Do you let you 18-20 year olds drink?

[ssolomon56]

I'm the mother of six girls aged 20-30. Our youngest daughter has cruised with us several times, and since she has turned 18, I don't have any problem with her drinking. Personally, I think it is her own business - I really don't understand how the legal age of consent is 18...except for drinking. It's kind of strange that a parent should be able to "sign" or "allow" their adult child to do anything.

 

Having said that...I'm certainly not saying that kids 18-20 should be encouraged to drink to excess...but, neither should ANYONE. With everything in life, the best we can do is raise our children to make good choices, and then hope that by the time they are adults they have been given to opportunity to make those good choices for themselves.

 

Granted, while my daughter is living under our roof...she has to follow basic rules, and treat us with respect. But, I would expect that from even our married daughters.

[tezbear]

We signed for my 18 yr old our last cruise. I was hesitant but my husband felt that he was on his way to college in a few months and would rather he be drinking around us than once in college. Plus, I'm sure he had already had a few drinks in high school....the reality. My son did fine...he drank a few Smirnoffs on Ice each night at the clubs and I never saw him drunk or out of control. I too had a father who was an alcoholic and because of it... I never drink. I have educated my boys about the alcoholism but I can't expect them to NOT ever drink because my father had a problem. All you can do is help guide them and give the appropriate information and the rest is up to them. Once they are in college, they will be doing many things that parents have no control over...and that includes binge drinking and the stupid things that go along w/ it. It's better to be realistic, educate and keep communicating w/ your teens. My kids still tell me things and I think it's because they feel they can...In fact, some things I would rather not know about!! LOL

[Puffinater]

 

It's also a little cynical to suggest that as soon as someone has a few drinks, they're incapable of following rules. Most people, including many teens and young adults, are more than capable of drinking while still acting sensibly.

 

Although I believe there are some who are responsible there are far to many that are not. Many years ago the drinking age was lowered to 18. Based on the statistics (and no I do not have them readily available) of teenage DUI and DUI related deaths after this took effect the law was repealed and the drinking age reverted back to 21. Why encourage a teenager to do something that maybe harmful to them. He or she has a lifetime to do it.

[zotzer]

I will date myself here, but it was legal for me to drink at 18 (DC) and 19 (VA). Half of my college class, however, had to wait until they were 21 (they changed the law in Virginia in 1984 and I was grandfathered in). Do you think they did? LOL

 

Anyway, my parents never made a big deal out of drinking. At family parties, starting in my young teens, they would allow me a beer. Honestly, I think that if you've raised a reasonable child there is no harm at all in signing the waiver.

 

If you're worried about them abusing alcohol and getting bombed, refusing to sign a waiver sure isn't going to stop *that* behavior....dream on if you think it will! :)

 

Tracy

[Onessa]

We have a son who ia 19 and we will sign the waiver. Last year we were on a Holland American cruise and they do not allow any drinking under 21,but the ports were all 18. He did have a beer with us a few times in port but since he could have it, it did not seem like such a big deal to him. . . .

 

That does seem to be one of the issues with lowering the drinking age. When I was a teen, the drinking age was 18. At the time discos were the rage, and you could usually "get in" if you were 15 or 16 (no one carded back then). We'd go out and most of us would have a couple of colas, some would have a beer or two. As the laws started to tighten up, kids attitudes changed - a lot more kids were getting sloppy dangerously drunk when they turned 18 (or 19, or 21) because it was such a big deal. Society has sent the wrong message - rather than "drink responsibly" by increasing the drinking age and the penaties for underage drinking, we've made alcholoic consumption a "rite of passage"

 

Sitting down with your teen and discussing the situation, making some rules (daily limits, set check-in times, etc.) and making it clear that signing the card is not something that you HAVE to do, but that you chose to do because you feel that he is mature enough to handle it - does not send a "bad message", it sends the right message.

 

It is important that we let our kids know that social drinking can contribute to enjoying an evening, and/or that a glass of good wine or a mixed drink can taste good. Otherwise what they see in movies and on TV, and what they probably hear from their friends is PARTY HEARTY DUDE! Now that's the wrong message!

[suzeyQ]

Onessa, I think that was very well said.

[jbond]

Many years ago the drinking age was lowered to 18. Based on the statistics (and no I do not have them readily available) of teenage DUI and DUI related deaths after this took effect the law was repealed and the drinking age reverted back to 21.

