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Dad's Last Cruise (for real)


atexsix
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Greetings everyone, I hope you are all busy planning wonderful cruises!

 

We arrived home from our Discovery Princess sailing a couple of weeks ago.  Since I found out I had Covid afterward I haven't been able to report back until now.  The last day of the cruise I felt like I had a sore throat, but I honestly didn't think much of it, allergies have been awful lately.  I was masked throughout and I had 4 shots, and still, I got it; but I've heard breakthrough cases are quite common now in the Pacific Northwest.  DD had a very slight sore throat earlier in the cruise, by afternoon he was fine he said, so we don't know if I caught it from him or if he was exposed to it from me and then never got it, but he's not immunocompromised like I am, my body goes crazy no matter what I'm exposed to, including every covid related shot.

 

The sailing, the ship, and the crew were amazing, I couldn't believe how helpful and attentive they were for myself and DD in particular, from the shore excursion in Skagway to the ship to the Smith Cove terminal people, it couldn't have gone better, although embarkations are a bit smoother on Holland America.  But with all that being said, it's now apparent that this was our final cruise together.  There were several problems that we ran into.  I'll get to that in a moment, but I do want to say beforehand that we had the full blessing of DD's doctors to go on this trip.  We knew we'd have to deal with obvious stuff, mostly mobility related.  But we had no idea Princess' beds would be so hard for him to get in/out of; he didn't have the strength to pull himself up to a sitting position and vice versa, he'd just slide around on the sheets.  This aggravated his pressure sores in a major way.  If we had known we could have brought a transfer sheet.  Thank God for Princess firmness, this would have been much worse in one of HAL's famous pillow tops.  We had twin beds and tried both.  Initially I had him use the bed closest to the wall thinking he could use it to brace himself but we found it was easier to use the bed in the open part of the room so he could approach it from either side, and then use the other bed or the couch for leverage.   Maybe an accessible room wouldn't of had this issue, we've never used them so we don't know if the beds have pull handles or bars on them or some difference about them from a regular bed.  

 

Another nightmare, but similar issue, were chairs, particularly in the dining rooms, they are heavier than heck, DD would sit down and it was next to impossible to pull him closer to the table.  One night at dinner they seated us with a chair on one side and a booth on the other and this was a Godsend, we requested the booth for DD from that point on.  The chairs in the Lido or various lounges were not an issue, it was only in the MDR's.  

 

I don't know how many were on our sailing but the ship wasn't full, however it was full enough to cause many elevator delays, I feel like that's all we did was wait for elevators, anything near the Piazza or the gangway while in port and forget it, we ended up walking down to elevators on another end of the ship instead.  Thankfully the walker DD was using had one of those seats on it.  Highly recommend if you're using a walker.   

 

One evening we decided to skip dinner, it was the 2nd formal night and neither of us were in the mood for the fuss so I went to the spa instead.  I was gone a couple of hours, the spa was at the forward end and our cabin was overlooking the stern, so it was quite a hike.  Upon arriving back DD was in tears, because he dropped the remote control and had no way to reach it.  DD had had enough by this time, the remote set him off because he felt helpless, but the build up of helplessness throughout the trip was taking a toll on him and bottled over.  I felt horrible for him but did my best to comfort him.  Thankfully that was the only issue, the phone was across the room and don't know how he would have gotten to it in a real emergency, so I stretched the phone over as far as I could when I went someplace without him. 

 

A couple of times the steward came in while poor DD was in various states of undress.  Nobody told us you have to go out the door and press the screen for DND which would light up as red, or that you were ready to have the room serviced which would light up as green.  I read all the room particulars and don't recall seeing that information.  By the time I figured it out it was the 5th day of the cruise I think.  But DD was so embarrassed, I did my best to assure him that stewards no doubt have walked in to far worse than that, I suspect they've seen it all.  I once came out of the shower stark naked to find myself face to face with the crew cleaning the balconies at 7:00 in the morning, yes it was turnaround day, but still. 

