CruiseAfterWLS

12 minutes ago, AshleyDillo said:

 

I don't see it as a disconnect about income at all.  I see it as making a choice.  If you choose to patronize a place knowing what the rules/charges are, than you are accepting it and taking responsibility for that.  I don't expect them to change the rules or make special accommodations for me to charge me less because I can't take full advantage of everything that a place has to offer.  That's what is great about cruise vacations -- there are a lot of choices!  Dining at a specialty restaurant when you do have other options available that are complimentary or ala carte is a CHOICE.  

 

The question was about whether restaurants on a ship accept the card and accommodate people who can't eat a normal meal. That is 100% up to the restaurant manager. My responses have been to educate the people who don't seem to understand the implications of such a procedure. Dining in ANY restaurant, anywhere, is "optional." Whether a specific restaurant will accommodate someone not only affects how that person feels and the time they can spend with their companions, it also has an impact on where all of the people in a party will return in the future. If I went to a restaurant and my friend asked if her chicken could be prepared on clean, separate cookware due to a severe shellfish allergy, but the restaurant refused, I would consider that unfriendly, unwelcoming, and I would not give my business to them again. Similarly, if the price for the night was for all you can eat seafood, and they agreed to make her a burger because she couldn't have the seafood, I would tip extra but I wouldn't expect them to charge her as though she was stuffing herself with lobster and crab legs. 

28 minutes ago, AshleyDillo said:

 

I had WLS 10 years ago.  I completely agree with this sentiment.  If you don't agree with the amount that a restaurant wants you to charge based on what you are going to eat, then don't patronize that establishment.  It's really that simple. 

 

On Royal they call it a COVER charge.  Everyone has to pay the cover charge despite how much they eat.  This isn't an anti-WLS patient policy.  It's their standard policy for everyone.

 

 

I would think that friends and family would be sympathetic to your plight and they can choose to dine with you at any of the complimentary offerings on the ship over choosing a specialty restaurant.  Groups make these accommodations all the time for other group members who have dining restrictions or allergies..e.g. opting out of the steakhouse for the vegan.

 

My family accommodated me when I was early out from my surgery.  If they wanted to dine somewhere that cost money I told them to go ahead without me because I didn't want them to spend their money or my money on a cover charge for me because I didn't feel I would get the value out of it.  I got over it though because in reality that cover charge is the price you are spending for the dining experience with these friends and family -- it just happens to include food.

Entire families (or friends, traveling together in couples and coordinating their activities) don't usually plan their gatherings based on one person's food options. If a family was planning a birthday party at a fantastic bakery, where each person could order their sweet of choice, and someone in the family was diabetic, that individual would not be forced to buy a fancy dessert to sit and look at it. It's extremely insensitive to say "well, the diabetic person should just stay home." Nor would it be reasonable to expect the family to give up birthday desserts because that one person can't have them. 

I'm beginning to wonder if the disconnect here is about income. I have occasionally splurged on a getaway and I occasionally visit fine dining establishments. That said, I can't do it on a regular basis and my family would never make plans to have our holiday gatherings, or even just a night out together, at a place where people who aren't eating / playing, etc are paying more than $20 per head just to be present. We don't have thousands of dollars to just play with and there's somewhere else the cost of an expensive meal would be much better spent than to buy the meal and not eat it. Excursions, for example. Maybe if $50 to $100 a plate was inconsequential for me, I too would be content to just pay for it even though I can't have it. 

2 minutes ago, BNBR said:

 

I've been unable to get a specialty dining reservation because the restaurant is booked.  So that point is invalid.  If you were just paying for the food, then it would be a la carte.  Go to a la carte restaurants. 

 

By the way. A person with a sleeve does still eat. Your argument is not that they aren't eating at all, but should be discounted since they eat less. Should restaurants start charging by the spoonful? Good grief. So your argument is that the person takes a seat that would otherwise be full price, enjoys the ambiance, the exclusivity, the service, the food, the entire experience, but should get a discount because they didn't finish their food... 

