What rules do you set forth for your teen?

[CAT GIRL]

DH and I are DINKS and are taking his 14 year old niece with us on

a 3 night cruise. We are used to cruising alone and I want to be up

for this huge responsibility for caring for a teenager. What rules

do you set forth for your teens? I want to spell out everything we

expect up front so there are no surprises.

Thanks for your input.

[Hypo]

When our son was in his early teens (13, 14, 15) we were pretty structured with him on a cruise. He was allowed to go to the teen club and stay till 1 AM. He was not supposed to go out on the open decks, he was to call or come by the cabin and leave a note if he was going to leave the teen club and go somewhere else. We always met his friends, and often invited them by the cabin to talk with them. He always hooked up with a good bunch of kids. Now that he is 21, he is on his own, and is a pretty practical young man.

 

You should also be certain to have a notarized letter from her parents giving you permission to take her on a cruise, also if cruise is after Dec 31, 2006, she (and you) will have to have passports. You should also have a medical power of attorney (also notarized) authorizing you to obtain medical treatment for her if it becomes necessary.

 

Hypo

[RCCLCARIB]

We made sure our son knew not to really lean over the rails without us their. Also, just be sure to keep that Sea Pass Card with him at all times! If someone were to get that, it would just be a pain to deal with.

 

Also, we were careful to make sure he didn't go any where with strangers. I know it sounds silly, but to a younger child who loves candy or stuff like that, all it takes is for someone to say, "Oh, come back to my cabin so I can give you some sweets." I know it would never happen, but I didn't even want to have the risk.

 

Now, real rules are for night. After about 8:00 pm, our child was with us until we went to bed. Only because we were concerned that if he were up on deck or around the ship, it is windy and accidents could happen. If he went anywhere at night, we were with him.

 

Now that he is 16, we just want to make sure he is back in the cabin at 11:30 pm. If it is later, it is only b/c of a midnight buffet, parade, or ice show.

 

Just be sure that she knows the consequences of not being careful CAN BE fatal. Otherwise, encourage her to participate and have fun!

[Lightsluvr]

When we had teenagers, we did not cruise, but we still had ten rules ...they all started with "Thou shalt not...."

 

Some of them worked; some of them didn't.

 

Sounds like Hypo and RCCLCARIB have the right idea though...

 

I have to ask. What is a DINK?

 

:)

 

LL

[pmshirl]

There is a curfew on the ship for under 18 yr olds, must be in cabin by 1am unless with a parent or guardian.

1. Never go inside anyone elses cabin

2. Have a curfew depending on what event is going on

3. A limit is set for the Seapass Daily and it is not to be used for internet chatting at all.

4. Never put your drink(soda) down where it is out of your sight.

5. I always talk to them about how a cruiseship is a big city with 2000+ people from all over the world and you need to think of it as just that!

6. No alcohol allowed from anyone.

There are so many things I go over that these are just a few! Good Luck and have a GREAT time.

[emdia43]

YOu will need a notarized letter giving parental permission for her to travel with you and for you to provide medical care should she need it- also take her medical insurance card.

Go to Cruise Diva website and scroll down to the search box- enter Permission letter and you will see what I mean. AAA will also supply and notarize one for you if you are a member.

The teen club/discos close down about 1am but you'd be surprised at how many teens are just left to roam after that. I was out on deck at 3am one night and if the parents of a few of the (very young)girls I saw knew what they were doing---- wow. I stopped by the teen club to give a message to my younger grandson one night and was watching the 'dancing' until he came out. Another grandmother was watching too and she said to me "Boy,times have changed since I was a girl"- I replied "I don't think times have changed and I'm sure boys haven't changed but GIRLS have definitely changed."

Keep close tabs on her. Meet the people she hangs out with. Just be as protective as you would if she was at a party in your town,while letting her have a good time . I'm sure she will have a wonderful time and you will get a few gray hairs and still have a great time:)

[CAT GIRL]

Duel income no kids. Thanks for those who have responded so far.

Since this child will be in my care I am freaking out that something

terrible might happen on my watch. I almost want to tell her that

she has to be with us every minute of every day but I know that's

unrealistic. She's 14 but looks like she could be 18 so I'm concerned

on that level, too. Thanks, again.

[massachusetts_mama]

I never went to bed at night until she came in. Her curfew was 11:30, except on buffet night. Also she called us several times a day to tell us where she was.

 

I also enforced many of the same rules others have mentioned in this thread. It is a challenge to keep track of them, but we all had a great time.

