What to do about mom....

[mom23guys]

We went on a cruise with my mom in June. She turned 85 in July. We also had two of my grown sons and their financees with us. Mom almost cancelled because she didn't want to pay for the single supplement. It was not the cost but the principal, she doesn't like paying for meals that are not going to be eaten by anyone. Having lived through the Depression and war years she just felt that was wasteful. We decided to take a short cruise from a port near our home-went to Canada not Caribbean. Eventually, my brother took off from work and went in the room with her. We would have gotten a suite and shared it with her but she didn't want that. I'm so glad we had the opportunity to spend this time together and she got to spend time with my brother who she doesn't get to she as often because of distance and her grandsons who aren't that close either. I don't think she'd do it again but I'm thinking of Disney next year:p . She doesn't mind paying for a double room just the rest of the stuff.

[Happy ks]

Many great responses here, some ideas not so great.

 

Booking a suite could actually cost over what a single supplement could cost when booking 2 separate cabins. I can absolutely understand not wanting to share a cabin with 3 adults, unless it was a 2/bed, bath suite, those are not easy to find and the cost would be enormous in comparison to two cabins.

 

The people who made the comment to talk it over with her hit the nail on the head. Don't automatically assume she can't afford to pay the extra, don't assume she won't be happy alone in a cabin. I have an aunt who lives quite frugally, yet when we cruise she stays in an inside cabin close in proximity to us and doesn't even bother to try to bring a friend along.

She says yes, it costs money, but she'd rather spend the money and have the experience rather than stay home and fret away whether or not she should go along. She's 73 and is planning her 3rd and 4th cruises with us in the next year and a half.

[simplelife]

Get a suite that has two bedrooms. Talk to her about it and ask her if she'd feel like a third wheel, rather than assuming she will.

 

Don't take this the wrong way, but re-think having your mom share a room with you. My mom died several years ago and knowing what I know now, I'd be thrilled to have my mom take a cruise with me, even if it meant I had to be inconvenicned for a few days and share a room with her. For me, a few days of incovenience is nothing when you compare it to the rest of your life.

 

DH snores so bad I can barely share a room with him. I wouldn't inflect this on my Mom:)

[GottaLuvCruising]

Earplugs work great...:D

 

Not so much! At Mom's house, I always sleep on the living room sofa bed. Her bedroom door is 25+ feet away (and closed) but even with earplugs, I hear the snoring. Then there's the issue of her staying up until 1am or 2am and sleeping until 10am (no kidding - she's like my kids!). The only solution for us is separate rooms...then we both can sleep when we want.

[suzies29]

Thank you all for your advice! I very much want my mom to go...and she is always the one saying she wants someone her own age to join her, and since my dad is passed away and they did EVERYTHING together...she is the one that implies she would be a third wheel...and she does come out and say so. Plus I tend to have too much energy and she always says she does not want to hold me back.

I think I am going to e-mail my brothers and sisters and see if we can pool some Christmas money early for mom. Since it is my husband and myself going, we only have enough saved for ourselves and would not be able to swing paying for mom. This will probably be our last trip for a couple years (my 30th Birthday Present, and our 5th Anniversary gift).

Well, hopefully I can find a solution because I really want my mom to come along and enjoy herself! I talked to her today and joked around that I was going to sneak into singles night with her and find her some friends!!!

[coka]

Not sure when you are going or if you are able to switch weeks, but...Are there cheaper rates during a different week? A better rate on a different cruiseline during the same week?

 

You are very sweet to want this for your mother. I usually ask this question: What will you regret more...having your mom as a third person in cabin or not having your mom go?

 

For my 30th birthday, my hubby and I took my parents to Quebec City...we all stayed in the same hotel room. Although my dad has passed away, my mom still talks about that trip! We had some good laughs. We also cruised one week with them too...all four of us in an inside cabin. We had some good laughs too but I think we got on their nerves! LOL

 

Best wishes in trying to find an alternative between the above two extreme choices. Come back and post how it turned out.