 

Ditto. You are clearly unreachable. But apparently, if I don't agree with your invalid points, then I'm wrong. Lol. Gotcha. 

We are literally talking about people who eat a few spoonfuls. Sit back and let that sink in. 

Imagine you are the restaurant owner. A group would like to dine in and there are 5 people who will be paying for, ordering, and eating full meals, plus alcohol. There is 1 person in their group who might eat a couple of grape tomatoes and a bite of their partner's steak. If you will consider that and discount that 6th person, you get paid for their 5 companions, plus the server gets a good tip. Would you rather make that money (and keep them coming back) or send them away to some other restaurant where the person who can't eat a meal is treated more fairly?

2 minutes ago, sjb317 said:

So, I could make up a card with this information and present it at restaurants for a discount? 😂😂.  How does a restaurant know this is an official card?  It’s like the cards people get from their surgeon when they have replacement surgery, TSA does not care about the cards as anyone can make them up.

 

   I lost over 80 lbs in 2004 by reducing the amount of food I was eating and I know how hard it is to lose weight but even more difficult to keep it off.  Since then, I eat what I want but I stick to small amounts. At a restaurant, I never eat more than half of my meal and bring the rest home.  That will be my meal for another day, sometimes two.  Sometimes, my husband eats it. 😂  Never occurred to me to ask for a discount for a smaller portion. And how does the restaurant make a smaller portion?  Do they cook a smaller amount?  This would mean the Chef has to make adjustments which, depending on what is ordered, could be difficult.  Or do they prepare the full amount but only serve a portion of it?  I’m truly curious as to how this works.

 

I would never ever ask to order from the children’s menu as in most restaurants, it is food that appeals to children so not usually about the size.  And it is high fat food, pizza, chicken fingers, fries, Mac & cheese, etc.  I want adult food.

 

Sherri🙂

 

 

Lowering your food intake and being physically unable to eat something larger than your thumb are very different things. As I explained in an earlier post, this isn't about eating half a meal and taking the other half home to eat tomorrow. It's about not being able to eat a meal at all. At a buffet, you might eat a tablespoon each of three different things. In a place where you order a meal, it generally means you can order from the kids and seniors menus, where you'll still waste a significant portion but at least its less wasted food and less wasted money, or you're permitted to just share a little of someone else's entree. 

2 minutes ago, BNBR said:

 

Then I wouldn't go. Lol.  If the entire fare was for rock climbing and I'm unable to rock climb, then why would I go to a rock climbing experience?

 

Many do offer observer passes. Some don't.  What if you wanted to be an observer but took up space that a paying customer may otherwise occupy? Is the business not entitled to be compensated for that space? 

 

I think it's you who is struggling to grasp the concept.  You aren't paying for just food with a restaurant cover charge. You are paying for the seat, the exclusivity, service, etc.  It's all part of the charge and every adult pays it.  If you don't like the terms, then don't go there.  Go to an a la carte restaurant that charges for food specifically. 

 

This reminds me of my trip to Exuma recently. At Compass Cay a woman didn't want to pay the $10 to swim with the sharks.  She had a medical condition and couldn't swim at all.  The guy at the dock explained that it's a landing fee. You are paying to get off the boat. Whether you swim with sharks or not is irrelevant.  She complained but never got her way and ended up paying.  Cover charge is similar. You are paying for the seat.  And again, if you want to separate the seat charge and food charge, go to an establishment that does just that. 

If the charge was for the ride, the charge was for the ride. I have never gone into a restaurant on a cruise and filled the last empty seat. There are generally plenty. I'm sure the business owners do just fine in spite of the .05% of customers who may show this type of card and enter without eating an actual meal. I've also never been advised that I'm paying to sit. The charge is for a meal. 

You are unreachable. I'm not going to keep trying to explain this to you. 

