Dining with strangers

[lenquixote66]

Whenever I am entering the MDR on a cruise for breakfast or lunch I am asked if I want to share a table and I always say yes.

The first thing people tend to ask is "where are you from and what do you do (work). When asked do you ever embellish ?

 

[cruising cockroach]

Not ever with casual one-time table mates.  Usually a brief introduction of name (instantly forgotten probably).  Just wondering which cruise lines and nationalities of the people who've asked you are?  Do you look or sound exotic to them?

[Luckiestmanonearth]

As Rush stated in the song Limelight

”I cant pretend this stranger is a long awaited friend”

 

That describes how I act at such a table with strangers.  I engage in small talk but stay away from personal info exchanges

[Ashland]

Just one of the many reason's we prefer not to share a table...I wouldn't consider doing this (sharing a table) at home in a local restaurant...why would I want to do this on a ship. JMHO.

[navybankerteacher]

22 minutes ago, Ashland said:

Just one of the many reason's we prefer not to share a table...I wouldn't consider doing this (sharing a table) at home in a local restaurant...why would I want to do this on a ship. JMHO.

 

In New England a lot of rural restaurants have common tables - where you sit with “strangers” and pass the time of day.  Traditional dining on cruise ships always strikes me as a plus - getting to know a small group over a series of dinners can be one of the better experiences.  One positive result of the advent of “anytime dining” is that people who do not like sharing tables elect not to - which increases the chances of having a compatible group:  a welcome thing in this age of increasing isolation.

[cruisemom42]

No, I don't embellish. Not something that would occur to me. Why would I even think of it?

 

Dining with others is a maritime tradition. I say, "when in Rome."  If I wanted everything to be the same as being at home, I'd just stay at home...

 

[lenquixote66]

When I lived in NYC I had a neighbor who had a list of professions that he claimed for each cruise.I thought it was rather strange.

[calliopecruiser]

2 hours ago, lenquixote66 said:

When asked do you ever embellish ?

 

I'm not sure what you mean by "embellish".......Do you mean do I ever lie?  Yes.  I frequently don't tell people what I do for a living and, if pressed, will make up a lie about it.   I'd never lie about where I'm from though - not only do I not have a reason, it's also too difficult to sustain.

[Elaine5715]

43 minutes ago, calliopecruiser said:

 

I'm not sure what you mean by "embellish".......Do you mean do I ever lie?  Yes.  I frequently don't tell people what I do for a living and, if pressed, will make up a lie about it.   I'd never lie about where I'm from though - not only do I not have a reason, it's also too difficult to sustain.

Similar... I give a very general response to what I do but doing the "where" can lead to enjoyable conversations, once leading to finding out a table mate owned a vacation home next door to a friend.

[Hlitner]

A favorite issue of both DW and myself.  We really enjoy meeting new folks on cruises, and over the years, have made some terrific friends while we cruise.  When eating the MDR (any meal) we usually ask to share a large table.  Many folks today simply do not know how to socialize with strangers, especially at meal time.  Even this thread we have some folks asking about how to deal with strangers...i.e. what questions to ask, how to answer, etc.  In our day this was just basic socialization and etiquette and folks did not even need to ask these questions.  Most knew hot to socialize, make small talk, and slowly work towards topics that seemed to please everyone.  While Americans tend to ask folks, "what do you do ..or what did you do"  most frequent travelers know that these are questions not to ask people from Europe or Asia.   On an initial meeting with folks we might talk about cruising, travel, "what are you planning in the ports," and gently work ourselves into questions about family and where folks live.  But if one detects any level of discomfort with those kind off questions you simply move on to other subjects until you find something that engages everyone (or most) at the table.  

 

We think socializing, face to face, is becoming a lost art.  Many younger folks spend their life on social media but are completely out of their comfort zone when they have to deal with any stranger face to face...with real eye contact.  A lot of folks, these days, do not routinely have family dinners and have never developed the skills for direct interpersonal contacts with strangers.   There is a long tradition, among cruisers, of sharing large tables and making new friends.   When we started cruising in the 70s, there were very few 2-tops in MDRs and tables for 6-10 were the norm.   Now, many folks insist on 2-tops and have all kinds of reasons.....but we wonder if the underlying reason is that they uncomfortable having to deal with strangers.   or to put it bluntly, they just do not have that skill.  Tis a shame.  When we think back over our many cruises (far more then 100) over the years, the best cruises (by far) were the ones where we made wonderful new friends...often in the MDR.

 

Hank

[calliopecruiser]

25 minutes ago, Hlitner said:

On an initial meeting with folks we might talk about cruising, travel, "what are you planning in the ports,"

Absolutely!  There's a built-in common subject matter to discuss on cruise ships, and that's where I start when meeting new people.  The "what do you do?" question is used when I'm meeting people in a much less focused setting where common ground has to be dug for......and, frankly, I don't care if they answer with what they do for a living, or what they do for fun, just please give me a something so I can continue with something we might have in common.  If you tell me you're an insurance salesman, a whittler, or an avid golfer, I'll have a starting point with which to continue the conversation.

[sverigecruiser]

2 hours ago, fyree39 said:

When I've visited England and when I lived in Japan, public restaurants filled up the tables with people who weren't necessarily dining together.  There wasn't any "table for two." It was weird the first couple of times it happened to me, but then it got to be fun.

