Have to cancel son's reservation b/o sports!

[Blind Squirrel]

Litewait, I feel sorry for you and your son. I hope his arm recovers and does not afect him the rest of his life. A family friend of ours blew his knee out playing football his senor year. We used to allways hike up in the mountains behind our house to go hunting. He can't do that anymore because of his knee. He always talks about wishing he could take his boy to the same places we went but he can't. His knee was already hurt when the coach insisted he when back in, after all he was the starting running back, the TEAM was counting on him. Two plays later he was hit in the knee and will never be the same. He will always regret putting the TEAM first.

[arpie05]

As my son is also a High School Freshman I can relate BUT!!! Wait... did your school year just start? When did you book the cruise? When did school start? Most kids don't go out for a sport if they have never played so chances are he plays baseball so you've known for a while this could happen and you are just now figuring this out????

 

I booked a cruise for our Spring Break 2011 in March 2010 giving Basketball no thought. When school started and I saw the basketball schedule, I went to the coach the 2nd or 3rd practice (this would have been in November) and explained we already had spring break plans in March so depending how did in Districts we would be out of town and Asked if this would be an issue. I knew my son would not be playing varsity but wanted to make sure as a JV player the coach knew it wasn't something we hadn't just planned. He was very understanding.

 

I could understand if a tournament was added late but my son doesn't play baseball and know from other baseball families (Our school doesn't have) that it often messes up April plans. Our SPring Break was really early this year which isn't the case next year so Districts isn't a problem. (We'd have to make it to State for it to be ;))

[SG81]

This isn't little league, it's high school sports. If you meddle, it will affect your son. Let him decide - cruise or baseball. It's time for mom to step back.

 

I have to schedule around my DS's schedule. I hate it, but thems the breaks.

 

 

i agree, let him decide. mom calling the coach will only embarrass him and possibly piss off the coach...which may ruin his chances of making the team next year

[SunniLicious]

I think the issue here is one of commitment - if the kid made a commitment to the team, that's it. Yes, family is important - and one of the things it's important for is to teach kids about things like commitment, and the idea that doing one thing means you just can't do other things.

 

Several posters have stated this - I can't help but wonder - shouldn't the kid keep the commitment he made FIRST, to vacation with his family?

[laumicmah]

Several posters have stated this - I can't help but wonder - shouldn't the kid keep the commitment he made FIRST, to vacation with his family?

Sure...but then he can't make a second commitment for that same week...can only be in 1 place at a time.

[capndinghy]

Those prima donas try and run everyone's life. I would not let some old jock ruin my vacation. Unless of course if you kid has a chance of playing Pro ball..which isn't gonna happen.

[room010]

Those prima donas try and run everyone's life. I would not let some old jock ruin my vacation. Unless of course if you kid has a chance of playing Pro ball..which isn't gonna happen.

 

Perfectly said :D

 

Aussies have a reputation for being sports mad but what I'm reading here takes it to a whole new level. My kids devote most of their time to, you know, studying at highschool. Sport comes second. School breaks are for decompressing and rejuvenating body and mind - a cruise would be perfect. With the insane amount of pressure being put on kids from coaches (and a lot of parents by the look of it) is it any wonder these kids just burn out eventually? It's only a game [runs and hangs out with the nerds in the library].

[S.S.Oceanlover]

Several posters have stated this - I can't help but wonder - shouldn't the kid keep the commitment he made FIRST, to vacation with his family?

 

How do you know the kid even commited to the cruise?

Maybe the parents just booked thinking he was off.

 

Bill

[Kel040]

Well I might as well throw in my 2 cents worth... the boy is just 14, if you allow him miss this family vacation, next time it will be something else, and so on. Then the siblings will have things that come up, and they too will not go on the vacation, and before you know it all your kids will have more important things to do than travel with their family.

 

I know, because that is what happened with my 2 sons - my only vacation memories with my boys are from when they were very young and we travelled to a summer cottage. When DH and I could finally afford nicer family vacations ( Grand Canyon, Disney, CCL etc.) the boys had other commitents and since I said yes and allowed DS to stay home that first time back in 10th grade - precedent was set ...

 

Family vacations now include myself, DH, DD and she is allowed to invite a friend..