 

The Medallion app itself was useless which I won't get into too much about here, DD would never figure it out so I didn't bother loading it onto his phone, I had my phone and tablet and much of the time I either had spinning circles of death or a complete freeze of the app requiring a reboot of my device, by mid-cruise I was so tired of it that I dropped using it altogether and accessed room service via the TV instead.  I think Medallion overall has potential but a long way to go before it's 100% reliable. 

 

The sudden change in routine aggravated DD's dementia something awful, and for the first few ports he repeatedly asked where we were.  The 2nd half of the trip it improved as he got used to being away, but his constant refrain morphed from "where are we" to "this is my last trip" and that saddened me, but I agree at this point.  It's possible a smaller ship would be better, but we'd still have the bed issue, he was so uncomfortable, not exactly a getaway if you can't even get a decent night's sleep.  And for me, well from a caregiver's perspective it was an emotional rollercoaster, not just because of the above issues but due to the medical problem of the day/hour/moment: dizziness, motion sickness, nausea, headache, dry eyes, worsening edema, worsening pressure sores, constipation or the opposite of it....I'm not complaining or putting him down at all, it was just added pressure because as a caregiver I immediately want to jump in and help/rectify/comfort etc.  And I was limited in what I could do for him on a ship.  So the helplessness wore me down as well and I'm pretty strong.  

 

I don't want to discourage other disabled people from travel, that's not my objective at all, but I do want to be honest in what we encountered so other people can be prepared for it in the event you run into similar problems.  Not everyone has almost total Kidney Failure like my Dad.  He's 85 and not eligible for dialysis; at his age, there'd be little benefit is what I'm told and not worth the drudgery, so DD at this point is simply waiting for the end.  But that's not going to be the case with most of the people reading this.  

 

I will eventually return to cruising alone, on much smaller ships, if I learned anything about my personal needs it's that I'd be much happier on something like HAL's Zaandam, sadly the trend of building smaller vessels is gone so I don't know what I'll do, maybe try river cruising.  

 

If anyone has any questions or needs anything clarified, feel free to ask.  Thanks for reading, thanks for answering all my questions pre-cruise, and I wish all of you much happiness and good health and wonderful cruises ahead. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited by atexsix
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Thank you for the review from the point of view of a disabled person and caretaker. It is helpful to have your insight. 
I know my own cruising days are too rapidly winding down, so you have given me much to think about.  

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Really appreciate your honesty in this.  I felt guilty not taking my elderly mother on a “last” cruise but knew her dementia would not make for a pleasant time for her or me.  
 

Thank you for your post. 

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I commend you for sharing this information to those who can benefit from a realistic portrayal of challenges faced as a caregiver or as a person with a disability. Cruising seems on the surface so much easier than independent touring but it still requires a large measure of energy and stamina. And that’s when things are going well - travel is presenting new challenges and frustrations with flight cancellations, lack of personnel, customer service issues and more.

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Bruno, as a caregiver to my sweet husband who is in a wheelchair,  I appreciate your taking the time to post. It's difficult to share the experience with others. No one knows the challenges on what happens behind our closed doors. Add your challenges and your Dad's challenges and all I can say is how much I admire you for giving it one last try.

 

We were onboard Rotterdam Dec/Jan this past year. We had a vista suite where the couch, desk, and bathroom were at the entry which was good. But it was painstaking to get to the balcony as the wheelchair didn't fit between the bed and wall. We fixed the problem by rolling across the bed. Trying to get up that one tiny step into the bathroom? Oh boy..

 

The staff were all awesome in helping us. We had a pool server that always kept an eye out, the dining staff took over at the wheelchair coming in and going out and had a table for us right in front for the 34 days we were onboard. 

 

Fast forward to this coming year. We are taking another Rotterdam holiday cruise, 34 days. We snagged a fully accessible cabin with a roll out balcony! It's like we were offered a suite at the Taj Mahal! We can't wait to sail again. 

 

Thank you for your honest opinions.

 

 

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God bless you for being courageous enough to post this.

I, too, travelled with my Dad who had mobility issues.  We took “the last land trip” together and discovered cruising.  Yes, it was easier than the long drives/bus rides, etc.  We had many wonderful cruises together, but started making adjustments regarding cabin locations, dining venues, activities, etc. as his mobility got worse.

