oklahoma also and will be sailing on the Valor in September. Can't wait to see all of your review. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Megan_Strick Posted March 23, 2017 #166 Share Posted March 23, 2017 I think I finally figured it out!! Thank you all for bearing with me! Photobucket is like the public bathroom of the photo hosting world. You don’t wanna use it, but you have to, so you just hold your nose and flush with your foot. I have no idea what that analogy even means, so let’s just move on and get this party started. I do want to preface this review by saying that my humor may not be for everybody. If you are prude, easily offended, or the kind of person who writes to John Heald complaining that your napkins weren't properly folded in the MDR, this review probably isn't for you. With that being said, ladies and gentlemen, I present to you my review of the Carnival Freedom: Friday, February 24th, 2017 Finally, the day had arrived that we were heading to Houston! It had been 6 LONG months since we’d cruised (insert dramatic fainting here), and we were more than ready! We woke up, got our kids off to school (but not before gloating a little bit about how we'd be lying on a beach while they were sitting in class, and yes, we have an account set up for their future therapy sessions) and did some last minute packing. Luckily, I’m a light packer*, as evidenced by this pic of the shoes I brought along: *Disclaimer: That's a complete and total lie. We had some lunch, did a quick Walmart run, and then, since my eyebrows were starting to give Bert from Sesame Street a run for his money, I popped into my salon for a quick wax. I knew I made the right decision when the sweet girl working looked at them and said, and I quote, “oh, honey, they so long!” I mumbled something along the lines of "that's what's she said" and made a mental note to never go 3 weeks (inner self: b***h, it's been more like 3 months) between waxes again. We met up with my mom to go over some last minute stuff, and then finally, around 12:30, we were headed to the airport. Let me sidetrack here for a moment if I may. We live in a Tulsa suburb. When we cruise out of Galveston, and it comes up that we're from Oklahoma, staff and other passengers on the ship almost always automatically assume that we drove to the port. Inevitably, someone will ask how our drive was. I then proceed to give them the same face that Steve Harvey gives contestants on Family Feud when they give him a dumb answer: Yes, we live in Oklahoma, and yes, we neighbor Texas. However, Texas is a very LARGE state, and from our house to the port of Galveston is a 9 hour drive. Homie don’t play that. We live 15 minutes from Tulsa International Airport, and the flight to Houston is a little over an hour. I don’t like long road trips. I get cranky and uncomfortable and bored and suffer from a near-fatal condition called “Numbus Gluteus Maximus. It’s a very serious, very real disease that you can look up on the AMA website.* *Disclaimer: No it's not, and no you can't. So that’s why we fly, even though we “live close.” :rolleyes: Anyway, we get to the airport, and there's no line at check-in. We check our (96% full of my stuff) 4 bags, all of which weigh in right at 50 lbs thanks to C's mad packing/weighing skills. He has learned to adapt and overcome after 7 cruises with a wife who insists on bringing everything she owns on a cruise. But I digress. We sail right through and head to security. The line there is short as well. We empty our pockets, and take off our shoes and place them, along with our dignity, into the bins and step into the x-ray machine. Apparently something around my shoulders “lit up,” so I had to be patted down by a female TSA agent who had the warmth of Maleficent. After I was done getting intimately acquainted with that agent, I got pulled aside because my bag had been flagged in the x-ray machine. So another TSA agent, who was also warm and friendly (not at all) started digging through my bag, looking for weapons, bombs, stowaways, I don’t know. Finally she found what she was looking for. An unopened can of Diet Coke that I forgot was in there. She then proceeded to swipe the inside of my Minnie Mouse/Disney World bag for explosives residue. She did the same to my hands. Rest easy when you board an airplane, people. The fine folks at TSA are making sure that hardened, Diet Coke-smuggling, basically-a-terrorist people like me are being thwarted. So my bag and I are finally cleared, and I look back to see C is in a similar situation. He’s spread eagle, hands behind head, getting a full pat down, groin included. They made him unbutton his pants, remove his belt, and they tested it for explosives as well. I mean, I know we’re sexy, but we really don’t have time to be fondled and groped by every TSA agent in the airport. At least not for free. We finally get through security and get our shoes back on and head to our gate. We were happy to see that our flight, Southwest Airlines Flight 1878 nonstop to Houston was right on time: We had “A” boarding passes, so I got my window seat. In no time, we were in the air and on our way to Houston: There was no Wi-Fi on this plane, so people were forced to interact with each other. You could see the look of horror on their faces as they turned to face their travel companions and tried to remember how to engage another living, breathing human. Most of them gave up after a couple minutes and just took a nap. The flight was quite bumpy, so the captain had the FA’s remain in their seats for the quick flight to Houston. In what seemed like no time, the captain was announcing that we were making our final approach into Houston Hobby. In just a little over an hour after taking off in Tulsa, we were on the ground in Houston. We gathered our stuff and made our way off the plane. I have naturally curly hair, so as soon as I stepped onto the jetway, I felt that warm, moist embrace that is south Texas humidity. I could tell without even looking in a mirror that despite flat ironing my hair that morning, I was going to look like this by the end of the day, only not nearly as chic and put-together: To be continued..... I feel your pain. I have curly hair and live in Georgia! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
