Roaming children... Arrh!

[ERICnLISA]

I'm sure our 10 y/o son will be wandering around on our next cruise... We make him check in with us every hour, but this will be his 5th cruise... He usually gets around the ship better than DW...:eek:

[xerenthar]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Helicopter_parent

[grandmallie]

I to remember those days:rolleyes: wow in our short lifetimes hasnt the world changed huh? All I can say there were bumps in the road and I hope I did a half way decent job raising my kids.

[nrdsb4]

This is a great thread!!! We are parents of 2 rather mature girls...ages 12 and 14. We are taking them on their first cruise over christmas break. I am one of those overprotective mothers....don't want to leave them alone at all. Not even to go to the room for a towel......

We took them to a resort last year for their first time( we have been to many)...and only left them in our room for a half hour one particular night. They are VERY mature girls....and I am telling myself they will be fine doing the kids club and such on their own...but it really is depedent on the kids and parents themselves. I would like to think that they will be fine....and as for maturity....My eldest would be like an earlier poster....she will be showing the other passengers around!! I usually don't know my way around after a whole week and she will know her way around after just a few hours!! I would hope that she would be responsible enough to show someone who is "misplaced" the right way to go!!!

 

Given the descriptions of your girls, it sounds like you need to find a way to allow them some freedom even though you have anxiety about it. It's natural to have fear when pushing your chicks out of the nest in small increments, but that doesn't negate the need to do so. While both girls are still in the house, this is the perfect time to let some slack out of the leash as they can do things and go places together. You know, safety in numbers and all that. And the really mature older girl will be the perfect mentor to her sister.:)

[nrdsb4]

I am in my mid 50s so may make a difference here - but when did everything change so much.

 

Oh, I'd say in about the last 50 years or so.;)

 

I hear you. I think part of is that because we have access to news 24/7, we hear about every horrible thing that happens to children, whether in the next town or a continent away. This gives a false impression that violence against children has gotten far more common, when in fact it was always happening. We just didn't hear about it unless it was right under our noses. And in fact, it may be true that crimes against children have increased relative to 50 years ago, but this fact is exaggerated beyond the actual numbers by the constant reporting on the news, radio, internet, etc. It exacerbates parents' fears about the actual dangers one may face running to fetch a towel or an ice cream on a cruise ship.

[Disneycruisers]

Oh, I'd say in about the last 50 years or so.;)

 

I hear you. I think part of is that because we have access to news 24/7, we hear about every horrible thing that happens to children, whether in the next town or a continent away. This gives a false impression that violence against children has gotten far more common, when in fact it was always happening. We just didn't hear about it unless it was right under our noses. And in fact, it may be true that crimes against children have increased relative to 50 years ago, but this fact is exaggerated beyond the actual numbers by the constant reporting on the news, radio, internet, etc. It exacerbates parents' fears about the actual dangers one may face running to fetch a towel or an ice cream on a cruise ship.

 

So true.

 

I'm mid-50s also, and I grew up with an EXTREMELY over-protective mother. I was not allowed to ride my bicycle in the street, couldn't walk to the local 7-11 with my friends, was not allowed to babysit for neighbors kids (I was 15!,) and couldn't even be left alone in my house when I was 14. I BEGGED her for a chance to prove myself to no avail. I even used to hear

my father (they'd had arguments over this) ask her "why DON'T you give her a chance," but she'd cut him off too. The list goes on and on. She was paralyzed with fear that "something could happen.":rolleyes: As a I became an adult, married and had a child of my own, I grew increasingly resentful that I missed out on so much because of her SELFISH anxiety.

[nrdsb4]

So true.

 

I'm mid-50s also, and I grew up with an EXTREMELY over-protective mother. I was not allowed to ride my bicycle in the street, couldn't walk to the local 7-11 with my friends, was not allowed to babysit for neighbors kids (I was 15!,) and couldn't even be left alone in my house when I was 14. I BEGGED her for a chance to prove myself to no avail. I even used to hear

my father (they'd had arguments over this) ask her "why DON'T you give her a chance," but she'd cut him off too. The list goes on and on. She was paralyzed with fear that "something could happen.":rolleyes: As a I became an adult, married and had a child of my own, I grew increasingly resentful that I missed out on so much because of her SELFISH anxiety.

 

 

Wow, that's too bad. At least you didn't grow up to perpetuate the cycle. While it's normal for a parent to worry about their child's safety, some parents cross over into pathology. And as you pointed out, sometimes their protectiveness has nothing really to do with what's best and healthy for their children, but is simply about taking care of their own needs-specifically the need to avoid the natural anxiety which occurs when allowing your child to take steps towards independence. In that sense, it's really not about being a good parent-it's basically all about THEM. And it is a shame for all involved, as your story illustrates.

