How do I respond appropriately?

[serena_17]

Hi,

 

I was dropping my 3yr DS at pre-school last week (he's only just joined) and I thought I recognised one of the ladies dropping her son off - turns out I did know her.

 

After re-introducing myself (it's been about 10 years) she said (with the face to match) "No! I can't believe you're her - she was always thin and beautiful!"

 

Then - when we took our respective children into the kindergarten class, she found it necessary to tell the teacher that I "used to be as skinny as her" and that she's wondering who the fat person is that swallowed her friend!:mad:

 

 

Now, I know that I'm fat - but really, is that an approriate way to talk about someone - when they're there?!!

 

Now it's a mutual friend's birthday who I would love to catch up with, but I'm too embarassed and humilated.

 

I'm now 79kg (174lbs) and 5'6" = the weight is a combination of Depo, 2 kids in 2 years and good living.

 

My question (and it is genuine) is: how do I respond and how to I face going on a cruise if I think people have this opinion? Help, please :(

[bobandkelly]

Serena, This person said more about herself in her comments (especially those to the teacher) than she said about you. Her insecurities are showing and they have nothing to do with you.

 

My advice would be to go to the party and enjoy yourself.

 

You are not the first person to put on weight nor will you be the last. That is why this board is here. A place where we can come and chat about where we are on our journeys to living healthier. If you are wanting to make changes today is a great day to start. A good thread to read is "completely depressed and frustrated" Brenda who started it wanted to make changes and did.

 

And going on a cruise. Go and enjoy that too. I told some young women that going to a beach and seeing all kinds of shapes and sizes is very freeing for self image. No one really looks like the swimsuit catalogs.

Kelly

[poochierebelbear]

Babe, you can NOT let what other people think about you ruin your fun. You have two little ones who look up to you for you to be worried about a bunch of jokers. I tell people like this, when you start signing off on my paycheck, then I'll start giving a d* what you think. Otherwise, you and your remarks, bounce. You can also give them the hand, and say mute. That was so very immature of her to say that and then have the nerve to mention it to the teacher, as if it's the teacher's business to know. I'd say let it go BUT if she should find it necessary to bring it up again, just tell her "look, not everyone can remain a size ___ after two kids." Then give her the stupid _____ look and roll your eyes. LOL (or maybe not that dramatic) After that, leave it alone. Go on your cruise, have a ball, and don't let what people say rain on your parade. Dear, everybody has an opinion. Are you happy and content? That's all that matters.

[smoothdancer]

I can understand that you would be hurt by what this lady said and wish you had a good comeback, but really!!

 

I absolutley agree that these comments were not about you at all but about the lady who made the comments. She lacks even the most basic manners and I am sure that the teacher did not hear so much of what that lady had to say about you but more so what her comments and lack of grace said about the lady who spoke them.

[WeirdEyes]

I can understand that you would be hurt by what this lady said and wish you had a good comeback, but really!!

 

I absolutley agree that these comments were not about you at all but about the lady who made the comments. She lacks even the most basic manners and I am sure that the teacher did not hear so much of what that lady had to say about you but more so what her comments and lack of grace said about the lady who spoke them.

So true! That woman is horrendous. :mad: I'm so sorry she said all of those nasty things to you. I'm sure you're just as beautiful now. She's evidently not beautiful, especially on the inside.

[BuilderMan]

So true! That woman is horrendous. :mad: I'm so sorry she said all of those nasty things to you. I'm sure you're just as beautiful now. She's evidently not beautiful, especially on the inside.

 

She should be more embarrassed at her behavior than anything else. She showed her true colors. Someone like that isn't worth a second thought. I have a feeling she has a low self-esteem for some reason and finds it uplifting to her to put other people down. So sad.

 

Don't let her comments get to you. A weight issue can be changed, but a bad personality is harder to change. She must be a very unhappy person.