It's difficult to get a DUI on a cruise ship. Drinking responsibly has nothing to do with age, it's all about attitude.

Why encourage a teenager to do something that maybe harmful to them. He or she has a lifetime to do it.

Exactly what is harmful? I hear all the time that a glass of red wine a day is good for the heart.

 

Signing or not signing the waiver is the individual decision of the parents. They should know their kids better than any stranger on this board, maybe that's why some are so hesitant.

[MrsPete]

we decided that the cruise was an opportunity to help to teach him to drink responsibly.

I've never understood the idea of teaching kids to drink responsibly by allowing them to drink. They don't learn this skill by drinking -- they learn by watching how you handle alcohol, what they see their friends do, etc. For example, if they see that you never get behind the wheel of a car, and you tsk-tsk stories about drinking drivers on television, they're going to learn that you disapprove of drinking and driving. If they see that you drink 1-2 drinks and stop, they're going to get the idea that's an appropriate amount.

[MrsPete]

thank goodness I do not have to make that decision for a while. But when I read your dilemma I recalled a friend from college (a long time ago) who went a a cruise of the Greek isles with his dad. He was 18 so he and his dad consumed alcohol together, never in excess, and had a wonderful time. The problem occurred when they arrived back home a few days later.

After a particularly trying day my friend came home, opened a beer and kicked back like he had just been doing with his dad a few days earlier. When his parents got home and saw the beer bottle, they went ballistic. He was very confused and he thought the logic of "its not legal here" was a little lame. It is sort of smudging the rules (when you are on vacation) and depending on the child and their maturity, it may not be worth the potential complications.

Once again, not telling anyone how to raise their children, just pointing out a possible complication.

I think this is very, very possible. I teach high school seniors, and I guarantee you that while they may LOOK like younger versions of you and me, their thinking is definitely less mature. That's not a knock against them in the least -- I really like this age group -- but you can't expect them to think and behave like mature adults. The great majority just "aren't there yet".

[jbond]

I've never understood the idea of teaching kids to drink responsibly by allowing them to drink. They don't learn this skill by drinking -- they learn by watching how you handle alcohol, what they see their friends do, etc. For example, if they see that you never get behind the wheel of a car, and you tsk-tsk stories about drinking drivers on television, they're going to learn that you disapprove of drinking and driving. If they see that you drink 1-2 drinks and stop, they're going to get the idea that's an appropriate amount.

Agreed 100%.

Unfortunately, there's a large number of people out there that teach their kids to "Do as I say, not as I do".

[MrsPete]

If your 18-20 YO wants to drink and/or get drunk while on a cruise with you, rest assured, they will be able to find a way whether or not you sign the permission slip.

This MAY happen, but at least if it does, the child would drink considerably less knowing that she has to come back to MY room at the end of the evening, knowing that I have already disapproved of her drinking, and knowing that I do follow through with the things I say I'll do. On the other hand, if I sign, it can easily be misconstrued as "permission" to go hog wild.

[twinmom38]

Well, I agree that it depends on the child. My kids have always been allowed to have wine with holiday meals and other special occasions. We have never had issues with alchohol, because it was not forbidden. If they wanted to have a glass of wine at home, it was okay. I have 3 that are in college, and extremely responsible. They have all been taught about responsibility and moderation. We are crusing next year and will sign the waiver for my 18 year old, and she knows that that will entiltle her to a glass of wine with dinner and nothing more, and she will abide by that. She knows better than to mess up. Flame on !!

[MrsPete]

What do you mean by the "wrong message"? Signing the waiver doesn't mean the parents are telling their kids it's ok to break the law - the law onboard is that 18 year olds can drink wine or beer so I'm not sure what message you're worried about sending.

If you sign the waiver, here's the message you're sending: I think drinking at your age is just fine. It's just those pesky American laws that prevent you from drinking -- it's not me, the cool parent. So any time you can "get around" those laws, go ahead and do it.

 

What does this mean once the kid's back in the good old USA? Well, since mom and dad have "okayed" drinking when circumstances allow, it's okay to drink when the 2-years older boyfriend provides beer in a dorm room. It's okay to drink when the bartender winks and says, "I know you're 21. The negative message that's being sent is that it's okay to take advantage of loopholes.

[MrsPete]

It's difficult to get a DUI on a cruise ship. Drinking responsibly has nothing to do with age, it's all about attitude.

