Has This Happened to You in Dining Room?

[wraithe]

I don't understand your post.. are you having family conversation? or are you supposed to sit quietly and eat or else be sent to your room?

 

I think she meant no "melt downs" at the table. Quiet conversation when it's your "turn" to talk is still quiet. If he couldn't do that, sit quietly and eat until it was his turn to speak, and make his point, then he would have to go to his room where he would, indeed, be alone, with no distraction at all, including quiet conversation.

[Cloudmaster]

After all my questions regarding attire in Dining Room, I had an interesting thing happen. We just returned from our first cruise on the Jewel and it was fabulous. However, at dinner at the table next to us, there was a pretty large group together with a daughter maybe 7 yo and she brought a portable DVD to dinner every night. I was subjected to watching Scooby Doo every single night at dinner. (my chair was such that I couldn't move and not see it and she sat in the same chair the entire time) The first night I could hear the sound clearly-at least they had the "courtesy" to use headphones on the nights after that. I thought it was pretty tacky-coloring books are one thing but a DVD is another (this was the 8:30 seating too). I just think at some point a child should be expected to enjoy a meal and not be entertained the whole time. Kids wearing shorts in the dining room don't bother me (because I can't even see the shorts!!-although I had my children wear long pants) but a movie the entire dinner does bother me a little bit!! I asked my waiter if this was a normal occurrence and he acted like it was.

 

 

that never happened to me, but if it did, I would probably just show up a little earlier and sit at a different seat. You said the child sat at the same seat each night, but why did you? On the other hand, I would rather see that then listen to some child screaming and carrying on, wihch you can't avoid by changing seats

[AlDubya]

I forgot to mention, I still wouldn't take a DVD player, but I think crayons and paper are fine.

 

Why? If crayons and paper are fine, then what is wrong with a DVD player? It takes up about the same amount of space (not necessarily physical space, as it takes up vertical space off the table, but in terms of workable space, it's not much different) and is no more a distraction than coloring, assuming the child is wearing a pair of headphones.

 

Without headphones, I agree completely. With headphones, then people are complaining just to complain.

 

And, as to the OP, it's obvious from the tone of her post that this DID bother her more than she will admit. Remember she was 'subjected' to Scooby Doo. Of course, this was at another table, so I'm not sure how she was 'subjected' to it if she would just mind her own business and enjoy the conversations she was having at her own table.

 

Rather, it appears that she has her likes and dislikes, and she's one of those people who, when someone does something she dislikes, she just can't let it go. It festers and bothers her more and more. I mean, according to her, she was 'subjected' to all of this and had to watch Scooby Doo EVERY night. Please. Like a little girl/boy watching Scooby Doo on a 7" DVD screen with headphones on, at another table, really has any effect on you whatsoever.

[gedam]

I have a 13 year old and a 17 year old.

Every year when we go to Europe my youngest has played with a gameboy whilst waiting in restaurants for his meal.

This has kept him occupied (too old for colouring pencils) He is well behaved and last Easter in Eygpt, waiters had a good banter with him, they wanted to have a go etc.

We dont consider ourselves bad parents just trying to keep the whole family happy.

[Disneycruisers]

Why? If crayons and paper are fine, then what is wrong with a DVD player? It takes up about the same amount of space (not necessarily physical space, as it takes up vertical space off the table, but in terms of workable space, it's not much different) and is no more a distraction than coloring, assuming the child is wearing a pair of headphones.

 

Because if a child is coloring instead of wearing headphones, they're still able to participate in tidbits of conversation. Crayons and paper, IMHO, are a good idea, as the child has something to pass the time, but can still listen and participate. (Notice how many restaurants provide them.) I think a DVD player discourages that. To each his own, though.

[crusinmama06]

I have to stress that ALL kids are different. We eat out ALOT. So my children know what is expected of them (ages 1 and 6).

 

Would I allow them to bring a DVD player or Gameboy to dinner? No.

