Introvert ≠ Shy and why NCL works for me.

[cruisecritiquer]

Earlier I was talking to someone about why I prefer NCL. I told them about freestyle. I told them I don't really care for forced dining with strangers. You know it's funny when you tell someone that. Usually extroverts take that as an admission that you just don't like people. But, that's actually not it at all. I know a lot of cruiselines offer other options now. That's great. But, NCL is comfortable to me because I can mix and mingle as much as I want or I can just sit by myself if I want. When you are on board with 2K - 4K people, and you are an introvert, you have to choose carefully. One things this person said to me today stuck with me though...and I wanted to discuss it with other introverts on this board. She said, "I didn't think you were the shy type." Anyone who has taken a Myers Briggs typology indicator probably knows their letters. I'm an INFJ. I'm not shy. I'm not bashful. I don't feel awkward around folks, I am just not a big lover of crowds or prolonged interactions with a large group. I found an article today that I smiled about because it explained what I've been trying to tell people who try to label me as shy when I say I am introverted.

 

Excerpt:

 

If common stereotypes have anything to say on the matter, it's that introverts are socially awkward loners who abhor large crowds and don't like people very much. An introvert may not be a particularly friendly or happy person, but hey, at least they're smarter and more creative than the average extrovert.

 

Despite comprising an estimated one-third of the general population, introversion may be one of the most frequently misunderstood personality traits. But the silent revolution of introverts -- catapulted into the spotlight largely by the work of Susan Cain, author of Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking -- is shedding light on the experience of introverts living in a culture that tends to value extroverted qualities like assertiveness and outspokenness over solitude and quiet contemplation.

 

Much of the problem stems from the lack of a simple distinction between introversion and extroversion -- the difference is far more complex than being shy versus outgoing, according to Sophia Dembling, author of The Introvert's Way: Living a Quiet Life in a Noisy World. The introversion/extroversion distinction has its roots in Jungian psychology, which views extroverts as being more naturally oriented towards the outside world, and introverts more focused on their own inner world.

 

“The description that introverts seem to relate most strongly to is the idea that Jung presented, that introverts are drained of energy by interaction, and gain energy in solitude and quiet, whereas extroverts gain energy in social situations with interaction," Dembling tells The Huffington Post. "It seems to be most strongly an energy thing –- where you get your energy and what takes it out of you.”

 

If you're an introvert, you might be used to feeling misunderstood (many introvert children are criticized for not speaking up at school, and grow up being told to "come out of their shells") and having your actions (or inaction) misinterpreted. And if you're an extrovert, there's a good chance that you have a least a few misconceptions about those mysterious quiet types in your life. Scroll through the list below for six of the most common false assumptions about introverts -- and why they're wrong.

 

Read full article: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/07/29/introvert-myths_n_3569058.html

Edited September 10, 2014 by cruisecritiquer

[HowardK]

Interesting points- I was probably considered an introvert because I always liked doing my own thing; and the freestyle allows you do determine to what extent you want a schedule or not. At some point I came out of my shell and at times went back in it.

But when I have been on the cruises, I always meet people, eat with other solos and get up and play at howl at the moon, fat cats etc...

Fine with a studio because I prefer to be out in the open.

 

I just think the line does a really good job of providing enough things to do either a) by yourself or b) with others.

[mommyto2girls]

Interesting points- I was probably considered an introvert because I always liked doing my own thing; and the freestyle allows you do determine to what extent you want a schedule or not. At some point I came out of my shell and at times went back in it.

But when I have been on the cruises, I always meet people, eat with other solos and get up and play at howl at the moon, fat cats etc...

Fine with a studio because I prefer to be out in the open.

 

I just think the line does a really good job of providing enough things to do either a) by yourself or b) with others.

 

HowardK we are trying to arrange a M&G on our roll call you should join us.

[hloakes]

I understand your viewpoint because I too am an introvert.

 

I do not like being forced to meet and mingle with new people, especially in groups. I do fine with one or two people. I can do ok in groups when necessary, but prefer my own clan.

 

I recently saw another article on the subject http://elitedaily.com/life/culture/are-you-an-introvert/731774/

 

I have not sail on NCL and look forward to the freestyle dining. Last year we went on Carnival and did the dining when we wanted. One night they put us with another couple, and it was ok because my wife can carry a conversation. Turns out they were teachers and since my wife is as well, they had a lot they could discuss.