Your recommendation about a roll-a-tor is spot on.  That enabled Dad to take two additional cruises.

His “final cruise” was a lovely Panama Canal cruise on Oceania.  Unfortunately, he spent most of this cruise in the Medical Center for various and sundry reasons.  On the third trip to the Medical Center he said, “This is my last cruise.”

I knew how painful this was for him because he was a man who loved being on a boat of any size, shape, style.  

After this trip I spent time putting together slide shows of the various trips we took together.  Dad spent many, many hours watching these slide shows over the years.  They would normally spark a conversation about something that happened on the trip.  I was fortunate because Dad did not go into dementia, but my life was his for many years.

 

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atexsix, 

 

I am very sorry to read of your experience, but, you did your best to help your Dad have one final cruise.  That is what I tried to do for my Mother in what turned out to be her final cruise, although, we didn't know that at the time.  

 

Thank you very much for sharing your cruise experience with us.  It does provide much food for thought and makes me more comfortable in making the decisions I am about future cruising.  

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Thank you for posting this. DH has mobility issues and needs an electric scooter to get around. On the last cruise he was having flare ups of some of his other medical issues and spent most of his time in the stateroom. As of now we do not have any cruises booked and I  think we need to evaluate future vacation plans.

I  solved the moving heavy chair in the dining room by moving the table away so he could sit down and then sliding the table towards him. Fortunately we had a table for two!! The waitstaff was surprised by my ingenuity and told him I was very smart. Obviously couldn't do that with a large table.

A few years ago we took his 92 year old mother on a cruise but brought a full time aide to help with her. It was a memorable cruise as all of the care was not on one person and we all got some free time. It is very hard when there is only one caregiver.

 

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1 hour ago, Sea Viewer said:

A few years ago we took his 92 year old mother on a cruise but brought a full time aide to help with her. It was a memorable cruise as all of the care was not on one person and we all got some free time. It is very hard when there is only one caregiver.

@Sea Viewer your point is such a good one. One of the thoughts I had toward the end of @atexsix's review was how much better this experience might have been if another family member or friend could have come along to share the responsibilities. Just hanging out nearby can be quite a comfort, or offer that needed hand to fetch the fallen remote.

 

When my mother was in hospice care at home, I don't know how I could have survived without my dad (still healthy in his 70's) and my two kids (who were in high- and middle school at the time.) As a caregiver with my own limitations (autoimmune disease), their physical strength was invaluable, but even more important was simply having other people there who cared and could split the emotional load.

 

I love the idea @lcand1923 offered about making cruise memory videos (or photo albums) for a person one used to travel with when those active days are past. I don't think it is a coincidence that my dad enjoyed watching home videos my teen digitized for him while Dad recovered from his knee replacement. Recovery (and illness) is such a vulnerable time; happy memories did a lot to help him relax while he was in so much pain.

 

I do think a portable bed bar of the type my dad used after his knee surgery would work for a cruise bed if the user has the hand/arm strength to leverage him-/herself up. We got ours at the local pharmacy for around $40 (I think), and it packed up pretty small while requiring no permanent installation. I'd add that to the idea list for anyone reading this in the future.

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Read the comments and I am a full time care giver for my disabled husband so fully appreciate the issues. we enjoyed the last cruise Sky Princess in Oct 21 and took my brother as an extra carer to share a club class mini suite to help my husband and give me some respite. We are doing same in July all been well and booked same type of suite which is reasonably suitable. Architects though should step into disability shoes for a day. I have read the suggestion of a portable bed bar and will investigate. The biggest issue for me is the escapades {and laughs!] we had in the disabled toilets as I must attend him. at least they are separate on Princess from the public toilets [ on Celebrity NOT! therein lies other problems] but mainly the doors are too heavy to handle. There was only one on a higher public deck which had sensibly a sliding door- great idea!

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Oh, @Leelou270 what a hassle for you! I love that you can laugh about it, though.

 

As a mom traveling with my two opposite gender kids, I was always so grateful at PDX airport for the large, unisex "caregiver" toilet cubicles totally outside the Mens' and Ladies' ones. Everyone in; everyone goes. 😀 It got a little complicated elsewhere when I had an older son who wasn't quite mature enough that I felt safe sending him alone in a men's room...