 

Would I be bothered if another family brought one? No. I have too much to worry about in my own life then to be concerned with the intellectual development of someone else's child.

 

Will we be bringing these items on the plane when we fly in 3 weeks? You better believe it! I have TWO portable DVD players, a gameboy, numerous snacks, magnadoodles, etc to keep the kids entertained on the flight. Why? Cause there is no where to go when you are on a plane. You can't just "get up and leave" if the toddler starts to fuss. So I intend to use every trick in my bag to make that flight go as smoothly as possible.

[AlDubya]

Because if a child is coloring instead of wearing headphones, they're still able to participate in tidbits of conversation. Crayons and paper, IMHO, are a good idea, as the child has something to pass the time, but can still listen and participate. (Notice how many restaurants provide them.) I think a DVD player discourages that. To each his own, though.

 

This depends upon the table they were seated at. For instance, the last cruise I went on, I went with my family (who booked the cruise). Due to this, my table was ages 55 and up (with my two parents being the youngest). While I was OK with this and am always quite sociable, it wasn't exactly the most condusive to good table conversation... and I'm 28 (27 at the time).

 

I can image how it would be if you're 7 and in the exact same situation. If she was one of the only children at the table, how much do you think she would have added to the conversation? Not very much. Now, if there were other children and she was ignoring them in favor of her DVD player, then that is a different story.

 

I find it quite entertaining to hear people say what being 7 is like. It's been so long since most of us were 7 that we attribute things to what it was like to be 7 that aren't at all close to the truth. It's one thing to humor your parents and other adults at the table for an hour (while on a cruise ship with thousands of other fun things to do) when the reality is you don't have much interest in their conversations. It's another thing to have to do that for 2+ hours, which is your average dinner time on the cruise.

 

I also love how people are saying something along the lines of "These parents should think of everyone else and not themselves." Well, here's a thought... they probably ARE thinking of everyone else. They realize that this is the best way to keep their child occupied and quiet so as not to ruin someone elses dinner. They just can't account for the people that are too into themselves that they get bothered by the mere sight of a DVD player. That's more on the person doing the complaining than the parent providing the DVD player.

[margaritasalt]

Dining Room meals are barely an hour, maybe 90 minutes. I doubt any child cannot behave and eat for that long. The waiters are very solicitous and attentve to children. I'm guessing these same families have t.v. on at home during dinner.

 

 

My son has difficulties handling 30 minute lunches at McDonalds. The lights, the noise, the doors (he has an obsession with doors) are very distracting for him and while he loves going there, we have to keep meals very brief or he will become stressed.

 

He would not be able to handle an hour in a formal dining room. That's why, as his mother and as a considerate person, I don't take my children on cruises. We are working with him, both at home and at school, to help make social situations more bearable for him. He's been going to school full-time since he was 3 and has come a long way.

 

To the other poster with the Autistic brother, I applaud your mother for the job she did raising your brother during a time when very little was known about the condition. The fact that she got a diagnosis at all is a miracle. Just keep in mind that autism spectrum disorder covers a wide range of "inabilities" for the lack of a better term. My son's speech is near perfect, he enjoys hugs, cuddles and says "I love you" all the time. He's very highly functioning in that regard. It's social situations and his obsessions that are a challenge for all of us.

 

*IF* I were to take my son on a cruise, I think we would probably forego the formal dining room altogether. We would probably forego a balcony cabin as well, as my son would be fascinated with the balcony door and that would be a big danger in and of itself. We'd probably have to get connecting "insides." He would enjoy some of the children's programs, but I'm not sure if he could do a whole day there. Arts and crafts, for example, are not his cup of tea. His favorite activity would probably be running up and down the hallways trying to open all of the doors to various people's rooms. I would probably get a lot of annoyed glares from my fellow passengers. That's just the way it goes.

 

(Edited to add: Before someone jumps me, I want to say that I would not "allow" this behavior. I'd do what I can to stop it. I would spend a lot of time chasing him to get him to stop. I'd spend a lot of time soothing him and trying to find some appropriate way to handle his fascination with doors. It would be a lot of work, but I've been doing it for five years. I'm used to it).