 

Lynn

[sacway]

Let me tell you a "skinny" story. My dad was obsessed with staying the same weight all his life. He did it the old fashioned way, kept getting on a scale and if the number went up a pound, he ate a little less to take it off. Unfortunately (and any trainer can tell you this) what he was doing over the decades was slowly replacing lean body mass with some fat, since you can't lose any pound in particular. When he was about 60 he had to get some surgery and the doctors told him he had the bones of an 80-year-old man. He died not long after this.

 

Similarly, I have a friend, a former ballerina and a ballet mistress for a professional company. Back in the old days (before we knew better), she ate very little for many years, resulting in severe osteoporosis by the time she was 40.

 

Your old friend's comment reflects her issues, not yours. No one on a cruise will be looking at or judging you, unless you sign up for some contest or talent show! Enjoy your mutual friend's company and party. And as you lose that recently gained "baby fat", remember you don't necessarily need to get *that* skinny again, ever.

[BuilderMan]

No one on a cruise will be looking at or judging you

 

You will see all shapes and sizes on a cruise. No one will judge you. A cruise isn't a Victoria's Secret show, so RELAX! Personally, I love to see someone that is just in a good, healthy shape rather than bone thin because it says that you are more concerned about your overall health than being a swimsuit model (of which many are undernourished and unhealthy).

 

I would advise you to get in some exercise everyday using free weights and/or resistance bands to tone your muscles and work your joints. This will keep you from having other problems later in life with arthritis or osteoporosis.

 

Lynn

[WeirdEyes]

Let me tell you a "skinny" story. My dad was obsessed with staying the same weight all his life. He did it the old fashioned way, kept getting on a scale and if the number went up a pound, he ate a little less to take it off. Unfortunately (and any trainer can tell you this) what he was doing over the decades was slowly replacing lean body mass with some fat, since you can't lose any pound in particular. When he was about 60 he had to get some surgery and the doctors told him he had the bones of an 80-year-old man. He died not long after this.

 

Similarly, I have a friend, a former ballerina and a ballet mistress for a professional company. Back in the old days (before we knew better), she ate very little for many years, resulting in severe osteoporosis by the time she was 40.

 

Your old friend's comment reflects her issues, not yours. No one on a cruise will be looking at or judging you, unless you sign up for some contest or talent show! Enjoy your mutual friend's company and party. And as you lose that recently gained "baby fat", remember you don't necessarily need to get *that* skinny again, ever.

Fantastic post!

 

Personally, I love to see someone that is just in a good, healthy shape rather than bone thin because it says that you are more concerned about your overall health than being a swimsuit model (of which many are undernourished and unhealthy).

 

Lynn

Exactly! Being healthy is the key. Good luck and remember how beautiful you are.

[galavant3]

Hi,

 

I was dropping my 3yr DS at pre-school last week (he's only just joined) and I thought I recognised one of the ladies dropping her son off - turns out I did know her.

 

After re-introducing myself (it's been about 10 years) she said (with the face to match) "No! I can't believe you're her - she was always thin and beautiful!"

 

Then - when we took our respective children into the kindergarten class, she found it necessary to tell the teacher that I "used to be as skinny as her" and that she's wondering who the fat person is that swallowed her friend!:mad:

 

Now, I know that I'm fat - but really, is that an approriate way to talk about someone - when they're there?!!

 

Now it's a mutual friend's birthday who I would love to catch up with, but I'm too embarassed and humilated.

 

I'm now 79kg (174lbs) and 5'6" = the weight is a combination of Depo, 2 kids in 2 years and good living.

 

My question (and it is genuine) is: how do I respond and how to I face going on a cruise if I think people have this opinion? Help, please :(

 

You have no reason to be embarrassed and humiliated. The other person, however, has every reason to be. To me, this type of behavior does not even deserve a response. I would much rather be a few pounds overweight than rude and insensitive any day.

 

As far as the cruise goes. You probably won't be the skinniest. And you certainly won't be the heaviest. You'll be right there in the middle with the rest of us and it is a very nice place to be. People will be there to enjoy themselves, not to critque the appearance of others. Have a wonderful time.

