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kalos

*** Lets Smile ***

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4 hours ago, drsel said:

Man to his wife:
'
I’d never say you’re fat! You’re just cuddly

My wife once wore one of those "see through "nighties .
that was a night to remember.Wow you could see everything ...
Tracksuit, cardi ,scarf she looked amazing ..unforgettable.     :classic_blush:

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4 hours ago, drsel said:

I called the undertaker, but the line was dead.

 

I knew a  undertaker who hosted a magic show once.
His slogan was, "Abra-cadaver-a". :classic_biggrin:
 

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5 hours ago, drsel said:

Yes, money cannot buy you happiness, but I’d still feel a lot more comfortable crying in a new BMW than on a bike.

 

 

Anyone that says money can't buy happiness....Has never been divorced:classic_dry:

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5 hours ago, drsel said:

If I got 50 cents for every failed math exam, I’d have $ 6.30 now.

 

Every job I do I give 100% maybe that's why I got the sack as a maths examiner :classic_blink:

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Did anyone see the evening news ?

They were showing a out of work club singer due to the virus who gave his time up to sing

for free to pensioners in a care home .
The pensioners were inside on lockdown and from outside the performer was singing ...
through a glass pane window .....BORN FREE !!  ( I kid you not ) :classic_huh::classic_biggrin:
 

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This isolation is sending me stir crazy. This morning, while having breakfast, I was chatting with a spider. He told me he was a web designer.

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I asked my friend what spiders eat?   He didn’t know.

He said I should go and check on the web.:classic_unsure:

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What did the wife spider say to her husband when he tried to explain why he was late?

 

Your spinning me a yarn here!

 

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                                            Tonight's the night you get one hour less in bed (UK Time)

 

springforward-.thumb.jpg.d19e3a050b8a5615de08eab07ef714d9.jpg

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If your  not feeling very well  and you need a doctor immediately, ring the nearest golf course.:classic_dry:
 

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Good Management Tips 😇
Avoid employing unlucky people by throwing half of the pile of CV's in the bin without reading them.😊
 

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A British man visits family in Australia
 
The man at customs asks him   "Do you have a criminal record?"

The British man replies "I didn't think you'd need one to get into Australia any more." :classic_unsure: :classic_wink:

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1 hour ago, kalos said:

                                            Tonight's the night you get one hour less in bed (UK Time)

 

Yep BST looms large tonight but there are alternatives :-

https://www.abbreviations.com/BST

 

The one I like is "Best Substatute Teacher" I'm assuming "Substatute" is deliberately misspelled ... or should that be mispelt ??

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45 minutes ago, Bertie Doe said:

Yep BST looms large tonight but there are alternatives :-

https://www.abbreviations.com/BST

 

The one I like is "Best Substatute Teacher" I'm assuming "Substatute" is deliberately misspelled ... or should that be mispelt ??

I thought a misspell was what novice witches did. 😊

Avril 

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41 minutes ago, Bertie Doe said:

Substatute Teacher:classic_huh:

 

I suppose we could phone the Royal Navy (SUB DEPT) up and ask....

 

....." Do they have anyone doing lectures on statues located on one of their submarines?"

 

You never know Bertie, "Stranger things happen at sea"  as the saying goes . :classic_biggrin:

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Working with my computer is like driving a submarine
               Once you open windows, that's when the problems begin.:classic_blush:

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        Passenger: Is your trains running on time?

 

                                                                      Station master: No, our trains run on rails.🚂 :classic_smile:

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1 hour ago, Eglesbrech said:

Kalos you continue to brighten up my days.😀

Thank you :classic_wink:

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Jokes about white sugar are rare.  ..... Jokes about brown sugar, Demerara  :classic_wink:

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10 hours ago, kalos said:

 

A British man visits family in Australia
 
The man at customs asks him   "Do you have a criminal record?"

The British man replies "I didn't think you'd need one to get into Australia any more." :classic_unsure: :classic_wink:

Definitely not, we are much more picky as the pollies here do not want any competition.

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4 hours ago, kalos said:

 

Jokes about white sugar are rare.  ..... Jokes about brown sugar, Demerara  :classic_wink:

Sweet.

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Due to the lockdown,  I made mushroom soup from mushrooms I got from a local park it was nice but the after dinner show of 100 purple elephants dancing swan lake whilst singing Meatloaf's bat out of hell and the accompanying light show was even better. 


 

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19 minutes ago, MicCanberra said:

Due to the lockdown,  I made mushroom soup from mushrooms I got from a local park it was nice but the after dinner show of 100 purple elephants dancing swan lake whilst singing Meatloaf's bat out of hell and the accompanying light show was even better. 


 

it's a kinda magic :classic_cool:

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