 

I prefer spending time on the ship alone, usually with a book and a cigar.

[SuiteCruiser]

Earlier I was talking to someone about why I prefer NCL. I told them about freestyle. I told them I don't really care for forced dining with strangers. You know it's funny when you tell someone that. Usually extroverts take that as an admission that you just don't like people. But, that's actually not it at all. I know a lot of cruiselines offer other options now. That's great. But, NCL is comfortable to me because I can mix and mingle as much as I want or I can just sit by myself if I want. When you are on board with 2K - 4K people, and you are an introvert, you have to choose carefully. One things this person said to me today stuck with me though...and I wanted to discuss it with other introverts on this board. She said, "I didn't think you were the shy type." Anyone who has taken a Myers Briggs typology indicator probably knows their letters. I'm an INFJ. I'm not shy. I'm not bashful. I don't feel awkward around folks, I am just not a big lover of crowds or prolonged interactions with a large group. I found an article today that I smiled about because it explained what I've been trying to tell people who try to label me as shy when I say I am introverted.

 

Excerpt:

 

If common stereotypes have anything to say on the matter, it's that introverts are socially awkward loners who abhor large crowds and don't like people very much. An introvert may not be a particularly friendly or happy person, but hey, at least they're smarter and more creative than the average extrovert.

 

Despite comprising an estimated one-third of the general population, introversion may be one of the most frequently misunderstood personality traits. But the silent revolution of introverts -- catapulted into the spotlight largely by the work of Susan Cain, author of Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking -- is shedding light on the experience of introverts living in a culture that tends to value extroverted qualities like assertiveness and outspokenness over solitude and quiet contemplation.

 

Much of the problem stems from the lack of a simple distinction between introversion and extroversion -- the difference is far more complex than being shy versus outgoing, according to Sophia Dembling, author of The Introvert's Way: Living a Quiet Life in a Noisy World. The introversion/extroversion distinction has its roots in Jungian psychology, which views extroverts as being more naturally oriented towards the outside world, and introverts more focused on their own inner world.

 

“The description that introverts seem to relate most strongly to is the idea that Jung presented, that introverts are drained of energy by interaction, and gain energy in solitude and quiet, whereas extroverts gain energy in social situations with interaction," Dembling tells The Huffington Post. "It seems to be most strongly an energy thing –- where you get your energy and what takes it out of you.”

 

If you're an introvert, you might be used to feeling misunderstood (many introvert children are criticized for not speaking up at school, and grow up being told to "come out of their shells") and having your actions (or inaction) misinterpreted. And if you're an extrovert, there's a good chance that you have a least a few misconceptions about those mysterious quiet types in your life. Scroll through the list below for six of the most common false assumptions about introverts -- and why they're wrong.

 

Read full article: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/07/29/introvert-myths_n_3569058.html

 

It's all very interesting :) I'm an ISFJ and know that I'm an introvert, but the people who know me think I'm an extrovert.

 

I love NCL for the same reasons, I can be surrounded by people or be all alone and loving it. I don't like forced social situations, but certainly am social :)

[bottomfeeder]

Yep, yep. I'm an ISTJ. It is truly an energy thing--I like people but not all the time.

 

Although I am not in sales, I work with the sales team in my company and each year am required to attend the annual sales kickoff meeting--talk about a draining experience! 3 straight days of nothing but constant contact with a couple hundred extroverts. At the end of it I just want to go off to a cave somewhere, where I don't have to smile at anyone for a couple of weeks. And they are all nice people who I like a lot (well, almost all of them!)

 

Why do you all think it is that introverts seem to "get" extroverts and how they tick, but most extroverts don't "get" introversion? Is it just that we spend way more time pondering stuff? :)

[cruisecritiquer]

DH is an ESTJ and I can literally see him blossom like a rose when he's in a crowd. It's quite interesting. He is charming, charismatic, and loves people and the more people the better. I get him, but like you said, he has a hard time understanding my side of things. He just can't fathom why it would be more fun to sit at home alone with a good book than go to the neighborhood corn-hole tournament on the weekends. :p

 

He either truly doesn't get it or doesn't want to get it. I still haven't figure dout which. ;)

[philip_eunice1]

I just don't like people

 

 

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[cruisecritiquer]

I just don't like people

 

 

You do realize that you are a person, right? :confused:

[DMH15]

Even extroverts sometimes just want to be alone with peace and quiet. I especially enjoy a peaceful breakfast. Glad NCL gives me choices.