BNBR:

Consider if the ENTIRE point of your fare was rock climbing. Would you then be OK with paying for rock climbing and then sitting there unable to participate while everyone else does???? We're not talking about getting discounted rooms because you won't be eating like normal people. We're talking about discounting EXTRA restaurant dining because you aren't eating. You just can't seem to grasp the concept here. 

Sorry, I thought I clicked quote when I made this reply but I either didn't, or it just didn't work. 

Just now, Iamcruzin said:

Part of the treatment is making adjustments to your life which includes socializing. Sleeve or Band on your stomach is just the physical part of the treatment. The mental part is not an easy fix.

Riiiight, like being able to enjoy socializing without eating all the food everyone else is. That doesn't mean you should still be charged for all the food you're not eating. 

5 minutes ago, Tulsacoker said:

I wonder has anyone gone to a specialty restaurant to hang with a group (but not to eat) and not be charged? 

Actually, I have. If a place has a cover charge to be there, which doesn't include the cost of food, I'm happy to pay it. If the cost of food is built in and I'm not going to eat food, that's a different story. I even give decent tips to servers who bring me nothing but water. 

2 minutes ago, BNBR said:

 

The line is already clearly drawn. If you want to hang out with friends at a place with a cover, then you pay the cover. That's part of being an adult and making adult decisions. 

 

There is no plight. I went to a rather expensive chefs tasting menu a couple of weeks ago and was full half way through. I picked just a tiny bit off the remaining dishes to taste them but couldn't really eat it all.  I sure as heck didn't ask for a discount. I paid for the experience accordingly. 

Someone who's had WLS isn't generally going to get full "half way through." That picking to taste a couple of things is their limit. 

2 minutes ago, Tulsacoker said:

while i understand the plight of the OP and the thought process on the up-charge for the specialty restaurants, where do the line get drawn since the cruise fare include all you can get in the MDR, windjammer and all the other included food venues? 

It can't be 100% fair and still be done efficiently when it comes to package deals. Not being charged a fortune for a specific meal you can't eat helps though. It also helps keep your social life alive in general when you don't have to pay (or at least don't have to pay quite so much) to NOT EAT with your friends and family. 

1 minute ago, ownedbypets said:

 

I ask for a discount at Chefs Table because I don't drink wine.

This is one of the reasons I never get a package that's all inclusive! I don't and never did drink alcohol, so I try not to pay for it. 

5 minutes ago, Iamcruzin said:

I understand the procedure perfectly and know that there is a limitation. However the stomach can stretch and the mind set of wasting food and money comes into play. Either sit it out or go and be with the group. Those are the options. Asking for a discount because of personal needs is wrong and tacky. I would be embarrassed to be with anyone who asked for this in a restaurant that charges a cover. It’s just as bad as a vegan asking for a discount in Chops.

So, you would prefer your friends have to pay to hang out with you, even though they won't be enjoying a meal like you are? Don't you think it's better not to tempt people who've been through hell trying to lose weight by making them feel the need to justify what they're being charged? Get real (and learn some empathy). 

9 minutes ago, John&LaLa said:

@CruiseAfterWLS what is the card you are referring to? Not sure I remember it from earlier

It's a little business card your surgeon's office gives you to show at restaurants explaining that it's physically impossible for you to eat more than an ounce or so of food. It helps so that people who've had weight loss surgery can get a break when it comes to being charged full price when they won't eat a meal but want to be there with others. It also helps mitigate the need to "get your money's worth" as others here have brought up. If you're not being charged for it, there's no pressure to eat enough to justify the price you're paying. 

37 minutes ago, Iamcruzin said:

You took the big step to change your life and overall health. You need to get over the idea of getting your money's worth when it comes to dining and socializing. I have family and friends who had this surgery and it failed because they went back to their old habits.  Go to the restaurant with your friends and only eat what you can.  

