How to make sure reluctant spouse has a good time

[cmacf1]

Our entire family is taking a holiday cruise this year and my DH, who has never cruised before, is going along, but doesn't seem all that excited. He thinks that he will be bored and that it'll be too crowded and he won't be in complete control of our itinerary and activities (partly due to the nature of a cruise and partly because we're going with many family members, including our two small children.) Since I love going on cruises, I'd like to be absolutely sure that he has the time of his life. Any suggestions for how I can get my curmudgeon DH to let loose and enjoy himself, enough so that he's hankering at the bit to go on another cruise after this one? This is my one chance! Thanks for any suggestions!

[KLLund]

Well my DH wasn't all that enthused until the cruise .. now I can book any cruise I want and he will carry the luggage and look forward to it !!!!!! Seriously .. just let it happen .. you may be surprised.

[SUN TURNIP]

I Had The Same Problem Last Year I Even Considered Canceling But We Went Anyway He Had A Great Time And We Booked Another One Now He Is Not Getting To Go On This One B/c Of Work And My Mom Is Going To Take His Place He Is Soooo Sad About It!!!(we Are Leaving This Saturday) He Has Already Said We Are Booking Another One For The Begining Of Next Year So He Can Go!!!

 

Just Try To Find Things That Both Of You Can Enjoy Together And You Will Have A Great Time

[greatam]

I have this problem EVERY cruise. DH enjoys the cruises, but does not want to participate in hardly any activities. He will participate in Trivia and enjoys the dinners, but other than that, he stays in the cabin and watches TV. He has never seen a show, never gone to the casino, will eat breakfast in the buffet, but won't go to the disco at night.

 

If the cost wasn't as much for one as for two, he would stay home. We both would have a better time.

 

I can't give you any advice. I have the same problems.

[LHP]

If your husband likes to be in control, then I would suggest that you allow him to do just that.

 

One thing that should be discussed before even setting foot on the ship with "family" is how much "together time" is expected. I can assure you that if you require to husband to schlep along behind whatever 2 kids want to do, he will be miserable and you will never live it down.

 

NOW is the time to set boundaries that will allow your husband an appropriate amount of control.

 

For example: on sea days, if your husband wants to sleep in...let him. (and if he wants you to sleep in with him, then stay!) Have an understanding with the "family" not to come beating on your door. Decide the night before that you will meet them for lunch. The rest of the day, always leave hubby a voice mail in your cabin, where you are so that he can catch up with you. This will allow him to do what HE wants to do all afternoon. That is the great thing about a cruise, everyone can do their own thing.

 

On port days, decide one activity that the family will do together and then let hubby decide an activity he wants to do.

 

Balance and boundaries are the key. Remember that family is nice...but you have to live with your husband!!

[Genessa]

Our entire family is taking a holiday cruise this year and my DH, who has never cruised before, is going along, but doesn't seem all that excited. He thinks that he will be bored and that it'll be too crowded and he won't be in complete control of our itinerary and activities (partly due to the nature of a cruise and partly because we're going with many family members, including our two small children.) Since I love going on cruises, I'd like to be absolutely sure that he has the time of his life. Any suggestions for how I can get my curmudgeon DH to let loose and enjoy himself, enough so that he's hankering at the bit to go on another cruise after this one? This is my one chance! Thanks for any suggestions!

 

every cruise line I have ever been on has daily "newsletters" detailing what the activities of the day are. Since you dh likes to be in control, let him be. Ask on the board for your specific line and there will usually be people who have saved their newsletters and downloaded them here on cruise critic.

 

Then ask dh to go through them, and pick out what activities he thinks would be good for Aunt Millie and dear whoever. Let him find things that would be of interest to your children. Chances are, he will find at least something for himself if he is looking through them for others. If you ask him to find things for himself, he'll just scan through it and say there's nothing there.

 

Same thing for the ports...unless he doesn't like travelling at all, looking for things of interest for others will generate interest for him. If he is reluctant to do so, let him know that you are concerned that if Aunt Millie doesn't have something to do, you are worried that she will want to spend all her time with YOU.

 

Also, as someone who usually travels in groups, we have a couple of rules. 1. We always have dinner together and 2. everything else is whatever you want.

 

I usually have a small list of things that I am planning to do and a list of suggestions for others (I'm the control freak, but don't like to be bossy).

I will tell everyone, this is what I am definitely doing...you are welcome to join me.

