teen's curfew

[teddybarehead]

Yes' date=' and I do not think that is applicable in this situation.

 

So... you aren't a parent. Are you the boss of anyone at work? If they are supposed to be at work at 8 but they show up at 8:20, do you say "employees will be employees, I am just teaching them to be responsible". In fact, you are teaching them quite the opposite. If you set a boundary and then let them cross it repeatedly, you are only teaching them that you are a pushover and they don't have to listen to you.[/quote']

 

 

How is it not appliciable. We are talking about rules and boundaries. About the difference between protecting your children, and teaching them to think for themselves. Your example is the one that isn't applicable. Who would hire someone who needs to be taught responsibility? I said i wasn't a parent, that doesn't mean i don't know what a curfew is, or have an opinion on it. You really can't discredit me by stating over and over again that i have no kids, and then dishing out examples that don't make much sense in retort to what i wrote.

[MrsZee]

Here is the quote you called ridiculous:

 

 

Originally Posted by mousey

Our DS was 16 on our last cruise in Aug. and we also brought along his friend who was 17 at the time. We gave them a curfew 1a and they haggled with us for 1:30a. and we said okay. The second night they explained to us that after the teen club closes (at 1a.) a lot of the kids go to the pizza/deli area and hang out. They asked us if they could change the curfew to 2a and we agreed because spending an hour seemed reasonable to wait in line for pizza and sodas and eating and drinking. They had a ball! But being typical teenagers one night they came back at 2:20a. That led to a stern lecture (and having his car taken away for two days when we got back home) and promises that if they did it again the curfew would be way earlier. That did the trick and they were never late again.

 

She gave her son a curfew of 1am, he asked for 2am so they could go eat pizza and she agreed. One night he came back at 2:20am and he got in trouble and a reasonable punishment. How is my example of an employee being late to work not applicable to this scenario?

 

Or do you believe curfews in general are ridiculous? I fail to see where you see ridiculousness.

 

Edited to add: It sounds like me she taught her son responsibility by disciplining him when he did not do what he was supposed to do, just like I would discipline an employee that showed up to work 20 mins late.

[mousey]

Very interesting answers. I'm really 'stuck' for this cruise! Our last cruise, DD was 14 and DS was 17. DD, while being a very good kid, is a little less responsible than her older brother. DS is extremely mature and responsible for his age and always has been. We had no concerns about them being out and about, as they were always together--luckily, we were able to get her into the same club as him. They didn't have a 'set time' per se, it was depending upon what events were taking place. But it was always an unspoken rule that it would be a good idea if they were back in their cabin before midnight and would call us to check in (they were directly across the hall from us). Again, I have to reiterate, they are very good, trustworthy kids. This cruise, DS is unable to come with us and DD (now 16) is bringing a friend (17) along. Her friend is also a very good young lady and well behaved also. However, not having a male as part of their duo, I'm a little more apprehensive about having them out. DD has a midnight curfew at home, I don't personally think she really needs to have much later on the ship. However, as I'm reading some of your posts, it's making me think that if the events are ongoing until 1am, that perhaps we are being a little strict in not lettering her partake, considering she is one month away from turning 17. Decisions, decisions...

 

We have a unique situation because where we live is up in the Santa Monica mountains in CA. So, on weekends for about 2 years now the DS (16) usually spends the nights on the weekend with friends that live in the flatland. We have lived in the same area for over 12 years. I know all my DS's friends and their parents. Because of local city curfews and driver's license laws the DS's curfew is 11p. and his friend's parents know that. At home, the DS has never, every broken his curfew. On the ship, however, I let him stay out until 2a because after the teen club closes the kids go to the pizzeria/deli to eat. As I mentioned in a previous post he broke curfew once and the consequence was that he lost his driving privileges for two days when we got home. I don't think that is the worst punishment in the world. One poster flamed me for "not cutting the apron strings", I personally think 2a is a pretty lenient curfew for a 16yr-old on a cruise but whatever. Everyone has their own opinion. The DH and I are usually up at that time somewhere on the ship anyway so I feel comfortable with this. Someone mentioned their kid was a black belt...so is mine.

 

Do what you think is best for your own child and don't worry what others have to say. Only you know how much rope you can give your kid before they hang themselves with it (meaning break curfew). There are plenty of kids on the cruise that will not have a curfew and can stay out as long as they want. My kid isn't one of them.

