Asking employees about their jobs and life

[md80fan]

I just got back from my 3rd cruise. Had a good time. What struck me as odd as like on our previous cruises the number of people who asked very detailed questions about the employees their lives, their jobs, their situations. One quiet night in the windjammer we were sitting by this couple at a table next door. This couple was just asking all sorts of questions. How hard the job is, How working conditions on the boat are, the low pay, long hours, being away from family, how much sleep they get, or type of food they get onboard. We heard other families also asking their waiters and even room attendants as we walk down the halls. I am curious why do we feel the right to ask such detailed questions to these people who are just trying to do their jobs. Can you imagine going up to the airline ticket counter agent and just start asking him similar questions. How about the hotel desk clerk or rent a car guy. It almost seems a little rude to ask those questions. It is almost like the passengers want to say is everything we here about the working conditions on the boat true. To these employees benefit they always answer in very professional and a courteous way. I started to wonder if they have learned to answer a certain way to get people to feel sorry for them to increase their tips. Just my observation from my three cruises on how passengers want to pry into their lives. I guess maybe because this is the first time interacting with people from some far away places like the phillipeans. Our family always tip extra and has nothing to do with asking the employee these questions. We just figure we have the means to spend several thousand of dollars for a week at sea what is giving an extra 20 or 30 dollar in the grand scheme of things and it makes a difference in their lives. 

[cb at sea]

I have to agree...you would never ask these questions of someone in a hotel, airport or other "service" industry!  It's almost demeaning to treat these folks differently because they're on a ship! I mean, they weren't shanghaied onto the ship...they chose the job!

I personally  know 3 people who choose to work a ship's job...they enjoy it greatly, or they wouldn't do it!  Travel, food, lodging....they don't make a ton of money, but they apparently don't want or need more than what they make, or they'd get a different job!

 

[LHT28]

Maybe the crew  should ask the same questions to those nosy people

 I may ask  where they are from  but  not delve into their personal life

Especially about how much they make

JMO

[clo]

29 minutes ago, md80fan said:

people who asked very detailed questions

I regularly ask pretty much all the new people in my life all manner of question.  Bob says I can find out more about someone in ten minutes than he can in ten years.  I've written this before here (probably) but I find the 'human beast' endlessly fascinating and I show that interest. But I agree with you that it could certainly be done in a demeaning, poor-pitiful-you manner.

[NLH Arizona]

I would never pry into someone's life.  I will talk about the country where they come from and that is about it.  If they mention they have a family back home, I'll ask about their children's ages.  I find it very intrusive of someone to ask them about their salary/pay and wonder if these folks that ask have no problem telling someone their salary if asked....probably not.

Edited November 18, 2019 by NLH Arizona

[lenquixote66]

I have never heard anyone ask a ship employee any personal questions.The closest was on a cruise in 2017 an asst.waiter had a first name that was the name of a TV character.I asked about that and he said it was his mother’s favorite American tv show and that his 2 sisters were also named after tv characters.

[njkruzer]

I have asked crew about how long they have worked,  where they were from, etc., but hopefully in a pleasant conversational manner.  Don't try to pry.  Maybe need to rethink this. 

[clo]

6 minutes ago, njkruzer said:

I have asked crew about how long they have worked,  where they were from, etc., but hopefully in a pleasant conversational manner.  Don't try to pry.  Maybe need to rethink this. 

I don't think you need to rethink it.  There's a difference, easily demonstrated IMO, between interest and prying.  And there are simply people who don't know how to make 'small talk' and fumble it.  If you're not really interested in people then don't fake it. 

[njkruzer]

1 minute ago, clo said:

I don't think you need to rethink it.  There's a difference, easily demonstrated IMO, between interest and prying.  And there are simply people who don't know how to make 'small talk' and fumble it.  If you're not really interested in people then don't fake it. 

Thanks.  Usually the questions are asked as small talk, i.e. while getting a manicure.  Need to know the difference between small talk and prying.   Also need to realize when someone doesn't really want to talk. 