DH & I usually have a favorite spot up on deck and that's where you'll find us during the day...we let them know where we will be and it's sort of like an open house, who comes, who leaves, who has a drink, who goes in the pool, who goes to get lunch...who goes to bingo, who goes to line dancing lessons, etc.

 

Some ports we all get off, some ports there are groups of 3 or 4, some ports a few stay on board...I let everyone know what their options are and no hard feelings if someone wants to do nothing but relax.

[lowerowe]

My DH didn't want to go either. This is our first cruise and I pretty much had to beg for him to go. We leave sept 24 though and I think I have him kind of wanting to go now but I plan on him enjoying himself. I plan on us all enjoying ourselves. My mom is going with us also. I had read an article not long ago about a husband and wife that were arguing over something and the husband had jumped off the ship and they hadn't found him. Well now I don't know if this is true or not but when I mentioned this to my husband he jokingly said that would be us and he knew the real reason the husband had jumped it was because his wife made him go. LOL But I can tell that he is getting more and more excitied about going. Cant wait I am too

[nparmelee]

I agree with the other poster that said let your hubby have some sense of control. We did a cruise with our extended family and the only way we survived it, and still love cruising, was to make sure everyone went and did what they wanted to during the day, both on sea days and port days. Then we all met up for dinner in the evenings and even drinks before dinner and shared what we all did.

[CaptData]

When I booked this cruise my DD and future SIL, I thought he would love it instantly. Wrong, I was going to cancel them off but now 35 days before he is excited about it.

[WooKeef]

My DH was the one that suggested we go on a cruise to the Med for our 10year wedding anniversary. He seemed very enthusiastic and motivated so I thought why not. Previously he had said he HATED the thought of going on a cruise. He would feel trapped on a ship with nothing he enjoyed doing....blah,blah,blah. He is very Irish, can't get out in the sun and we don't gamble so he thought he would be bored. I was shocked that he wanted to go but I started the research and we found the itinerary that pleased us both. We even discussed the dress codes and his need to get "gussied" up for formal night(we usually travel independently and NEVER dress up for dinner). Now we are two weeks out and he is grumbling like mad about having to take his suit with him(even though I gave him the option of renting a tux) and having to put pants on to go to the dining room. Typically he is content to spend his vacation in shorts, so he is acting quite stubborn right now. I told him I was terribly confused now that the trip was paid for and we had discussed these issues before it was. He said he was going to try and have a good time...but honestly. Can you have a good time with that kind of an attitude?

In response to those that are traveling with parents, kids and other relatives. I think that would be a disaster for us, We would end up throwing someone overboard;) . Just kidding.

Woo

[cmacf1]

I see I'm not alone. I forgot about the dressing up for formal night issue -- that's one issue that he is just disgusted with. I'm trying to figure out why it's so awful to dress up. I like looking nice and I like to see him looking nice. I appreciate all the ideas about letting him have control and setting boundaries. Fortunately, my extended family is very very easy-going, including my wonderful MIL who is spearheading this entire cruise. We have all decided to do our own thing with our respective families, and if we do the same things, great. If not, we'll see everybody at dinner. He and I are also used to traveling very independently (BC, before children, we'd just go someplace and set our itinerary as the days passed. If we wanted to stay someplace a few extra days, we did. And we always dress informally, though I like getting dressed up.) My DH IS excited about birdwatching in Bonaire, so there is hope. I just hope the negative things turn out to be nothing and that he has a wonderful time. And I hope all the other reluctant spouses also have a great time! Thanks to all of you -- this board is great!!

[bdcbbq]

Make sure you have extra "romantic" time and "ideas" that will please him. While on the cruise let him it must be the "sea air" and the "motion of the ocean" that does it.:D

[cmacf1]

Make sure you have extra "romantic" time and "ideas" that will please him. While on the cruise let him it must be the "sea air" and the "motion of the ocean" that does it.:D

 

Thanks Bruce! I've also been thinking along those lines :)!

[WooKeef]

My sister took my br inlaw on a cruise some years back and he too didn't want to go. I believe there was some arm twisting going on in the whole deal;) , but he did go and wore his suit as "instructed". Would you believe that he absolutely loves it now! I am hoping that my dh does end up loving it so that the four of us can give one a try together. That would be great fun.

