Need advice~Fiance's ex won't let us have the kids for vacation!

[happycruiser1942]

Im not sure where to start! We surpried our 4 kids (2 mine and 2 his) with a cruise for Christmas this year. His ex never said anything would be wrong with it! Now that final payment is due next week he asked for their passports and she refuses to give them to us. She feels that the kids don't need to take a trip like this. They are 15 and 17! Besides hiring an attorney and fighting her in court does any one have any suggestions! :(

[comeon530]

Sadly, no. As their mother, she has the legal right to refuse to let them travel out of the country. The kids are old enough to appeal to her themselves. Perhaps they may be able to change her mind. Is there anything specific about vacations/travel in your custody agreements?

[MamaParrotHead]

I'd maybe snap up some trip insurance real quick, if you haven't all ready, just incase. And make sure the policy has "cancel for any reason" on it, and put those kids on a separate policy (so if the rest of you can go, it will be less hassle to cash in just on theirs), it doesn't cost any more. http://www.insuremytrip.com

 

I'd probably give the kids strict instructions to drive her nuts about it until she caves. Because even if they somehow get their hands on the passports without her knowledge, you'll still need a signed affadavit from her giving you permission to take them out of the country (as they're minors).

[MamaTene]

And like MamaParrot advised, you still need to get signed affidavit from her to take the kids out of the country. This is going to be tricky...

[happycruiser1942]

Yes the papers say that we get them one week in the summer for vacation but she still refuses to let them go. The have tried talking to her about it but she really doesn't care what they think. She is actually not speaking to them at the moment because they want to go.

 

The divorce was final in 1995! She has had time to get over it!

[klmorg]

Use their birth certificates instead? :confused: It is beyond me why some "parents" use their children as pawns and as a form of control in situations like this... it hurts the kids more than their ultimate goal. Not implying that is what she is doing, but come on... the kids are 15 and 17. I wish you the best of luck... and hope she comes to her senses.

[happycruiser1942]

Thats exactly what she is doing! She wants us to know that she is in control! CRAZY!

[soccerATAmom]

Could he make a deal with her...maybe trade off a really big holiday or event in exchange - Or give his permission should she ever want to take them out of the country. What a great experience. I'm not sure how any mother could deny their kids such an opportunity. Some parents need to learn to love their children more than they dislike their ex (I'm jumping to conclussions about her motivation - my appologies if she has a really good reason for this denial)

[Annieeee]

Use their birth certificates instead? :confused: It is beyond me why some "parents" use their children as pawns and as a form of control in situations like this... it hurts the kids more than their ultimate goal. Not implying that is what she is doing, but come on... the kids are 15 and 17. I wish you the best of luck... and hope she comes to her senses.

 

 

Even if they use the birth certs, you may still be asked for a parental permission letter. Per the OP's signature, she will be going on Carnival, they are not as strict about this as other lines.

 

Annieeee

[pokergirl34]

:( poor kids. I hope she changes her mind. I hate people like that. Can you try to negotiate with her and trade some holidays? (get it in writing!!)

 

I just don't understand people like that :(

[cheers]

I agree with the "have them drive her nuts" More than likely she will give in. Sounds to me she is jealous that she's not going. Why would she want to deprive them of a vacation of a life time. They are at such great ages to really enjoy this type of trip.

 

If she does cave, have her sign something right away allowing you and your Fiancé to travel by auto, plane, ship, etc.. with the children.

 

I have taken my minor children on 6 cruises and never needed documentation from my ex. We had shared/joint custody.

 

But you will want to cover yourself so she can't go back and forth like a yo-yo.

 

 

Good luck and keep us posted.

[Annieeee]

Thats exactly what she is doing! She wants us to know that she is in control! CRAZY!

 

 

If she continues to refuse, then simply say to her,ok. the rest of us are still going. Don't give her the satisfaction of ruining your vacation.

 

Hope everything works out .

 

Annieee

[big_duck]

Seek proper legal advise. Something you will never get here.

[David7621]

I highly recommend taking it in front of the judge. She can say yes eventually and then when you leave tell the authorities you didnt have permission. Have the kids tell the judge or court appointed guardian that they want to go so that the courts can see what she is doing out of spite. Im pretty sure you will not need an attorney on this matter. Good luck on this and it is a shame how parents can me so spiteful over something from 15 years ago:mad:

[sdp123078]

My boyfriend's ex did something similar. We were going to take his son with us on our cruise in September. When he called to ask if she was okay with it she said she had to think about it. Well it turned into "I just don't know...", "He's my only son and if something happened", and so on. We went ahead and booked just the two of us because we didn't want the price to go up and had a feeling if she said ok now, last minute she'd say nevermind.

 

I really don't understand why parents do this. It's totally unfair to the child. My parents divorced when I was 5 and my mom let my dad take us all over the world. She said she didn't want us to miss opportunities she never had. Sometimes I think the other parent is just jealous that they don't get to go on vacation.

[Annieeee]

I have no experience in the divorce/custody and that sort of stuff. And I know it is so easy to sit on the sidelines and referee and tell you what to do. So you are free to disregard or laugh at whatever I say. :) Seriously though, I hope you can resolve this situation to everyone's satisfaction.