[PVDCruiser]

I love it when this question comes up, since I'm a teen! :D

 

On my first cruise on the Mariner, I was almost 13. Since my family was new to cruising, we started at around a 10:30 curfew. It got later every night (up to 1 AM I think) provided I came back to the cabin before curfew. I also had to meet up with my parents various times during the day (while on the ship - on port I was always with them), but this also became less frequent as the cruise went on.

 

In June, I got a little more freedom because I was older, it was my second cruise, and I was already familiar with the ship's layout. My curfew was always between 12:30 and 1:30. It wasn't worth asking for anything later since I would've been dead tired.

 

Both times I would meet at the cabin sometime around 4-5 (depending if it was formal night or not) to get ready for dinner. If I wanted to go to the show, I would go with my parents or sit with some friends.

 

The same ground rules applied on both crusie. I always had to stay with my parents while on the islands. I couldn't go into anyone else's cabin alone (when I went in someone's cabin to meet her parents, that was fine), nor could I bring anyone into our cabinw without my parents being there.

 

I hope this helps you! Feel free to ask any more questions.

[sbgrace]

One thing we did when my younger DD was 13 and we were planning our next cruise was ask her what she thought the rules should be. (She had cruised before.) After a moment of thought, she said, "Don't leave the ship without you." :eek: That was one her father and I certainly had not thought to even mention!! So after my breathing went back to normal, it opened a good discussion about rules as a teen on a cruise ship, many of which you've already read in this thread.

 

My point--include her and her parents in the "rules" discussion. Since you're the guardians for this cruise, you certainly get to make the rules, but you'll get better cooperation if your niece feels she has input.

 

Our rules--

1. Don't leave the ship without us. :D

2. Set a curfew. (This wasn't really an issue for our daughter; she's an early riser and was usually in bed early.)

3. Don't accept open drinks from anyone or leave your drink sitting somewhere unattended. And no alcohol. Period.

4. No one is allowed in your cabin and you are not allowed in anyone else's cabin.

5. Stay in public areas.

6. Tell us where you will be--and be there. We WILL check. :D

 

It's also important for her to know the consequences for disobedience. For us, it's an immediate tightening of the reins and she spends the vast majority of her time with us, her dear loving family. ;) But she's a great kid, and we've not had to curtail her vacation.

 

Have fun! Teens are great; don't be afraid of her. :D I'm sure all 3 of you will have a wonderful cruise. (And you're a super Aunt and Uncle!)

Chris

[sgriff17]

Those are all great suggestions. One thing to MAKE SURE ABOUT before you go...make sure she understands that you are her GUARDIAN and not your friend when it comes to rules. Since you are her aunt and uncle, she may try to get away with some stuff since you aren't her "parents"...

 

You are the adults, make sure she understands that and make sure she understands YOU are the authority - and you won't be afraid to use it.

 

(Oh yeah, don't be afraid to use it) :)

[sgriff17]

Let me preface that last post by saying I'm 26 and my wife is 24, what do we know? :)

[2boxers]

When our kids were 14 and under, we would meet them at the teen rooms when they were done for the night. Now that they are older, I still have rules for them, my 16 yo son was in the teen room until 1:00, and I was waiting in the hallway for him to get back. My 18 y/o daughter walked around alot and never really stayed out too late. I still do not like them walking out on the decks when they are alone.

 

As for spending, they had their own room (connecting to ours), so they were able to set up the SeaPass account for cash. They put down a deposite(of their own money), and the nice man at the Guest Relations Desk even set it up so they each had a sub account. Made that very easy!!! I of course paid for extra food and beverages, but they were responsible for shopping and internet time and so on.

[MrsPete]

I'd set forth pretty much the same rules as most of the other people -- except that I think 1 AM is way too late for a teen.

 

1. Don't go into anyone else's cabin at any time for any reason. Period. Not even a nice girl you've been hanging around with for two days straight.

2. Do not wander about the ship after dark, even with people you think you know. Do not leave the ship without us for any reason.

3. Buy your own drinks -- do not accept them from strangers. Keep your hands on your drink at all times.

4. We have dinner together every night.

5. After _____ in the evenings, the family is together (either at a show, in the cabin, whatever).

6. You're allowed to spend on _____. Do not spend on _____.

[RoofingPrincess]

One thing that our church's youth group leaders did when they took our kids somewhere was to sit down with them and draw up a covenant (basically, a contract). It spelled out the "must"s and "must not"s and the consequences. All parties sign it; if she doesn't want to sign it AND abide by it, she doesn't get to go. Worked well. Just consulted with my 21yo DS (his last cruise was when he was 10); he felt that many of the rules already outlined by other posters were good ideas and added -- it is a vacation; rules should be for safety; if there are too many or too tight non-safety-related rules, many kids will feel the need to rebel.

