Jump to content
Cruise Critic Community
kalos

*** Lets Smile ***

Recommended Posts

 

My wife was in our kitchen when  she asked, “Do you ever get a shooting pain across your chest ,

like someone’s got a voodoo doll of you and they’re stabbing it?”
 

Laid on the couch watching TV  I  shouted back , “NO.”  ...

 

...She said, “How about now?” :classic_unsure:
 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

 

 

 

My grief counsellor died just the other day.  He was so good at his job , I just didn’t care. :classic_rolleyes:
 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Posted (edited)

Would you believe it ! :classic_ohmy:

 

"hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia." Is the fear of long words 
China censored the word for "censorship."
I guess you can't be found  guilty of a crime if nobody can describe what it is ! 


 Dolly Parton once entered a celebrity look-alike contest, without revealing her true identity,

at a club in San Francisco. She lost to a drag queen.


There are more English speakers in US, India, Pakistan, Nigeria and Philippines than in the United Kingdom

 

Suicide was once treated as a crime. During the late 19th century, if a person got caught trying to kill himself,

he was jailed and punished by hanging.  


The herring fish fart to talk to each other . 


Champagne was invented in England by scientist Christopher Merret in 1662.


Britain is the only country in the world which doesn’t have its name on its postage stamps

 

Bananas & cucumbers are berries but strawberries are not a berry  .
 

If you put some veeagra in a vase, it will make flowers stand up straight for a week beyond when they would normally wilt, according to one study conducted by Israeli and Australian researchers.

The mind boggles, what the hell were they trying to achieve ??

NOTE  I had to spell that brand name as veeagra as the site does not allow *****.

I just end up with these stars   :classic_wacko: 

 VI,AGRA is the shocking word they thought may corrupt you all :classic_rolleyes::classic_wink: Not veeagra :classic_smile:

Edited by kalos

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

                                unnamed.jpg.56f2a1f838ce4f7e119d3fbd78fc118c.jpg

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Strange but so true 

 

                                      Definition of Irony - When the Year Of The Rat starts with a plague.:classic_mellow:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

 

 

My girlfriend’s parents are very religious.
The first time I was at their house, her Dad told me we weren’t allowed to sleep together.
Which was a bit of a shame , he was very attractive. :classic_blush:

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thinking of some of the bad things that have happened in my life .....

 

 

One that I remember was doing a minutes silence and my watch stopped .
I was stood there for hours ... and the worst part was ... I couldn't tell anybody .:classic_sad:
 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 minute ago, kalos said:

Thinking of some of the bad things that have happened in my life .....

 

 

One that I remember was doing a minutes silence and my watch stopped .
I was stood there for hours ... and the worst part was ... I couldn't tell anybody .:classic_sad:
 

Obviously no second guessing there.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

 

When I was younger I always wanted a tatto , Mum wasn't impressed but said I  could have one  

but providing I  have it done somewhere that didn't really matter a lot. 

 

So I did ...Cannberra ! :classic_rolleyes:
 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Vietnam Vet A man was being interviewed for a job. "Were you in the service?" asked the interviewer. "Yes, I was a Marine," responded the applicant. "Did you see any active duty?" "I was in Vietnam for 2 years and I have a partial disability." "May I ask what happened?" "Well, I had a grenade go off between my legs and I lost both testicles." "You're hired. You can start Monday at 10 am." The somewhat surprised applicant asked, "When does everyone else start? I don't want any preferential treatment because of my disability." "Everyone else starts at 7 o'clock, but I should be honest with you," explained the interviewer. "Nothing gets done before 10 o'clock because we just sit and scratch our balls trying to decide what to do first."


 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

 

 

A mate I used to share a flat with was the lead singer in a rock  group we played in  .🎸 :classic_cool:

 

He used to spend  hours stood at our front door.

 

He was never sure when to come in and  unable to find the right key. :classic_unsure: :classic_rolleyes:
 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

 

Three men are on a boat one day.

 

They all smoke and they’ve got four cigarettes but nothing to light them with.

 

So they throw one of the cigarettes overboard knowing the boat becomes a cigarette lighter.  :classic_wink:
 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

 

 

My elderly relatives used to tease me at weddings, saying, “You’ll be next!”

 

They soon stopped though, once I started doing the same to them at funerals. :classic_wacko: :classic_wink:
 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
4 minutes ago, kalos said:

 

 

A mate I used to share a flat with was the lead singer in a rock  group we played in  .🎸 :classic_cool:

 

He used to spend  hours stood at our front door.

 

He was never sure when to come in and  unable to find the right key. :classic_unsure: :classic_rolleyes:
 

If they're anything like the latest rock bands they'll be sat there forever 😉

Avril 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
5 minutes ago, kalos said:

 

Three men are on a boat one day.

 

They all smoke and they’ve got four cigarettes but nothing to light them with.

 

So they throw one of the cigarettes overboard knowing the boat becomes a cigarette lighter.  :classic_wink:
 

I'm staying in the pub kalos . It's more cheerful here at the moment. Even without my glass of JD.😆

Avril 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
5 minutes ago, Adawn47 said:

I'm staying in the pub kalos . It's more cheerful here at the moment. Even without my glass of JD.😆

Avril 

Same here Avril , make yourself at home.:classic_cool:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My girlfriend left me because of my obsession with Linkin Park.

But in the end, it doesn’t even matter.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

A musician told me he was going to hit me with the neck of his guitar. 

I replied, “Is that a fret?”

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Why shouldn’t you let kids watch big band performances on TV?

Too much sax and violins.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Forum Jump
    • Categories
      • Forum Assistance
      • New Cruisers
      • Cruise Lines “A – O”
      • Cruise Lines “P – Z”
      • River Cruising
      • ROLL CALLS
      • Digital Photography & Cruise Technology
      • Special Interest Cruising
      • Cruise Discussion Topics
      • UK Cruising
      • Australia & New Zealand Cruisers
      • North American Homeports
      • Ports of Call
      • Cruise Conversations
×
×
  • Create New...