Help with disabled relative who probably shouldn’t cruise but is insisting.

[Beer Belly]

IMO, get ready for it, you will be stuck attending to this man more than you would like. You and your husband are both professionals in the field that this man needs, which to me means, your instinct to help will kick in. Think about it, someone needs help and yells "Is there a doctor in the house", you know a doctor isn't going to ignore the call. People in your profession are a special breed in my eyes, and just can't turn thier back on someone in need.

[DinaS]

On 1/25/2020 at 11:50 PM, Tee & Chilli said:

For many people Alaska is a long distance and expensive. You shouldn’t have to make sacrifices in your vacation and enjoyment for someone else.

 

People help others because it is the right thing to do.  It may not be the easiest or the most fun thing to do, but...

 

You do you - and allows others to do what they decide is best.

 

Karma.

[smplybcause]

On 1/24/2020 at 6:34 PM, Petoonya said:

I saw this “gentleman” earlier today stick his head under the kitchen faucet and then spit TWICE in the kitchen sink. Still heaving a bit I’ve that.

 

Ok, now you're starting to sound like you're overreacting to everything this man does because you don't like him. Disgusted about someone forgoing a cup to rinse out his mouth? Yeah, maybe it would have been better done in a bathroom, but I can't see the outrage on this. I've done it myself before in my/my family's home. 

[Peachypooh]

10 minutes ago, smplybcause said:

 

Ok, now you're starting to sound like you're overreacting to everything this man does because you don't like him. Disgusted about someone forgoing a cup to rinse out his mouth? Yeah, maybe it would have been better done in a bathroom, but I can't see the outrage on this. I've done it myself before in my/my family's home. 

I think you are correct. I have a relative that I have very real issues with but because of that even minor things annoy.

Someone once told me that the reason relatives get someone so upset is that you are basically "stuck" with them.

With a friend you can always stop seeing them. It makes the offenses in someones mind so much worse.

[Petoonya]

8 minutes ago, Peachypooh said:

I think you are correct. I have a relative that I have very real issues with but because of that even minor things annoy.

Someone once told me that the reason relatives get someone so upset is that you are basically "stuck" with them.

With a friend you can always stop seeing them. It makes the offenses in someones mind so much worse.

Thanks for your caring and understanding 🙂

[smplybcause]

19 minutes ago, Peachypooh said:

I think you are correct. I have a relative that I have very real issues with but because of that even minor things annoy.

Someone once told me that the reason relatives get someone so upset is that you are basically "stuck" with them.

With a friend you can always stop seeing them. It makes the offenses in someones mind so much worse.

Yes. Though that mostly just makes you miserable. Sometimes it's best to manage your reactions to someone that you 1) can't avoid and 2) cant' stand. Much easier to say than do of course!

[Peachypooh]

8 minutes ago, smplybcause said:

Yes. Though that mostly just makes you miserable. Sometimes it's best to manage your reactions to someone that you 1) can't avoid and 2) cant' stand. Much easier to say than do of course!

I agree. One thing that helps (some of the time) is to search in my mind for one way that person has enriched

my life.  Some times it is slim pickings LOL.

[Petoonya]

2 minutes ago, Peachypooh said:

I agree. One thing that helps (some of the time) is to search in my mind for one way that person has enriched

my life.  Some times it is slim pickings LOL.

Beautiful- thanks very much. 

[Tee & Chilli]

9 hours ago, DinaS said:

 

People help others because it is the right thing to do.  It may not be the easiest or the most fun thing to do, but...

 

You do you - and allows others to do what they decide is best.

 

Karma.

The OP posted a message on a public forum asking for advice and many people gave it. It's up to the OP to take it or leave it.

[April42749]

On 1/26/2020 at 6:09 AM, Beer Belly said:

IMO, get ready for it, you will be stuck attending to this man more than you would like. You and your husband are both professionals in the field that this man needs, which to me means, your instinct to help will kick in. Think about it, someone needs help and yells "Is there a doctor in the house", you know a doctor isn't going to ignore the call. People in your profession are a special breed in my eyes, and just can't turn thier back on someone in need.

The doctor would ignore the call because of insurance issues (like a malpractice suit if something goes wrong and there's no written consent for the treatment).

[esm54687]

On 1/26/2020 at 6:09 AM, Beer Belly said:

IMO, get ready for it, you will be stuck attending to this man more than you would like. You and your husband are both professionals in the field that this man needs, which to me means, your instinct to help will kick in. Think about it, someone needs help and yells "Is there a doctor in the house", you know a doctor isn't going to ignore the call. People in your profession are a special breed in my eyes, and just can't turn thier back on someone in need.

would you assume your friend the mechanic is responsible for your car if it breaks down or the IT brother in law to come running if your laptop crashes or the financial consultant cousin to set up you're retirement plan or maybe you're an awesome baker does that mean you're on the hook for every celebration to make the cake.....  no one should be stuck doing anything just because they have a skill set that someone else doesn't. 