[Perfect Stranger]

So true.

 

I'm mid-50s also, and I grew up with an EXTREMELY over-protective mother. I was not allowed to ride my bicycle in the street, couldn't walk to the local 7-11 with my friends, was not allowed to babysit for neighbors kids (I was 15!,) and couldn't even be left alone in my house when I was 14. I BEGGED her for a chance to prove myself to no avail. I even used to hear

my father (they'd had arguments over this) ask her "why DON'T you give her a chance," but she'd cut him off too. The list goes on and on. She was paralyzed with fear that "something could happen.":rolleyes: As a I became an adult, married and had a child of my own, I grew increasingly resentful that I missed out on so much because of her SELFISH anxiety.

 

But it probably didn't stunt your maturity like so many think happens, did it? My mother was the same way. Couldn't ride my bike in the street. Couldn't even cross the small street in front of our house until age 12. I could go on...

 

None of this caused me to either be immature past the age of 16 or, conversely, go wild with freedom once I had the chance.

[Disneycruisers]

Wow, that's too bad. At least you didn't grow up to perpetuate the cycle. While it's normal for a parent to worry about their child's safety, some parents cross over into pathology. And as you pointed out, sometimes their protectiveness has nothing really to do with what's best and healthy for their children, but is simply about taking care of their own needs-specifically the need to avoid the natural anxiety which occurs when allowing your child to take steps towards independence. In that sense, it's really not about being a good parent-it's basically all about THEM. And it is a shame for all involved, as your story illustrates.

 

I so much agree!:)

 

If there was anything "good," that came from this, I learned early on to let our DD gradually have independence. (She's 16 now.) She's been signing herself out of kid's clubs since she was 10, knows to stick with friends, knows to hold on to her room key..etc. Yes, I'm aware that bad things could happen (and I've forbade her to go places before) but I don't want fear and anxiety to control me, and I don't want my DD to pay for it.

[Disneycruisers]

But it probably didn't stunt your maturity like so many think happens, did it? My mother was the same way. Couldn't ride my bike in the street. Couldn't even cross the small street in front of our house until age 12. I could go on...

 

None of this caused me to either be immature past the age of 16 or, conversely, go wild with freedom once I had the chance.

 

No, it didn't stunt my maturity, but I do regret not getting to do things my friends did, and it DID later strain my relationship with my mother.

[Perfect Stranger]

I stopped letting that stuff bother me once I hit 20 because I realized my mom did it because she loved me. I was pretty protective of my child as well without ill will or negative results.

[Disneycruisers]

I stopped letting that stuff bother me once I hit 20 because I realized my mom did it because she loved me. I was pretty protective of my child as well without ill will or negative results.

 

She obviously was not as severe as my mother, because with my mother is was not about love, it was about her own selfish anxiety. I'm protective with my daughter too, but she's not a hostage, the way my siblings and I were.

[SociallyAwkward]

What age do you thik its acceptable to allow the children be by themselves onboard for short periods of time? I'm not talking about signing out of the kids club and hanging out with derelicts. I'm talking about something like runningto the cabin to get a towel,l or going to the Lido to get their own ice cream. Rumor has it that I'm over protective. :eek:

 

 

My 10 year old is allowed to. I actually let him roam a little bit as well. I know everyone always says "my child would never be the bad one" and while I doubt he would in general I tell him that he is going to get blamed for anything I hear a red head has done on the boat so he better stay in line. He is expected to check in as well and must be with someone else we have met. If he ever did anything that I found disrespectful, bad, irritating he would lose these privileges. He knows that.

 

I understand many others have different opinions. One of the things we considered is we allow him to have freedom in our neighborhood (about a 6 square block radius and it includes the biggest park in our burb) and it has about the general population of a cruise boat.

[cruisinvic2]

Not sure if this was mentioned but we did walkie talkies. Its a great way to get in touch when they go from point A to B . If they check themselves out they can give a call see where your at. They work really well on the ship.

[SociallyAwkward]

Finally got through this! One thing I noticed came up a few times was the Natalee Hollaway/Aruba situation. For me that shows how I may become more protective as my child ages. Alcohol was a factor in that and not one I worry about with my child at 10 years old. But if he became a bit more wild or I was concerned about underage drinking I suspect the rules might get stricter with him at 16 or 17 than he has at 10.