Did you even read MY reply? Can you really blame someone for wanting to eat when they paid for a meal in a restaurant? The OP wasn't talking about "going back to old habits," which likely were not what YOU are imagining anyway. It was about whether restaurants will force the OP to pay full price for a meal they won't actually get to eat. Would you buy a wedding cake if you knew the total amount that would be consumed would be equivalent to a single donut hole?  

P.S.  

When you literally can't eat food, not "can't overeat," just going to such places is basically torture. No matter what someone's metabolism or what size they are / have been, we are all drawn to delicious food. Many people who've had these procedures are just as hungry as any other adult but can't satisfy that hunger even though eating something the size of their thumb is physically filling for them. Some are far HUNGRIER than the average person and always will be. I was never a big eater, even though I'm hungry, because I have always known my metabolism is my enemy and spent much of my life trying to be "average" sized. I can't eat like a typical adult and maintain a BMI under 40. I had this surgery 10 years ago, I'm 100 pounds lighter than I was when I had it, and I have a tiny stomach. I'm usually hungry, painfully so. It's a struggle when I feel famished and everyone around me eats regular meals but I know I can't get away with that (and physically couldn't if I decided to try, due to WLS). Your friend whose surgery "failed" is likely very hungry all the time. It's typically not physical so much as hormonal. You have no idea what it's like to be in their shoes. The point of the restaurant discount is to avoid being financially penalized for showing up to be with your friends / family, even though you can't have what they are all having. 

WEIGHT LOSS SURGERY AND RESTAURANT MEALS   ---------------------->>>>>

I know I'm really late to the party, but I HAD to respond to this. I stumbled upon this thread while searching how to get my card replaced, as I've lost it. At first, I was really in shock because I had assumed I was reading in a forum for people who had weight loss surgery. I couldn't believe the lack of empathy. After reading through a few REALLY misinformed replies, I realized it was a cruise forum and most people responding here likely don't know anything about this type of procedure, or life after having it. They have accepted my card on a cruise, btw.

When you have this surgery, it's not about just eating LESS. For most people, particularly with standard gastric bypass, it's about STARVING your body to make the weight come off. You eat almost nothing. It's generally because typical diet and exercise won't do it and most of us don't have the willpower to literally starve ourselves voluntarily. Many people who become morbidly obese did NOT get there by eating everything they see. There are a variety of health conditions that lead to weight gain, or inability to lose, or even just really shitty (IE: ancestors evolved really well to survive famine) metabolism. On that note, I've always been jealous of skinny friends who don't have to exercise and can stuff themselves literally all day long, with the WORST stuff, and just stay skinny. While there are heavy people out there who just eat too much and there are thin people who starve themselves and spend 10 hours a week in the gym to stay that way, body size is largely about genetics. Most people who have weight loss surgery were not eating 5 servings at restaurants pre-surgery.

People don't show restaurants this card and ask for a discount because they're "only going to eat one or two plates of food, while others eat three or ten." It's not because they're "eating light." It's because they literally are not consuming a "meal." It's also not free. For instance, a place may have a senior menu where you can order half a sandwich and a cup of soup, instead of paying for a whole sandwich and bowl of soup that you're just going to waste. AN EXAMPLE: Imagine if you went out with your family to a place that charges $50 a person for an all you can eat buffet, but you couldn't eat AT ALL. Are you wealthy enough to feel completely comfortable handing them $50 plus tax for the privilege of joining your family in their establishment? I'm not. Even if you can afford to throw away money like that, would you feel good about going to the buffet and putting food on your plate, only for you to eat two bites and someone to pick it up and dump it in the trash when you leave? Would you go, or would you be left out of family gatherings so you're not having to basically buy a ticket to be present? I may show them my WLS card, explain how I eat, and the manager could approve me to pay $20 for the otherwise $50 buffet. Then I'd go to the buffet and get my egg, or two pieces of shrimp, or bowl of broth, and they'd get $20 for it. Cruise or not, buffet or not, LOTS of social activities are based around dining. People who can't eat ,and are probably making payments on their surgery bill and ongoing associated care, shouldn't be bullied for not wanting to spend $$ to $$$ for food they aren't eating, just so they can spend time with friends and family. 

