Obnoxious Table Mates???

[Schplinky]

My statistics about American reading habits' date=' of which you questioned the validity, were in an article I read a few months ago in Publishers Weekly, I think.

At a manager's conference a few years back, we were told that something like 20 per cent of the population buys 95 per cent of the books sold in this country.

[/quote']

 

The correct figure is that 20% of the people buy 80% of the books. This was the result of an American Booksellers Association study. It is often miscontrued by readers to imply that only 20% of Americans buy books. Of course, the real implication is that the core customer in bookselling has more time to read or may live closer to a particular store. On a customer count basis, that 80% will far outnumber the 20%.

 

The Publisher's Weekly statement that half of all Americans will not read a full book after highschool (which gets regurgitated more often than it should) was the matter of a writer's speculation and has never been substantiated. The statement is often attributed to Publisher's Weekly to give it validity and has oft been quoted by that publication but has, again, never been proven.

 

I can tell you that what different folks consider to be a "good" book varies but I doubt that would ever lead to unpleasant table conversation unless folks thought their reading habits were a lever to make others feel bad, which is rude in any context.

[Jane110]

 

The most obnoxious person for us was a guy at the next table, complaining about the children in the dining room. He was louder than any of the kids and we kept wishing his wife would take him out of the dining room for a little walk until he calmed down.

 

You should have leaned over and told him he was going to get a "time out" if he didn't behave himself! LOL!!!

 

Jane

[Kissara22]

I for one would love tablemates who could ( or would) chat about Voldemort and/or Clanton, Mississippi. :D

[davidaperryman]

The question we consider off only limits is to ask someone where they are from.

 

If they are from Texas they will tell you. If not, you do not want to embarrasses them.

[dc-snoopy]

I totally agree! And may I add that the use of the word "partner" can be confusing? I don't know whether it's 2 business partners (who are also friends) traveling together or a gay couple. I still prefer the term "significant other". It's not the most sophisticated expression, but at least it defines the relationship without confusion.

 

Jane

 

And as a tournament bridge player who frequently partners with good friends (although I'm a stronger player, I often play bridge with good friends as it gives us an excuse to spend time together that we often fail to schedule otherwise), there's another situation where we've had to go from "and my partner, Buddy" to "and my bridge partner, Buddy" It's funny the things you don't even think about doing anymore...but I was reminded by Jane's note.

 

I'm old-fashioned and still think it's fine to be boyfriend-and-boyfriend (guy-friend and lady-friend seem to be more grown-up, but also more awkward) although my DW had trouble with the girlfriend and boyfriend tags after we had been a couple for three years just prior to our engagement.

[Jane110]

Though it's not considered a rude question, I absolutely hate that some people will immediately ask others, "What do you do for a living?".

 

If a person loves what they do and/or is proud of what they do for work, then it will come out in the normal course of conversation. This happens for my DH and I who are in IT and fashion, in that order.

 

However, there are many people for whom their job is just that - a job - and it speaks nothing of whom they are or what their interests are. For example, a good friend of mine owns a dry cleaning store - he hates it, he's a musician by passion. He took the store over from his father and it's served him well in supporting his family. However, he has no desire to speak about it and it doesn't define him.

Or, there are people who are between jobs, or in temporary jobs 'til one in their field comes though. Why make them uncomfortable or put them in a position to feel that they need to explain themselves?

 

When I meet new people, I prefer to ask them questions like:

Where was your last vacation or Where is your next vacation?

What are your hobbies/passions?

How did you two meet?

If they're wearing something outstanding - I'll comment favorably on it and then will often get an interesting story from them about it.

 

Then, what they do to pay the bills, will natually occur in the course of conversation if it's important to them. Or it won't, if it's unimportant to them.

 

Just my opinion........

 

Jane

[1corona4u]

The question we consider off only limits is to ask someone where they are from.

 

If they are from Texas they will tell you. If not, you do not want to embarrasses them.

 

Ok, can you explain to me why you think it's rude to ask where someone is from? I don't have a problem with people asking me that, maybe it's just me?

[dc-snoopy]

Though it's not considered a rude question, I absolutely hate that some people will immediately ask others, "What do you do for a living?".

 

[...snip...]

 

However, there are many people for whom their job is just that - a job - and it speaks nothing of whom they are or what their interests are. For example, a good friend of mine owns a dry cleaning store - he hates it, he's a musician by passion. He took the store over from his father and it's served him well in supporting his family. However, he has no desire to speak about it and it doesn't define him.

Or, there are people who are between jobs, or in temporary jobs 'til one in their field comes though. Why make them uncomfortable or put them in a position to feel that they need to explain themselves?