 

I realize I'm highjacking the thread. I guess I just felt the need to tell folks to lighten up a little. It would not be my choice to take a DVD player to the formal dining room, but I really fail to see how it was hurting anyone.

 

*shrug*

[KingwoodKruisers]

(my chair was such that I couldn't move and not see it and she sat in the same chair the entire time)

 

 

I find it hard to believe that you had no other alternative but to watch the DVD player. Why didn't you switch seats if it bothered you so much. It is very unrealistic to expect a 7 yo to sit for 2 hours and behave the whole time. Which would you rather deal with? A child watching a movie quietly, or a whiny, bored, tired, crying child? I don't think this is a case of the child wearing the pants but rather a family that had the courtesy to think about their fellow passengers and allow them to eat a peaceful meal. It amazes me how such little things can really bother some people for absolutely no reason other than to have something to complain about. Who cares???????? Why does watching a DVD peacefully at one table, bother someone at a different table??? I just don't get it. If it were on speakers then I can understand, but not on headphones.

 

Personally, I don't allow my children access to a DVD to keep them occupied constantly. I would expect them to sit at dinner - it can be done. However, what business is it of anyone to criticize someone else's method of disciplining unless it is a disruption to others (which in this case I find hard to believe). I agree, it sounds as though some LOOK for reasons to complain.

[crusinmama06]

Very well said Marqarita. :)

[Disneycruisers]

This depends upon the table they were seated at. For instance, the last cruise I went on, I went with my family (who booked the cruise). Due to this, my table was ages 55 and up (with my two parents being the youngest). While I was OK with this and am always quite sociable, it wasn't exactly the most condusive to good table conversation... and I'm 28 (27 at the time).

 

I can image how it would be if you're 7 and in the exact same situation. If she was one of the only children at the table, how much do you think she would have added to the conversation? Not very much. Now, if there were other children and she was ignoring them in favor of her DVD player, then that is a different story.

 

I find it quite entertaining to hear people say what being 7 is like. It's been so long since most of us were 7 that we attribute things to what it was like to be 7 that aren't at all close to the truth. It's one thing to humor your parents and other adults at the table for an hour (while on a cruise ship with thousands of other fun things to do) when the reality is you don't have much interest in their conversations. It's another thing to have to do that for 2+ hours, which is your average dinner time on the cruise.

 

I also love how people are saying something along the lines of "These parents should think of everyone else and not themselves." Well, here's a thought... they probably ARE thinking of everyone else. They realize that this is the best way to keep their child occupied and quiet so as not to ruin someone elses dinner. They just can't account for the people that are too into themselves that they get bothered by the mere sight of a DVD player. That's more on the person doing the complaining than the parent providing the DVD player.

 

Very well said. I whole-heartedly agree about being a table with 'older' folks, and how there's probably not enough common interests to keep a conversation going for close to two hours, LOL!

 

I remember too, what it was like to be 7, (this was the 60's) and I do have rather unpleasant memories of parents (and other parents) being stern as far as making kids endure certain adult functions, whatever they may have been. (I know others might flame me for that,) I do think some parents do better now by realizing how a two-hour meal is an ETERNITY for some children, and that they shouldn't be expected to sit and think like an adult.

 

As far as our own DD..there have been children her own age or close to it for every cruise we've sailed, which is another reason I'd discourage the DVD player. If it works for another table, no, it's not going to ruin my dinner.

[Weez]

People have a tendency to complain just to complain. You're a bad parent if you allow your kid to take a dvd player to the dining room, you're a bad parent if you're not capable of having your kid behave in the dining room without a dvd player etc etc etc. It's amazing how many perfect parents there are out there. People need to just lighten up and enjoy themselves, you're on vacation for god sake leave you're complaining and stress and home.

[crusinmama06]

JWMom - a quick question and please don't take offense to this, but, weren't you the person who started the whole "Can kids wear shorts in the dining room" debate the week before your cruise.