 

I say, hold on to those family vacations as long as you can, because before you know it they will be gone... :(

[Tbay-eh]

Wow - after reading all these posts I am glad we are from Canada - we don't have nearly the pressures that you have with kids in sports. Yes, hockey is big time here but most of the scholarships for the good players are from the US. I can't even imagine having a coach dictate our lives - it even sounds like some of their decisions ruins some of these kids lives. Our kids at 14 were our responsiblity and we called the shots not them nor the coaches. Good luck to all of you.

[trailercruiser]

He made a commitment, he needs to follow through. Just because you don't won't to abide by the rules, thats the rules. I see 28 year olds at work that got out of commitment in high school who slack off at work , use sick days when not allowed all on the premise that its all about them. A parent that disagrees with a coach on a certain schedule is spoiling his child and its leading to further getting out of things later in life. These parents that use excuses like money has been paid so he can't practice are a joke. Why join a team, where its not about making the pros , it's about learning teamwork, self-sacrifice, doing for others. Thats fine go whine to the AD they will laugh at you, and your son will reap the benefits of mommy going to the school and whining and her poor baby needs to cruise and not practice.:mad:

[SuiteTraveler]

The issue is NOT about committment. The issue is about parents allowing an out-of-control coach to bully their kids and themselves - which is ridiculous because they are adults. I come from a family of school people who are coaches, administrators, teachers, and nurses. What is going on is unacceptable, but is becoming more and more common due to parents not taking an active role in their children's education and being so desperate to please their kids and their coaches that they have allowed people (the coaches) who are actually their employees (and if you are a taxpayer in this school district, the coach is technically YOUR employee) to tell them what to do. Until the families of the kids involved in school sports stand up to this coach, he is going to bully the kids and the families into compliance with whatever demands he has.

 

The families involved in these sports need to unite and go to the Principal about this coach and if this problem is not resolved at that level, they need to go to the school board. It may take no less than a complete walkout of the whole team, but it will be effective in resolving this issue once and for all. The coach will either be replaced or he will be sanctioned and forced to behave more professionally. And I am 100% certain that the kids would be able to rejoin the team once the problem is taken care of.

 

Imagine if the team member's grandparent died in a far off city just prior to Spring Break and the family had to go out of town to settle the estate, arrange and attend the funeral and so on. By the sounds of it, this out-of-control coach would feel free to punish the team member when he returned since he left.

 

If one family allows this coach to get away with this behavior, then it affects everyone. There is a more important lesson to learn from being on a team than just complying with made up rules like sheep. That lesson is that a group of people, together, can accomplish something. In this case, the goal should be bringing this coach under control.

 

How do I know this will work for sure? I went through an actual walk-out when I was a sophmore in high school and it worked and in less than one semester, too!

[soccersharon]

I would never allow a coach to mess up a family vacation - ever. I agree with T-Bay - we call the shots for our kids, not anyone else. 14 year old kids are not in any position to make these sorts of decisions for themselves. They need parental guidance. The thing that really gets me is that this is all going on during Spring Break - which translates to family time to me.

 

My 14 year old daughter plays competitive soccer, but, families are allowed to take vacations, miss a practice here and there - without being threatened of being cut from the team.

[Crusin6]

Those prima donas try and run everyone's life. I would not let some old jock ruin my vacation. Unless of course if you kid has a chance of playing Pro ball..which isn't gonna happen.

I have nephews by marriage and from the first moment I ever met them and their parents ...all they ever talked about was how both of them would either make the football or baseball pro teams!!LOL:rolleyes:

 

blah blah blah...and they sent one to some silly college on the coaches OK and of course that kid wound up failing after a semester...because he had no clue how to study....just had delusions of his pro ball career.....he did however marry a woman who earns about $300,000 a year..and of course they all berate her for it..you know...she should be with the kids and not paying all the bills with her paycheck...he makes about $50,000:p

 

The other one has no job to speak of.

 

But no...all I ever heard for a good 7 years about these 2 kids was how they would go Pro...DH and I just sighed to ourselves..because we couldn't interfere..oh no...because these boys were going pro..yeah right.

 

BTW...one has a son....and yep.....you guessed it!!