Serious insight:

 For the first year after I had the surgery, I couldn't finish a hard boiled egg. That's ONE EGG. That's not as "part of breakfast" or something like that. It was literally too much for me to eat an egg as an entire meal. I had to carry water with me at all times and take tiny sips every few minutes, all day long, because there wasn't enough room in my stomach to just "drink a glass of water." I went to an all you can eat steakhouse once with friends and the management wouldn't help me out. I had to pay the same as everyone else and for my "meal," I went to the salad bar and put a piece of pepperoni and a small chunk of cheese on a cracker. FULL (and even in pain for eating too much that time). In the next couple of years after that, I could eat half of a sandwich. Again, I'm not talking about half a sandwich plus a salad and soup, nor am I talking about half a sub at Subway. I mean one slice of bread, folded in half, with a couple deli cuts or peanut butter. Ordering a restaurant meal for an adult would not only be a major waste financially, it would also be a major waste of food because I wouldn't be physically capable of finishing the leftovers before they were no good. Note that I'm not saying I wouldn't WANT the leftovers, I'm saying I would have to eat them for every single meal for 2 or 3 days to possibly finish one restaurant serving. Now that my stomach has stretched (it eventually does or you would starve to death), I can eat portions like an average child. It's been 10 years now and I still eat like a little kid (and I've gained back 30 pounds of what I lost in the initial, starvation period because A. super slow metabolism + B. I eat some food sometimes). For restaurant portion references: I can go to Olive Garden and have between one third and one half of a bread stick and a bowl of Pasta e Fagioli. I can't have salad if I plan to have anything else. Your body also doesn't break down food as well after weight loss surgery. The idea is that your body clung to too many calories before so, even when you're eating only a little bit, it's worthwhile to try not to absorb ALL of the food you manage to eat. If I eat salad and then meat, the roughage will stop up the digestion process and then I just wind up with an esophageal obstruction because the meat can't go down. If I eat junk food with someone at a fast food place, I might get something like chicken nuggets or french fries. NOT both. I can have one or the other. I might order a small burger instead, remove half of the bun, and almost finish the patty and other half of the bun. The last bite or two goes out the window for the birds. If I try to really splurge (usually for someone else who insists), and eat a more adult portion, I wind up in pain with my blood pressure skyrocketing, extreme fatigue, palpitations, light-headed, nauseous or rocking back and forth with severe stomach cramping, maybe confused, and sweating, from postprandial hypoglycemia (look it up). 

Please try not to look at other people and assume your challenges in life are comparable. I don't like to talk about the surgery because many people *as shown in some of the replies here* are very judgmental. They think it's "the easy way to lose weight," which couldn't be further from the truth. Hell, weight loss surgery almost killed me, and I'm not the only one. That was after years of dieting, starving myself, and being looked down on and treated badly by others because I was fat. Particularly as a woman, people treat you like you're actually a BAD PERSON if you're overweight. It's pretty sick and demented, really. People also think that if you had weight loss surgery, it's because you can't control yourself and just eat and eat, so you had to have surgery to keep you from overeating. After being faced with those assumptions time and again, I stopped telling anyone who didn't already know I had it. I've had acquaintances who were absolutely certain I was anorexic. People are always trying to force me to eat more. When I'm sick, they discount my real health issues and tell me it's because I'm not eating enough. I only found out I had lupus AFTER I had gastric bypass. I had it done because I couldn't lose weight and was becoming diabetic. I had been very sick for a while and doctors kept insisting I was just so exhausted and in so much pain all the time because I was fat... I had to schedule naps on my way to and from work so I wouldn't fall asleep at the wheel. I was in incredible pain and I never felt like I had any sleep. I was falling down the stairs frequently because my legs would just stop working properly. When the weight started falling off and my health got worse, instead of better, they finally took my symptoms seriously and figured it out.