DUIs are just one of the many dangers of drinking. In my mind, while drinking and driving is awful, it isn't even the most problematic of the pitfalls.

[MrsPete]

We have never had issues with alchohol, because it was not forbidden. If they wanted to have a glass of wine at home, it was okay. I have 3 that are in college, and extremely responsible.

I'm glad that system has worked well for you, but it doesn't work for everyone. My father grew up in a family that allowed the kids to drink beer with dinner, etc. if they wished. Same theory: I'd rather they do it with me instead of somewhere else. Two of the three children in the household became alcoholics; my father died at 40, his brother has severe health problems. So for every "we allowed it, and they're responsible" family out there, there's another with a tragic story.

[suzeyQ]

If you sign the waiver, here's the message you're sending: I think drinking at your age is just fine. It's just those pesky American laws that prevent you from drinking -- it's not me, the cool parent. So any time you can "get around" those laws, go ahead and do it.

 

What does this mean once the kid's back in the good old USA? Well, since mom and dad have "okayed" drinking when circumstances allow, it's okay to drink when the 2-years older boyfriend provides beer in a dorm room. It's okay to drink when the bartender winks and says, "I know you're 21. The negative message that's being sent is that it's okay to take advantage of loopholes.

 

I see your point but you could also say that the message being sent is that: Drinking at your age is fine in a situation where it's legal and as long as it's being done responsibly. I don't think that signing a waiver in a situation where it's perfectly legal is encouraging them to "get around" the US laws. It's not that mom and dad have said it's ok when circumstances allow - they've said it's ok when it's legal which, in my view, is a big difference. It's not a loophole in the law - it is the law when you're onboard a cruise ship.

 

I'm not trying to start an argument (and hope this doesn't end up turning into one) - just trying to present a different point of view! :D

[jbond]

DUIs are just one of the many dangers of drinking. In my mind, while drinking and driving is awful, it isn't even the most problematic of the pitfalls.

I never said it was, just that it is difficult to get a DUI on a cruise ship. Child Welfare Centres and Abuse Centres, Broken homes and families are a trgic reminder of the destructive powers of alcohol, but I'll say it again "Drinking responsibly has nothing to do with age, it's all about attitude."

Two of the three children in the household became alcoholics; my father died at 40, his brother has severe health problems.

Do you think this was because they started drinking at an early age or because of a disease they had.

If you sign the waiver, here's the message you're sending: I think drinking at your age is just fine. It's just those pesky American laws that prevent you from drinking -- it's not me, the cool parent. So any time you can "get around" those laws, go ahead and do it.

 

What does this mean once the kid's back in the good old USA? Well, since mom and dad have "okayed" drinking when circumstances allow, it's okay to drink when the 2-years older boyfriend provides beer in a dorm room. It's okay to drink when the bartender winks and says, "I know you're 21. The negative message that's being sent is that it's okay to take advantage of loopholes.

You're dead wrong on this one. The message that is sent while in the US is IT'S AGAINST THE LAW TO DRINK ALCOHOL IN THE US IF YOU ARE UNDER 21.

When in a different country different laws apply. So, what was illegal in the US is no longer illegal in, say Canada and you're certainly not"getting around" anything. Surely your kids can differentiate between doing something that is legal in Canada and something that is illegal in the US. Breaking the law in the US has nothing to do with you or your kids following the legal code in another country.

On the other hand, if I sign, it can easily be misconstrued as "permission" to go hog wild.

If that's how you feel, I wouldn't sign the waiver either. Fortunately, I've never felt that way and my faith in my kids and grandkids has always been rewarded by the behaviour.

[love2vacation]

Well, I am going out on a limb here by saying that the reason we have the 21 law in the US is because the government ties the drinking age to highway funds. If the state does not have a 21 law - no funds. :mad:

 

When I was a senior in HS in 1973 the law was 18, then the next year they changed it to 19 in our state and then they changed the law to 21. Drinking was so not a big deal because it was legal in college at the time. Personally I think 19 makes more sense because the majority of kids are out of HS by 19. I thought is was so stupid to have 21 for drinking and in our state, when you really are of age for everything else at 18.

 

I still think chronological age is not the best measurement of someone's maturity.

 

Communicate and know your child, and remember they imitate parent's behavior!

