More help with dinner reservations. Would you be party to my little white lie?

[Petoonya]

This is my first NCL cruise and I’ve preoccupied much of the board the last few days with questions about SDP. Embarrassed to be asking again but here I go.
 

A group of couples we’re cruising with want to use their SDP as a group- all except us. The group wants early dining, 6 pm, and my husband and I prefer dining at 9pm. We also want different restaurants. Ive already told the group that we may go our own way. But what they don’t know is that we’ve actually already made our own plans. White lie for now for reasons too complicated to explain.

 

First question.....one couple made a reservation for 8. They believe we’re attending but we don’t plan to. Already booked something else. If we don’t join them (we will have told the group by then that we’ve gone our own way) and only 6 show for dinner, will we be charged for this if we no show? Or will the group be responsible for our meal? 

 

Second question..... In order for the group to get a res for 8, I was asked to get a table for 4, for ourselves and 2 other people. This would have been my 4th dinner but I won’t be using this reservation for us.  Just the other couple will be dining. Will they  be permitted to dine? We won’t be charged just for “escorting” them to dinner will we? They don’t speak English so can’t reserve themselves.
 

i know this is all very convoluted. We’d really like to avoid if at all possible making changes onboard. Is this all doable without changing? I don’t want to take a chance of everyone else not getting their preferred time or put them out because we secretly don’t want to be in their group.

Thanks!!🙂

Edited January 27, 2020 by Petoonya

[deefer]

I just hope no one in the group is also on cruise critic otherwise your caught 😁

 

I have no advice, just wishing you luck on this endeavor!

[Petoonya]

3 minutes ago, deefer said:

I just hope no one in the group is also on cruise critic otherwise your caught 😁

 

I have no advice, just wishing you luck on this endeavor!

Thanks Deefer. No, I’m confident NO ONE will be visiting Cruise Critic.

My endeavor does sound a little weird but trying to let people down gently rather than proceed boldly in their face.  I hope I’m not pushing the envelope!
thanks. 😀

[SeaShark]

IMHO, having dinner reservations you don't intend to keep is no different than leaving your towel and books on a lounger when you aren't on the pool deck.

 

You know it's the wrong thing to do...don't look to Cruise Critic for absolution.

[mugtech]

Tell them ahead of time, let them get the reservations correct.  Not sure how not telling them until the last minute will change anything, the  results will be the same, just more complicated., 

[Petoonya]

26 minutes ago, SeaShark said:

IMHO, having dinner reservations you don't intend to keep is no different than leaving your towel and books on a lounger when you aren't on the pool deck.

26 minutes ago, SeaShark said:

Actually not looking for absolution. Just want to know if it is a problem. I appreciate your straightforward answer but wasn’t looking for judgment just answers.

I cruise Oceania. I’ve been one of many large groups In their specialty restaurants. At times people don’t make i- it’s not viewed as a problem. I did see this as the same thing but obviously others do not. I’ll reevaluate. Thanks for your input.

[Petoonya]

39 minutes ago, mugtech said:

Tell them ahead of time, let them get the reservations correct.  Not sure how not telling them until the last minute will change anything, the  results will be the same, just more complicated., 

Thanks for the input.  I appreciate your honor. I’ve told the people that we may not be joining them and I think they are aware that we truly may not be. They’ve already told me that they don’t want to change things if we duck out. 
If I keep getting less than yes or no answers I’ll call the number NCL lists for dining questions and follow their advice.  Grateful for your response.

[Petoonya]

If it helps anyone.

i know few people who don’t duck out of a party or dinner when they simply can’t bear to hurt the person’s feelings. This is family btw.

 

The situation involves my DS, DIL, their two kids and DIL’s folks. I have already prepared them for the fact that we might not attend. They said if not they prefer not to change the reservations.

 

The final decision is based on a cultural problem and a weak stomach. My DIL’s folks are from a third world country. It is their habit to eat with their hands as well as chew with their mouths wide open, so much so that chewed food falls on the plate. That’s when they truly enjoy their food. It’s worse when they are not. It has made me leave the table and vomit.

We’ve tried to accommodate but after this last visit my husband said no- make reservations for us at 9pm or he wouldn’t be cruising.  It’s his 70th birthday and my kids 10th anniversary. No other family members would attend because it’s a problem for everyone. It hurts my kids terribly. I open my heart to the folks but their dining practices truly make me hurl.
 