 

I have been in England a lot but I have never seen that.

[babs135]

William Butler Yeats Quotes. There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven't yet met.

 

This is so true.  We love the traditional dining and have made many good friends over the years, some of whom although they may live the other side of the world, we are still in touch with.

 

I agree with Hlitner's comments re socialising.

 

And no, we have never embellished any facts about ourselves; why would we?

[MicCanberra]

If we join a table, I will socialise. If we don't feel like socialising, I ask for a table for two. It isn't that hard.

As for embellishing, no I don't but then I do not get too personal, it is usually just cruise related chatter like what did you do in port and such.

[MicCanberra]

7 hours ago, navybankerteacher said:

 

In New England a lot of rural restaurants have common tables - where you sit with “strangers” and pass the time of day.  Traditional dining on cruise ships always strikes me as a plus - getting to know a small group over a series of dinners can be one of the better experiences.  One positive result of the advent of “anytime dining” is that people who do not like sharing tables elect not to - which increases the chances of having a compatible group:  a welcome thing in this age of increasing isolation.

Same in southern Germany. Agreed about the types of dining although that is not the reason we prefer Anytime Dining (or whatever name each cruise line calls it). We like it as we get to eat when we want to and not at a really early time or a late time.

[sanger727]

I’m finding this topic odd. Yes. I agree that in normal chit chat conversation ‘where are you from’ and ‘what do you do’ are commonly asked. No, I don’t lie. Why would you? If you didn’t feel like sharing and engaging in conversation then why are you choosing to sit with others.

[sparks1093]

Meeting new people is one of the reasons that we travel. Starting a potential new relationship off with an embellishment doesn't seem like a good thing to do (and granted we may never see them again, but still).

[K32682]

I go in the opposite direction and give very vague and brief answers.  I'm not all that interested in someone else's personal details nor all that keen to share mine.  Socializing with strangers at large tables might have made sense in the era of extended ocean voyages but is an anachronism on a mass-market pleasure cruise.  The expansion of tables for two in the MDR and anytime dining give more options for those who prefer privacy. 

[Grandma Dazzles]

10 hours ago, fyree39 said:

When I've visited England and when I lived in Japan, public restaurants filled up the tables with people who weren't necessarily dining together.  There wasn't any "table for two." It was weird the first couple of times it happened to me, but then it got to be fun.

 

I have spent a lot of time in England (born and raised there; visited family for years) and have never known this to happen.

[evandbob]

As soon as I open my mouth to say something, most everyone at a shared table knows I'm a Noo Yawker by my axcent.

 

No need to embellish if you are already from the finest city in the world.

[Itchy&Scratchy]

12 hours ago, Ashland said:

Just one of the many reason's we prefer not to share a table...I wouldn't consider doing this (sharing a table) at home in a local restaurant...why would I want to do this on a ship. JMHO.

we loved sharing a table with other people. I breathe, therefore, I talk, but my DH is more of a listener. :)

Some people we met at a shared table were quite lovely. The others are instantly forgotten.

Small talk is great.

[pacruise804]

12 hours ago, Ashland said:

Just one of the many reason's we prefer not to share a table...I wouldn't consider doing this (sharing a table) at home in a local restaurant...why would I want to do this on a ship. JMHO.

 

I've often seen this argument, but never really equated the MDR with a restaurant.  The main dining room to me is more like a banquet hall setting.  I've shared tables at weddings, work events, pancake breakfasts, etc.  It does not seem odd to me to do the same on a ship (although we do prefer anytime dining vs. traditional and meeting different people rather than necessarily the same all week).  The buffet seems like a cafeteria to me, and while I might sit near others I wouldn't expect to engage in conversation.  If we want a restaurant experience instead of a dining room experience we visit a specialty restaurant.

 

When we did the Winemaker's Table on Princess we expected to be seated with others (and it was a wonderful experience).  If we did a Chef's Table experience I would also expect to interact with others.  Both of these are more like excursions to me than typical dining experiences though, similar to a food tour on land.

 

We have shared tables at a few restaurants: hibachi tables (at least 10 and 20 years ago) generally are filled with multiple parties unless you are already a large group - my husband and I wouldn't expect a grill done just for the two of us; we also shared tables at an Amish restaurant with family style seating where long tables were filled and dishes passed between table mates vs. individual service. 

 

[navybankerteacher]

It largely boils down to one’s experiences:   if as a child in a large family you experienced shared meals, if at college you took your meals in a fraternity or sorority, if in the military you ate with a group, if at work you shared your employer’s lunch room —- you might find  dining with others a comfortable and enjoyable experience — if you either did not experience the above - or happen to hold unhappy memories of past shared meals - you will naturally prefer the two top.

[cruising cockroach]

14 hours ago, fyree39 said:

When I've visited England and when I lived in Japan, public restaurants filled up the tables with people who weren't necessarily dining together.  There wasn't any "table for two." It was weird the first couple of times it happened to me, but then it got to be fun.

 

Pubs with food service/counters) when crowded maybe, but not restaurants. 

[MicCanberra]

We have joined others at tables in various countries around the world when the place is busy and not any spare tables but these establishments would not be considered fine dining but more like eateries.