Kinda Feeling Bad About Leaving Kid's Behind

[halos]

I TOTALLY understand what you are feeling. I don't know if it will work this way for you, but for me, this is what usually happened whenever I left my kids (even to this day, although to a lesser degree, and my youngest is going to be 22 this month!!)

The anticipation is always the worst part...especially those last few days. You may feel like total crap.

BUT

Once you leave the house...after the goodbyes are behind you and you go on your way, suddenly, you start to feel better. Before you know it, you are on the ship and having a great time and you wonder why you had yourself so upset.

 

You are very fortunate to have this time with your spouse, just the two of you...with someone responsible watching your children. I guarantee your kids will really enjoy the time alone with their grandparents. The relationship between children and their granparents is beyond special and you are giving both your in-laws and your kids a special gift with this time alone. I truly believe that your kids will remember this time fondly. I cherish every moment I had with my grandparents as a child AND as an adult....and you will benefit greatly from having this time alone with your spouse.

 

Don't let the people who say they could never leave thier kids make you feel guilty....your job as a parent, the minute that umbilical cord is cut, is to teach your children to be seperate and independent from you. Leaving them for a week with grandparents is a very awesome way to start the process. :)

 

Happy sailing!! (and let us know how you made out after you come back!!)

[tomsgirl3]

Take it from someone who has no one to watch her kids.....Go & Enjoy!

My parents are both gone and DH's well let's just say they have never offered even for a dinner date!

 

It's not that I don't want a vacation without them but I would LOVE/NEED the chance to spend some alone time with my DH aka "my boyfriend". LOL I have always explained the rare date night with DH that I needed time with "my boyfriend" to my 7 & 5 yr old girls.

 

Remember too that "Grandma" is going to love that time they've spent together. I'm sure that she will plan some "extra" special things for them that they wouldn't do when she is watching them during the week.

 

We have our first cruise planned for May 2010 on the Pride. Taking the girls celebrating 7 yr old's First Communion. Already told them that they will be going to Camp Carnival after dinner & one night for dinner & play while Dad and I have a date night on the ship!

 

Enjoy!!!!

[bplazo]

I can understand your guilt. We have a cruise booked for May and my daughter will not be able to come with us. I keep thinking that I should cancel and wait until she can go with us. I have to decide this week before final payment.

[itchin2cruz]

Lol don't feel bad. I have 3 kids, 16, 5, and 10 months. I am coming up on my 3rd cruise. The first one I took my 5 year old (then 3) and have cruised without kids ever since. I don't feel a bit bad about it at all...

[steveNcindy]

 

I know I shouldn't let it bother me, but that damn mother guilt is creeping in! I'm sure I'm not the only one facing this issue. How do you guys deal with it?

 

I give em a hug when I leave, email them from onboard and give em a big

hug when I get home.

 

While onboard, I spend time with my best friend, reconnect and make our marriage stronger which makes us better parents.

 

Have a great cruise and enjoy.

[dprg644]

DO NOT! I repeat, DO NOT let the "mother guilt" that your friend "inadvertently" thrust upon you ruin yours and your hubbies time together.

 

I am sure some mothers out there will disagree with me, or even "blast" me, but so be it. I speak as a former kid, a father and a grandfather. There are times when you need to enjoy yourself "sans" kiddies. It doesn't mean you love them any less (nor any more for that fact). It is about you.

 

Now you have already stated that the kiddies are good with it (their approval). Your in-laws are good with it (their approval), and you are more than comfortable leaving the kiddies with the in-laws (your approval). You don't need the approval or disapproval of any friends, nor for that matter any of us here (:p).

 

Go on the cruise and enjoy yourself. Your kiddies are in good hands. If you feel it is necessary, ring them up from in-port and say hi and "luv you" and if you can drop an email. They will love it. Make a map and let them keep track of where you are.

 

Just do it!!!!!!

 

Very well said!!!

[hpyoho]

Once again thanks guys. I don't want anyone to think I'm ignoring the post. Just leaving work and don't get on the computer at home unless I have to, lol.

 

I love the map idea and all the words of encouragement. Once again thanks for reassuring me that I'm doing the right thing for me and my DH and that it is important to take care of ourselves once in awhile. :)

[grneyedgirl]

Once again thanks guys. I don't want anyone to think I'm ignoring the post. Just leaving work and don't get on the computer at home unless I have to, lol.

 

I love the map idea and all the words of encouragement. Once again thanks for reassuring me that I'm doing the right thing for me and my DH and that it is important to take care of ourselves once in awhile. :)

 

Your kids will enjoy the time, too! I was able to spend Christmas with my sisters family this past year. Her oldest son (now 13) said, "Do you remember that time that you watched us and you let us make homemade pizza in what ever shape we wanted and I made mine like a baseball?" Oh, the memories....