[T. Advisor King]

The issue is NOT about committment. The issue is about parents allowing an out-of-control coach to bully their kids and themselves - which is ridiculous because they are adults. .... What is going on is unacceptable, but is becoming more and more common due to parents not taking an active role in their children's education and being so desperate to please their kids and their coaches that they have allowed people (the coaches) ... to tell them what to do. Until the families of the kids involved in school sports stand up to this coach, he is going to bully the kids and the families into compliance with whatever demands he has.

 

The families involved in these sports need to unite and go to the Principal about this coach and if this problem is not resolved at that level, they need to go to the school board. It may take no less than a complete walkout of the whole team, but it will be effective in resolving this issue once and for all. The coach will either be replaced or he will be sanctioned and forced to behave more professionally. And I am 100% certain that the kids would be able to rejoin the team once the problem is taken care of.

 

...

 

I couldn't disagree with you more. We don't have all the facts of the case (unless I missed something, but I think I read all the posts), but this appears to be entirely about a student-athlete being responsible about a commitment.

 

I have experience on both sides of this issue, as both a hockey coach (both rep and house league) and with a son who plays or has played two sports at the top level of his age group. When players join a team, they are making a commitment. The level of commitment varies -- generally with the level of competition of the team, organiziation and league.

 

If your child joins a recreational level team, even if that team has an "everyone makes the team and gets equal playing time" policy, you are expected to attend practices. You are not usually expected to forego vacations or grandma's 90th birthday party to get to a practice. But you also don't get to pick and choose whether or not to attend. You can't say, "I'd rather go to a movie tonight" or "I'd rather sleep in than get up for an early morning practice". I've had situations where players just didn't want to come to practice. Ultimately, even at the rec level, it means they get less playing time. The kids who show up all the time resent the kids who don't show up. The ones who attend practice (quite correctly) don't think it is fair that kids who don't practice should get the same amount of playing time.

 

The higher the level of competition, the more commitment is expected. In my experience, any team that has a "miss practice and you're cut" policy makes this perfectly clear before try-outs or at the very beginning of the season. Often they will make the players and parents sign a code of conduct that includes this so that there is no arguement about it later. If parents have a problem with it, they shouldn't consent to their kids playing. If they think they need an exception and can still work within the spirit of the team's rules, then they need to discuss it with the coach at the beginning of the season to see whether it will work.

 

But once you've made the commitment to the team, you have to meet that commitment. I wouldn't want to teach my kids that keeping a commitment is optional. Saying that "family is more important" or "who is the parent here" is an excuse.

 

That said, there are many situations where the coaches enjoy having the power to control, intimidate and bully. Maybe this requirement to play and practice over spring break was just sprung on the players at the last minute. If so, then I agree the OP has a beef. But in my experience, this is the exception. Usually the players and the parents know what they're getting into when they sign up.

 

And saying "what a joke, the odds of a player making the pros is 1 in 10,000" is similarly irrelevant. This has nothing to do with making the pros. It is about participating in an athletic program that has certain goals and objectives. Most of the kids on the team probably want to compete at the highest level possible. Maybe it is about making a college team, but more often it is just about training, developing and compteting at a high level. That's what makes the "families unite" suggestion so unrealistic. Most of the other kids on the team are there because they want to play more and improve. They don't want to unite, protest and walk out.

 

While the OP has already made a decision, if I found myself unexpectedly in this position, I still think it is important to ask the kid what he wants to do. That's not because I'm not the parent and responsible for the decision, but do you really want to force your kid to stay and play if he'd really rather go on vacation and be willing to be cut from the team? Alternatively, are you really going to drag him out on vacation, knowing that it will make him miserable, and getting kicked off the team may affect him negatively for the remainder of his high school years?

[beachbum83]

In sophomore year, my daughter was starting on the JV lacrosse team. During the April spring break she went on a mission trip with our church to rebuild houses in New Orleans. She missed 3 games that week and never started a game thereafter. As a current HS senior she looks back and has no regrets. as she had a wonderful time in LA and helped people who really needed her. She knew she was never going to play in college and would have only warmed the bench as a varsity player, so in the end she was OK with her choice. The JV coach was a huge b!tch that no one liked and still cite what she did to my daughter.