[c-boy]

2 hours ago, md80fan said:

I just got back from my 3rd cruise. Had a good time. What struck me as odd as like on our previous cruises the number of people who asked very detailed questions about the employees their lives, their jobs, their situations. One quiet night in the windjammer we were sitting by this couple at a table next door. This couple was just asking all sorts of questions. How hard the job is, How working conditions on the boat are, the low pay, long hours, being away from family, how much sleep they get, or type of food they get onboard. We heard other families also asking their waiters and even room attendants as we walk down the halls. I am curious why do we feel the right to ask such detailed questions to these people who are just trying to do their jobs. Can you imagine going up to the airline ticket counter agent and just start asking him similar questions. How about the hotel desk clerk or rent a car guy. It almost seems a little rude to ask those questions. It is almost like the passengers want to say is everything we here about the working conditions on the boat true. To these employees benefit they always answer in very professional and a courteous way. I started to wonder if they have learned to answer a certain way to get people to feel sorry for them to increase their tips. Just my observation from my three cruises on how passengers want to pry into their lives. I guess maybe because this is the first time interacting with people from some far away places like the phillipeans. Our family always tip extra and has nothing to do with asking the employee these questions. We just figure we have the means to spend several thousand of dollars for a week at sea what is giving an extra 20 or 30 dollar in the grand scheme of things and it makes a difference in their lives. 

o p ya must of witnessed  some cc'er's in action.  Giving a room steward,porter,server.. the 3rd. degree is over the top for me. However; when seated at a bar and the name tag say's Jasmine from  Philippines, I'm divin' in head first without a life vest!  

   Some of my earliest and best memories was when I was stationed in the Philippines. ...

 

 

 

...

 

 

---

 

 

...

 

 

with Jasmine !

[Aquahound]

I don't know....I think it's hard for a third person (C) to truly know the context of an A & B conversation.  I see nothing wrong with discussing personal lives as long as both are willing.  

[lenquixote66]

On my recent cruise at the first MDR lunch aside from the usual questions where do you reside,do you have children,etc. I was asked what year I was born in .

When my Cabin Steward introduces herself or himself I always look to see where they are from but I believe in all my years of cruising did I engage in a conversation because the Steward was from St.Vincernt and I never saw that previously on an ID badge.

I did once have a conversation with a ships officer because I saw in a handbook that he came from a city very closed to where I live .

[rkacruiser]

2 hours ago, njkruzer said:

I have asked crew about how long they have worked,  where they were from, etc., but hopefully in a pleasant conversational manner.  Don't try to pry. 

 

This is what I try to do particularly with crew such as my Cabin Steward or the bartenders/stewards at a lounge that I frequently patronize.  I'll ask about their families, the length of their contract, what ships on which they have served, areas of the world that they have visited (and if they have any suggestions for this tourist in a particular area that our cruise will be visiting), but never about how they like their job, their working conditions (sometimes one can "pick up" on their opinions by watching their non-verbal behavior when a Supervisor hands out the next day's schedule), or how much they make.  It's none of my business.  Usually, the crew member is interested in sharing information and particularly enjoy talking about their families!  If I have sailed with a crew member before (they more often will recognize me before I do them), our conversation proceeds to a different level. 

 

More recently, I find it significantly more difficult to have conversations with my dining room team than once was.  Needing to supply the expected level of service required, they simply don't have the time to carry on much of a conversation.  Lido Restaurant stewards, on the other hand, particularly if you patronize their section of the restaurant frequently, do seem to have the few minutes needed for a brief conversation when its not a "prime dining time".
 

 

   

[ducklite]

I couldn't agree more.  I think it's rude, presumptuous, and arrogant to ask personal questions like that.

 

It's one thing to mention that you'd like to visit the country they are from at some point (or had a wonderful time visiting it in the past) but beyond that--nope!

 

As the OP stated--would you walk up to the clerk at JCP and start asking those questions?  How about the receptionist in your dentist office?  The guy who changes your oil?  Of course not!

[ducklite]

2 hours ago, njkruzer said:

Thanks.  Usually the questions are asked as small talk, i.e. while getting a manicure.  Need to know the difference between small talk and prying.   Also need to realize when someone doesn't really want to talk. 

I agree!  I've had the same hairdresser for 15 years, and we've become friendly over time.  I've met her family, she's met mine.  We don't socialize outside of Facebook but when you are with someone for 2-3 hours every 5-6 weeks for 15 years, a relationship that goes past "the weather is nice" and "We tried that new restaurant the other night" develops.  But when I first started seeing her it was "did you see the new George Clooney movie?" and "Macy's has a great sale on socks this week."

[Aquahound]

4 hours ago, ducklite said:

As the OP stated--would you walk up to the clerk at JCP and start asking those questions?  How about the receptionist in your dentist office?  The guy who changes your oil?  Of course not!

 

So what?  I think there's a bit of a difference between the dude changing your oil and a bartender you see every day and who you're already having casual conversation with.  

 

I think people have become way too judgmental nowadays.  If a passenger and a crew member decide to engage in mutual conversation about their families and home life, so what?  That's their business.  Not the person who should be minding their own business instead of listening in on others' conversations.  

 

I don't initiate personal conversations with crew but if they do, it does not offend me one bit.  Then again, I'm not a thin skin.  