 

For what its worth, I would take one friend like you over 1,000 like her.

[boatlover]

Hi,

 

I was dropping my 3yr DS at pre-school last week (he's only just joined) and I thought I recognised one of the ladies dropping her son off - turns out I did know her.

 

After re-introducing myself (it's been about 10 years) she said (with the face to match) "No! I can't believe you're her - she was always thin and beautiful!"

 

Then - when we took our respective children into the kindergarten class, she found it necessary to tell the teacher that I "used to be as skinny as her" and that she's wondering who the fat person is that swallowed her friend!:mad:

 

 

Now, I know that I'm fat - but really, is that an approriate way to talk about someone - when they're there?!!

 

Now it's a mutual friend's birthday who I would love to catch up with, but I'm too embarassed and humilated.

 

I'm now 79kg (174lbs) and 5'6" = the weight is a combination of Depo, 2 kids in 2 years and good living.

 

My question (and it is genuine) is: how do I respond and how to I face going on a cruise if I think people have this opinion? Help, please :(

 

 

Wow, that woman is whacked.

 

I recently responded to similar comment with "yes, but what a pity you have had to compromise your good manners in order to stay so thin!"

 

Life is for living, go out an do it. Be healthy, not skinny, and enjoy that cruise!

[Gathina]

This lady might qualify for the title of "villiage idiot".

 

People on the cruise are either going to be gawking at the bimbo in the thong or the morbidly obese grandma in the thong. You are probably like most people..somewhere in between those two extremes...so I doubt anyone is going to be looking at you anyway.

 

Comeback for the future(hope you don't need it): "Yes, and I noticed your roots desperately need a touch-up. Let me recommend a good hair stylist for you".

 

 

 

Hi,

 

I was dropping my 3yr DS at pre-school last week (he's only just joined) and I thought I recognised one of the ladies dropping her son off - turns out I did know her.

 

 

 

 

After re-introducing myself (it's been about 10 years) she said (with the face to match) "No! I can't believe you're her - she was always thin and beautiful!"

 

Then - when we took our respective children into the kindergarten class, she found it necessary to tell the teacher that I "used to be as skinny as her" and that she's wondering who the fat person is that swallowed her friend!:mad:

 

 

Now, I know that I'm fat - but really, is that an approriate way to talk about someone - when they're there?!!

 

Now it's a mutual friend's birthday who I would love to catch up with, but I'm too embarassed and humilated.

 

I'm now 79kg (174lbs) and 5'6" = the weight is a combination of Depo, 2 kids in 2 years and good living.

 

My question (and it is genuine) is: how do I respond and how to I face going on a cruise if I think people have this opinion? Help, please :(

[waterbugohio]

What really amazes me about this comment is the fact that you aren't even considered over weight to me.

 

5'6", 174lbs is not that bad, at least not in my book. You may not be model thin, but you may be very healthy at that weight.

 

I am currently in Weight Watchers. I am 5'7" and my ideal weight (as per WW) would be somewhere between 155-165. So I am guessing that 5'6" would be just a little lower.

 

So if you are just 174, I don't consider 15 lbs as being "fat"

 

That friend, is not a friend!!

[happysinglemom]

I am currently in Weight Watchers. I am 5'7" and my ideal weight (as per WW) would be somewhere between 155-165. So I am guessing that 5'6" would be just a little lower.

 

Not to take this on a different tangent, but I am 5'7" myself...and that range is definitely not an ideal weight for me. Frame size makes a huge difference; you can't go by just height. My "ideal" weight is a full 20-30 pounds less than your given range. Years ago I used to think I had a large frame....I guess because I was tall...but after learning I have a small frame, I could set more realistic weight goals. :o

 

As for the OP's question...that lady is a boor, and an idiot to boot. I really don't believe most people are like that, so please don't think others have the same thoughts that she expressed. People like her should be ignored. Completely.