I’ll suck it up, take off my glasses and eat with them in the MDR but husband says he will feign illness or pay for an extra 4 nights specialty dining. My elegant and wonderful kids are saddled with a social dining burden and I’d rather let them know we are grossed out too, but do so GENTLY. This is the best we can do.

 

There you are. Again, no flames, no judgment. We all do the best we can. And I dare most of you with sensitive stomachs to break bread with them but postpone and try to soften the blow-
 

 

Edited January 27, 2020 by Petoonya

[ashleyriley]

I can't help but feel badly for your DIL's parents. If they only knew that their dining habits were affecting you so much you had to leave the table to vomit. Could your DIL try talking to them and teaching them acceptable dining practices? Even if it's just for the cruise. Not to say that they have to abandon their own culture or it's wrong, but it seems cruel to have your own parents be thought of as the ones who "gross out" others.  It certainly is a tough family dynamic for you, good luck! 

[herdingdogmom]

Sounds like a difficult cruise.  You could be charged for your no show specialty reservations if before the cancellation period.

 

Easiest to have the reservations changed to 6 by those that have the early reservations.  Your son or DIL will have to call NCL.  You may also need to call to cancel the reservations for 4 you have made that you will not keep.  May be a good idea to warn the restaurant managers on board about the eating habits so other specialty diners aren’t grossed out too.  

[sverigecruiser]

2 hours ago, Petoonya said:

 

The final decision is based on a cultural problem and a weak stomach. My DIL’s folks are from a third world country. It is their habit to eat with their hands as well as chew with their mouths wide open, so much so that chewed food falls on the plate. That’s when they truly enjoy their food. It’s worse when they are not. It has made me leave the table and vomit.

 

Are you saying that they will eat like that on the ship? If yes I hope that the restaurant won't allow it because they have other customers too.

[hamrag]

2 hours ago, Petoonya said:

....We’ve tried to accommodate but after this last visit my husband said no- make reservations for us at 9pm or he wouldn’t be cruising....

 

 

I'm definitely with your husband here......obviously you are too, because he's not staying home, but have a tender feminine heart which is hugely admirable.

 

I think the SDP/specialty dining 'problem' is simple to overcome (at least the practical aspect is) as specialty dining arrangements can be cancelled or amended provided 24 hours notice is given to the restaurant. So, in relation to question 1 ask the booking couple to amend the booking to 6 people. Question 2, since you booked one of the tables for 4 simply amend and advise all. There will be no unexpected charges for anyone.

 

Given other threads, I know your heart is torn but you must know that your kids already know you will not show for dining where the DIL parents are involved. My heart goes out to you as you wrestle with this significant and troublesome family dynamic. 

 

If I may, we had a family cruise for our Ruby Wedding last year, as it happens there were 8 of us (including our 4 year old grandson), but the only in-laws were our kids spouses. We mixed our dining across the week, using different restaurants, and only dined as a full group on 3 occasions. We all get along famously, but we know (as you do) that everyone needs their own space too....

Edited January 27, 2020 by hamrag

[sverigecruiser]

5 hours ago, Petoonya said:

 

 

First question.....one couple made a reservation for 8. They believe we’re attending but we don’t plan to. Already booked something else. If we don’t join them (we will have told the group by then that we’ve gone our own way) and only 6 show for dinner, will we be charged for this if we no show? Or will the group be responsible for our meal? 

 

Second question..... In order for the group to get a res for 8, I was asked to get a table for 4, for ourselves and 2 other people. This would have been my 4th dinner but I won’t be using this reservation for us.  Just the other couple will be dining. Will they  be permitted to dine? We won’t be charged just for “escorting” them to dinner will we? They don’t speak English so can’t reserve themselves.

 

 

Just let the restaurants know as soon as possible after embarkation and I can't see any problem with that.

[beerman2]

If your son/DIL is aware of their eating habits/faults, I would think they should say something. Like others have said just cancel the dining reservations and book the appropriate amount 6 for them . Make your 2 separately.

 

Good luck and yes you should be able to enjoy your cruise as you see fit.

[esm54687]

Yes, you may make reservations and not attend as a no show without issue. There's your answer plain and simple. 

 

But because you're making reservations and being a no show...... you could very easily impact another innocent passenger who wanted to dine at the time of your no show but couldn't. 

 

Put your big girl pants on and tell your DS / DIL you're making your own plans..... this is your 3rd or 4th thread concerning your Nepalese issue. According to those threads your "DS knows and your DIL has a whiff" of your hatred of her father so why pretend. 