[Elaine5715]

8 hours ago, md80fan said:

I just got back from my 3rd cruise. Had a good time. What struck me as odd as like on our previous cruises the number of people who asked very detailed questions about the employees their lives, their jobs, their situations. One quiet night in the windjammer we were sitting by this couple at a table next door. This couple was just asking all sorts of questions. How hard the job is, How working conditions on the boat are, the low pay, long hours, being away from family, how much sleep they get, or type of food they get onboard. We heard other families also asking their waiters and even room attendants as we walk down the halls. I am curious why do we feel the right to ask such detailed questions to these people who are just trying to do their jobs. Can you imagine going up to the airline ticket counter agent and just start asking him similar questions. How about the hotel desk clerk or rent a car guy. It almost seems a little rude to ask those questions. It is almost like the passengers want to say is everything we here about the working conditions on the boat true. To these employees benefit they always answer in very professional and a courteous way. I started to wonder if they have learned to answer a certain way to get people to feel sorry for them to increase their tips. Just my observation from my three cruises on how passengers want to pry into their lives. I guess maybe because this is the first time interacting with people from some far away places like the phillipeans. Our family always tip extra and has nothing to do with asking the employee these questions. We just figure we have the means to spend several thousand of dollars for a week at sea what is giving an extra 20 or 30 dollar in the grand scheme of things and it makes a difference in their lives. 

Because many cruisers treat crew as if they are children which seems to give them license to ask such questions, give them treats (if they behave) and buy them toiletries since they are incapable of being trusted to  go to the store

[Elaine5715]

3 minutes ago, Aquahound said:

 

So what?  I think there's a bit of a difference between the dude changing your oil and a bartender you see every day and who you're already having casual conversation with.  

 

I think people have become way too judgmental nowadays.  If a passenger and a crew member decide to engage in mutual conversation about their families and home life, so what?  That's their business.  Not the person who should be minding their own business instead of listening in on others' conversations.  

 

I don't initiate personal conversations with crew but if they do, it does not offend me one bit.  Then again, I'm not a thin skin.  

I think the OP is referring to the type of person I call "The Quizanator "  It is rapid fire questions usually as the crew member is trying to take menu orders or has an armful of towels.  

[Aquahound]

Just now, Elaine5715 said:

I think the OP is referring to the type of person I call "The Quizanator "  It is rapid fire questions usually as the crew member is trying to take menu orders or has an armful of towels.  

 

I agree.  That's a little different.  I was responding more to the recent posts that were much more judgmental.  

[clo]

15 minutes ago, Elaine5715 said:

Because many cruisers treat crew as if they are children which seems to give them license to ask such questions, give them treats (if they behave) and buy them toiletries since they are incapable of being trusted to  go to the store

Ya know? I think that's a pretty good analogy.

[lenquixote66]

1 hour ago, clo said:

Ya know? I think that's a pretty good analogy.

It is a great analogy.

Edited November 19, 2019 by lenquixote66

[Cruzaholic41]

1 hour ago, Aquahound said:

 

I think people have become way too judgmental nowadays.  

There’s the understatement of the day!

[donaldsc]

8 hours ago, Aquahound said:

I don't know....I think it's hard for a third person (C) to truly know the context of an A & B conversation.  I see nothing wrong with discussing personal lives as long as both are willing.  

 

The problem is that crew members are required to be polite to the passengers even if they really do not want to be polite.  If you initiate a discussion of their personal lives, do you think that they are going to respond with "it is none of your business" or "why do you want to know that?".  They will respond as if they are enjoying the conversation even if they really aren't.

 

DON

Edited November 19, 2019 by donaldsc

[sfaaa]

Stop wasting crew members time. They are busy and have work to do.

[kerryincork]

I must be a terrible person because I ask all the people I meet about their jobs. I am interested in other people experiences when I don't have that experience myself.

 

From hotel receptionists and what sort of shifts do they work. Hairdressers how do you become trained? (it's different from country to country) police detectives, etc. I ask all the people I come across where they are from what difference they experience, etc. I have found out about all sorts of traditions, experiences and other peoples points of view.

 

I speak to any crew I meet, I'll ask them about their home counties, did they get to go ashore and some times the hours they work. But these are natural conversations not me ganging up on someone and quizzing someone.

 

For example I get up early I see the steward I greet them by name, I might say 'gosh you have an early start' they might respond yes my shift started at 6. I move on. Later that night I am returning to my cabin, I see the same steward, still working. I say hello you're still working I see. They might say my shift finishes at 23:00, they might then add I had a 4 hour break this afternoon, etc. Just normal chit chat in passing.

 

I have no interest in what people get paid or tops or anything about money.