watermelonqueen99 Posted March 23, 2017 Author #167 Share Posted March 23, 2017 This is so much fun to read! Thank you very much for the smiles!! I'm from Oklahoma also and will be sailing on the Valor in September. Can't wait to see all of your review. Howdy neighbor! And you're welcome! Thanks for reading. :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
watermelonqueen99 Posted March 23, 2017 Author #168 Share Posted March 23, 2017 I feel your pain. I have curly hair and live in Georgia! Ugh, isn't it the worst! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
watermelonqueen99 Posted March 24, 2017 Author #169 Share Posted March 24, 2017 So last night I had said that I was gonna try to post a second installment. And I tried. 4 times. But my laptop inner workings must have packed their bags, adjusted their wig, said "I quit this b*tch,", and strutted right on out the door because I could not, no matter what I did, get my second installment to post. I got pretty angry and said some words to my laptop that I can never take back, and I'm not sure if our relationship can be repaired without therapy. (I'm gonna stop now, because even I'm rolling my eyes at this mess.) I know my millions of readers (translation: the 3 of you who are drunk and bored on a Thursday night) are anticipating my words of wisdom and enlightenment. So, let's continue our tour of deck 5. This pic is looking forward near the Red Frog. This is day 2 (remember, that's an alternative fact, these particular pics were taken on a port day, but let's go with it), so it's elegant night. That means that this is the area where, later on in the evening, you will get full-fledged road rage as you desperately try to make your way to the Alchemy Bar. You will have to navigate around the 85 photographers who want to pose you in awkward positions in front of a fake beach, hoping you'll like the pictures enough to pay $300 for two 5x7's. You will also have to navigate around dozens and dozens of your fellow passengers as they stop to get their picture taken, all dressed up and bringing piping hot, Mrs. Roper meets Love Boat realness. (That IS the look, by the way.): Moving along, we have the map that will show you where the ship currently is, how fast it's going, etc. I have a love/hate relationship with this map. If we're moving AWAY from the home port, it's great. I will gladly stop and look at it. But if we're heading TO the home port and I accidentally glance at the screen as we walk by, it's a different story. My breathing becomes rapid, I grab my chest and have a Fred Sanford, "I'm coming to join you Elizabeth" moment. (If you're too young to understand that reference, it's past your bedtime.) C has to fan me and mentally map out where the nearest D-fib is. (I'm exaggerating. A lot.): Moving just a little further down, we have the Taste Bar. We've been on 7 cruises across 4 ships, and the Taste Bar has had the same offerings each night on every one: a fried ball of meat (that sounds kind of dirty, I think I like it), and some sort of soup thing: Let me preface this next pic by stating again that we do not cruise with our children. We like to do very adult things when we cruise. (I'll give the pearl-clutchers a moment to ponder what that could mean....does she just mean that they drink a lot? Like to hang out late at the club? Play bridge? Host swinger parties in their cabin?) But I realize that a lot of people do cruise as a family, and I think that's great. We however make the wise financial decision to take our children to Disney World, where we spend thousands of dollars to stand in line for hours in the Florida heat, and leave cruising for just C and I. But anyway, for those who do cruise with their kids, here's a pic of the arcade, which is what-in-the-hell-were-they-thinkingly located next to the nightclub: I think I mentioned in a previous post that I'm a certified Zumba instructor. I discovered Zumba about 6 years ago and fell in love with dance fitness. I absolutely LOVE to dance. I will get out on that floor and dance like a stripper whose rent is due tomorrow, I have no shame. We normally hang out at the nightclub every night on a cruise, but the DJ wasn't great this time, so we weren't there much. Here's the dance floor: And here's where you can sit and enjoy watching Floyd, who is approaching his Cheers goal for the day, bring his sizzling, white dad dance moves to the floor that will make you sweat: To be continued.... ***PSA: IF YOU HAVE THE SHIPMATE APP, FEEL FREE TO ADD ME AS A FRIEND. THAT WAY, IF YOU HAVE A QUESTION, YOU CAN DIRECTLY MESSAGE ME. MY USERNAME IS ZUMBAGIRL78.*** Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Taylorcast Posted March 24, 2017 #170 Share Posted March 24, 2017 ***PSA: IF YOU HAVE THE SHIPMATE APP, FEEL FREE TO ADD ME AS A FRIEND. THAT WAY, IF YOU HAVE A QUESTION, YOU CAN DIRECTLY MESSAGE ME. MY USERNAME IS ZUMBAGIRL78.*** I have shipmate app as well, but as far as I can tell there is no way to search someone by username. I think we have to find one of your posts and add you that way? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
watermelonqueen99 Posted March 24, 2017 Author #171 Share Posted March 24, 2017 I have shipmate app as well, but as far as I can tell there is no way to search someone by username. I think we have to find one of your posts and add you that way? Come to think of it, you're right....ugh. Lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
easyboy Posted March 24, 2017 #172 Share Posted March 24, 2017 Enjoying your review and nice photos. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Momma1980 Posted March 24, 2017 #173 Share Posted March 24, 2017 Oh my goooooodness! You are continuing to inspire. You really need to do stand-up somewhere. Maybe you can open for Jim Gaffigan....just to get started before you break out with your own HBO special? Let's give Jim a call.😜 Keep it coming! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bell2012 Posted March 24, 2017 #174 Share Posted March 24, 2017 Like a stripper who's rent is do tomorrow, LOL....... Classic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcgore83 Posted March 24, 2017 #175 Share Posted March 24, 2017 Absolutely loving your review! Please keep it coming. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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