[RCCLismyfav1]

Well I'm sure we have all heard rude comments like that one time or another. It takes you to be a better person to overcome this.

I am 5'7 and have very broad shoulders, wear a size 10 shoe and am considered med.-large frame. My build is straight up and down built more like a boy with the:p boobs. I don't have much of a defining waist which makes me look heavier than I am. According to my DR. I should weigh according to the charts:rolleyes: 135 low end to 150 high end. I feel better at 140-150 and look fine. You have to determine how you feel and don't worry so much about weight numbers as apposed to how you look, feel, and look and feel in your clothing.

Oh honey don't worry about going on a cruise believe me you will see people ranging form skinny to VERY heavy I mean 400-and 500 pounds we have on every cruise we've been on. now don't get me wrong I don't think being over weight is healthy but hey it's not my body and I don't haveto carry it around everyday. IMHO..having children and what ever other reason given is no reason to be over weight that's just an excuse.

It sounds like you are having to deal with maybe some issues you don't like about yourself so maybe this is a good time to maybe change your life style a little...Get some exercise everyday, cut back on your eating...

Knowing me if someone would say something that rude which I read on here on a daily basis...IMHO if I'm having a good day and want to waste a littel time I fire right back...If not I just ignore them and consider their ignorance. Now if it happen out in public like it did to you I probably would have gone home and cooled down for a while and would have faced her the next day and informed her that she was rude and others thought so also. If she gets snippy with you just tell her to look in the mirror because she is far from being perfect as no one is. I certainly would not overlook because the abuse will continue with the next generation. Hold you head up high Miss and if you are unhappy with yourself then do something about it. If you want to crawl in a corner that's your choice but honestly I have a sister that complains about everything and never does anything to help herself or better herself so we tell her to quit b------- about it an get up off of her dead behind and change somethings and we will back her 100%. Same applies here my friend.

Everyone hassoem good in themselves and chances are this other gal is having some idenity issues with herself and you just happen to be the first one she lashed out at. She could be having issues with her personal life to her work or family. Who knows who cares.. Don;t take this crap from no one... You sound like a good person and again you stroll in there like you belong there...;)

[RubyKate]

Serena, you have NOTHING to be embarassed about. As others have said, that disgusting woman showed her complete lack of class and only "attacked" you to make her own miserable self feel better.

 

Remember, you can always lose the weight, but no amount of dieting will help her lose her UGLY.

[PreciousJewel]

So I'm going to go against the grain and say you shoulda knocked the B**** out!!! :mad:

 

 

Just playing!!!:p She sucks and apparently has low self-esteem for her to feel that she has to insult you...especially in front of someone else. Next time she tries to strike up a conversation with you, just politely tell her that you prefer not to associate with mean-spirited or negative people. Feel better!!! :)

[Sirwinston]

Serena_17:

Perhaps being skinny is all that woman has. The Real focus in life should be to be healthy and happy.

Last Year I dieted and exercised to go on a special cruise. I should have ate healthy and excercised yes. But I was obessed and spent lots of time and ignored important stuff I should have been doing mainly to look good on this one cruise.

When I met the Captain ( "Perky" Perkins on the QE2) he was HUGE. I felt it was God's (or the universe's ?) way of telling me that I had been off balance.

Two months after I got back I "fell of the wagon" and slowly gained back the 30 lbs I had lost.

I am now trying to get back in shape once again. But I am doing it slow, and in a balanced way.

This woman reminds me of a woman I know, who can be flat broke, getting kicked out of her apt. but has to look perfect.

 

Tom in Long Beach ( who wishes they would show the real passengers in cruise ship adds)

[Salsa Dancer]

Hi,

 

I was dropping my 3yr DS at pre-school last week (he's only just joined) and I thought I recognised one of the ladies dropping her son off - turns out I did know her.

