Live! The Grouch on the Noordam for 38 days to New Zealand, Sept. 30, 2018

[whogo]

As if Ocean View was not hyperbole enough, Holland America now calls our tender view cabin a balcony cabin.

 

 

 

 

Dear Guest/s.

In order to keep the ship's facilities in pristine condition, tomorrow we will be performing balcony washing.

 

 

Our staff may need to pass through your stateroom between 10:00am and 1:00pm. It is not necessary for you to be present, you are welcome to remain in your stateroom. We kindly request you to completely vacate your balcony during this time.

 

 

Thank you for your cooperation.

 

 

Regards,

 

 

Guest Services

[kazu]

Mrs. Whogo has taken to guiding me by my ear away from the statues.

:')

[scluvsrain]

I don’t know what “faffing about” means but I like it and plan to use it in at least 5 sentences tomorrow. I hope saying it out loud doesn’t get me arrested here in Rome, where I’m waiting to board the Koningsdam on Monday.

 

 

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[Seadog & Sea Hag]

The most entertaining post I have had the pleasure of reading. Keep up the good work.

 

 

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[zelker]

Spent much of the day reading on the shady side of the promenade deck …. Finished Pineapple Grenade by my new favorite author Tim Dorsey …..

 

Just shared with DH that you claim Tim Dorsey as your new fav author. John's a HUGE fan and goes into withdrawal waiting for each new book. If you haven't already done so, he says you "must" read all of them. His new book - No Sunscreen for the Dead - will be released in January and John's #1 on the waitlist at our library.

 

Go Serge!! :cool:

 

PS - Am enjoying reading your trip report. We were booked on it, too but decided to cancel when HAL postponed the Noordam refurb until 2019. Will experience it vicariously through you instead and undoubtedly book it another time.

[erewhon]

As if Ocean View was not hyperbole enough, Holland America now calls our tender view cabin a balcony cabin.

 

A new definition of a balcony cabin.

 

Enjoying your reports, thank you.

[NSWP]

whogo, thanks again for your reports. May I ask if anybody is dressing up for the formal nights, don't know what they are called now as apparently jacket and tie for men are not required. I don't want to take formal clothes on Noordam next year if I don't have too.:hearteyes:

 

Thanks.

[Dogstar]

As if Ocean View was not hyperbole enough, Holland America now calls our tender view cabin a balcony cabin.

 

 

Category TVNB ... Tender View Non-Balcony Suite

[whogo]

Tuxedos were a rare sighting on gala night, NSWP. I went with jacket and tie. Packed the jacket in an airtight zip bag to prevent wrinkles, failed spectacularly, lost the air cushion. The jacket returned beautifully pressed by HAL, but soon had a big wrinkle back in the lapel.

 

 

 

Saturday, October 6, 2018. Honolulu

 

The Hawaiian Ambassadors performed on the open bow as we docked at Aloha Tower at 6:45. We heard them perform a bit in the Crow's Nest earlier in the week, did not take advantage of their other offerings of hula lessons, lei making, bracelet making, uke lessons, or language lessons. Their front man is good fun, I enjoy his humor and singing.

 

Holland America has a small playlist. Heard BB King's perform “Respect”, the next night Unique3 performed it, too. Hear the same songs performed over and over.

 

The news is that 500 cruisers debark today to be replaced by 500 new cruisers. The ship appears to be full. We heard the first few debarkation announcements. As in transit passengers, we were told to be back on board by 4:30 tomorrow. Overnight stops are great.

 

We walked the half mile to Iolani Palace for a guided tour. Docent Rowena did an excellent job describing the palace and giving an overview of Hawaiian royal history. The palace has been nicely restored to the royal days in the late 1800's after being butchered up into government offices (and the headquarters of Steve McGarret's Hawaii 5-0 agency in the old TV show). Kudos to the Friends of Iolani Palace for their restoration efforts.

 

Stuck my head in a McDonald's and could not confirm that Spam is on the menu.

 

Saw more homeless people in a half hour than what I could see in a year at home.

 

Ordered rare lamb at lunch in the lido, the server tried to give me well done end pieces. A second request for rare elicited a blank stare. “Red” got me what I wanted.

 

Odd thing heard on a voyage from Vancouver to Sydney. “Will we cross the equator?” While rolling slightly, “The captain is not taking the corners well.”

 

Excitement in bed last night. Mrs. Whogo, “What in the world? That is the most irritating. Get that thing off me.” I pulled the scratchy laundry tag off her nightgown, the hero of the moment.

[Frogs1]

Thank you for your posts! Thoroughly enjoying them!

 

 

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[dreamer976]

Loving your reports on such an epic voyage.

 

There’s nothing sexier than a man with a sense of humor; and you can tell your wife I said so! 😉

 

Ellen

[erewhon]

Thank you for your update.

