Need advice~Fiance's ex won't let us have the kids for vacation!

[big_duck]

You cannot just use a birth certificate. The cruise line states this as true BUT when I questioned the passport office they said under NO circumstances is this allowed. If the child is over 16 they MUST have a valid passport.

 

They stressed that the cruise lines are incorrect on this point. I trust them more than the cruise line.

 

 

Not for a closed loop cruise as per current US regulations. Sounds like the passport people ain't much better then Carnival reps.

[peppermintpatty]

Sorry I am just telling you what the passport office told me. I would rather be safe than sorry.

[MTemple212]

I have a feeling that if someone left me either pregnant or with a newborn AND a 2 year old, I wouldn't get over it either and this is her way of getting even....

 

...

 

I can't believe you even brought this up!! Do you have any idea of the circumstances of why they divorced?? If you don't, then you shouldn't comment or insinuate!! Bottom line is that was 15 YEARS AGO and what's done is done. That has nothing to do with the topic at hand here.

[Elaine515]

I can't believe you even brought this up!! Do you have any idea of the circumstances of why they divorced?? If you don't, then you shouldn't comment or insinuate!! Bottom line is that was 15 YEARS AGO and what's done is done. That has nothing to do with the topic at hand here.

 

 

 

And even through I thought twice about responding to you, IT MIGHT HAVE EVERYTHING TO DO WITH THE REASON she won't let her kids go....how do you know that the reason she is not letting her kids isn't because of the divorce.... Oh, I know, you spoke to her...

 

If you read the rest of my reply I wished her luck and gave her my feedback... I'm finished....

 

 

 

 

To the OP, I still hope you get to go on this cruise with all 4 kids...

[nrdsb4]

Sorry I am just telling you what the passport office told me. I would rather be safe than sorry.

 

 

They are wrong. People cruise every single day without passports.

[Litewait]

I have a feeling that if someone left me either pregnant or with a newborn AND a 2 year old, I wouldn't get over it either and this is her way of getting even....

 

With that said... I have taken not only my nephew, but lots of my daughters friends with us on our cruises and have never been asked for any type of letter, let alone proof of who they belonged to!!!

 

What a nice way to bond 2 families together...... I hope it works out for all of you...

 

After 15 years you think an adult would grow up!! Mine left when I had a 6yr old and an infant.. You just move on!! Talk about not being mature.. As I posted before although my ex is a complete and total ahole, he has never once begrudged the kids a trip. They are 22 & 16 now.

[MTemple212]

And even through I thought twice about responding to you, IT MIGHT HAVE EVERYTHING TO DO WITH THE REASON she won't let her kids go....how do you know that the reason she is not letting her kids isn't because of the divorce.... Oh, I know, you spoke to her...

 

If you read the rest of my reply I wished her luck and gave her my feedback... I'm finished....

 

 

 

 

To the OP, I still hope you get to go on this cruise with all 4 kids...

 

Im not finished...No I didn't speak to her, and I never said that I did. The point I was trying to make was that it's not up to us as onlookers to judge as to why she does not want them to go. The whole jest of the topic is that the ex won't let the kids go on vacation with their father even though the divorce decree states he gets them for a week.

 

My whole problem with your initial post was your insinuation or assumption- period!

[MTemple212]

After 15 years you think an adult would grow up!! Mine left when I had a 6yr old and an infant.. You just move on!! Talk about not being mature.. As I posted before although my ex is a complete and total ahole, he has never once begrudged the kids a trip. They are 22 & 16 now.

 

Well put Donna! I commend you on "movin on"!

[sailaway4]

My family and I have cruised with just a birth certificate and a driver's license.No problem.But this time we are getting passports.

[Florida Tim]

Unfortunately, some people don't ever get over it. My brother-n-laws ex is vindictive against him to this day, and both their kids are grown adults. Their marriage ended over 20 years ago.

 

That being said, if time allows I agree, seek the courts help, or use the birth certificates and supply your divorce decree as your grounds for permission to take them on a vacation once per year.