 

When I meet new people, I prefer to ask them questions like:

Where was your last vacation or Where is your next vacation?

What are your hobbies/passions?

How did you two meet?

If they're wearing something outstanding - I'll comment favorably on it and then will often get an interesting story from them about it.

 

Although I appreciate your concern for others and it speaks well of your intentions, I don't necessarily agree that because of individual circumstances that asking about someones job is a bad thing. It is another seemingly "safe" topic to discuss. Yes, there will be some people whose circumstances will not be pleasant, but even with the questions that you ask, it could be a mine field as well. For example, if the last vacation was a disaster that they want to put behind them, that wouldn't be pleasant discussion or a pleasant remembrance (think about anyone who has to leave the cruise in the middle for any reason). How did you two meet? Well, DW was DH's mistress while cheating on his first wife, but when he divorced her, they married...that's not necessarily pleasant chit-chat. Hobbies and passions? Well, DH loves to do and talk about something that drives DW up the wall and he does it so much that he won't help around the house...yada yada yada.

 

I remember a friend like your friend with the dry cleaning store. His response would have been "I'm a musician, but I run my own business to support me between gigs." For many of my friends, we are in theatre but we always say "I'm an actor, but I work in IT to pay the mortgage." That usually gets both the vocation and avocations in and sometimes makes for a nice icebreaker.

 

Between jobs? I'm taking a break from my job to get better at cruising...

 

My point is that you try to be pleasant and create small talk. Work is usually safe, but any topic of conversation can easily be a mine field to walk into. If you are lucky your conversation partner will just steer away from any mine fields and move on to something else that will work to provide pleasant conversation for the time you spend together.

[madforcruising]

I think that topics like job, former vacations etc. are pretty god topics to break the ice. Of course the job question sometimes can be a not so good one, but I think with a little bit of sensitive behavoiur on both parts it´s OK. If somebody is not willing to talk about the job, which is totally fine with me - I´m on vacation too, trying to let the job behind - one will recognize this pretty fast and it´s time to get over it and change the topic.

 

I think don´t be too overprotective in choosing a dinner topic. It´ll prevent a relaxed and laid back atmosphere. Just watch and hear your conversation partner and you´ll recognize if he his happy with the conversation or not.

 

To me the best bet to start an conversation is always to speak about the things one did today or plans for the next day. The trip and ports of call is definitely something we all have in common. From there the conversatoin can easily develope in different direction depending on the people.

[ginadis2002]

Well, y'all have nixed politics, religion, jobs, relationships, where we live and reading from appropriate dinner conversation.

 

Maybe we can all discuss pets?

 

Personally, I dislike Stephen King novels but that would never stop me from liking you if his books were your passion.

 

But then again....I'm easy to please and happy to talk about most anything.

[dc-snoopy]

Well, y'all have nixed politics, religion, jobs, relationships, where we live and reading from appropriate dinner conversation.

 

Maybe we can all discuss pets?

 

Oooh...that could be bad too. There are many out there who really don't like pets or can't have pets or won't have pets (we are in the middle category as DW has severe allergies related to pet hair and dander...so much as we would both like a pet...we can't... :( )

 

I agree with madforcruising that you start with some of the neutral topics and then PAY ATTENTION to your conversation partner and hopefully you'll figure out which topics to stay away from either because they don't want to talk about it, or because they have ideas that don't agree with yours and that it would be best not to discuss. But we've had many types of conversations with people on vacations (land and sea) that have been quite pleasant...including on some of the topics that have been scratched on this thread....

[Cruising89143]

After my first three cruises or so I started asking for a table that would handle just my group. I no longer sit with people that I do not know. My first cruise back in 86 was enough to turn me off to that forever. Two little old ladies from Florida that were so noisy that they made dinner something that none of us looked forward to each evening. I guess they missed their daily shuffle board games back at the park and the gossip that they all gathered daily.

[bosteph]

Our tablemates (a family of four) were pleasant but odd. The "Dad" could not remember names which in itself is not odd but - he called his son the wrong name many times. I know that it was not his middle name or a nickname because the 10-year old would correct him. Apparently he made up his own names for people because he addressed us by the same names all week - just not our names. The "Dad" also caused a serious accident in the dining room near the end of our cruise. He was leaving the table but stopped in the aisle to say something to his wife. Two waiters coming towards each other from opposite directions swerved to avoid him and collided head on. One had a very full tray (about twenty entrees). Food literally exploded in the aisle. The "Dad" was shocked and started to cry :confused:. I am sure that he felt bad but crying???

 

It was interesting to dine with others. If your tablemates are truly annoying just think of it as dinner and a show :p.