 

After re-introducing myself (it's been about 10 years) she said (with the face to match) "No! I can't believe you're her - she was always thin and beautiful!"

 

Then - when we took our respective children into the kindergarten class, she found it necessary to tell the teacher that I "used to be as skinny as her" and that she's wondering who the fat person is that swallowed her friend!:mad:

 

 

I am floored by this woman's rudeness, meanness, and insensitivity. The funny part is that she made HERSELF look like an ugly fool in front of the teacher. Don't think for a minute that the teacher didn't catch that comment and think to herself, "OH MY GOSH. This woman is not right in the head." :eek: Here's a good snappy remark....it's almost Biblical....:) "Yes, I've had some trouble controlling what I put into my mouth. But apparently, you have a lot of trouble controlling what COMES OUT OF YOURS. My problem only hurts me. Yours is another story."

 

The truth is, though, that most of us who are overweight have had a run-in with hurtful people saying insensitive things. I am 50 years old, have a young face, an old-feeling body, and am carrying around 50+ pounds that I shouldn't. One of my motivators was an insensitive remark from a stranger..."So you are pregnant, right?" UGH!!! It really hurt. But I used it as a springboard. The woman that you described, though, she is incredibly rude. I would hope that you would have a friend who would say something to put her in her place and help her to realize that she is hurtful....before she hurts someone else. She's like a loaded weapon. If I were there to make a comment, I'd probably say, "Yes, that is true. I've put on weight over the years. But YOU have changed too, or were you always so CRUEL?" She would be shocked, for sure, because she's probably gotten away with her behavior and rudeness for far too long. Of course, I always think of those snappy remarks long AFTER someone has said something unkind.:( I"m usually too stunned to think of them on the spot because I never say things like that to people.

 

The cruise is another thing....you will find people of every weight on a cruise. No problem, there.

 

Don't be afraid of catching up with an old friend. If that friend is worth catching up with, she will be happy to see you no matter how much you weigh. If she isn't kind or happy to see you, then you can shed 200 lbs. of dead weight by losing both of them as part of your circle of "friends."

Which reminds me of that old joke, "Wanna know how to lose 30 lbs. of ugly fat? Take off your head." Sorry, not my joke.:o

 

I'm working on loving myself, as I am, while taking this unhealthy weight off. :)

[Salsa Dancer]

I have a couple of friends who are so good at snappy comebacks! They make me laugh. Me...I'm not that fast. But I thought of another one...

 

When people say really stupid things like that, just stare down at the floor and do a step off to the side. When they look down, just say, "Oh be careful where you step! I think some of your brains just shot right out your mouth and onto the floor." :D

 

or how about....

 

"Wow...how did you do it? Your behind looks the same but your head has gotten much smaller since I last met you."

 

Truthfully, I never end up saying this stuff, but it sure looks fun in print!:) I'm saying this all to make you smile. What I practice is that if I return in kind, I'm just lowering myself to the cruel person's level. What would it hurt, though, to seriously take that person aside with, "Can I talk to you for a second? In private?" And flat-out say, that their remarks were insulting, and hurtful and say that you find talking to them unpleasant and ask them if they would mind holding their tongue in the future. Just wonder what would happen if you did that...hmmmm.

[Pinkbikini]

Dear Serena,

 

I haven't bothered to read all of the replies, just your initial post. I'm sorry to hear that happened to you. Wanted to send a virtual hug. Also wanted to say that we've most likely all been on the receiving end of a similar comment (my best friend finds it really important to let everyone know how I "used to look" since we've been friends forever while I don't let people know that she got a haircut, dropped 100 lbs, had her nose done and that she "surprisingly" looks the best she's ever looked) and unfortunately probably on the giving end at times too. Hopefully I've never said anything that unfortunate but I'm sure we've all put our foot in our mouth at one time or another (gosh, I hope I've never said something that directly upsetting to anyone).

 

Take care and please enjoy your cruise knowing that WHATEVER our size we've all been through it in some way at some point...

 

Pink