 

 

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[Ali70]

Great thread. I'm introverted and that article described me perfectly. A lot of my colleagues and even my family think I'm a bit of a weirdo for going on vacations alone. They can't understand how someone would choose to spend time alone. I'm going on the Breakaway soon and I love the concept of the studios and the studio lounge.

[SissasMomE]

I just don't like people

 

 

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LOL! I don't mind people, on my own terms, but do need to "get away" from them after a time. I need my own space. As for eating with strangers - our vacation time is family time. I don't want to make small talk with strangers over dinner - I want to spend it with my family.

[LuvBNatC]

Anyone who has taken a Myers Briggs typology indicator probably knows their letters. I'm an INFJ. I'm not shy. I'm not bashful. I don't feel awkward around folks, I am just not a big lover of crowds or prolonged interactions with a large group.

 

cruisecritiquer, we may be soulmates! :D

 

I took the Myers-Briggs many years ago, and your post had me digging out the results. I'm also INFJ, and my favorite cruise mode is ALONE. (Well, unless I have a significant other, which I don't at the moment.)

 

I love chatting with new people, but after a while, I want to sit on my balcony and just watch the sea go by in peace and quiet.

 

People tell me I have the highest tolerance for solitude of anyone they know; I work from home as a writer, so most of my daily contacts are by phone or email. Yet at the end of the day, even if I haven't seen a soul, I feel I've been pulled in all directions and want to be "alone."

 

On the other hand, people I meet for the first time on ships never see me as being introverted because I'm often the one to initiate a conversation.

 

That's just the way we are... we like to keep 'em guessing! :D

[adivineeternity]

I've always been classed as ENFP with excessively strong extroversion. I have also done a lot of reading about the E vs I traits because I had a number of people who were very surprised to learn I'm so heavily extroverted because I happen to love reading, writing, and other activities more commonly stereotyped for introverts. It makes a lot more sense when you understand what it all means, so I'm glad I looked into it.

 

I love my alone time, I need it to make it through the week, but I can't have too much or I shut down entirely. There's a lot that I could mention here from the last few years of my life, but I'm on my phone. My energy almost always comes from the people around me, which honestly has its drawbacks.

 

I have actually spent a lot of time explaining to people what extrovert and introvert really mean so they can understand that introverts can be just as sociable as extroverts and extroverts can be just as quiet as introverts (like me, often). There is no mutual exclusivity in these things, it's about the energy and where a person draws it from.

 

That's part of why I like NCL's freestyle thing, too. My boyfriend is, as far as I can tell, more introverted than I am. He lived alone for years before I moved in and loved it. He still enjoys going out and socializing, but he's got limited capacity to do it and generally makes a point of avoiding large crowds. Last Christmas was great because he went to three Christmas parties in four days and was totally wiped out at the end of it. We had to skip his brother's because he couldn't do four in four days.

 

That said, it'll be interesting being on a huge ship (the Breakaway) for our first cruise. He's already planning his alone time with a book and a glass of water on our balcony. I'm trying to figure out when I'll have time to read with so much going on and so many people to meet. I'll make time because I need to, but I don't know how much...

[skrink]

Just booked my first solo and last minute cruise on NCL and haven't had time to read up on the ship (Norwegian Dawn) yet, so thanks for your post.

 

For me, it's important to have down time to myself because I get tired of being "on" all the time. I'm a counselor and need quality time to myself (the whole reason for this trip). Last thing I want is forced socializing in a dining room.

 

Sounds like NCL is a good choice for solo travelers. What else besides studio staterooms and freestyle dining makes it good for singles?