 

On behalf of all the people that you trust your children with, thank you, thank you, thank you. Thank you for sharing a piece of your life with us. We appreciate your trust. And we promise to take really good care of your precious little ones. Although, we can't guarantee that there won't be milkshakes everynight. :D

[Jenn24101]

We took our first vacation without our kids for our 5 year anniversary....on a cruise! The kids were 4 and 1 and didn't miss the cruise or us at all....they had a blast with grandma.

 

We love Disney, and we went without the kids last March and that was a little tough, seeing so many kids and families having fun....but we still had a great time, and the kids had just been there for a week 5 months before.

 

We are going on another cruise next March for our 10 year and are leaving the kids, and they are protesting this time (they are currently 8 and 6) so we are planning on doing another cruise a couple of years later as a family, instead of Disney. Oh, AND they are still going to Disney/Universal this October for 8 days, so one can't feel too bad for them.

 

I think alone time is great, and also important for marriage, but so are family vacations, which it sounds like you have covered!

[salty dingo]

Don't feel bad... parenting is tough, and you deserve a well-earned break.

 

We waited until the kids were grown (teens) before we started to cruise. Could not have afforded it earlier, as earnings were less and family cruising is expensive well beyond what a couple spends. Also, being a "responsible parent" is at odds with letting it all hang down on a cruise. Nope, no kids for me :)! If I want to get plastered, there will be no ill effects on the kids!

[AZ Karaoke Girl]

It does no good for everyone to say "go & don't feel guilty" cuz she will......she's a mother and thats what mothers do.:) Me & DH took 2 cruises alone before we broke down and booked one with our teenagers. Each time we came back they saw what they missed and everytime we were somewhere doing something I would think of them & say "I wish the kids were here...they would love this" as you will too.

 

1. But as everyone else stated, a healthy marriage needs to survive without kids. I love my hubby more and more everyday that passes and after 19 years together, we are very close. Family needs that time.

 

2. The kids need timeouts from parents too. Not only strengthens their relationship with other family but also lets them know they can survive without mom & dads crutch to lean on. My niece was so used to being with her parents that when they had to leave town and leave her at home at age 13, she cried hysterically and couldn't stand being separated from mama. That isn't healthy.

 

I totally get what you are saying about needing a vacation where you are relaxed. My second cruise was just exactly that. Since our first cruise was to Hawaii and go go go constantly, the next cruise we decided to just hang out. We took naps, hung out on the balcony enjoying each others company, relaxed all day every day. That was some much needed R&R and highly recommended for anyone with children.:)

[DocJohnB]

 

That's what us cruise addicted souls are here for.

[ciera123]

We've done this before for our anniversary and I felt the same way...However, it didn't stop me and we had a wonderful time. So did our son since he was with his Aunt who entertained him the whole time!!! You have to have time to just be husband and wife and not Mommy and Daddy, and (IMO) that will make you a better Mommy and Daddy....

[linzz44]

Me and DH are going on a cruise in June on the Ecstasy to celebrate our 10th anniversary. We dated 6 six years before that. Well, we decided to do something on our own this year. My kids are 6 and 3 and we love them dearly, we just wanted to do something together, so we are leaving them at home.

 

I have a great set of in laws who have agreed to keep the kids and grandma already babysits for me during the day. So I know they will be in good hands. I already talked to my babies and they informed me we could stay gone longer if we wanted to!

 

This is my first cruise and I am super excited! The problem is I was just talking to one of my friends and she was saying, "OMG, we would never take a vacation without our kids". I know she was just joking with me, but now it kinda has me feeling bad about doing something for ourselves. It's not like we don't do things with our kids. Heck last year we went to Disney World for 8 dang days.

 

I know I shouldn't let it bother me, but that damn mother guilt is creeping in! I'm sure I'm not the only one facing this issue. How do you guys deal with it?

 

My wife and I are doing the same thing. We have an 11 month old and a 2 and1/2 year old that will be staying at home with family as well. Just remember, before you became a family it was just the two of you. That is something that also needs to be worked on and enjoyed. I wonder how we will spend our time togther now? I'm sure we'll figure it out!

[Smithkids5521]

Don't feel guilty at all- your 10th anniversary is something very special and you deserve some kid free time! Go and have a wonderful, romantic cruise.

Do you have something fun planned for the summer- that includes the kids...if so, then I would concentrate on that when talking to the kids about summer vacation plans. But when talking to the adults- feel free to make us jealous by telling us all of the fun things you have planned while in port and on ship! ;)

 

Take care,

Diana:)

[nrdsb4]

It does no good for everyone to say "go & don't feel guilty" cuz she will......she's a mother and thats what mothers do.:) Me & DH took 2 cruises alone before we broke down and booked one with our teenagers. Each time we came back they saw what they missed and everytime we were somewhere doing something I would think of them & say "I wish the kids were here...they would love this" as you will too.