[ctbrown24]

My parents signed the waiver last year. They know I wouldn't go overboard just because I was free to drink. I am responsible enough, and set my own limit, which was one drink a day. I know some people wouldn't be responsible with this 'freedom', but those of us who are should be allowed without anyone worrying about it.

[banderboo]

I had no problem letting my 19yr old daughter have a drink or two when we cruised in Oct. I think it is far more important to teach them to drink responsibly than worrying about the fact that they have not reach some arbitrary age set by our government.

[candigirl41]

I agree with the poster who said that the drinking age in U.S. is tied to the highway/interstate funds. If you are legal for everything else at 18, why do you have to be 21 to drink? I am 45. My daughter will be 18 in August. She can gamble in some casinos in California at 18. She can drink legally in most other countries at 18. I was just on a cruise to Mexico and my husband bought my daughter a beer, on the ship, and no one said a word. Did I mention we were in the casino at the time? It is all how the "child" behaves. My daughter was with 7 other adults and is very mature for her age. She does not go out and party at home. Flame away, but I was brought up with English parents who started giving me a half a bottle of beer as a treat when I was about 11. I already signed the waiver so my daughter does not have to chase me down to buy a beer on the ship if she is in the disco and I am in the casino. If they want to drink they will do it in port. It is legal in port, but not on a ship in international waters. The first 3 times I cruised drinking age was 18 and they didn't have to have an adult over 25 with them. They were all booked in their cabins together. 18 is legal age. Off my soap box now. If you feel you must, flame away. I have my suit on.

 

Candi

[Homeschoolmom69]

a few beers = a few rules out the window

 

Let them drink (moderately) ?? See above

 

Like several have said previously..sends the wrong message.

 

I think that it is presumptious of you to imply that if my son is allowed to have a

beer or two in our presence, he will not follow the rules we lay down. You do not know my son, and to imply that he will be a "rule-breaker" is a little rude! I am not naive, nor am I one of "those parents" that has a not-my-child attitude, but I am confident that my son WILL respect us enough to follow our guidelines!! If he doesn't, privilege revoked.....

[burritopunk]

Maybe a different perspective here...

 

I'm a 19 year old guy, and choose not to drink on my own accord. It does vary between families (alcoholism, etc), but if the kid wants to drink, they will drink, no matter the rule (in most cases). It's kind of a sticky situation, because if a parents tells a child not to do something, odds are they will do it...but then again, parents must enforce rules.

 

Depending on your child, OP, I would sign the waiver. Just lay it on the line with him, respect his opinion, and tell him you expect him to do the same. Tell him your expectations, and be reasonable. Don't dictate to him. That's just how I would like it done if I were in his situation, I suppose.

[wework2play]

I am 25 with two boys ages 5 and 8. If you do the math, you'll know that I had my first one at 17. I was a married mother, making it in the real world, and working on my college degree, but could not legally drink alchohol. So, I was smart enough to raise my children and start a career but I guess I wasn't smart enough to drink responsibly.?? Moral to my story: I would sign the waiver.

[zantedeschia]

People keep talking about local laws and drinking ages. Here's a little known subsection in the Texas Alcoholic Beverage Code, Chapter 106.06, subsection b:

 

106.06. PURCHASE OF ALCOHOL FOR A MINOR; FURNISHING ALCOHOL TO A MINOR.

b) A person may purchase an alcoholic beverage for or give an alcoholic beverage to a minor if he is the minor's adult parent, guardian, or spouse, or an adult in whose custody the minor has been committed by a court, and he is visibly present when the minor possesses or consumes the alcoholic beverage.

 

In Texas, it is legal for me to buy my 17-year-old a drink. Yes I know on the ship, the jurisdiction changes. Will I buy a drink for my daughter on the ship? Oh probably. Will I limit her to 1 or 2 a day? Oh probably. Will she drink responsibly? Oh probably. Will the people on the ship care? Doubtful. Will I allow her to buy a beer or two in the tourist shopping area on Cozumel? Probably. (ironically this is the only time she will be separated from me, as I bought an 18andaboveonly tour and she refuses to take a tour by herself.) Will the people in Cozumel care? Doubtful. Will her life be endangered? Probably not. She's not so stupid as to wander off with strangers or on her own in a foreign country. Will she be carrying her passport in Cozumel? Yes.

 

I did put my foot down re: Jamaica when she asked if she could buy some pot. Um, no.