Rare C-Dragons Posted May 30, 2020 Author #726 Share Posted May 30, 2020 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rare C-Dragons Posted May 30, 2020 Author #727 Share Posted May 30, 2020 (edited) Edited May 30, 2020 by C-Dragons Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rare C-Dragons Posted May 30, 2020 Author #728 Share Posted May 30, 2020 (edited) Edited May 30, 2020 by C-Dragons Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
barko4441 Posted May 30, 2020 #729 Share Posted May 30, 2020 Being a recent returnee to the board, I have detected a sometime U.S.A. vs Canada rivalry. So I like to share a song that might bring us together😁........... 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rare C-Dragons Posted June 1, 2020 Author #730 Share Posted June 1, 2020 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cruisingpeople Posted June 1, 2020 #731 Share Posted June 1, 2020 (edited) A man walks into a Talent Agency with his dog. The Agent asks, "What have we got here?" The man says, "A talking dog." Agent says, OK, let's hear it. The man looks at the dog and asks, "What is on top of a house?" The dog says, "Roof" The man asks, "What is sandpaper like? The dog says "Rough" The man asks, "Who is the greatest baseball player of all time?" The dog says, "Ruth" By now the talent agent has had enough and tells them both to get out. As they get to the door, the dog turns to the agent and asks.................. "Was it Joe DiMaggio?" Edited June 1, 2020 by cruisingpeople 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rare C-Dragons Posted June 2, 2020 Author #732 Share Posted June 2, 2020 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rare C-Dragons Posted June 2, 2020 Author #733 Share Posted June 2, 2020 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rare C-Dragons Posted June 2, 2020 Author #734 Share Posted June 2, 2020 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
centurycruiser Posted June 3, 2020 #735 Share Posted June 3, 2020 My teacher asked me what my favorite animal was and I said, “Fried Chicken.” She said I wasn’t funny but she couldn’t have been right because everyone laughed. My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favorite animal. I told my dad what happened and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA. He said they love animals very much. I do too. Especially chicken, pork, and beef. Anyway my teacher sent me to the principal’s office. I told him what happened and he laughed, too. Then he told me not to do it again. The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was. Told her it was chicken. She asked me why. I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken. She sent me back to the principal’s office. He laughed and told me not to do it again. I don’t understand. My parents told me to be honest, but my teacher doesn’t like it when I am. Today my teacher asked me to tell her what famous military man I admired the most. I told her, “Colonel Sanders.” Guess where the **** I am now… 2 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rare C-Dragons Posted June 4, 2020 Author #736 Share Posted June 4, 2020 My husband and I were dressed and ready to go out for a lovely evening of dinner and theater. Having been burgled in the past, we turned on a night light and the answering machine, then put our cat in the backyard. When the cab arrived, we walked out our front door and our rather tubby cat scooted between our legs back into the house and up the stairs. Because the cat likes to chase our Budgie we really didn’t want to leave them unchaperoned so my husband ran inside to retrieve the cat and put her in the backyard again. I didn’t want the taxi driver to know our house was going to be empty all evening, so I explained to him that my husband would be out momentarily as he was just bidding goodbye to my mother. A few minutes later he got into the cab all hot and bothered and as the cab pulled away said, to my growing horror and amusement, “Sorry it took so long but the stupid ***** was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to take off so I had to grab her by the neck and wrapped her in a blanket so she wouldn’t scratch me like she did last time. But it worked! I hauled her downstairs and threw her into the backyard... she better not poop in the vegetable garden again! There was awkward silence in the Taxi for the rest of the ride. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denny01 Posted June 4, 2020 #737 Share Posted June 4, 2020 Mildred, the Church gossip, and self appointed monitor of the church’s morals, kept sticking her nose into other people’s business, Several members did not approve of her extra curricular activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence. She made a mistake, however, when she accused Frank, a new member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his old pickup parked in front of the town’s only bar one afternoon.She emphatically told Frank ( and several others) that every one seeing it there would know what he was doing. Frank, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just turned and walked away. He didn’t explain, defend or deny. He said nothing….Later that evening, Frank quietly parked his pickup in front of Mildred’s house…walked home and left it there all night…... Den 4 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ldubs Posted June 4, 2020 #738 Share Posted June 4, 2020 On 5/26/2020 at 6:48 AM, centurycruiser said: 3 For me only 2. Yikes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ldubs Posted June 4, 2020 #739 Share Posted June 4, 2020 On 5/20/2020 at 7:13 AM, centurycruiser said: 3 out of 2 people have trouble with fractions. I measured twice and cut three times. It is still too short! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
centurycruiser Posted June 5, 2020 #740 Share Posted June 5, 2020 A screwdriver walks into a bar. The bartender says "we have a drink named after you." The screwdriver says "you have a drink named Stanley?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
centurycruiser Posted June 5, 2020 #741 Share Posted June 5, 2020 A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender says "we have a drink named after you" The grasshopper says "you have a drink named bill?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alibaba1 Posted June 5, 2020 #742 Share Posted June 5, 2020 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
centurycruiser Posted June 5, 2020 #743 Share Posted June 5, 2020 An Irish daughter had not been home for over five years. Upon her return, her father gave her the what-for….. “Where have ye been all this time? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn’t ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old mum thru?!” The girl, crying, replied, “Sniff, sniff… Dad… I became a prostitute…” “Ye what!!? Out of here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You’re a disgrace to this family.” “OK, Dad — as ye wish. I just came back to give mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion plus a savings certificate for $5 million.” “For me little brother, this gold Rolex and for ye daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that’s parked outside plus a membership to the country club… (takes a breath)… and an invitation for ye all to spend New Years’ Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera, and…” “Now what was it ye said ye had become?” says dad. Girl, crying again, “Sniff, sniff….a prostitute dad! Sniff, sniff. “Oh! Be Jesus! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a Protestant. Come here and give yer old Dad a hug.” 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bob278 Posted June 5, 2020 #744 Share Posted June 5, 2020 (edited) With all credit to Pompey Sailor on the RCL humor thread. I just wish it had been a video for the sound effects. The vision I had made me laugh so hard I had tears in my eyes. Edited June 5, 2020 by bob278 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alibaba1 Posted June 5, 2020 #745 Share Posted June 5, 2020 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rare C-Dragons Posted June 5, 2020 Author #746 Share Posted June 5, 2020 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eby Posted June 5, 2020 #747 Share Posted June 5, 2020 3 hours ago, centurycruiser said: An Irish daughter had not been home for over five years. Upon her return, her father gave her the what-for….. “Where have ye been all this time? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn’t ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old mum thru?!” The girl, crying, replied, “Sniff, sniff… Dad… I became a prostitute…” “Ye what!!? Out of here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You’re a disgrace to this family.” “OK, Dad — as ye wish. I just came back to give mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion plus a savings certificate for $5 million.” “For me little brother, this gold Rolex and for ye daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that’s parked outside plus a membership to the country club… (takes a breath)… and an invitation for ye all to spend New Years’ Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera, and…” “Now what was it ye said ye had become?” says dad. Girl, crying again, “Sniff, sniff….a prostitute dad! Sniff, sniff. “Oh! Be Jesus! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a Protestant. Come here and give yer old Dad a hug.” Why did she have to be Irish? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rare mom says Posted June 5, 2020 #748 Share Posted June 5, 2020 27 minutes ago, eby said: Why did she have to be Irish? Seriously? You don't know of the Irish divide between Catholics and Protestants? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denny01 Posted June 5, 2020 #749 Share Posted June 5, 2020 Love these sophisticated jokes: 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
centurycruiser Posted June 6, 2020 #750 Share Posted June 6, 2020 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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