 

As to another poster who asked, "when do you consider him a young adult" I'll consider him an adult when he's 18 when he leaves for college and can legally live on his own providing he can pay rent, food, etc. etc. My kid knows he has a home for the rest of his life if he ever needs to return for whatever reason. He'll be going off to college soon so right now I'm trying to teach him to be responsible, which for the most part he is, but he's only 16 and still needs some tweeking. If he breaks curfew there are consequences, just like when he gets into the real world there will be consequences for any negative actions. I love my kid and if some think I'm not cutting the apron strings at 16...so be it!:)

[teddybarehead]

Here is the quote you called ridiculous:

 

 

Originally Posted by mousey

Our DS was 16 on our last cruise in Aug. and we also brought along his friend who was 17 at the time. We gave them a curfew 1a and they haggled with us for 1:30a. and we said okay. The second night they explained to us that after the teen club closes (at 1a.) a lot of the kids go to the pizza/deli area and hang out. They asked us if they could change the curfew to 2a and we agreed because spending an hour seemed reasonable to wait in line for pizza and sodas and eating and drinking. They had a ball! But being typical teenagers one night they came back at 2:20a. That led to a stern lecture (and having his car taken away for two days when we got back home) and promises that if they did it again the curfew would be way earlier. That did the trick and they were never late again.

 

She gave her son a curfew of 1am, he asked for 2am so they could go eat pizza and she agreed. One night he came back at 2:20am and he got in trouble and a reasonable punishment. How is my example of an employee being late to work not applicable to this scenario?

 

Or do you believe curfews in general are ridiculous? I fail to see where you see ridiculousness.

 

Edited to add: It sounds like me she taught her son responsibility by disciplining him when he did not do what he was supposed to do, just like I would discipline an employee that showed up to work 20 mins late.

 

You going to take away your employee's car? :D

[MrsZee]

You going to take away your employee's car? :D

 

No, but I might dock his pay, write him up or if it was a repeated offense I would fire him.

 

I like a good debate and am all for it, but if you are just trying to be contradictory, then I don't want to participate.

[teddybarehead]

No, but I might dock his pay, write him up or if it was a repeated offense I would fire him.

 

I like a good debate and am all for it, but if you are just trying to be contradictory, then I don't want to participate.

 

Good. Because I was going to start trolling you for trying to equate being the boss of employees to being the mother or father of a child. :)

[MrsZee]

Good. Because I was going to start trolling you for trying to equate being the boss of employees to being the mother or father of a child. :)

 

I am 99.9% sure you came into the thread trolling... I doubt my comments made a difference at all.

[mousey]

Here is the quote you called ridiculous:

 

 

Originally Posted by mousey

Our DS was 16 on our last cruise in Aug. and we also brought along his friend who was 17 at the time. We gave them a curfew 1a and they haggled with us for 1:30a. and we said okay. The second night they explained to us that after the teen club closes (at 1a.) a lot of the kids go to the pizza/deli area and hang out. They asked us if they could change the curfew to 2a and we agreed because spending an hour seemed reasonable to wait in line for pizza and sodas and eating and drinking. They had a ball! But being typical teenagers one night they came back at 2:20a. That led to a stern lecture (and having his car taken away for two days when we got back home) and promises that if they did it again the curfew would be way earlier. That did the trick and they were never late again.

 

She gave her son a curfew of 1am, he asked for 2am so they could go eat pizza and she agreed. One night he came back at 2:20am and he got in trouble and a reasonable punishment. How is my example of an employee being late to work not applicable to this scenario?

 

Or do you believe curfews in general are ridiculous? I fail to see where you see ridiculousness.

 

Edited to add: It sounds like me she taught her son responsibility by disciplining him when he did not do what he was supposed to do, just like I would discipline an employee that showed up to work 20 mins late.

 

MrsZee, thank you for supporting me not once but twice!:D

 

I just try to do the best by my kid. We cut him breaks. What's funny is before I read your last two posts I too used the example of an employee being late in my last post!:D Every parent needs to do what they think is best for their own child. I didn't punish my DS on the cruise and ruin it for him. We waited till we got home and took his driving privileges away for two days. My brother said,"You took his car away for two days?! You didn't wack him up the side of the head?" No, we don't get physical in our family, taking the car away from a 16yr-old kid is big-time punishment, especially where we live up in the mountains because he isn't going outside and walking anywhere unless he's out hiking!:p

[mlrandpkm]

Thanks mousey. I'll have to talk to DH about the curfews (he's sometimes worse than me! :) ) And we are very similar to you (as my parents were with me also), if they have a curfew and they are late, there are some consequences to pay (varied, depending on degrees of tardiness)--otherwise, why have a curfew?? Thankfully, the kids are very good and very rarely ever need any kind of discipline for anything, but maybe that's because of the fact that they have been taught right from wrong all along.

[teddybarehead]

I am 99.9% sure you came into the thread trolling... I doubt my comments made a difference at all.