 

Boundaries and expectations should always be discussed and honored.  If you don't stand up and say "no" thus enabling the behavior of others to expect your role then that is on you. 

 

It's one thing in an emergency situation but not to be someone's personal valet and attendent on a vacation. 

 

 

[Beer Belly]

7 hours ago, esm54687 said:

would you assume your friend the mechanic is responsible for your car if it breaks down or the IT brother in law to come running if your laptop crashes or the financial consultant cousin to set up you're retirement plan or maybe you're an awesome baker does that mean you're on the hook for every celebration to make the cake.....  no one should be stuck doing anything just because they have a skill set that someone else doesn't. 

 

 

 

 

I'm saying that people in the profession are a special breed, with incredible compassion, and will instinctively help, very different from your Auto Tech or IT person. I agree that boundaries should be set and honored.

[esm54687]

46 minutes ago, Beer Belly said:

I'm saying that people in the profession are a special breed, with incredible compassion, and will instinctively help, very different from your Auto Tech or IT person. I agree that boundaries should be set and honored.

I will strongly disagree with your statement about "the profession" and the OP's multiple threads and posts will back me up.......  she's been giving very specific details about her son's in-laws and how she's trying to avoid even having dinner with them. If "the profession" was so compassionate she and her husband would be welcoming the cruise to help the "disabled" have a wonderful cruise.

 

I know plenty of nurses and I would rather have an auto tech or IT person attend to me medically than some of them. 

[April42749]

3 hours ago, esm54687 said:

I will strongly disagree with your statement about "the profession" and the OP's multiple threads and posts will back me up.......  she's been giving very specific details about her son's in-laws and how she's trying to avoid even having dinner with them. If "the profession" was so compassionate she and her husband would be welcoming the cruise to help the "disabled" have a wonderful cruise.

 

I know plenty of nurses and I would rather have an auto tech or IT person attend to me medically than some of them. 

Years ago I was "in the profession" and after work, the last thing I wanted to hear about was people's medical issues.  It's a job to make money....not "a calling".  And, as I said a few posts ago, a doctor won't go running to help someone because of malpractice issues.  Doctors employed at hospitals are told "not to get involved".

[ziggyuk]

1 hour ago, April42749 said:

Years ago I was "in the profession" and after work, the last thing I wanted to hear about was people's medical issues.  It's a job to make money....not "a calling".  And, as I said a few posts ago, a doctor won't go running to help someone because of malpractice issues.  Doctors employed at hospitals are told "not to get involved".

 

What a mess the US is in, I've heard of the lawsuit culture but I never thought it was that bad, we actually have a law known as "the good Samaritan act" which protect healthcare professionals (as well as the general public) in these situations.

It would be virtually impossible to start a case of malpractice against anyone offering assistance and trying to help here.

I could not imagine a healthcare professional here not rushing to offer assistance.

Edited January 28, 2020 by ziggyuk
typo

[ColeThornton]

7 minutes ago, ziggyuk said:

 

What a mess the US is in, I've heard of the lawsuit culture but I never thought it was that bad, we actually have a law known as "the good Samaritan act" which protect healthcare professionals (as well as the general public) in these situations.

It would be virtually impossible to start a case of malpractice against anyone offering assistance and trying to help here.

I could not imagine a healthcare professional here not rushing to offer assistance.

 

 

In the U.S. we also have Good Samaritan Laws.  They can vary from state to state.

[mjkacmom]

8 minutes ago, ziggyuk said:

 

What a mess the US is in, I've heard the of the lawsuit culture but I never thought it was that bad, we actually have a law known as "the good Samaritan act" which protect healthcare professionals (as well as the general public) in these situations.

It would be virtually impossible to start a case of malpractice against anyone offering assistance and trying to help here.

I could not imagine a healthcare professional here not rushing to offer assistance.

There are Good Samaritan laws in every US state.

[ziggyuk]

15 minutes ago, ColeThornton said:

 

 

In the U.S. we also have Good Samaritan Laws.  They can vary from state to state.

 

14 minutes ago, mjkacmom said:

There are Good Samaritan laws in every US state.

 

Why would a healthcare professional not help then, are the above posters wrong to say that?

[mjkacmom]

2 minutes ago, ziggyuk said:

 

 

Why would a healthcare professional not help then, are the above posters wrong to say that?

I don’t know, I hear of stories on the news with medical professionals helping strangers. 

[ziggyuk]

1 minute ago, mjkacmom said:

I don’t know, I hear of stories on the news with medical professionals helping strangers. 