[thistimeplease]

4 hours ago, Petoonya said:

Actually not looking for absolution. Just want to know if it is a problem. I appreciate your straightforward answer but wasn’t looking for judgment just answers.

I cruise Oceania. I’ve been one of many large groups In their specialty restaurants. At times people don’t make i- it’s not viewed as a problem. I did see this as the same thing but obviously others do not. I’ll reevaluate. Thanks for your input.

Shouldn't be a problem so do what you need to do.  Have a great time.

 

[YankeesFan4Life]

Very intrigued by this thread.....My in-law's are from another country and have a similar issue while eating at their house....Like taking a perfectly cut ribeye steak I've cooked for them and pick up with their hands and much like cannibals will take it with their hands and cut it off with their teeth!!  I feel for you!!!  Just really curious, where are they from?? Mine are from the former USSR...

[suometar]

"When in Rome ... do as the Romans do."  Perhaps it is time for someone (perhaps your son?) to tell your in-laws that they are not in Nepal and need to use cutlery when eating in public (and hopefully chew with their mouths closed). End of problem.

[david_sobe]

If the OP did not have over 2400 posts, I would think we are being trolled.  OMG first the disabled question about wanting to go on the cruise and now eating with their hands as the food falls on their plate.  OMG

I wish the OP all the best.  Sounds like quite an experience that is going to happen.  

[puppycanducruise]

They eat with their mouths open and food falls out!?

I hope I'm not sitting at a table near them trying to enjoy my dinner.  If I saw that, I'd have to leave.

[funredhead]

Op- best of luck with your cruise. To actually answer your question-

if you cancel the reservation or change the number of guests on it 24 hrs before, you will not be charged and the others in the group will not be charged. If you have a specialty reserved for the first night of the cruise, I would address that sooner rather than later by calling before you leave. The rest you can deal with as they arise. It is Freestyle after all and people do change their minds while on vacation. This is the very concept of NCL, so don’t feel bad. 

As for the reservation you made for the non English speaking couple for 4, that will become 2- (hoping this isn’t the reservation for the first night) when you get onboard go to the specialty dining desk.  Have with you the room number of the in laws, and transfer the reservation for 2 to their room number. 
It’s tough to travel in a group where everyone is compatible, much less where you have so much to juggle.  And, you are brave to ask here when there is often so much judgement. Good luck to you!  And, wishing you a very good vacation. 

[hamrag]

2 hours ago, esm54687 said:

....Put your big girl pants on and tell your DS / DIL you're making your own plans..... this is your 3rd or 4th thread concerning your Nepalese issue. According to those threads your "DS knows and your DIL has a whiff" of your hatred of her father so why pretend. 

 

I think your post is heartless, lacking empathy.....IMHO, of course!😉

[ColeThornton]

This should be one heck of a post cruise review to read.  😉

Edited January 27, 2020 by ColeThornton

[Peachypooh]

I did not read the other replies...too busy. However here is my two cents. In these situations

I have learned over the years to just address the issue directly. Sometimes if there are two

reasons I don't want to do something I just tell the other party the one that is not going to hurt their

feelings. I was asked to vacation with a group of family in a vacation house that holds 12 people. For four nights.

To me four minutes feels like four hours in their company. Plus they do things that I do not like to do.

I told them we wouldn't be joining them because we have limited vacation time and dollars and we

don't like to do the same things that others like to do so we will pass. I didn't get an argument.

I would just say that I like to eat at 9pm so have made those reservations for us.

 

[MotownVoice]

We're all grown adults.

Just because you signed on for a trip doesn't mean you signed on marry them all.

It's not your responsibility to explain where the two of you are off to, unless that was somehow expressly committed to in writing somewhere.  (I can't for the life of me conceive of why someone would do that.)

Presuming no one just gave you the boarding passes, you paid your way, it's your vacation.  You don't have to tell anyone anything.  And what other people think of you as a result is really none of your business, thankfully.  Who needs that kind of responsibility?

Having said that, can you honestly imagine someone feeling hurt because someone in the group wanted you sitting with them and not enjoying the cruise on your own terms? 

It would probably be smarter to just tell everyone up front, "Spouse and I are going to do our own thing.  It's our first cruise on NCL and we want to eschew the crowds" if you really wanted to avoid potential drama.    But you don't have any obligation to make any explanation at all.