 

Now you're back, starting another dining room debate but you are complaining about other kids in the dining room?

 

Forgive my memory if it's foggy and that wasn't you...but I just think it's odd to start two dining room debates in 2 weeks. :confused:

[Weez]

JWMom - a quick question and please don't take offense to this, but, weren't you the person who started the whole "Can kids wear shorts in the dining room" debate the week before your cruise.

 

Now you're back, starting another dining room debate but you are complaining about other kids in the dining room?

 

Forgive my memory if it's foggy and that wasn't you...but I just think it's odd to start two dining room debates in 2 weeks. :confused:

 

HAHA come to think of it, you are correct.

[boatlover]

I have been in adult only situations where there was cursing, body odor, smoke, complaining, whining, bad breath, cutting in line, pushiness, fighting, alcohol abuse, over the top public displays of affection, and even farting! So, I don't think a child quietly watching a video is that difficult for any of us fully grown adults to endure. I mean no disrespect to the OP, just trying to add some perspective.

[AlDubya]

As far as our own DD..there have been children her own age or close to it for every cruise we've sailed, which is another reason I'd discourage the DVD player.

 

I fully agree with that. If there are other children at the table, then I do find it to be 'rude' to drift away in your own little 'DVD World'. Enjoy the company of other children. At the very least, you'll have 'something' in common, even if it is only the fact that you're both young.

 

As you said though, when you're 7 and every one else at your table is in their 50's and above, it's just mind-numbingly painful to sit there for 2 hours or more (in some senses, it was for my fiancee and myself at times with our group). In these particular cases, I don't think having something that is quiet (which a DVD player is if headphones are used) and not intrusive for the kids to do is that bad of an idea (or rude to others... especially to others that aren't even at your table).

 

I'll also state that I think this differs between dining on the cruise and dining out at home. When you're on a cruise, while you do have 'other' choices for places to eat, the main dining room is still the best and most logical choice. You're still 'somewhat' limited in your options. You're also on vacation, on a ship that has thousands of things to do (meaning thousands of distractions for kids who are bored).

 

To me, that's a lot different than a family going out to a fancy restaurant at home, bringing their children with them, and allowing them to use a DVD player. In that particular case, the meal is probably not longer than an hour, to maybe an hour and a half. Their only dining with their family and, if it's not just the family, it's probably friends of the family who the children are familiar with. Furthermore, if the parents believe they'll be a problem, then they could always get a baby sitter.

 

I guess what I'm trying to say (not sure if I'm doing a good job at it) is that I don't think dining on a cruise in the main dining room is the equivalent to going out to a fancy restaurant at home. There are too many other factors that change the scenario for what should be 'acceptable'.

[Disneycruisers]

Thank you for the refreshing perspective, boatlover! LOL!

[familycruises]

I have 2 children that cruise with us every year. We have not used electronics to get through a meal BUT I am not opposed to it.

I agree with the above poster---cruise dining is no where near the same as dining in a fine restaurant locally. Like it or not, fellow diners are in various states of dress (or undress) and the quality of the "fine dining" meals keep going down with each year. As long as fellow passengers are not being disturbed by noise, I think that it perfectly fine for a child to keep themselves occupied. I really do not understand how the original poster was forced to watch the movie. I have never had to look at anyone beyond our table. We travel with family members we see once a year. We have enough going on at our dinner table that we could care less what is going on elsewhere. Wear shorts, jeans, play game boy or watch movies---I simply do not care. Enjoy your vacation and I will enjoy mine.

[BobBeaSea]

Lots of great, interesting comments. I must admit I am enjoying this thread, it has got me thinking some things may NOT be as I see them where children are concerned and I mean this in a good way, somewhat enlightening.

 

For margaritasalt, the best of luck to you and your family....the same for all who have children suffering from sickness and/or an affliction or condition.