[WeBeCruisin']

The correct figure is that 20% of the people buy 80% of the books. This was the result of an American Booksellers Association study. It is often miscontrued by readers to imply that only 20% of Americans buy books. Of course, the real implication is that the core customer in bookselling has more time to read or may live closer to a particular store. On a customer count basis, that 80% will far outnumber the 20%.

 

The Publisher's Weekly statement that half of all Americans will not read a full book after highschool (which gets regurgitated more often than it should) was the matter of a writer's speculation and has never been substantiated. The statement is often attributed to Publisher's Weekly to give it validity and has oft been quoted by that publication but has, again, never been proven.

 

I can tell you that what different folks consider to be a "good" book varies but I doubt that would ever lead to unpleasant table conversation unless folks thought their reading habits were a lever to make others feel bad, which is rude in any context.

 

Wahhhh!! Schplinky's picking on me again! In statistics such as these, there's no such thing as a "correct" set of statistics, because each study reflects the bias of the person or organization which conducts the study. As for the "customer count" basis, I agree that the 80% would far outnumber the 20%. In fact, I would hazard a guess that it would be, say, maybe, perhaps 4 to 1? Just a wild, reckless guess. But, I know from my experience as a bookstore manager in analyzing those figures that many of the 80 per cent are the same customer who is a frequent repeat buyer. Each of his transactions counts as a different "customer" in customer counts. This is precisely why firms push the "preferred customer" cards so aggressively. In fact, I was one of the leaders in formulating the sales approach to the Waldenbooks "Preferred Reader" card, which was perhaps the forerunner of the frequent buyer programs in the books industry. I still have the watches and awards I was given for leading the region and the country in these endeavors, so I do know a little about these statistics and what they encompass. I even wrote the "scripts" which booksellers across the country would use to try to sell the cards.

And the "50 per cent of Americans never read a book unless it's required for a course or for business" statistic is indeed valid. There have been countless studies over the last 20 years which have all come up, independently, with the same or nearly the same statistic. Trust me on this, Schplinky, because a large part of my livelihood for many years was based upon being aware of and on top of these types of figures, so that I could tailor marketing and merchandising to the demographics of my store, district, and region.

 

Allen ( who still likes Schplinky despite his efforts to put me down) :)

[WeBeCruisin']

Though it's not considered a rude question, I absolutely hate that some people will immediately ask others, "What do you do for a living?".

 

Jane, I love that question, because it gives me the chance to respond, "Absolutely nothing. I'm a kept man." :cool:

 

Allen

[WeBeCruisin']

Ok, can you explain to me why you think it's rude to ask where someone is from? I don't have a problem with people asking me that, maybe it's just me?

 

1Corona, I think he was saying that he was from Texas, and that anyone who wasn't from Texas wasn't worth knowing their location, because if it wasn't Texas, it didn't matter....they were pond scum.

 

Allen

[WeBeCruisin']

 

Basically, what Schplinky and some of the rest of you seem to be saying is that just about any topic can be a potential disaster. I can just picture entire tables of mutes, afraid to say anything out of fear of offending or being politically incorrect. Good conversation is an art. You "read" the other person's reactions to topic-starters, and you react accordingly, and you give your own signals and if all persons involved are sensitive, perceptive, and flexible, conversation flows effusively and a good time is had by all.

 

Allen

[madelinerose]

Ditto here with the allergies. I've been getting shots for years. We have a Standard Poodle who's the love of our lives. Poodles have fur, not hair and are 99.9% non-allergenic with no shedding. If you really want a pet, just a little fyi. ;)

 

Oooh...that could be bad too. There are many out there who really don't like pets or can't have pets or won't have pets (we are in the middle category as DW has severe allergies related to pet hair and dander...so much as we would both like a pet...we can't... :( )

....

[WeBeCruisin']

After my first three cruises or so I started asking for a table that would handle just my group. I no longer sit with people that I do not know. My first cruise back in 86 was enough to turn me off to that forever. .

 

Our first cruise was also in 1986, on NCL's Southward, and was probably our worst as far as tablemates were concerned. We were on our honeymoon and for some reason, NCL chose to put us at a table with four single girls in their 20s who worked as cashiers for Lucky's Markets in California. They spent the entire trip flirting with me and putting down my new bride. At one point, the "ringleader" even sat in my lap at dinner, batting her eyelashes at me and asking me to recommend appetizers and entrees for her. My bride was NOT amused. These four girls also tried to hit on all the male staff members and pick them up, and were soundly rejected on all sides.