 

No i was serious. I come as an advocate of the little people, fighting against the oppression of the big people. Since my recent conversion to the dark side i have an insight into what they deal with that most big people lack. The fact that you can't find the logic in my writing is no fault of mine. I think you might have some sort of superiority complex going. I'm actually working on my BS.BA so... if your example of employees had worked out i would have been behind it, but it didn't. Not my fault either.

[MrsZee]

No i was serious. I come as an advocate of the little people, fighting against the oppression of the big people. Since my recent conversion to the dark side i have an insight into what they deal with that most big people lack. The fact that you can't find the logic in my writing is no fault of mine. I think you might have some sort of superiority complex going. I'm actually working on my BS.BA so... if your example of employees had worked out i would have been behind it, but it didn't. Not my fault either.

 

Alright, well, when my son throws a tantrum and I have to take away his action figure toy for two days. I'll be sure to let him know where to find his "little people advocate"...

[teddybarehead]

Alright, well, when my son throws a tantrum and I have to take away his action figure toy for two days. I'll be sure to let him know where to find his "little people advocate"...

 

They aren't people till they are cognoscente of life and death.

[familycruzr]

My kids have to be back in the room 30 minutes after their organized activities end.

[mousey]

Thanks mousey. I'll have to talk to DH about the curfews (he's sometimes worse than me! :) ) And we are very similar to you (as my parents were with me also), if they have a curfew and they are late, there are some consequences to pay (varied, depending on degrees of tardiness)--otherwise, why have a curfew?? Thankfully, the kids are very good and very rarely ever need any kind of discipline for anything, but maybe that's because of the fact that they have been taught right from wrong all along.

 

I totally agree with you! and thanks for the support:D

[mousey]

Mrs.Zee, I totally get the message you were trying to convey to Teddybearhead about the employee comparison. He's just being obtuse! Most of the parents on here are just tyring to figure out what to do to be fair with their kids when it comes to curfews. Maybe Teddybearhead had a horrible experience with curfews when he was younger and that's why he seems to be so against them.:D

[teddybarehead]

Nope, my dad never gave me curfews, he trusted me to come home at a reasonable time and i always did. ^^

[mousey]

Teddybearhead you are a saint! Unfortunately not all kids are as responsbible as you, some kids just need a lttle more rules than others. My DS loves me, so I don't think my rules are doing anything negative to our relationship. He knows I love him, but he also knows I know him like the back of my hand!:D

[Andoria]

I know I may get a bit of heat from some of you but let me start by saying I really do like children!

 

I have read the whole thread and I am so amazed at so many that feel their children are so responsible and can do no wrong and it is okay to allow your tweens and young teens run around without supervision.

 

Are they really at 02? Do you know that for sure? At that age they are allowed to check themselves out right?

 

Are they sitting on the stairwells waiting for someone to check in, or are they deliberatly blocking them creating a hazard? The comment "making fun of adults" should have been a clue. They use it lightly but "making Fun" includes trying to trip them on stairwells and jumping in elvators and passing gas and jumping out.

 

Some poeople just don't realize that a group acting like a pack can prove dangerous if not unpleasent for other passengers.

 

I won't let it ruin a cruise but I have scared a few simply by saying "I know your parents." Most of them belive me.

 

Seriously though folks. I know you want to think your children are above all that, but just like many immature adults you see cruising, Cruising tends to make some of the young ones forget their inhabitions. They don't behave as they would in your home town.

 

My best advice to all parents; "Trust, but verify"

 

Do I think my son is above tripping someone in a stairwell? Deliberately passing gas in an elevator and making fun of other people? Yes, yes, I do. He hasn't been raised by a pack of wolves.

 

Will he be at camp all the time he isn't with me? No. He doesn't need to be jailed and he's old enough to pick and choose his own activities.

 

I've seen kids blocking the stairs and I'm sure my son has on occasion. When that happens, a simple "Excuse me" gets kids moving over and apologizing. I'm sure if there was a fire or some other type of emergency, the kids wouldn't be blocking the stairwells.

[lablover61]

The bottom line is no one knows their kids better than their parents. Be reasonable. Remember the kids are on vacation. Base your decisions on the judgement history and actions of your children. I made my kids earn respect and trust ( which they did ) , and now they enjoy it on our cruises. It's what I call the " Rope Theory ". Give them some and if they don't hang themselves give them more until you reach your limit of what you believe is reasonable. :)

[Andoria]

The bottom line is no one knows their kids better than their parents. Be reasonable. Remember the kids are on vacation. Base your decisions on the judgement history and actions of your children. I made my kids earn respect and trust ( which they did ) , and now they enjoy it on our cruises. It's what I call the " Rope Theory ". Give them some and if they don't hang themselves give them more until you reach your limit of what you believe is reasonable. :)

 

 

Rope theory, I like it! Adding that to my parenting tools:)

[lablover61]

Rope theory, I like it! Adding that to my parenting tools:)

 

 

Thanks, feel free to use it. It worked well for us !