[Bruinboy]

Mr. Whogo ... three things. One, did you see that new Dr Who for the first time in history of the television show is female? Any relation? Two, we get on the ship for 29 days when you get off in Auckland. So, would you mind going up to cabin 6059 and asking the folk there to leave the cabin in good shape. If they look a little shady, would you mind reporting them to guest relations? Three, we are currently on Kauai. Went to McDonalds to get a spam egg McMuffin. Not on the posted menu, but you can get it as a special order which we did. It was surprisingly good.

 

Have a great cruise. I love your writing style. Very enjoyable read.

 

 

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[whogo]

Bruinboy, I can neither confirm nor deny any connection to Doctor Who.

Will wait until after Sydney to check on the passengers in 6059, the current passengers may depart there. Walked past today, the neighborhood looked a little shady.

[whogo]

Sunday, October 7, 2018. Honolulu

Interesting question of the day from a waitress at breakfast, “Can I get you anything from the bar?”

 

I complimented departing next door neighbors who disembarked in Honolulu yesterday for being so quiet, didn't know they were there. So different from the neighbors on the other side who were forever banging on the wall telling us to quiet down.

 

We left at nine for the Bishop Museum. We were too late to book a Holland America excursion to the museum, we took a city bus, trouble free, although there was a crazy street person at the bus stop having a heated discussion with someone who wasn't there. Day passes were $5.50 adult, $2.00 for over 65. Wonderful collection at the Bishop, a helpful docent told us just how to work our way through the museum. My favorite artifacts were fish hooks and a primitive stone idol. The were melting rocks for a liquid lava demonstration (Hot! Hot! Hot!), could not stick around to see it poured. Exiting through the gift shop, we bought postcards and sent them out to family. Nice to be able to use US postage stamps. We mailed our absentee ballots, lots of hoops to jump through to do so, enough trouble that I did not cast votes for my late brother and father this election. I live close enough to Chicago to feel that death is no reason to quit voting and as straight party voters I know I cast their ballots the way they would have wanted.

 

It has not rained much today, but it rained every time we stepped outside, not much of a bother in hot, humid weather.

 

We heard all the announcements, got to skip the muster drill. I saw people carrying their life vests, in spite of instructions to the contrary. Not all crew took part in the drill, service continued in the Lido and bars. I saw no stair monitors on deck 9. We have a new captain, did not catch his name, never saw the last captain, won't see this one.

 

Took part in the sail away at the aft swimming pool, ate a cold meatball, took in the iconic view of Diamond Head as we sailed down Waikiki Beach. I assume the bit of pink was the Royal Hawaiian Hotel. We are headed the short distance to Kailua-Kona.

 

Cruise director Jai introduces the featured act in the showroom by saying, “We are here for one thing and one thing only...” which would be fine if he didn't blather on about all the other things to do that evening. He makes a morning and noon announcement on sea days. I don't see the need to announce activities that are clearly printed in the daily When and Where. We would have to move up to a luxury line to avoid the announcements.

 

The early show was packed, the late show lightly attended. Comedian Frank King's humor was geared to the geriatric set, half of it was about open heart surgery. Only three passengers were left in the piano bar once I left. The ship closed up at 11:00.

[kazu]

Mr. whogo, so enjoying your posts.

 

You have a wonderful sense of humour :D

 

Always fun to follow along with you.

[Dogstar]

Mr. whogo, so enjoying your posts.

 

 

 

You have a wonderful sense of humour :D

 

 

 

Always fun to follow along with you.

 

 

 

^^^ THIS! I find myself sharing the funny bits with Mrs. Dogstar when she asks why I’m laughing at the iPad. 🤣

[ozcruizer]

Very much enjoying your posts. Going by Captain Albert's blog, Captain Henk Draper will be captaining the ship as from October 10. We did Hawaii to Sydney in 2015 and he was the captain. He was King Neptune for the crossing of the equator and we loved his accent. Wait until he says "meteorological"!

[erewhon]

Thanks for your amusing report.

Captain Draper is a very good Captain, we have twice sailed with him.

Sometimes he would be seen at lunch in the Lido.

[Krazy Kruizers]

Just got caught up.

You are funny.

I enjoy reading your posts.

[Beav1279]

I'm enjoying your "live review"! I've been quoting your funny stories to the DH and we've been LOLing all over the place!

[whogo]

Monday, October 8, 2018. Kailua-Kona

 

Bad start to the day with a 6:15 AM call to the front desk for a plumber. Delayed flush last night was unusual, this one was accompanied by the sound of running water behind the wall that went on and on. No sign of resolution this morning, I made a second call for a plumber. The front desk said the plumbers start work at 7:30. I think someone somewhere flipped a switch to turbo, I heard a whoosh and all was well with the world.

 

Pleasant company for breakfast as the captain parked off the coast of Kailua-Kona, 19°37.94' N 156°00.17 W. Something was odd today, realized it is the first sunny day of the cruise. Tendering and tendering announcements began about 8:00. I picked up a tender ticket, waited a short time to board. There is an elevator down to tender level, saw a man hobble aboard with a wheelchair, don't know if they help a person who is less able to walk.