[wraithe]

I have been in adult only situations where there was cursing, body odor, smoke, complaining, whining, bad breath, cutting in line, pushiness, fighting, alcohol abuse, over the top public displays of affection, and even farting! So, I don't think a child quietly watching a video is that difficult for any of us fully grown adults to endure. I mean no disrespect to the OP, just trying to add some perspective.

 

A truly excellent point, and the point is, if not taught during the formative years from youth through young adult, then when do these "adults" learn how to behave in public? I still fall back to the "it's all about me", if I want to do it, why can't I? It doesn't matter if it bothers someone else or is what would be called inappropriate if you asked an expert on decorum. I think someone brought up in the above mentioned thread about appropriate clothing how a young lady wore a pair of flip-flops to the White House to be presented an award from the President. (Please no slams on the President) Would that be appropriate? I don't think so, but how would she know, if no one had ever pulled her out of her own little world and taught her that there are times and places to go a little out of your way to show respect for someone else. Maybe I'm not doing a good job of making the point, I hope I am, respectfully, that you, who personally knows your child and his/her capabilities must make the decision to bring them to the dining room. If I didn't think my child could make it through dinner in a fancy restaurant, or a play, or whatever, dressed appropriately and without making a scene, I wouldn't bring that child to the venue, I would make other arrangements, or not go myself. This is my opinion, and that's all it is, the child might as well not have been there, if it spent the entire meal watching a DVD with earphones plugged in, so would it have been any different to the parent if the child was at the sitters?

[Leejnd4]

And to answer questions about children with special needs, my brother, who is severely autistic, was taught by my mom the same thing she taught us. He had to sit quietly at the table and eat, or he would have to go to his room. Keep in mind, this was during the 70s where people are much less aware about autism than they are now. It was ONLY way she could take us to eat anywhere outside of our house, and now, as an adult with special needs, Ken can hold his own in just about any dining situation--anywhere.

Well, aren't you fortunate that your brother has this ability. I guess this means that ALL autistic children can do the same. I'm sure all the parents of autistic kids who CAN'T are suddenly realizing what a lousy job they must have done as parents.

 

LeeAnne

[boatlover]

actually wraithe, my point was something different. More like, we all do things (as adults) that at one point or another someone else finds offensive. I don't have the ability to speak for anyone else, but as an adult I feel I have the ability to, and the obligation to be tolerant (up to a point of course) of my fellow adults, and especially so of a child. And rarely do I have the courage to stand up to another adult who is really doing something offensive, so why make a big deal out of a child quitely watching a video. After all, the simple act of going out in public means we have to deal with others.

[Leejnd4]

...so why make a big deal out of a child quitely watching a video.

Because it provides another opportunity for self-righteous, judgemental people to say, "ooh ooh look, what lousy parents, I'm SO much better than they are!" That's what this thread is mostly about.

 

LeeAnne

[wraithe]

actually wraithe, my point was something different. More like, we all do things (as adults) that at one point or another someone else finds offensive. I don't have the ability to speak for anyone else, but as an adult I feel I have the ability to, and the obligation to be tolerant (up to a point of course) of my fellow adults, and especially so of a child. And rarely do I have the courage to stand up to another adult who is really doing something offensive, so why make a big deal out of a child quitely watching a video. After all, the simple act of going out in public means we have to deal with others.

 

Also an excellent point, I got into a pi**ing contest on the other thread I mentioned that left me embarassed when I thought about it (instead of just running my mouth so to speak). That's why I've tried real hard to be respectful, just point out my opinion here. It's never black and white, so we all have to give a little in order to be able to take a little. Sometimes here on a chat board, it's easy to be verbally offensive without even meaning to, since the reader can't see your face smiling or frowning, or hear the inflection of your voice. Good points, all, and it has been a good read so far. I hope that this relatively adult thread and a technical discussion of fire thread that I've been reading on the Princess board turn into a trend.

[banderboo]

I'd rather see a kid sitting quietly watching a movie, or playing with some other type of electronic toy than to have them screaming, crying, getting up and down and basically annoying the crap out of everyone in the dining room.