 

19 years later, we still look on that as one of our most memorable cruises and laugh at the disaster that was our tablemates. I would hate to spend every cruise just eating with people I already know. That would seem somewhat boring, and I would feel like I was missing a lot, even if it might take many years to be able to laugh about it. Adventures are about new experiences, some good and the rare bad ones. Life is too short to spend it in mundane predictability. There's something profound there, somewhere. :rolleyes:

 

Allen

[WeBeCruisin']

Our tablemates (a family of four) were pleasant but odd. The "Dad" could not remember names which in itself is not odd but - he called his son the wrong name many times. I know that it was not his middle name or a nickname because the 10-year old would correct him. Apparently he made up his own names for people because he addressed us by the same names all week - just not our names. The "Dad" also caused a serious accident in the dining room near the end of our cruise. He was leaving the table but stopped in the aisle to say something to his wife. Two waiters coming towards each other from opposite directions swerved to avoid him and collided head on. One had a very full tray (about twenty entrees). Food literally exploded in the aisle. The "Dad" was shocked and started to cry :confused:. I am sure that he felt bad but crying???

:p.

 

The "Dad" was probably suffering from the beginnings of Alzheimer's and cried out of humiliation and embarrassment. When you get a little older, you'll be a little better to emphathize in these situations and just count your lucky stars that it hasn't happened to you.... yet.:(

 

Allen ( or at least I think that's my name!)

[1corona4u]

1Corona' date=' I think he was saying that he was from Texas, and that anyone who wasn't from Texas wasn't worth knowing their location, because if it wasn't Texas, it didn't matter....they were pond scum.

 

Allen[/quote']

 

Huh....interesting.;)

[bosteph]

The "Dad" was forty tops - my son is older than his son. I think his problem was probably the bottled variety.

 

We buried a dear family member within the last year that suffered with Alzheimer's. I'm not offended by your statement though.

[Schplinky]

To me the best bet to start an conversation is always to speak about the things one did today or plans for the next day. The trip and ports of call is definitely something we all have in common. From there the conversatoin can easily develop in different direction depending on the people.

 

 

I think this is a great idea.

[Schplinky]

Wahhhh!! Schplinky's picking on me again! In statistics such as these' date=' there's no such thing as a "correct" set of statistics, because each study reflects the bias of the person or organization which conducts the study...

 

Trust me on this, Schplinky, because a large part of my livelihood for many years was based upon being aware of and on top of these types of figures, so that I could tailor marketing and merchandising to the demographics of my store, district, and region...

 

Allen ( who still likes Schplinky despite his efforts to put me down) :)[/quote']

 

Allen, I would encourage you to not confuse my disagreeing with you for not liking you or picking on you. I don't know you (except for your posts) so that would be wrong of me.

 

I worked in publishing for 15 years and so I really dislike the way "studies" are quoted that inspecifically. I would not have corrected you based on a suspicion.

 

The Waldenbooks card was indeed a big development in bookselling but sadly, it meant that more and more stores hired people who could sell the cards than could sell the books. I think most customers would be disappointed to know that each employee has a sales target for those little cards (which are a huge profit center in an increasingly splitered market).

 

I think it's great that you love to read. Obviously someone who has a Masters of Literature and chooses to work in a bookstore must, since you would have other avenues of employment open to you. I love to read, also, which is why I left that area of business! :D I hated the co-op programs and the schlock we were required to push.

 

Getting back to the issue of tablemates, it would be fair to say that they are more likely to be readers than the "average" American if only because they obviously have more money and time for leisure than the working poor. I think literature is a fair topic of conversation but only if you are discussing it to share ideas and passion, not to display any superiority over less-read pax.

[hstrybuf]

I would hate to spend every cruise just eating with people I already know. That would seem somewhat boring' date=' and I would feel like I was missing a lot, even if it might take many years to be able to laugh about it. Adventures are about new experiences, some good and the rare bad ones. Life is too short to spend it in mundane predictability. There's something profound there, somewhere. :rolleyes:

 

Allen[/quote']

 

I would have to agree with you here as I have yet to have tablemates who so negatively impacted my dining as to make me want to sit only with people I already know. I love meeting new people whether they are total strangers or someone I've only conversed with via the internet!

 

We've been very lucky thus far to have tablemates who haven't been totally outrageous. They range from the boring to the entertaining to the overly talkative. Even our worst experience wasn't all that bad. One gentleman at our table insisted that they serve him chicken noodle soup even though it wasn't on the menu. After going through the waiter and head waiter, they finally mixed up a concoction of ramen noodles in broth with chunks of chicken. It seemed to satisfy him but I found his demands somewhat embarassing. All in all though he was otherwise a nice gentleman and we enjoyed meeting him and his wife.