 

Saw swimmers training for next Saturday's world champion Ironman competition, lots of healthy, athletic people around, I was not mistaken for one of them. Bought a wild Hawaiian shirt at the ABC store. Enjoyed a soda and wrote postcards upstairs in the open to the air Splasher's Grill, then headed uphill to Kona Brewing for a good brewery tour and tasting. I stayed and ordered pizza and a beer, did not make a dent in either of them. Swore I saw a mailbox as I left the tender, could not find it again, posted my cards at the front desk of the Courtyard by Marriott. Back aboard to welcome air conditioning.

 

Mrs. Whogo took the Holland America excursion “Kona Coffee, Gold Coast & Cloud Forest Adventure”. Guide was surprised to find tourists thinking they could hike in sandals. He provided water shoes to wear over their sandals. They hiked near the shore to see 200 to 500 year old petroglyphs of a man, a rifle, a woman giving birth, and a fishhook. Saw lots of green sea turtles at the beach. They snacked in the van on the drive to the cloud forest which was developed from farmland by a botanist. The guide pointed out rainbow eucalyptus trees (which sweat in the heat), native Hawaiian fern, at least half a dozen varieties of ginger flowers, a fungus which drops from trees, blue marble plant, and orchids. Did not see much of the coffee plantation, but saw how the beans are sorted, graded, and roasted. Mrs. Whogo's favorite coffee was the espresso.

 

Did not see the Eurodam, which is also plying Hawaiian waters. Goodbye USA and Net10 cell phone coverage as we set sail for five days at sea en route to Apia, Samoa, 2538 miles away per my GPS unit.

 

Do I need to mention that we lost at evening trivia?

 

The dining room host keeps continues to assign us a table for two, although we don't request one. I assume previous table mates have petitioned him to keep us away from the decent folk. Sweet and sour shrimp soup has been the best soup so far. The lu'au platter of bbq ribs, chicken and short ribs tempted, I chose Beef Wellington, she chose mahi mahi, both good.

[whogo]

Tuesday, October 9, 2018. At sea headed toward Samoa.

Do cruise directors even listen to the nonsense they spout? Jai introduced Annie Gong as the whole orchestra. She's an accordionist. She had five musicians behind her. She wasn't the whole orchestra. Oh, I get it. She can set her accordion to sound like bagpipes or a string section, just like any number of keyboards. Well, she wrote the charts for the other musicians and convinced someone to hire her. Kudos.

Made a few rounds of the promenade deck and made my daily inspection of my lifeboat, everything in order as far as I can see, which is only the propeller and hull. No visible cracks in the hull, but for all I know parts of my lifeboat have been scavenged to keep other lifeboats running. Is there a motor attached to the propeller? Yesterday as we docked I felt the tender wall bend in as it bumped the dock, the hull is just fiberglass, doesn't feel like it would take much to crack it. We probably won't need to evacuate the ship and probably won't break the hull if we do, but still...

Ate breakfast, read, ate lunch, read. Now that's a relaxing day. Skipped lectures, skipped afternoon trivia. It was pleasant on the shady side of the promenade deck, only rained a little, think it has rained at least a little every day since we left home. The sea is a deep blue when the sun is shining. For a little excitement we passed a freighter well off the port side. No wildlife sightings today.

At 5:30 PM (my GPS said 4:30) we were headed SSW, 204°, at 17 kts, position 13°40.85' N 159°12.28 W. It was 2076 statute miles to Apia.

For a change, we tied for first at evening trivia. Diane in the piano bar had to leave at 11:30 to punch out to keep accounting straight at the International Date Line. Doubt anyone stuck around for her return.

 

[whogo]

Thursday, October 11, 2018.

We lost Wednesday, October 10, 2018 to the International Date Line. I don't know where these missing days go. I fear we are messing with the fabric of the universe. They told me we skipped Wednesday the 10th,  I reset my watch and pretended to understand. Most vexing thing about the date line was that laundry, which had been returned in a day took two days.

A younger crowd is aboard compared to our last few Holland America cruises, there were even some children and young parents aboard, they debarked in Honolulu, raising the average age. Still, there are fewer wheelchairs, scooters, rollators, and canes than what I am used to. Did have a senior crowd for breakfast in the main dining room. One old gal was very soft spoken, the women next to me hard of hearing, made for some confused conversation.

Read on the promenade deck most of the day, I finished “Double Cross: The True Story of the D-Day Spies” by Ben Macintyre, started “The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo”.

Gala night, I counted six dinner jackets in my quarter of the lower dining room at 8:00. Men's apparel ranged from collared shirt to jacket without tie to jacket with tie to suit and tie to dinner jacket. With the mishmash, no one looked out of place to me. Lamb chops were flavorless, not just under-spiced, the meat itself had none of that distinctive lamb flavor.

Emergency beeps sounded at 11:30 while Diane in the piano bar was doing a great rendition of “Satin Doll”. First responders were to head to fire zone 6, Vista Lounge, heard someone run past, thought of looking for a nervous passenger in a life jacket. All clear was announced a few minutes later, alarm was for next to nothing. Diane continued her song where she had left off.

 

[*Miss G*]

Thanks for helping bring this board back to normal!