[babyher]

DH is an ESTJ and I can literally see him blossom like a rose when he's in a crowd. It's quite interesting. He is charming, charismatic, and loves people and the more people the better. I get him, but like you said, he has a hard time understanding my side of things. He just can't fathom why it would be more fun to sit at home alone with a good book than go to the neighborhood corn-hole tournament on the weekends. :p

 

He either truly doesn't get it or doesn't want to get it. I still haven't figure dout which. ;)

 

 

 

 

I understand where your DH perfectly. I am an extroverts extrovert *LOL*

 

Raised in a huge Italian family (no such thing as small immediate family gatherings *LOL*) Plus my parents were extremely social people always entertaining . Even today in her 80s my Mom walks in the door , the band strikes up "Hello Dolly" (or "Hello Norma" as the case may be :)) *LOL*

 

I can strike up a conversation with anyone , anywhere , even if it is just small talk in passing. My DW always wonders how I was never kidnapped as a child because I will talk to anyone.

 

DW is a very social person , but her family is a lot more low key than mine , so even she sits back and wonders how I can just know and start gabbing with so many people.

 

My first wife's family , forget about it *LOL*. My Dda use dto say they made the family in the movie "Ordinary People " look like the Brady Bunch *LOL*

[deschoolie]

I'm an introverted extrovert... or was it an extroverted introvert?:D Alas, I'm only human...

[pnerissa]

Man. Just had to go dig out my test results too. I'm a ISTJ. I take trips by myself a lot, not necessarily because I'm a loner (although I do enjoy my own company), but because I decided long ago that I wasn't waiting around for other people's schedules to mesh with my own.

 

When I travel alone I can do my own thing. I'm okay being seated at a table with other people, but I'm not a social butterfly and won't be steering the conversations. It won't hurt my feelings to sit by myself. Being forced to interact with others in a very crowded situation will cause me anxiety.

 

Sometimes I feel like a paradox.

 

Bev

[HowardK]

HowardK we are trying to arrange a M&G on our roll call you should join us.

 

Hello! I just responded and pasted in my name on the roll call- You can coun't on me to definitely be there as What I really liked about my last cruises was the mix of people from both the studios, roll calls, and bands.

[HowardK]

Yep, yep. I'm an ISTJ. It is truly an energy thing--I like people but not all the time.

 

 

Why do you all think it is that introverts seem to "get" extroverts and how they tick, but most extroverts don't "get" introversion? Is it just that we spend way more time pondering stuff? :)

 

I go to a ton of concerts- and often go by myself just because it doesn't phase me. Perhaps once a woman who was there with her daughter asked me if I was there by myself but she was like hitting on me anyway but I was there to see Billy Joel and she was getting on my nerves lol.

If i go to a Philllies game or Eagles game, I still talk to strangers even when I am with people because it is fun.

I just don't care either way.

The main time I am not okay alone on a cruise is at dinner though. I enjoy sitting and talking with people and you will NEVEr hear me complain about waiting long for food.

[Valen9]

It's all very interesting :) I'm an ISFJ and know that I'm an introvert, but the people who know me think I'm an extrovert.

 

I love NCL for the same reasons, I can be surrounded by people or be all alone and loving it. I don't like forced social situations, but certainly am social :)

 

I'm an INTP, close to INFP, and I totally understand. I have a fully-developed secondary personality that I use in groups, so often folks think I am an extrovert.

 

It's important to separate "shy" from "introvert". I was much more shy when I was younger, and sometimes find myself with bouts of shyness on a cruise. I call it "shy" when I want to have some social interaction, but I feel anxious about it -- like I won't be able to do it right, or think things like "oh, those people don't want to meet me, I'm intruding". Introvert is just "I'm now tired of interacting with people and I'd like to be alone."

 

I think the saddest people in the world must be those who are both extroverts AND really shy. As an introvert, my shyness only rarely means that I don't get all the social interaction I need. Someone who WANTS a lot more interaction but can't get it must be very sad!

[Valen9]

Although I am not in sales, I work with the sales team in my company and each year am required to attend the annual sales kickoff meeting--talk about a draining experience! 3 straight days of nothing but constant contact with a couple hundred extroverts. At the end of it I just want to go off to a cave somewhere, where I don't have to smile at anyone for a couple of weeks. And they are all nice people who I like a lot (well, almost all of them!)

 

Been there. Those meetings where you're with people all day, then go to dinner that takes hours... and then they want to go out for drinks and MORE socialization!