 

coka

[bar_20]

Book on HAL instead of Carnival, they still use dance hosts. Did you ever see the movie Out to Sea with Jack Lemmon and Walter Matthau? They played them in the movie and they both met women on the ship and married them. Hey anything can happen!:D

[soccerATAmom]

I'll go:D

[lady_cruiser]

To the OP:

I think it is wonderful that you want to bring your mother on a cruise with you. I only wish my parents were alive so I could do the same thing. Only you know if you can or can not share a cabin with your mother and husband and the reasons why. So don't let some posters play a guilt trip on you. Is it possible for you to get a cabin for you and your husband and an interior cabin directly across the hall for your mother? That way you both have your privacy at night and if something should happens that she needs you, you will be right across the hall from her.

[Terpnut]

My suggestion is to approach your mom's friend who is currently "on the fence". Try to find out exactly what her budget situation is and how close she is to being able to go. If the budget differential is reasonably small, then consider paying the difference. And if you can't afford to pay this difference yourself, then see if you can split it amongst all your siblings? This is definitely better and cheaper than sharing a suite or paying the single supplement. If you are successful, you've created a win-win-win for everyone. Good luck!

[jp2001]

You said what I was thinking. I would not hesitate to share a cabin with my mom. :D

 

But would you like to share a room with your the father of your husband for example? I understand the OP, while I would enjoy sharing a room with my mother, I wouldn't want to do so if I'm going on a cruise with DBF (they get along very well but sharing a room for a week... I wouldn't like if my boyfriend would ask me to share a room with his parents for more than 1 or 2 nights).

[Loves_Dogs]

Please, please don't miss this time with your mom. I would give anything in the world to have to make such a decision. My mom died almost 30 years ago, and there isn't a day that goes by that wish I had her with me.

 

I feel exactly the same...my Mom died 5 years ago..I still miss her so much.

[Gathina]

First of all, nobody is trying to lay a guilt trip on anybody. If anybody feels guilty, then that is their issue to deal with..and not the issue of any of the posters (including me) who made references to our parents.

 

Second, to the OP I suggest talking honestly to your mom about all of the different angles on this. If you can't talk honestly to your mum, well, that is hard for me to understand.

 

If you or she can't afford to pay for your mom, then the answer is pretty simple. She or someone else stays home.

 

If there is a reasonable way to get another cabin, a suite, adjoining rooms, and she can contribute, do it. Otherwise, it seems your options are for her to 1) share a room with you, 2) She doesn't go, 3) book a cruise with you for another time, 3) You stay home, 4) Your husband stays home, 5) someone else goes and pays their share, 6) You pay for her as a gift. 7)She pays for her own cabin.

 

If the friend is on the fence, count on them getting off on the other side of the fence..not yours..don't plan on them saying yes.

 

In the end it's up to you to decide. Do what's in your gut and ignore everyone's opinion on this matter..

 

To the OP:

I think it is wonderful that you want to bring your mother on a cruise with you. I only wish my parents were alive so I could do the same thing. Only you know if you can or can not share a cabin with your mother and husband and the reasons why. So don't let some posters play a guilt trip on you. Is it possible for you to get a cabin for you and your husband and an interior cabin directly across the hall for your mother? That way you both have your privacy at night and if something should happens that she needs you, you will be right across the hall from her.

[mollyeilis]

Don't take this the wrong way, but re-think having your mom share a room with you. My mom died several years ago and knowing what I know now, I'd be thrilled to have my mom take a cruise with me, even if it meant I had to be inconvenicned for a few days and share a room with her. For me, a few days of incovenience is nothing when you compare it to the rest of your life.

 

Definitely. I'd do anything it took to get my mom on trips with us, if only my mom were around.

 

...she is the one that implies she would be a third wheel...and she does come out and say so. Plus I tend to have too much energy and she always says she does not want to hold me back.

 

She might just be wanting you to tell her, over and over and over, that she would NOT be a third wheel for you guys, that you love her and want her with you.

 

And the best thing about cruises is that no one is glued to each other,and you can go and do separate things.

 

When you mentioned your 30th birthday you just about made me cry, b/c it was right after that birthday of mine that my mom was diagnosed with leukemia, and a few months after that a drug error caused her death at 55. If she were here and I had the knowledge I have now, I would do anything, even subject her to my husband's (that I met a few months AFTER my mom died) snoring.

 

 

Good luck figuring it out, I wish you the best!