[19snapshot]

I trust my kids, until they give me reason not to. Breaking curfew would be a reason to suspend trust. I would've considered having them "make up" the 20 minutes on the next night. You were kind letting the repercussions wait until after the trip. I don't see that as smothering. It was basic good parenting.

 

If someone else's kid stepped into the elevator, farted, and left, I would probably laugh.

 

If a kid was tripping people on the stairs, I would tell him (or her) to cut it out. Any attitude, and I would ask them where their parents were. That usually scares them. Continued attitude, I would talk with security. No way would I watch that happen and not make sure it was stopped.

 

The worst I've seen is kids running in the public areas of the ship. On one cruise we saw kids dropping ping pong balls down an empty staircase and counting the times they hit the sides. In the ping pong ball case, I told them it probably wasn't a good idea, as someone could enter the staircase, unbeknownst to them and trip. They apologized and stopped. I spoke to them as a reasonable human being and they responded reasonably, even though they weren't 18 or in college.

 

I appreciate reading the perspective of someone closer to kid years than I am. I am sure we have all seen parents get in the way of their kids' growth. It is a good reminder to make sure we are allowing our kids the freedom to grow while providing a reasonable measure of safety as well.

[G&TQ]

I don't as yet have experience with this battle between child and parent. My son is only 7 and well at this point do I trust him to do as I say and be where he needs to be. Yep. For a 7 year old he is pretty responsible he all but gets himself to school in the morning and has been known to tell us he is going to bed early because he is tired. It is the crazies out there I do not trust.

 

Mousey I think you are more lenient then I would be with curfew but I have another 9 years to work that out. I think the punishment is right on. Find their currency.

 

teddybarehead- I take issue with your statement "They aren't people till they are cognoscente of life and death." My son was a person the moment he became real to me which was shortly after conception and I know others feel differently and I respect that. So when do they become people? and what are they until then? Please you are not an advocate for my child. Having received my BS BA at the top of my class let me tell you you need to retake some classes cause you just don't get it.

[Laurin612]

The bottom line is no one knows their kids better than their parents. Be reasonable. Remember the kids are on vacation. Base your decisions on the judgement history and actions of your children. I made my kids earn respect and trust ( which they did ) , and now they enjoy it on our cruises. It's what I call the " Rope Theory ". Give them some and if they don't hang themselves give them more until you reach your limit of what you believe is reasonable. :)

 

Well said!

[lablover61]

I trust my kids, until they give me reason not to. Breaking curfew would be a reason to suspend trust. I would've considered having them "make up" the 20 minutes on the next night. You were kind letting the repercussions wait until after the trip. I don't see that as smothering. It was basic good parenting.

 

If someone else's kid stepped into the elevator, farted, and left, I would probably laugh.

 

If a kid was tripping people on the stairs, I would tell him (or her) to cut it out. Any attitude, and I would ask them where their parents were. That usually scares them. Continued attitude, I would talk with security. No way would I watch that happen and not make sure it was stopped.

 

The worst I've seen is kids running in the public areas of the ship. On one cruise we saw kids dropping ping pong balls down an empty staircase and counting the times they hit the sides. In the ping pong ball case, I told them it probably wasn't a good idea, as someone could enter the staircase, unbeknownst to them and trip. They apologized and stopped. I spoke to them as a reasonable human being and they responded reasonably, even though they weren't 18 or in college.

 

I appreciate reading the perspective of someone closer to kid years than I am. I am sure we have all seen parents get in the way of their kids' growth. It is a good reminder to make sure we are allowing our kids the freedom to grow while providing a reasonable measure of safety as well.

 

 

Couldn't agree with you more, especially your last few sentences !

I have been blessed to have two children who never really presented us any SERIOUS problems. The last night of our cruise last year when my DS was 16 and DD 13 , a southern gentleman type person probably in his mid to late 60's who had been eating dinner with his wife and another couple all week at a four top next to ours , leaned over to my wife and I and said that our two kids were two of the best behaved kids he had seen in a long time. He added he had seen both of them around the ship ( with the friends they made in their youth clubs and NOT with us ) , as well as at dinner every night. Made me feel incredibly proud as a parent. I also congratulated my kids , and pointed out to the both of them you never know he will see you around the ship ! :o