 

 

But I just gotta say this, I would not give her the satisfaction of ruining my planned cruise, whether she lets the kids go or not. Be strong and continue with your plans for the cruise with the other two kids. Remember they will be just as disappointed if you cancel it because of the other lady's actions.

 

Good luck and happy cruising.

 

Annieeee

[alwayshappytocruise]

Are you certain that you have to have a signed affidavit from the other parent? My sister has been cruising with my nephew for nine years. To complicate matters even more, she has retained her British citizenship so travels with a Brit. passport, nephew is American with American passport. His dad has been out of the picture for several years now.......She has never been asked to produce documentation that she is allowed to take him out of the country.

 

If your fiance's children have the same last name as he does and they are obviously excited about going on a cruise therefore not being dragged kicking and screaming...why would the agent even question it?

[DanJ]

Are you certain that you have to have a signed affidavit from the other parent? My sister has been cruising with my nephew for nine years. To complicate matters even more, she has retained her British citizenship so travels with a Brit. passport, nephew is American with American passport. His dad has been out of the picture for several years now.......She has never been asked to produce documentation that she is allowed to take him out of the country.

 

If your fiance's children have the same last name as he does and they are obviously excited about going on a cruise therefore not being dragged kicking and screaming...why would the agent even question it?

 

It's not something that is absolutely required. But it's a chance you take if they do question why kids are with the one parent and not the other. There have even been stories of a parent taking the kids without the other parent (not divorce or anything, the other spouse just didn't go on the trip), and needing a letter of consent. How do the security and border authorities know what the family situation is like, so some take the overly cautious route.

[mtchg]

...with my ex-wife's wholehearted approval; I feel so bad for your predicament. However; DO NOT attempt to take them if you dont have formal approval. As bad as this situation is; it could get a whole lot worse, both personally and possibly legally.

 

Mitch

[gtalum]

Put the kids to work on her. It's your only chance.

[jenndun]

I am going through the same thing with my x. We have joint custody. My dd is not going on my cruise in May because x refused. I was going to do a mother/daughter. I am going to have to take him to court. My lawyer is going to charge $500 and ask that he pay all court cost and lawyer fees back. Which I plan on doing in August. I plan on taking the kids next summer on a seven day. Which means that he will miss a weekend. I asked about switching weekends so we could do this and he refused. Another issue for court. Worse case we do a five day. While at court we are asking for permission from now until the kids are 18 to travel outside the US and for me to get ther passports with out x signing. I know you can walk it through court yourself and just pay court cost and ask the judge that x pays them back. I just prefer my lawyer do it. X even went so far as to convience dd that she didn't want to go because she would be stuck in a room watching tv all day. A friend told her how fun a cruise is afterwards and she was so mad at her dad. You can chance going with just birthcertificates and no form but from what I have read (and I spent a month researching) there is a chance they will refuse to let you boad at port. And incase of an emergency you will not be able to fly home. Good Luck. If you go to court make sure you get something stating until they are 18 or you will be right back where you are now next time.

[rrraydon]

Use their birth certificates instead? :confused: It is beyond me why some "parents" use their children as pawns and as a form of control in situations like this... it hurts the kids more than their ultimate goal. Not implying that is what she is doing, but come on... the kids are 15 and 17. I wish you the best of luck... and hope she comes to her senses.

 

I agree!

 

I hate to say it, because it probably is against the law :p, but I'd use a BC too and take them anyway. And I've never had a signed document of any kind when I take my daughter out of the country without my husband.

 

But, everyone has their own opinion and I'm sure I'll be flamed! LOL

[halos]

I don't know how to help you, just wanted to offer my sympathies and tell you how much I think it sucks.

[NarloJunior]

Good News! I just sailed with Carnival last week and just recently Carnival has stopped asking for the parental consent forms! As crazy as this sounds, it is true! My TA mentioned it to me and I called Carnival just to be sure! Call them and ask!

 

Also, just go the courthouse and get a certified copy! All I needed to take my kids (of whom I am divorced from their mom, thanksfully) whose ages are 9 and 15 was their birth certificate, as my ex refused to let me use her copies. I even brought my nephew and didn't need those parental permission papers either...not for Carnival at least.

[Crusin6]

Im not sure where to start! We surpried our 4 kids (2 mine and 2 his) with a cruise for Christmas this year. His ex never said anything would be wrong with it! Now that final payment is due next week he asked for their passports and she refuses to give them to us. She feels that the kids don't need to take a trip like this. They are 15 and 17! Besides hiring an attorney and fighting her in court does any one have any suggestions! :(

I am just wondering...Is your ex up to date on all his support payments and has he made them on time? My thinking is that if there is any money issues at all between them..i.e. that he says he "can't afford" to give the kids money for something extra...like tuition or sports paraphernalia or help out with prom costs...that kind of extra...not spending money or nonsense money...but money for the "special extras" that all kid request at one time or another...regardless of parental marital status or divorce decree.

 

So, if he is up to date with his required payments and has been reasonable with those "little extras" for the kids...then let them appeal to him......however, if money has always been a "bargaining chip" and he has played hardball with them, then spending money on trip like this could piss the parties involved off quite nicely.

 

So if all is well...I wish you luck

 

and if...there are issues...well then what can anyone say?