 

But again, everyone knows their kid better than strangers on the internet and also has their own view of the risks/benefits. We aren't going to all magically agree :)

[Earthworm Jim]

i don't like roaming alone on a ship and I am a full fledged adult!!! The buddy system is the way to go whenever possible...at all ages.

 

That's a bit extreme. You're an adult and you are afraid to walk around the ship alone?

 

I guess it would be understandable you you once had some sort of traumatic experience that would make you overly cautious. But for most people an adult going around the ship certainly isn't a problem.

[Tbay-eh]

Not sure if this was mentioned but we did walkie talkies. Its a great way to get in touch when they go from point A to B . If they check themselves out they can give a call see where your at. They work really well on the ship.

 

I have commented on this before - I was standing beside 2 boys while they told their parents that they were outside the game room. They were on the Lido filling their faces, giggling after they got off. Walkie talkies are great to talk on but in no way ensures they are where they say they are or doing what they say they are doing. Parents probably thought they were perfect little angels. Too bad they don't have a GPS chip in them so the parent actually knows where they are. They are a great way to find out where the parent is though - we don't lie, do we.

[bplazo]

It would be a great idea if we could get a gps chip for children. When my daughter was 16 we had one put in her car. I just loved it! She didn't!

[Disneycruisers]

It would be a great idea if we could get a gps chip for children. When my daughter was 16 we had one put in her car. I just loved it! She didn't!

 

I would love it if there were some type of device that would let parents know if they're texting while driving!

[scchasgal]

I would love it if there were some type of device that would let parents know if they're texting while driving!

 

Like shut the engine down:D

[Tbay-eh]

I would love it if there were some type of device that would let parents know if they're texting while driving!

 

Suggestion here - take away the cell phones - if they pay for their own phones - take away the car. If they own their own car (paid by them - insurance paid by them) then they should be on their own and we have to let go.

[jaxkai]

im overly protective but im fair , as to the comment about the person leaving the casino to be in their room by midnight, to me it shows respect and isnt that what we want our children to learn?

 

i would give anything to cruise with my mother and be in at any curfew, sometimes life is short and coming home early a few nights wouldnt kill me or ruin my fun plus it would give me some quiet time to talk to her.

 

i think most rational people already know their answers to what their children are like and can judge the environments quickly in each situation. trust in yourself and trust in your parenting skills and loosening strings slowly is good for all involved.

[nrdsb4]

im overly protective but im fair , as to the comment about the person leaving the casino to be in their room by midnight, to me it shows respect and isnt that what we want our children to learn?

 

i would give anything to cruise with my mother and be in at any curfew, sometimes life is short and coming home early a few nights wouldnt kill me or ruin my fun plus it would give me some quiet time to talk to her.

 

i think most rational people already know their answers to what their children are like and can judge the environments quickly in each situation. trust in yourself and trust in your parenting skills and loosening strings slowly is good for all involved.

 

Well, there is slow and then there is SLOW. As a woman in her 40's, I would be amenable to coming in from wherever to have quality time with a parent. Coming in early simply because they demanded I do so? NOPE-respect is a two way street, and I hope when my kids are in their 40's I show THEM the respect of acknowledging that they are adults who can be trusted to be good citizens who can take care of themselves all while still doing what they want to do.:rolleyes:

[LemurCat]

Finally got through this! One thing I noticed came up a few times was the Natalee Hollaway/Aruba situation.

 

I noticed that too. Not having a child, I shan't comment on the proper age to roam. I will say this, as a young woman with a habit of finding herself in odd situations, every parent should drill into their kid's head that if you go out in a group, you come home in a group. End of story. You do not leave your friends behind. I think this is a valid comment for the cruise ships as well, as kids tend to hand around. You never leave your friends behind, no matter how cute/nice/rich the guy/girl is.

[yelapa]

What an interesting thread. My DD will be 13 on our Jan.2 2011 cruise. She is a great kid with great marks in school and is usually very responsible. However, she really has problems noticing what goes on around her. We believe she is "street wise" to some extend but I would not let her roam all over the ship on her own. It will be her 6th cruise, we plan on letting her get ice cream or snacks by herself or run back to the cabin quickly (with a walkie talkie). When on an Alaska cruise 4 years ago she made friends with a boy her age. The 3rd night of the cruise the parents asked DH and I if their son could spend the night with us in our cabin as they wanted some "grown up time alone":eek:. We were meeting them for the 1st time!:eek:. I trust my DD to know right from wrong but we are talking about 3000+ strangers with access to a lot of booze. I'd rather be safe and stern than sorry later. Sign me mother hen:)