[Leejnd4]

I just got back from a Navigator cruise with my two teens, 14 & 16, so I can you some feedback.

 

Given that you are not parents of teenagers yourself, recognize that you may not have the instincts that we parents have developed over the years. Teenagers are a whole separate subcategory of human, so it's important to understand some things about how they operate. Be sure to have a good chat with her parents in advance to learn her quirks, as well as what her boundaries are at home. That should hopefully help you to avoid any screaming matches over "But my parents always let me do that!!!".

 

You've already been given some great suggestions. Here's a couple more:

 

1. When she is at the teen club, be sure to go and make occasional (unannounced) visits. That way you'll see her in action -- who she's hanging out with, what she's doing, etc. I'm not saying that you can't trust her...but she's a teenager, and it's their job to push the envelope. Simple pragmatism and reality teach us that teens don't alway tell you everything.

 

2. DO stick to your guns -- do NOT waver! Teens can smell weakness. You let 'em get away with it once, they'll think it's now a given.

 

3. Agree on consequences in advance, and don't let her talk you out of them with excuses for whatever it is that she flubbed. My daughter got home 30 min. late one night, and her excuse was that the movie they were seeing didn't end till then. Well, she hadn't told me. The next night she had to come home an hour earlier, missing a dance party. But since we'd agreed on the consequence in advance, she couldn't scream about the unfairness of it all (well, she could and did, but that's just being a teen -- life is always unfair when they don't get what they want!) ;)

 

4. Recognize that your niece might encounter kids very different from those she typically hangs out with. That's can be a real issue for teens on cruises. At home, kids naturally gravitate towards those most like them, and cliques are formed over the years. On a cruise, kids are often thrown together in small groups with others who are very different from anyone they know. It's very common for teens who simply don't encounter in-your-face temptations at home (because they don't hang with kids who do that stuff) to find the kids they've been spending all their cruise time with suddenly trying to foist alcohol, drugs, or other stuff on them. You don't know these other kids -- they might look perfectly fine, but for all you know, at home that sweet-looking girl is in the hard-partying crowd! The important thing is to have several discussions about this with your niece, being sure to cover exactly how she should react if this should happen. That way she'll have an action plan in mind.

 

5. Don't let her whine about how much stricter you are being than any of the other kids' parents. That may be true -- but you don't set your rules based on how other parents set theirs. Remember that lots of parents out there set NO rules for their kids! If she thinks you are too rigid, well that's just too bad. You are the adults, you get to set the boundaries. Hey, you are being SO WONDERFUL to bring her on this cruise! She is one lucky niece!

 

I admit to giving my kids more freedom on a cruise than at home, but that's because that, while yes it is like any city with both good and bad folks around, it is still a more insulated environment. As long as I knew where my kids were at all times, I felt comfortable.

 

Oh, one more thing -- I may get flamed royally for this, but I personally DID use walkie talkies. Lots of folks hate those things, but then it's all in how you use them. Just be considerate of those around you, just like you would with a cell phone. But sorry, I need to be sure my kids have the ability to get in touch with me IMMEDIATELY if there is a problem. They knew that these were not toys to be played around with, but communication tools to be used only in the event that it was absolutely necessary. (Be sure to pick a channel where you don't hear a lot of other traffic.)

 

One more thing -- I personally do NOT feel that 1 am is too late for teens. Lots of activities for the teens are scheduled to begin at midnight, and hey, this cruise was for my kids too. At home their curfews are WAY earlier, but this is a special time, and I gave the extra late-night time to my kids as a gift...provided they followed the rules.

 

Hope this helps! :)

[PVDCruiser]

1. When she is at the teen club, be sure to go and make occasional (unannounced) visits. That way you'll see her in action -- who she's hanging out with, what she's doing, etc. I'm not saying that you can't trust her...but she's a teenager, and it's their job to push the envelope. Simple pragmatism and reality teach us that teens don't alway tell you everything.

 

One more thing -- I personally do NOT feel that 1 am is too late for teens. Lots of activities for the teens are scheduled to begin at midnight, and hey, this cruise was for my kids too. At home their curfews are WAY earlier, but this is a special time, and I gave the extra late-night time to my kids as a gift...provided they followed the rules.

 

Hope this helps! :)

 

I agree with nearly everything you said!