Point is...that you never know how it will turn out. I would have never pegged the brother in law(who loves fishing and hunting and all things of that nature) to love cruising so much. I guess it calls to all types.:)

[cruzincurt]

My opinion...Pay him some attention. Don't try to drag him everywhere with the group. You will be seeing the family all week long so don't try to spend every waking minute with them. Have breakfast by yourselves, or lunch. I laugh when I see people saving 30 seats in the theatre for their "group". Do 30 people really have to sit together for that one hour? These "groups" spend more time organizing how to always be together than enjoying the cruise.

 

We went with my DWs sister and friend a couple of cruises ago. We did not force each other to spend every minute together. If we ran into them for breakfast, fine. We get up late on cruises because we stay up late. They are early to bed and early risers. If we were by the pool and they showed up, they sat with us, or they went their own way. We spent dinners and shore time together. Everyone needs their own space.

[jetskier]

Me and my wife have a simple formula. It is called yellow and blue highlighters. We look over the activity list and mark what interests each person. If we both mark the same item it turns GREEN. This way we know where each other is individually and the times we will be together.

 

Dave

[Retired not Expired]

Make sure you have extra "romantic" time and "ideas" that will please him. While on the cruise let him it must be the "sea air" and the "motion of the ocean" that does it.:D

 

Ah, Motion of the Ocean therapy.........Balcony optional.;) :D

[nybumpkin]

I agree with LHP - let him decide what he wants to do. The worst "family" trip we went on was one where SIL set an itinerary for things to see and do at specific times; the Bataan Death March came to mind for me.

 

I was the one who booked our first cruise, and DH was very unsure as to whether he would like it. He fell in love with morning coffees from the specialty coffee bar and afternoons on the balcony reading, with no specific agenda. The next cruise, he booked without really asking me - and he's booked all the subsequent cruises. (Okay, there's been a bit more consultation since he booked that second cruise...;) )

[ute_fan]

I'm laughing, because before we started cruising the reluctant spouse was ME! DH kept wanting to cruise -- I was the one who refused. Didn't want to leave the kids (they were teens), was afraid I'd get claustrophic, didn't want to spend time in the sun, thought I'd be bored, etc, etc...

 

Now, I'm the one who spends all my time reading through CC, planning every detail of the cruise, and trying to work as many as possible into the budget :D .

 

Maybe you'll get lucky and your DH will turn out to love it like I do. My DH didn't really do anything specific to get me to like it. One view of the ship and I was hooked.

 

Good luck!

[chadbt]

Me and my wife have a simple formula. It is called yellow and blue highlighters. We look over the activity list and mark what interests each person. If we both mark the same item it turns GREEN. This way we know where each other is individually and the times we will be together.

 

Dave

 

Brilliant!

[cindi0511]

An additional idea might be to get him a special basket that is waiting in your stateroom when you get there. You might have some new lingerie, cigars, books, magazines, a camera, something to drink or binoculars or whatever is special for him.

 

Also, I don't know how old your kids are, but perhaps you could utilize the ship's kids activities to give you guys some special time alone during the day when you're not exhausted to really make it worth his while.;)

[benjidog]

I agree with the others that said don't spend too much time with the group. The organizing and waiting around can drive you crazy. We went with a group of about 25 in January. About half at each dinner time. Some days dinner was the only time we saw them. One single lady did excusions with us because her roommate didn't want to, so we were with her a lot. Other then that, if we were at the same activity with someone from our group, we joined them, otherwise we were on our own. It worked out very well. And we were always glad to run across one of our friends. We're doing it again this January and the group will be larger. I've already warned the newbies of how we play the game. I don't want any hurt feelings.

 

Have a great cruise.:D

[WooKeef]

An additional idea might be to get him a special basket that is waiting in your stateroom when you get there. You might have some new lingerie, cigars, books, magazines, a camera, something to drink or binoculars or whatever is special for him.

 

Also, I don't know how old your kids are, but perhaps you could utilize the ship's kids activities to give you guys some special time alone during the day when you're not exhausted to really make it worth his while.;)

 

Some great ideas. We don't have children, but the basket thing is great! Now I have to see if I can make it happen from our departure point of Rome. Well, I can think of something.

[RBOUR]

Me and my wife have a simple formula. It is called yellow and blue highlighters. We look over the activity list and mark what interests each person. If we both mark the same item it turns GREEN. This way we know where each other is individually and the times we will be together.

 

Dave

 

 

What a great idea !!! We will try that also............Thank You

[dforeigner]

Me and my wife have a simple formula. It is called yellow and blue highlighters. We look over the activity list and mark what interests each person. If we both mark the same item it turns GREEN. This way we know where each other is individually and the times we will be together. Dave

 

Cool idea!