 

1. But as everyone else stated, a healthy marriage needs to survive without kids. I love my hubby more and more everyday that passes and after 19 years together, we are very close. Family needs that time.

 

2. The kids need timeouts from parents too. Not only strengthens their relationship with other family but also lets them know they can survive without mom & dads crutch to lean on. My niece was so used to being with her parents that when they had to leave town and leave her at home at age 13, she cried hysterically and couldn't stand being separated from mama. That isn't healthy.

 

I totally get what you are saying about needing a vacation where you are relaxed. My second cruise was just exactly that. Since our first cruise was to Hawaii and go go go constantly, the next cruise we decided to just hang out. We took naps, hung out on the balcony enjoying each others company, relaxed all day every day. That was some much needed R&R and highly recommended for anyone with children.:)

 

VERY VERY well said.:)

[misguidedangel]

NEVER feel guilty about leaving the kids behind. You adn your husband too need a break and if it is a short one to celebrate 10 years of marriage, DO IT!

 

I ask, didn't your parents ever take a vacation without you and your siblings? I know a lot of my past and current friends had parents who took off for a week and left the kids with Grandma and Grandpa! My parents went to Europe when my brother and I were 13/14. We had never ever gone on a real vaction t that point--real meaning staying at a hotel, resort, cruise ship, or somewhere where we did not have to cook, clean, or attempt to kill ourself driving 10-20 hours to a destination. We had annual family vacations from hell in the RV....oooh superfun being the maid and garbage-taker-outer....My cousins had it worse--their parents had friends with a condo in Vegas and went several times a year in his private plane (zero cost to my aunt and uncle)--ya, their friend was a major multimillionaire! They also went to Cuba every year. My cousins ONE and only semi-real vacation was a RV trip to Disneyland in the late 70's.

 

I was 22 when I went for my first real holiday EVER....22 years old.....One of my friends has two kids and the oldest by the time she started kindergarden had been to Disneyland or Disneyworld FIVE times....ya five time in her short five years......

 

Please, do not let your friend guilt you, go, enjoy and maybe call home to say hi and that you are having a good time.....I am sure your kids will be disappointed, but they have to realize you need your tme too...

[jenelizab]

The only cure for Mom Guilt is to start drinking heavily...seriously, though, I know how you feel. I'm leaving my DD (3 yrs) and DH while I go on a week long cruise in a couple weeks. I'm going with my sister. It seemed like such a good idea when we booked last June, I wasn't thinking about how guilty I'd feel, or how much I'd miss them. Plus my DD used to go to daycare when I worked full time, but now I'm laid off and I stay home with her, so she's really attached to me.

 

Instead of focusing on the negative I've been trying to look at it in a positive light. She will get to spend more time with my DH, and my MIL, FIL, and BIL (he's in college and on spring break) are all going to take turns watching her. I know she'll love that and it's great that she'll have those memories of staying with them. You could think of that with your kids too, I mean it's only one week or so out of how many that they're with you, but one week with grandparents is priceless and the kind of thing they'll remember when they're older. I used to spend two weeks at my grandparents' every summer and now that I'm older I'm so glad I have those memories. If my Mom would have felt too guilty to leave me I wouldn't have them.

 

So go and have a great time! Happy Anniversary!

[LSEA]

 

The problem is I was just talking to one of my friends and she was saying, "OMG, we would never take a vacation without our kids".

 

I know I shouldn't let it bother me, but that damn mother guilt is creeping in! I'm sure I'm not the only one facing this issue. How do you guys deal with it?

 

Stay away from "friends" like that! Seriously, if you know they will be in the care of people who love them absolutely go and enjoy.

 

Other threads on CC have addressed this. 2 particular tips people have shared that helped my family:

 

- Don't make a big emotional fuss about the good-byes. It will freak everyone out.

 

- Don't call home at night when everyone is tired and more likely to be emotional. Call home at the beginning of the day or after school when they are occupied with their day/activities and have something to do after the call.

 

Congrats on your anniversary and smooth sailing!

[Sandpiper10]

Me and DH are going on a cruise in June on the Ecstasy to celebrate our 10th anniversary. We dated 6 six years before that. Well, we decided to do something on our own this year. My kids are 6 and 3 and we love them dearly, we just wanted to do something together, so we are leaving them at home.

 

I have a great set of in laws who have agreed to keep the kids and grandma already babysits for me during the day. So I know they will be in good hands. I already talked to my babies and they informed me we could stay gone longer if we wanted to!