 

What valuable information that Princess has a better setup than Celebrity for caregiver toilet access. (It's not a delicate subject, but so important to share with others.)

 

Then again, my own issues (small joint problems) make heavy doors sometimes an impossible barrier. Is it Princess, specifically, that has a heavy toilet door then?

 

I'm not recalling Crystal Serenity having difficult door handles. Somehow I feel like it was an open outer doorway with floor to ceiling cubicles within, but it has been a few years since my last cruise. I was fully healthy last time I boarded HAL's Maasdam, though. I sure hope I don't need to drag one of my kids (or DH) with me everywhere to enable me to access the ladies' room in August.


Thanks for this heads up. We should all speak up loud and clear (but politely) to the cruise lines and point out our (easily overlooked) needs. I certainly wasn't aware of many of these issues before my own joints began to give me trouble.

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On 6/10/2022 at 6:41 PM, atexsix said:

Greetings everyone, I hope you are all busy planning wonderful cruises!

 

We arrived home from our Discovery Princess sailing a couple of weeks ago.  Since I found out I had Covid afterward I haven't been able to report back until now.  The last day of the cruise I felt like I had a sore throat, but I honestly didn't think much of it, allergies have been awful lately.  I was masked throughout and I had 4 shots, and still, I got it; but I've heard breakthrough cases are quite common now in the Pacific Northwest.  DD had a very slight sore throat earlier in the cruise, by afternoon he was fine he said, so we don't know if I caught it from him or if he was exposed to it from me and then never got it, but he's not immunocompromised like I am, my body goes crazy no matter what I'm exposed to, including every covid related shot.

 

The sailing, the ship, and the crew were amazing, I couldn't believe how helpful and attentive they were for myself and DD in particular, from the shore excursion in Skagway to the ship to the Smith Cove terminal people, it couldn't have gone better, although embarkations are a bit smoother on Holland America.  But with all that being said, it's now apparent that this was our final cruise together.  There were several problems that we ran into.  I'll get to that in a moment, but I do want to say beforehand that we had the full blessing of DD's doctors to go on this trip.  We knew we'd have to deal with obvious stuff, mostly mobility related.  But we had no idea Princess' beds would be so hard for him to get in/out of; he didn't have the strength to pull himself up to a sitting position and vice versa, he'd just slide around on the sheets.  This aggravated his pressure sores in a major way.  If we had known we could have brought a transfer sheet.  Thank God for Princess firmness, this would have been much worse in one of HAL's famous pillow tops.  We had twin beds and tried both.  Initially I had him use the bed closest to the wall thinking he could use it to brace himself but we found it was easier to use the bed in the open part of the room so he could approach it from either side, and then use the other bed or the couch for leverage.   Maybe an accessible room wouldn't of had this issue, we've never used them so we don't know if the beds have pull handles or bars on them or some difference about them from a regular bed.  

 

Another nightmare, but similar issue, were chairs, particularly in the dining rooms, they are heavier than heck, DD would sit down and it was next to impossible to pull him closer to the table.  One night at dinner they seated us with a chair on one side and a booth on the other and this was a Godsend, we requested the booth for DD from that point on.  The chairs in the Lido or various lounges were not an issue, it was only in the MDR's.  

 

I don't know how many were on our sailing but the ship wasn't full, however it was full enough to cause many elevator delays, I feel like that's all we did was wait for elevators, anything near the Piazza or the gangway while in port and forget it, we ended up walking down to elevators on another end of the ship instead.  Thankfully the walker DD was using had one of those seats on it.  Highly recommend if you're using a walker.   

 

One evening we decided to skip dinner, it was the 2nd formal night and neither of us were in the mood for the fuss so I went to the spa instead.  I was gone a couple of hours, the spa was at the forward end and our cabin was overlooking the stern, so it was quite a hike.  Upon arriving back DD was in tears, because he dropped the remote control and had no way to reach it.  DD had had enough by this time, the remote set him off because he felt helpless, but the build up of helplessness throughout the trip was taking a toll on him and bottled over.  I felt horrible for him but did my best to comfort him.  Thankfully that was the only issue, the phone was across the room and don't know how he would have gotten to it in a real emergency, so I stretched the phone over as far as I could when I went someplace without him. 