 

That said, my younger child is a swimmer and he heard it several years ago from his summer coach (who is the HS coach), that they shouldn't consider taking the February vacation, as county & states are late Feb/early Mar, so practice is mandatory. He is a more serious athlete and will abide by this.

 

just cross posted to the person above me. WOW - CHILL OUT! if the kid is an elite athlete, they know what schedules are well in advance of HS (ala my younger kid). If a kid is a freshman and is not elite level material, they should be able to participate in family vacation and can cite ignorance. If the coach is that crazy, you are probably better off without them.

[sparky-elpaso]

I'd be asking the coach if he was planning on writing me a check for the cost of DS's ticket. The idea of games, etc. being scheduled during vacations is ridiculous. For some families that's the only time they can go on trips together.

[SuiteTraveler]

I couldn't disagree with you more. We don't have all the facts of the case (unless I missed something, but I think I read all the posts), but this appears to be entirely about a student-athlete being responsible about a commitment.

 

I have experience on both sides of this issue, as both a hockey coach (both rep and house league) and with a son who plays or has played two sports at the top level of his age group. When players join a team, they are making a commitment. The level of commitment varies -- generally with the level of competition of the team, organiziation and league.

 

If your child joins a recreational level team, even if that team has an "everyone makes the team and gets equal playing time" policy, you are expected to attend practices. You are not usually expected to forego vacations or grandma's 90th birthday party to get to a practice. But you also don't get to pick and choose whether or not to attend. You can't say, "I'd rather go to a movie tonight" or "I'd rather sleep in than get up for an early morning practice". I've had situations where players just didn't want to come to practice. Ultimately, even at the rec level, it means they get less playing time. The kids who show up all the time resent the kids who don't show up. The ones who attend practice (quite correctly) don't think it is fair that kids who don't practice should get the same amount of playing time.

 

The higher the level of competition, the more commitment is expected. In my experience, any team that has a "miss practice and you're cut" policy makes this perfectly clear before try-outs or at the very beginning of the season. Often they will make the players and parents sign a code of conduct that includes this so that there is no arguement about it later. If parents have a problem with it, they shouldn't consent to their kids playing. If they think they need an exception and can still work within the spirit of the team's rules, then they need to discuss it with the coach at the beginning of the season to see whether it will work.

 

But once you've made the commitment to the team, you have to meet that commitment. I wouldn't want to teach my kids that keeping a commitment is optional. Saying that "family is more important" or "who is the parent here" is an excuse.

 

That said, there are many situations where the coaches enjoy having the power to control, intimidate and bully. Maybe this requirement to play and practice over spring break was just sprung on the players at the last minute. If so, then I agree the OP has a beef. But in my experience, this is the exception. Usually the players and the parents know what they're getting into when they sign up.

 

And saying "what a joke, the odds of a player making the pros is 1 in 10,000" is similarly irrelevant. This has nothing to do with making the pros. It is about participating in an athletic program that has certain goals and objectives. Most of the kids on the team probably want to compete at the highest level possible. Maybe it is about making a college team, but more often it is just about training, developing and compteting at a high level. That's what makes the "families unite" suggestion so unrealistic. Most of the other kids on the team are there because they want to play more and improve. They don't want to unite, protest and walk out.

 

While the OP has already made a decision, if I found myself unexpectedly in this position, I still think it is important to ask the kid what he wants to do. That's not because I'm not the parent and responsible for the decision, but do you really want to force your kid to stay and play if he'd really rather go on vacation and be willing to be cut from the team? Alternatively, are you really going to drag him out on vacation, knowing that it will make him miserable, and getting kicked off the team may affect him negatively for the remainder of his high school years?

 

With respect, I must completely disagree with you. A 14 year old child is NOT old enough to be responsible for making a commitment that affects his entire family's vacation, nor is he old enough to evaluate the potential monetary loss to the family. In fact, the 14 year old may not yet understand enough about money to know what impact that loss has on the family.

 

In addition, I know from my friends experiences that many coaches "forget" to inform parents about the time commitment expected. In fact, my best friend was recently caught off-guard when she was suddenly informed the night before that she was to supply breakfast for the next morning's practice - never mind she works fulltime or that she is on a strict budget and really can't afford to pay for the food. The coach had told her son, who is 15, but had not informed her, he didn't even call, email or text her and there was NO written schedule for this.