 

 

This is my first cruise and I am super excited! The problem is I was just talking to one of my friends and she was saying, "OMG, we would never take a vacation without our kids". I know she was just joking with me, but now it kinda has me feeling bad about doing something for ourselves. It's not like we don't do things with our kids. Heck last year we went to Disney World for 8 dang days.

 

I know I shouldn't let it bother me, but that damn mother guilt is creeping in! I'm sure I'm not the only one facing this issue. How do you guys deal with it?

 

Please, please, don't feel bad about leaving them at home...we never travel without our children, well, for our 5th anniversary 2 years ago we took a short 3 night cruise to the Bahamas and left our 1 and 4 year old with my husbands parents. I never thought we'd go away without our children, as we do everything together as a family. We had the time of our lives and really enjoyed our time together. It gave us a change to "find our relationship" again and reconnect. We so often as parents don't take the time we need to be husband and wife. We missed our children dearly and called in the morning and evening to talk to them every day. My husband and I feel it was a great way to really take a few days for each other, and with no interruptions. we promised we will do this every 5 years. This May, we are taking our girls, now 3 and 6 on their 1st cruise. We came back from our anniversary cruise recharged and feeling like the 2 people we were when we 1st started dating. We found it very healthy for our marriage and in turn, very healthy for our family...after all, happy parents = a happy family! I always thought before parents that did this were selfish, however, after doing this, I agree that it is a great idea to just get away and enjoy each others company. I promise you won't be sorry and in a few years, you'll be ready to take the kids and show them what cruising is all about! :) have a wonderful time, enjoy yourselves!

[mom2two2]

Ohhh I am so there with you. We just went in January and were in the SAME boat. (ha ha). We have been married 12 years, dated 6 before that and also have two kids (10 and 7). I was a MESS leaving them like this. I bawled all the way to the airport...(2 hrs) literally sobbing with my face in my hands (I LIKE my kids...lol....I like being with them) and was physically ill the whole next morning waiting to board the plane. I was so anxious flying without the kids.

 

But you know what? When we got to Miami I settled down a little. We had internet access and emailed the kids daily (who were also staying with in laws - their aunt and uncle). Once I got onto the ship (and I admit, had a couple DODs) and started to relax I was fine. Oh we DID talk about "the kids would LOVE to see this" or "How much they would enjoy that" but it was not....sadness or guilt. For the first time in 10 years we ate when we wanted without any regard for schedule, we laid by the pool in the chairs and just...SAT there. Sea days we had breakfast delivered and get this - SLEPT IN!!!!!

 

When we got back, we were SO happy to see the kids, lots of kisses and hugs, and they were glad to see us. Most importantly, my DD who has, of late, developed a NASTY new tween attitude, behaved like GOLD for days and days...LOL. My SIL said they were helpful, polite and well behaved at school for the teachers and we are now considering taking the kids on a cruise next time.

 

DH and I have not had time like that alone in a long time and it was great. We just sat there and were together.

 

You will be ok. And they will be ok. And you will be happy you did it.

[LambKnuckles]

I feel this way when I go without Mom and/or daughter... BUT YOU KNOW... It works fine... and the next time I take them with me... :)

 

Enjoy yourselves!!! Make precious memories!!! :)

 

:cool:

[TahoeBob]

 

I know I shouldn't let it bother me, but that damn mother guilt is creeping in! I'm sure I'm not the only one facing this issue. How do you guys deal with it?[/color][/size]

Years ago when my kids were small my wife now ex-wife did child care for extra income.

There was one girl about 4 years old who everyday would have a meltdown when her mom was trying to leave for work. One day i got the video camera out and filmed the child crying, the mother was very surprised by what happened after she left. No more than three seconds after the mother closed the door the screaming child would turn off the tears and turn to another child and say "OK lets play now!"

 

Your children will not mind you leaving, as you said you know you have good people watching them. Go and have a great time, and remember that the more you take care of your self the better job you can do as a parent.

[cmerun]

You will be fine when you get on that ship

 

y0ur kids wil not miss you as much as you think(sorry)

 

Go have fun

[sandi1967]

GOod Morning,

 

I agree with everyone.....go and have a fantastic time with your husband! You will have an awesome time......you will get to smile warmly at others kids. They will have fun at Grandmas for sure!

 

Our kids first cruise was July 2008 and at the time our kids were 15, 13, 11, 6 and 3......and though it was fun with them, our two youngest ones never stepped foot in Camp Carnival. They were of course tired at nite and always in our bed. DId we have a blast, yes....was it stressful....Yes! We are taking our three older kids who will be 18, 16 and 15 at the time on a graduation cruise in June 2011. We will leave our little ones behind...trust me I am already feeling guilty. But I want that cruise to be about our son who will be headed to college....

 

Please go have a blast with your husband and get them lots of treasures in the ports!

 

Take care,

Sandi