 

A couple of times the steward came in while poor DD was in various states of undress.  Nobody told us you have to go out the door and press the screen for DND which would light up as red, or that you were ready to have the room serviced which would light up as green.  I read all the room particulars and don't recall seeing that information.  By the time I figured it out it was the 5th day of the cruise I think.  But DD was so embarrassed, I did my best to assure him that stewards no doubt have walked in to far worse than that, I suspect they've seen it all.  I once came out of the shower stark naked to find myself face to face with the crew cleaning the balconies at 7:00 in the morning, yes it was turnaround day, but still. 

 

The Medallion app itself was useless which I won't get into too much about here, DD would never figure it out so I didn't bother loading it onto his phone, I had my phone and tablet and much of the time I either had spinning circles of death or a complete freeze of the app requiring a reboot of my device, by mid-cruise I was so tired of it that I dropped using it altogether and accessed room service via the TV instead.  I think Medallion overall has potential but a long way to go before it's 100% reliable. 

 

The sudden change in routine aggravated DD's dementia something awful, and for the first few ports he repeatedly asked where we were.  The 2nd half of the trip it improved as he got used to being away, but his constant refrain morphed from "where are we" to "this is my last trip" and that saddened me, but I agree at this point.  It's possible a smaller ship would be better, but we'd still have the bed issue, he was so uncomfortable, not exactly a getaway if you can't even get a decent night's sleep.  And for me, well from a caregiver's perspective it was an emotional rollercoaster, not just because of the above issues but due to the medical problem of the day/hour/moment: dizziness, motion sickness, nausea, headache, dry eyes, worsening edema, worsening pressure sores, constipation or the opposite of it....I'm not complaining or putting him down at all, it was just added pressure because as a caregiver I immediately want to jump in and help/rectify/comfort etc.  And I was limited in what I could do for him on a ship.  So the helplessness wore me down as well and I'm pretty strong.  

 

I don't want to discourage other disabled people from travel, that's not my objective at all, but I do want to be honest in what we encountered so other people can be prepared for it in the event you run into similar problems.  Not everyone has almost total Kidney Failure like my Dad.  He's 85 and not eligible for dialysis; at his age, there'd be little benefit is what I'm told and not worth the drudgery, so DD at this point is simply waiting for the end.  But that's not going to be the case with most of the people reading this.  

 

I will eventually return to cruising alone, on much smaller ships, if I learned anything about my personal needs it's that I'd be much happier on something like HAL's Zaandam, sadly the trend of building smaller vessels is gone so I don't know what I'll do, maybe try river cruising.  

 

If anyone has any questions or needs anything clarified, feel free to ask.  Thanks for reading, thanks for answering all my questions pre-cruise, and I wish all of you much happiness and good health and wonderful cruises ahead. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I am so sorry to hear about you and your Dad's experience.
I had a similiar experience on a 21 day panama canal trip on the Norwegian Bliss in Nov 2019.
When we left for the ship that morning, my Mom was normal, vibrant and alert.
Because of negligence on the part of the Bliss, after she arrived, but before I got to the ship,,,,and then into that evening after we sailed.
My Mom deteriorated physically and mentally.
Morning of Nov 3rd, she was great, the morning of Nov 4th, she was like a 2 year old child in EVERY way...and for the next 3 weeks, she did little improvement.
She got off the ship once, in Aruba, but that was bad cause she fell.
The entire 3 weeks were literal hell.
Bliss knew they screwed up and the had "babysitters" some when we were in port to stay with my Mom cause she could not be left alone for any amount of time.
It took a few months for her to get back to sort of being herself.... never fully did. But, that did not stop her from cruising...this upcoming 50 day Tales of the South Pacific will probably be her best, and her last.

It is sad when the cruising chapter of our parents lives come to an end. Happily, we can carry those memories in our hearts and photos, even when the mind fades over time.
I am glad you made so many wonderful memories with your Dear Dad 🙂
 

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