 

What I do is I beg off after dinner. I claim exhaustion, or catching up on emails, or being a non-drinker, or ANYTHING just to get out of the torture that would be hanging out with them all those additional hours. It's a bit sad because you can see in their eyes "but you're missing all the fun!"

 

I've sometimes had a quiet conversation with an extrovert about this, and they are capable of understanding. For my friends I can now just say "I'm over-socialized" and they will understand.

[maywell]

I just retook the test, which haven't done in years and truly forgot which other personality types along with introverted and tested INFP. And I finally sorta figure out what was bothering me about my earlier Carnival trip and why NCL might look like a better fit for me - I truly do not like being questioned and interrogated while I'm eating or doing something by myself then having to defend myself for those choices and actions.

 

The Cruise Critic M&G group was awesome but I did find myself alone majority of the time on that cruise even in a large crowd and seen as a weirdo ('Tis my nature, sadly...). Literally was reprimand by couple of people at the breakfast buffet on the Splendor for eating lite (Didn't know me having a cup of coffee and 2 croissants was eating light -mind you it port day at Turk / Caicos and planned to eat heavy at the bars there...) Don't get me wrong, the cruise trip (ports, beaches, weather, food) was lovely but that questioning me about how did I paid for my trip, why I'm not eating alot for a big woman, why do I have alot food, why I am traveling by myself, etc was just too much to me and I had a hard time not being snippy and witchy. The late evening MDR dining was interesting in strange forced way, my 2 constant tablemates were ok (it was a table for 10 soloers and only 5, including me showed up for the week) but that awkward silence was something else. I try my hardest not to dominate the conversation due to me literally being the only one talking the most and that saying something because I'm a lousy conversationalist. :(

 

I'm just hoping when I get on Breakaway later this year, that what happen on Carnival was just a fluke and that not how most cruises go. At least on NCL, I get to choose if I want to dine alone in the MDR or not. And it does seem to have alot of quiet places to sit at away from crowds during lunch and evening time. Plus they try to connect soloers with each other during the trip each evening it seems, so that nice. I'm at point in life where if I meet people, that nice; if I don't, that okay too but don't bother or interrogated me for why I'm alone on travel or why I'm not talking alot (verbally talking for more than 30 minutes drains me out). Literally, on the weekends I'm so drained from talking so much, I just now don't go outside at all anymore and just enjoy playing computer games,watching Netflix/ TV or just napping to recharge myself. :o

[lettienets]

Hey maywell , remember me from Splendor in Apr.? We played minigolf. I loved that cruise.

I like fixed dining better as Carnival puts singles together but on NCL unless they have a table on the go of people who will share you end up eating alone. Or you become the start of a new shared table and may find the hostess can't find any who wants to share and you are alone again. If you are on a NCL ship with studios you will get to eat with other people that the studio attendant will set up.

I like eating with people. Luckily my next Epic cruises am going with friends in Oct.

[maywell]

Hey maywell , remember me from Splendor in Apr.? We played minigolf. I loved that cruise.

I like fixed dining better as Carnival puts singles together but on NCL unless they have a table on the go of people who will share you end up eating alone. Or you become the start of a new shared table and may find the hostess can't find any who wants to share and you are alone again. If you are on a NCL ship with studios you will get to eat with other people that the studio attendant will set up.

I like eating with people. Luckily my next Epic cruises am going with friends in Oct.

Yes, I remember - it was my 1st time ever playing it![emoji16] Regarding dining, I think Freestyle or Anytime is a better fit for me then Fixed when it comes to the MDR. If I'm going to sit in complete quiet with 2 other people at a Table for 10, then I might as well sit alone. I had a hard time not playing Tertis at the table because it was so non-talkative at times. To me it was a lesson learned - love dining out but I should do it on my own terms even if means sitting alone; at least I can entertain myself with watching norhing.

 

Just personal observation that I noticed through my life - We introverts get ask or told the most darnest and rudest of things that one can't help and go " *** just happen?!?'[emoji15] Pity the ones that tries to excuse themselves from social event or gathering, you literally have to explain yourself why you're leaving 'early' - even when early is 1am and you have to get ready for work at 9am that very morning...[emoji18]