 

Good to know, to read the posts above, you would think a doctor would rather watch someone die than help and risk a lawsuit, that would be a really bad state of affairs.

[Farts]

On 1/26/2020 at 1:04 AM, Petoonya said:

Thanks. I’m not paying as much attention as I should. I’ve mostly given up reading as I’ve resolved my problem. My apologies for inferring something I should not have.

 

About family reading CruiseCritic. My DS and  are physicians and would never have time to look at Cruise Critic. I’ve actually encouraged them to instead of trusting me for answers but they laugh. DS knows how I feel and DIL has a whiff. I’ve said earlier the gentleman and his wife speak only Newari the language of Nepal so not expecting them to get on the internet soon or look at CC.They spend their days watching Bollywood movies and yelling into the phone at relatives in Nepal. And you’re right- I am venomously antagonist toward the gentleman. His wife, whom he verbally abuses, is actually very pleasant though we mostly “namaste”.

 

To anyone else responding, I’ve really resolved my problem and won’t be able to respond anymore. But I thank everyone who already replied. Much caring to all the good people of the NCL board.

Lol, I am a physician too and I have time too look at cruise critic. Drs procrastinate too. 😆

 

You mentioned you are a hospice nurse and that DS and DIL are all Drs. My only suggestion is to buy good travel insurance for that man. I am sure you know what the greatest risk factor for a CVA is. 

 

(a prior hx of CVA for those not in the medical field). 

 

If he had another CVA, you wouldn't want to have to deal with all the added financial stress while on board. Plus something might happen prior to the trip, so you would want to get insurance so that they can get a (?partial) refund. 

[Farts]

21 minutes ago, ziggyuk said:

 

 

Why would a healthcare professional not help then, are the above posters wrong to say that?

One word: lawsuits

 

1 hour ago, April42749 said:

Years ago I was "in the profession" and after work, the last thing I wanted to hear about was people's medical issues.  It's a job to make money....not "a calling".  And, as I said a few posts ago, a doctor won't go running to help someone because of malpractice issues.  Doctors employed at hospitals are told "not to get involved".

So much truth to this. 

 

47 minutes ago, ziggyuk said:

 

What a mess the US is in, I've heard of the lawsuit culture but I never thought it was that bad, we actually have a law known as "the good Samaritan act" which protect healthcare professionals (as well as the general public) in these situations.

It would be virtually impossible to start a case of malpractice against anyone offering assistance and trying to help here.

I could not imagine a healthcare professional here not rushing to offer assistance.

Our health care system is in shambles. You have no idea.

 

And I am not sure if good samaritan laws apply in international waters. 

[Petoonya]

1 hour ago, Farts said:

Lol, I am a physician too and I have time too look at cruise critic. Drs procrastinate too. 😆

 

You mentioned you are a hospice nurse and that DS and DIL are all Drs. My only suggestion is to buy good travel insurance for that man. I am sure you know what the greatest risk factor for a CVA is. 

 

(a prior hx of CVA for those not in the medical field). 

 

If he had another CVA, you wouldn't want to have to deal with all the added financial stress while on board. Plus something might happen prior to the trip, so you would want to get insurance so that they can get a (?partial) refund. 

Thanks very much. Fortunately I’m not the one paying $7k for their cruise. DS and DiIL are. They decided that with pre-existing they’d get partial or zero with insurance depending on how close to departure should he have another CVA. I suggested keeping it for med evac alone but it’s their choice. I shudder at the thought of a DVT taking a 3 hour flight prior. I just want to be able to enjoy my cruise without being shackled. He’s fortunate the kids are MDs. They’ve urged him to back off on this but it’s not going to happen- he’s demanding and they can’t say no. Sure appreciate your care and concern😀

[ColeThornton]

20 minutes ago, Petoonya said:

......I just want to be able to enjoy my cruise without being shackled. He’s fortunate the kids are MDs. They’ve urged him to back off on this but it’s not going to happen- he’s demanding and they can’t say no. .........

 

 

They most certainly can say no.  They just seem to not want to.

[Petoonya]

On 1/27/2020 at 7:08 AM, smplybcause said:

 

Ok, now you're starting to sound like you're overreacting to everything this man does because you don't like him. Disgusted about someone forgoing a cup to rinse out his mouth? Yeah, maybe it would have been better done in a bathroom, but I can't see the outrage on this. I've done it myself before in my/my family's home. 

I’d not be disgusted by someone sticking their mouth under the faucet to get a drink of water. I am disgusted by some one gargling and spitting that water and saliva in the kitchen sink. And clearing throat and spitting the contents in the sink. It is not sanitary. Maybe I’m weird but it literally makes my stomach flip flop. The kitchen sink is not the cleanest place in the world but it’s not meant to be a spittoon IMO.