Parenting Question

[star10]

Ugh... we cruise on this coming Saturday. My son who is 15, turning 16 on the cruise just gave us his report card. It's not good. He's been giving us this awful attitude lately, and this weekend he did something really disrespectful to his little brother. I'm sick of his games, and I really don't think he deserves to go on this trip. Plus, I'm bringing along his best friend!! You'd think he'd be kissing my butt!!!

 

So, my question is, have you ever taken a kid on a cruise who is grounded at home? Why, oh why is this happening now? I just want to enjoy myself and relax!!

 

It's like I'm rewarding him for his bad behavior!! My husband and I are having a big talk with him tonight to try and talk some sense into him.

 

I really hate these teenage years!! :(

[colombiangirl]

My daughter is 17 going on 30. Her grades are excellent however she could use an attitude adjustment. I keep hearing things like why can't I do ______, I'm leaving to college in a few months. Or why do I have to be home at ________time.

 

You are right that he should be kissing you butt, however since that is not going to happen just talk with him. Don't scream, talk! But don't ruin the family vacation. Go have fun, do things together. Maybe use the time on the cruise to bond and find out what is going on.

 

Im hoping to use the time on board to do mother daughter stuff!

[boaterette]

Well now is certainly a good time to teach him about consequesnces. Do you have family that you can leave him with? This would be a great lesson for him to learn bacause not only would he not be able to go but his friend wouldn't also so his behavour not only affected him but his friend also. Being a parent is not easy. If you have no one to leave him with I would suggest cancelling the cruise and explaining to him why you are doing so.

[Hebejeebe]

The cruise is not a reward for his behavior nor should it be withheld as a threat. IMO. Deal with the behavior but don't expect him to kiss your butt.

[Darcy03231]

This happened to us last year. We sat down with our son and had a long talk about what our expectations were and that his behavior and grades were not acceptable. While we took him on the trip he was completely grounded when we got home until the attitude improved and the grades came up. No computer, unless it was for school work, no friends, no video games, no television, etc. I kept in weekly contact with the teachers and as the grades started coming up he "earned" television, video game or computer time. It worked for us (but is was a long four months until school was out).

[nellyann]

I have a 13 yr old son who has attitude as well. I dont know where he gets it from because our daughter is not like this at all. I am at odds with him often for the way he behaves and I take things away all the time. I would go on with the cruise and try to have a great time as a family and make him have to do things as a family. If you cancel, you punish your other son and yourselves.

Keep doing what your doing, I just believe we have to be able to get through to them someday!

[colombiangirl]

I don't agree with canceling the vacation!!!! Communication! We don't do enough of it with our kids. We need to talk to our kids. My daughter and I have chats all the time, we IM, text message, talk in the car away from the boys, talk on the phone.

 

My problem is she wants to be independent now and I'm not ready for that. I want to enjoy these next few months before she goes away to college. I want to keep her with me while I can and she's ready to be on her own now.

[mrdood]

There are some great parenting chat sites.... this is not one of them.

 

Rewards are always dependent upon behavior and grades at my house, but the law has to be laid down in advance so it is clear, it does not appear that this trip was contingent upon that, you can't take this away from him now if you did not make that clear months ago. But you certainly can let them know that "extras" on board will be on his own, and in the future, trips will be contingent upon behavior and grades.

 

I have two kids that went opposite directions over this rule, one is a Presidential Scholar in college, the other is a high school drop out, same rules, different results.

[rich_r31]

There are some great parenting chat sites.... this is not one of them.

 

 

Thank you. What does this have to do with cruising?

[star10]

My question was kind of geared toward's cruise... :rolleyes:

 

Thank you all for your advice. I'm not cancelling the cruise... I will set the rules prior to Saturday and hopefully I'll see this kid smile for the most part on the trip!

 

I don't remember being so miserable as a teen! :confused:

[mrdood]

Thank you. What does this have to do with cruising?

 

That was what I was trying to say, but being nicer than you, but thanks for making my point!!!

[star10]

I thought this would be a nice change from the "How do I smuggle booze on the ship?" I think I've read that gazillion times on this board!! :p

 

And besides, the title reads "Parenting Question"... no one is making you click on the links people!!

 

Jeez, lighten up!! :D

[LHP]

Watch SuperNanny (I think it is tonight)

 

Seriously, she is dealing a difficult teen. (She usually deals with younger children) Perfect timing for some ideas about your teen.

 

My 2 boys are 19 and 15 (almost 16) . We have been blessed not to have had a minute's problems out of either one of them...so I would not begin to give advice about a situation I know nothing about.

[imacruzinma]

My 2 boys are 19 and 15 (almost 16) . We have been blessed not to have had a minute's problems out of either one of them...so I would not begin to give advice about a situation I know nothing about.