[Star930]

Im not sure where to start! We surpried our 4 kids (2 mine and 2 his) with a cruise for Christmas this year. His ex never said anything would be wrong with it! Now that final payment is due next week he asked for their passports and she refuses to give them to us. She feels that the kids don't need to take a trip like this. They are 15 and 17! Besides hiring an attorney and fighting her in court does any one have any suggestions! :(

 

I can't believe we are both going through the same thing. Well some what. I am getting married on the Carnival Victory in October and my older brother is bringing my 10 yr old niece. He is allowed to take her on vacation as told by the judge. My brother and his ex have been broken up for about 10 years. She is now married with 4 kids. My niece called me crying that her mother said she can not come on the cruise. I spoke to the mom and she didn't give me a clear explanation. I just believe she hasn't gotten over my brother. I just can't stand women who put there kids in the middle. The story gets worst. So she calls yesterday and tells my brother that he needs to stay with his daughter because she and her husband have to go to Dominican Republic. I was so upset :mad: everything out of her convenience.

[Prphan2]

delete

[AZ Karaoke Girl]

Without reading thru the entire thread, it is possible that she is afraid...you know, the Titanic fear...:rolleyes: Perhaps sitting down with her and the kids and discussing why she is saying no. Don't take "cuz I said so" as an answer. She needs to explain her reasons.

 

I know my mom was worried sick when we took our first cruise cuz of all the media hype on man overboard, murder, rape etc that occurs on ships. She's eased up a bit but everytime we leave, she makes comments. The kids have always survived and not gone overboard once.:D

[songbird1329]

OK, I haven't read this entire thread, so forgive me if I repeat what someone else said.

 

I am a divorced single mother of teens and I am a lawyer.

 

so here's a bit of legal advice:

 

the divorce decree allows the father a week of vacation with the children in the summer. it does not say where that week may be spent. the father could take the kids anywhere within the US -- within reason -- and the mother would not be able to prevent it.

 

technically she's not denying the father visitation by withholding the passports. so there are no guarantees if you go to court. if that's the route you go, you will need competent counsel to make the apppropriate legal argument, i.e., that it's in the kids' best interests to go on this trip and the mother is being unreasonable in her refusal to consent. that the kids have passports tells me that she's not adverse to foreign travel for the kids, she's just adverse to foreign travel with the father.

 

while technically the kids could cruise with birth certificates, I would not risk it if I were the OP. the whole purpose of having parental consent for foreign travel is to prevent international abduction by one parent which deprives the other parent of custody or visitation rights. this isn't a likely scenario with teenagers on a family cruise. however, if the mother is vindictive the OP could find her cruise ruined by bogus charges of custodial interference. if it were me, I'd make sure to get the passports and a consent letter form the mother beofre I set foot on the cruise ship.

[LSEA]

I just can't stand women who put there kids in the middle.

 

 

Change women to people and I'm with ya! ;)

[travelgarn]

Any updates? :confused:

 

Really hoping everything turns out for the best. I'd hate for the kids to miss the cruise!

 

DJ

[DreaminFP]

I'm sorry to hear about the problems you are having with trying to take you Fiance's children on a vacation with you and your kids....

 

I know how bad it can be to deal with an ex. My ex has custody of our boys because when I moved out of state I gave my children the option of staying where they have always lived or moving with me and they wanted to stay there though it was hard I let them stay because it was the right thing to do in giving them the choice they were old enough to make that decision. Now I am getting married in 25 days and my ex will not let my boys (one of who is 18 and in college but his dad's name is on his car and he threatens to take it away from him all the time if he doesn't do what dad wants) come to my wedding. I have asked why and he just says that my oldest had school and has to work, dad doesn't pay for school or my sons bills so what is it to him... while I am disappointed and sad I sure won't let it ruin my wedding.

 

I hope that things work out for you and I think you did the right thing by getting the lawyer involved and not having the kids beg their mother to let them go because from the sounds of it this wouldn't have helped any if she already isn't talking to her own kids.

[williamson_ja]

I'm sorry for your problems, but I can say that I was glad to see this thread on here today as we are starting to go through the same thing. We have custody of my dh kids for 6 weeks during the summer. Last year, we tried to take them to Disneyworld. We offered to pay all costs, go during the time that we have them anyway, and even invited her to come with us so that she could enjoy the trip with them as well. She refused to let us take them (ages 19,16,14) and refused to put them on the plane to come for our visitation at all until we cancelled the trip... She said her reasons were that she wanted to have that kind of experience with them alone and we shouldn't get to experience that with them. The problem is that she can't afford to take them, and they are getting to be adults now and past that age.