 

When you work for a school district, you are obligated to follow the schedule of the school district. If it is Spring Break, then it is assumed that everyone will be on Spring Break. Period. The coach, may, in fact be breaking the terms of his employment contract and the rules of his union by demanding that kids workout during Spring Break. These are things that the parents need to review with the principal and school board.

 

Many people scrape by just to afford one family vacation per year and the coach is expecting this family to throw away the money they paid for their son to vacation with them because he is being unreasonable and dominating the family's spring break. But the fault for this lies with the parents who have allowed the coach to behave in this manner. Technically, the coach is their employee. Employees do not determine when the boss can go on holiday, especially when a specific holiday is scheduled for the company. In this case, Spring Break is a scheduled school holiday. This behavior by the coach should not be tolerated by the parents.

 

I am not suggesting that kids skip out of organized sports because they want to go to a movie or sleep in, but when it is vacation time as scheduled by the school system and the family has planned a vacation, the coach should have NO SAY and NO RECOURSE to punish the kid for taking a vacation with his family. PERIOD.

[MissDiva1]

He made a commitment, he needs to follow through. Just because you don't won't to abide by the rules, thats the rules. I see 28 year olds at work that got out of commitment in high school who slack off at work , use sick days when not allowed all on the premise that its all about them. A parent that disagrees with a coach on a certain schedule is spoiling his child and its leading to further getting out of things later in life. These parents that use excuses like money has been paid so he can't practice are a joke. Why join a team, where its not about making the pros , it's about learning teamwork, self-sacrifice, doing for others. Thats fine go whine to the AD they will laugh at you, and your son will reap the benefits of mommy going to the school and whining and her poor baby needs to cruise and not practice.:mad:

 

I totally 100% agree! We sacraficed many a vacation for our son to play sports. We just worked around it.

[MissDiva1]

How do you know the kid even commited to the cruise?

Maybe the parents just booked thinking he was off.

 

Bill

 

That would be my guess. Most parents of atheletes know what they are getting into and plan around the season.

[MissDiva1]

I understand I'm the parent and need to make important decisions on behalf of my 14 year old, i also feel like responsibility plays a part here. he joined up to be part of a team and his team is relying on him (to a degree, he's no the all start of the team by any means). i take the brunt of the responsibility here because i guess i should have checked the "rules" prior to booking during the break, i know during football season with my older son he goes nowhere except to practice starting in August...so...hard lesson learned, thank goodness by sil will be staying with him for the week while we cruise!

 

Good job!!!!

[jetsfan]

There are so many things I want to add I don't know where to start. I am the mom of 4 kids who have played or participated in HS football, soccer, track, and now marching band. My son is in band which has an unreal schedule. His director has put out when mandatory practices begin in the summer months, so we will take our summer vacation in early August as the last 2 weeks are off limits. There is also a written policy that requires my signature letting me know the policy of missed practices and what is understandable (death in family) and what is not acceptable. As in most group sports and activities 100 percent participation is crucial. With that said I do feel spring break and other holidays should be off limits. For example, he has no committments on Labor Day weekend. In NY where we live that is the last big summer weekend before school and they know people may be away.

 

Over the years I have come across coaches who are legends in their own minds as well. MY DD does play a college sport. She runs track at a D1 school and she is committed to school first then the sport. However her HS her coach was way off the mark at times. One time my daughter had to tell him that she would absolutely not be at a practice on Christmas eve day. He thought it would be a great idea to just get a quick one in. I almost lost my mind. I think there comes a time when common sense has to prevail.

I think kids have to honor commitments. It is not okay to just sleep in and blow things off.

However when do we say enough and realize that sports are not the end all of things. My DD loves her sport and gave up many nights out with friends because of early meets or late night rides on buses, and I know she wouldn't change a thing. I also know that she would agree that time away from a grueling school schedule and the pressure of the sport is a godsend, and that it makes her a better athlete.

 

I blame this obsession on a few warped coaches and AD that have mo idea what their emplyees (our employees) are doing.