 

Regarding item #1 on your list, I would not encourage visits to the teen club because adults are not allowed. The staff on the Navigator at the the time was quick to kick them out. If you need to see your child, ask the security guards at the door. The DJ at the time will be happy to make an announcement (I got to do that - woo!). :D

 

I agree with you on the curfew. My parents give me a much later curfew on a ship than at home as well.

[sscruising]

One thing I would tell a teen is NOT to sit on the elevator pressing every deck & holding up the elevator!:eek:

We ran across this & it was very annoying! Aside from that, I would make sure I knew where they wer & have check in times to keep tabs on them. I have never use a walkie-talkie but hat may be a good idea.

[PVDCruiser]

One thing I would tell a teen is NOT to sit on the elevator pressing every deck & holding up the elevator!:eek:

 

Ugh, I hate that! Why some members of my generation are so dumb I don't know. :rolleyes:

 

OK, I admit it, I rode the glass elevators a couple times (from the bottom all the way to the top), but I only did it really early the in morning! :D

[flagger]

Ask if she is on birth control and that she knows the proper use of condoms.

[Gypsea]

I didn't read everyones replies but why not take the two way radios. This way you can talk to her wherever she is. Bring extra batteries or rechargables with an extra set. That way you can keep them on whenever you want to call her. I have twins but if they split up this was a rule. Otherwise I just made them stay together as much as I possibly could. They were good but you get worried so late at night. The radios are the best thing, really.

[Leejnd4]

Ask if she is on birth control and that she knows the proper use of condoms.

Sorry, but I think this is disgusting. Maybe you were trying to be funny, but sex with a 14 yr old is pedophilia and child abuse, and that's not something to joke about. You must not have a teenage daughter, you sick ****.

[Leejnd4]

Regarding item #1 on your list, I would not encourage visits to the teen club because adults are not allowed. The staff on the Navigator at the the time was quick to kick them out. If you need to see your child, ask the security guards at the door. The DJ at the time will be happy to make an announcement (I got to do that - woo!). :D

Now back to the real (and quite serious and important) discussion...

 

Yes, the staff at the Navigator teen clubs was very good about keeping adults out (for which I'm grateful, given the fact that sickos clearly do go on cruises, as we've just been reminded). However, they WILL allow parents/guardians to look in on their teens. You just have to tell the person at the door who you are and who you are looking for, and they'll let you pop in (and keep their eye on you so you don't turn out to be some sicko trying to mingle with the teens, I suppose!). I wouldn't let my kids in there if I wasn't allowed access to at least see what they were doing. Hey, I don't know what all might be going on in there! As the parent, their safety and security is my ultimate responsibility, not the teen club staff.

 

I'm happy to see a responsible teen such as yourself posting in here. :)

[barbaragrace]

I never went to bed at night until she came in. Her curfew was 11:30, except on buffet night. Also she called us several times a day to tell us where she was.

 

.

 

Me too. I just could not, would not go to sleep until my daughter (now almost 18) was back in the cabin.

I made the first night curfew early and it got a little later each night IF (and she always did) come in on time the night before. Walkie Talkies come in handy but I'd rather use the 'meet me here at XXX at a certin time'. Ships are like a small city and I would never let my girls (youngest is 10 and the rules are much different for her) do anything I wouldn't let them do at home. I'd rather be paronoid than sorry.

[pmshirl]

I don't know if that Op was trying to give advice or being a wise guy. Don't be nieve!!! Their are 14 yr olds having sex these days, and it happens on Cruiseships just like in any City. I take my 14 yr old GD with me on Cruises and I hear a mouthfull of things that happen with teenagers from her on the Cruises. I have seen making out going on late at nite in areas on the ship, with young teens! We were on a Carnival Cruise last year, on the way to the port my GD met a teenager on the Bus. They became friends on the way down to the port. Her father happened to be a Chief of Police in a nearby community where we reside. Assuming their child has a professional parent we allowed our Gd to go with their daughter to the teen room. After the 1st nite in the teen room, she no longer was bothering with this girl. After ? my GD, I was told this other girl was shacking up with some teen boys who had their own cabin(due to the parents booking seperate cabins with a parent listed as staying 1 in each cabin). To make a long story short, the next day the mother was in the casino while I was there and made the remark the girls had a wonderful time last nite. I didn't respond. She then went on to say her daughter got in at 2:30 am. I told her my GD was back in the cabin at 11:00. With that she went wild! I did not go into any detail of what I new where her daughter was. By the end of the week the parents found out about many happenings their daughter was involved with during that week and on the bus ride home, they all were sitting in seperate seats on the BUS. Remeber these teens come from all walks of life and Sex can be a factor that teens get involved with!