 

So, this year, my dh wants to take them on the cruise with us. Her basic rule is that we can't take them anywhere that she can't afford to take them...and has already taken them before we do it. I have no idea how to get around it. It's really frustrating. A lot of times we want to do something that is completely legal, but we live in different states and she just refuses to put them on the plane until we agree to everything she says. BTW it's been 15 yrs since the divorce here as well. It's so frustrating! So, I guess all I can say is that I feel your pain and I'm glad to see some of the advice here as it is helping us figure out what to do.

[Tbay-eh]

I'm sorry for your problems, but I can say that I was glad to see this thread on here today as we are starting to go through the same thing. We have custody of my dh kids for 6 weeks during the summer. Last year, we tried to take them to Disneyworld. We offered to pay all costs, go during the time that we have them anyway, and even invited her to come with us so that she could enjoy the trip with them as well. She refused to let us take them (ages 19,16,14) and refused to put them on the plane to come for our visitation at all until we cancelled the trip... She said her reasons were that she wanted to have that kind of experience with them alone and we shouldn't get to experience that with them. The problem is that she can't afford to take them, and they are getting to be adults now and past that age.

 

So, this year, my dh wants to take them on the cruise with us. Her basic rule is that we can't take them anywhere that she can't afford to take them...and has already taken them before we do it. I have no idea how to get around it. It's really frustrating. A lot of times we want to do something that is completely legal, but we live in different states and she just refuses to put them on the plane until we agree to everything she says. BTW it's been 15 yrs since the divorce here as well. It's so frustrating! So, I guess all I can say is that I feel your pain and I'm glad to see some of the advice here as it is helping us figure out what to do.

 

I am a woman but yet I can't understand why she says this - why should she be the only one to introduce the kids to this experience - why is the Dad not able to do this as well. A little one sided I would say. What if she could afford it and the Dad couldn't - would it be okay then because it is to her benefit. I just don't get some women - they make all women look bad when they do things like this.

[Shelbyjane56]

...with my ex-wife's wholehearted approval; I feel so bad for your predicament. However; DO NOT attempt to take them if you dont have formal approval. As bad as this situation is; it could get a whole lot worse, both personally and possibly legally.

 

Mitch

 

Worse thing could be they wont go this time...but when they are 18 they are free to make their own decisions :)

[D&TTexasCruisers]

It is very sad that parents use their children to get back at the other parent but it happens my 16 year old is a special needs child and my ex will not sign the papers for make a wish to send him on a disney cruise. We take him on cruises with us all the time because he did sign for him to get a passport a couple of years ago but now he wants to be an ass and doesnt want to let him get this trip and make a wish cant send him without his fathers signature. Pretty sad if you ask me but we will still take him on the cruise we have planned for September. He loves cruising his favorite thing is to sit on the balcony.

[foureyedbuzzard]

Could he make a deal with her...

 

Make her an offer she can't refuse.

 

[Goldmoon]

Too bad she can't afford to come too.... maybe that would solve everything.. ship's so big.. you would never see each other unless you wanted to. But crazy.. My husband's ex is like that... Doesn't make sense.. it hurts the kids more than it does the parent you are trying to hurt...

[bonnys]

OP, I hope everything can get straightened out. Tha being said, if my ex wanted to take my 15 yo DS out of the country I'd say no, and I take him on cruises. I have sole custody and he has visitation. The reason is, he used to threaten to take my son away and I would never see him again. He did that when we were married and going thru a divorce 13 years ago. He even left voice mail saying that so the judge heard it. It is always in the back of my mind whenever DS is with his dad. Even though my ex has to have my written permission to take him farther than a 100 mile radius of my home (not his), it is a fear I will never get over...he is a vindictive SOB that would try anything to hurt me.

[jpurdy]

Hiring a lawyer was the best thing to do. Hit hard and mean it. Do not involve the children. Just let them know you are trying your best to make it happen and you do not want them involved. Present the facts clearly and without anger to the judge. Always focus on them, not on her or you. This vacation is for the children. Don't surmise to judge why she is doing this. Not important. All the judge cares about (and we know thru experience) is if the divorce agreement is being followed. That's ALL they care about. If you are allowed to take them without restriction, end of story. It's really that simple.