 

I do not know if OP had an idea of his rules, but I feel so sad for her situation. I treasure family vacations as all of you do and I hope that whatever she chooses to do will work out for her and her family.

[alligirl78]

Absolutely agree with SuiteTraveler. In addition, many people book their cruises or vacations months it years ahead. What kind of message does it send to a 14 yr old to agree to blow an entire family vacation for a few practices and a one baseball game? Money grows on trees and baseball is more important than family? Just what America needs...more spoiled kids! I understand commitment, striving for excellence and the nature of competitive sports. I also understand the value of money, family time and doing things/compromising for the greater good....not just one person's good.

 

The notion that a kid who misses some baseball practice for family vacation is going to grow up to call in sick and make excuses not to go to work is BS. If YOU have done YOUR job as a parent, your kid won't grow up to be that way. I'm not relying on my kids' coach (or Sensei in our case) to teach my kids responsibility, dedication and work ethic. Thats the parents' job. And the kid isn't calling in sick. He is on vacation, just like I will be next week. It's a necessary part of grown up life.

 

I would be calling the coach and explain that we booked our trip long before try outs and odur family will be gone. Like I said before, " to each their own" and the OPs solution us a happy medium for them. I'm glad the rest of the family won't be punished but if it were

MY DS, he'd be with me. My focus is on academics in school. Not sports. And loving and spending time with family trumps any other "responsiblilty'.

[MissDiva1]

There are so many things I want to add I don't know where to start. I am the mom of 4 kids who have played or participated in HS football, soccer, track, and now marching band. My son is in band which has an unreal schedule. His director has put out when mandatory practices begin in the summer months, so we will take our summer vacation in early August as the last 2 weeks are off limits. There is also a written policy that requires my signature letting me know the policy of missed practices and what is understandable (death in family) and what is not acceptable. As in most group sports and activities 100 percent participation is crucial. With that said I do feel spring break and other holidays should be off limits. For example, he has no committments on Labor Day weekend. In NY where we live that is the last big summer weekend before school and they know people may be away.

 

Over the years I have come across coaches who are legends in their own minds as well. MY DD does play a college sport. She runs track at a D1 school and she is committed to school first then the sport. However her HS her coach was way off the mark at times. One time my daughter had to tell him that she would absolutely not be at a practice on Christmas eve day. He thought it would be a great idea to just get a quick one in. I almost lost my mind. I think there comes a time when common sense has to prevail.

I think kids have to honor commitments. It is not okay to just sleep in and blow things off.

However when do we say enough and realize that sports are not the end all of things. My DD loves her sport and gave up many nights out with friends because of early meets or late night rides on buses, and I know she wouldn't change a thing. I also know that she would agree that time away from a grueling school schedule and the pressure of the sport is a godsend, and that it makes her a better athlete.

 

I blame this obsession on a few warped coaches and AD that have mo idea what their emplyees (our employees) are doing.

 

I do not know if OP had an idea of his rules, but I feel so sad for her situation. I treasure family vacations as all of you do and I hope that whatever she chooses to do will work out for her and her family.

 

She said she didn't check the rules prior to booking her cruise....kid is staying home. I quoted her above.

[photojunkieEMT]

Why are these schools having school sponsored activities during spring break? It is supposed to be a break!

 

I have seen comments similar to this through this thread, I had to comment. I work part time for a local high school assisting the athletic trainer. I have to ask, you don't have child athletes, do you? We have sports through any breaks. The holidays themselves are the only days that are safe. We don't have a full week off for spring break but over "winter" break all the basketball teams attend or host tournaments as well as the wrestling and swim teams. Some of the days during breaks I am able to pick up more hours due to the crazy schedules being held by the teams. OP, chalk this up to a learning experience. You can't schedule vacations during any part of a sports season that your child is involved. Play it safe, don't do this in the first few weeks after the regular season, you never know when they are going to make the playoffs. Besides my current situation this is from a woman who's older sister cheered in the fall and winter as well as running track in the spring. My older brother played soccer in the fall and wrestled in the winter. I was in the marching band in the fall and softball in the spring. The 2 younger siblings...soccer, marching band and track. We knew that we did vacations in the summer before fall sports started and if we went when the pre season practices had started the coaches were fortunately understanding.