 

Boy, this is one of those posts where I really want to know your tone/intention. Really? Not a minute's problem? I'm in awe, please help me get through the next few years! (or tell me what parenting board you are on) Or, you were being sarcastic and just don't want to talk about it here. LOL

 

As for the OP and the cruising part of the parenting question. I would start your son off with very limited priveleges on the cruise (early curfew, checking in more than you would normally have him, watching younger siblings, etc). Make him suffer just a little, but not enough to ruin your good time. If he rises to the challenges, by the end of the week he should earn more cruise freedom. JMHO Enjoy the cruise and make him sweat about what the punishment will be when he gets home!

[Katz A Prowl]

Why would any child every have to feel like they need to kiss butt?

[CaptainEdwardJohnSmith]

When onboard, bring the kid to the Captain and let me have a few words with him,

1 on1 :D

[mrdood]

I thought this would be a nice change from the "How do I smuggle booze on the ship?" I think I've read that gazillion times on this board!! :p

 

And besides, the title reads "Parenting Question"... no one is making you click on the links people!!

 

Jeez, lighten up!! :D

 

The boards already run poorly enough with the smuggling and topless deck questions, if we bog it down with all the "what motor oil should I use driving to my cruise in Galveston" :eek: questions, nobody will be able to logon, nobody would be able to post.

 

So yes, I have an extremely "light" attitude :) , you need to be aware of how poorly the boards are running and why...

[ShoMeChiefsFan]

I thought this would be a nice change from the "How do I smuggle booze on the ship?" I think I've read that gazillion times on this board!! :p

 

And besides, the title reads "Parenting Question"... no one is making you click on the links people!!

 

Jeez, lighten up!! :D

 

give em Hell! STAND YOUR GROUND!!!!

[crusinsd]

I know that this seems like a tough one but it need not be. If yu don't have some one to leave him with One or both of you should dtay home with him and yes possibly canceling the cruise.

I really think that at that age they respond to consequences and a cruise with his friend when he's being a little F..... is not the answer.

It's awsome that yur reaching out for opinoins to this problem shows that you want a positive ( though not always the most convienent) solution.

Good luck!!

[DqALEX]

You are in a very hard position behind the 8 ball. At that age there hard to leave at home, he may have a better party than on the ship. My oldest is going on 14. Her grades were not that great and the attitude you know with teenagers can change moment to moment. I would bring him I wouldent take a chance leaving him home at that age. I would try to play a good hand of poker and tell him any problem and I mean any problem and him and his friend are on the first plane home. He may have a real good time meet a lot of girls and want to go again next year. I would also give him the talk I gave my oldest and all of my nieces and nephews about bringing anything back on the ship in ports that you go to jail in that port in a foreign country and we all get kicked off the ship there. It happens a lot.

[jw4jg1mg2eg1]

Well, if you take this cruise away from your son & his friend it's gonna cost you their deposits. Now, I'm not sure I would be a real happy parent after losing $500..... SOOO, what I would probably do is take 'em on the cruise, shut my mouth, have one HECK of a great time & then after the cruise...:D ...it's a whole new world baby boy!

[star10]

The boards already run poorly enough with the smuggling and topless deck questions, if we bog it down with all the "what motor oil should I use driving to my cruise in Galveston" :eek: questions, nobody will be able to logon, nobody would be able to post.

 

So yes, I have an extremely "light" attitude :) , you need to be aware of how poorly the boards are running and why...

 

Sorry, but posts have very little (if anything) to do with why the boards aren't running properly. It's a server issue. Look at Yahoo, or EZboards... :rolleyes:

 

And plus... why do you keep clicking this link? People crack me up. :p

[jw4jg1mg2eg1]

Ok, for whatever reason my prior post didn't make it on here...:rolleyes:

If you take this cruise away from him & his friend it will cost you their deposits. I'm not sure that losing $500. would make you very happy. So, I would go on the cruise & have a VERY good time (that'll worry him :D ) & then when you get home let him have it!

[milwMermaid]

My heart goes out to you. Its tough to be a parent today. My suggesions would be to go on the trip as planned. However, have your teenage son have to do a little "work" on the trip. I would require him to spen 60-90 minutes each day either doing school work. I am going on a cruise with 2 school age kids in a few weeks. The ports they are visiting are rich in history, geography info so I am having them spend a part of each day learing about where we are visiting. They will then compile the information into a report or project to hand in to thier treacher as they are missing school to be on the trip. When you have your talk, explain to him very clearly that is your expectation. I also agree with setting limits with on-board "perks" and freedoms.

 

BRENDA

[LHP]

Boy, this is one of those posts where I really want to know your tone/intention. Really? Not a minute's problem? I'm in awe, please help me get through the next few years! (or tell me what parenting board you are on) Or, you were being sarcastic and just don't want to talk about it here. LOL

 

 

 

That is exactly why I said "blessed". Nope, not one single second actually.

 

I see what my friends go through and my heart goes out to them. I have never had a sleepless night...never a phone call from school...nothing. Both boys are respected and respectful. Wish I could take credit...I could make a fortune!!!