Argh! How to get Mom to enjoy herself?

[Lady_Jag]

I am sailing the Carnival Glory, Eastern Caribbean route, Mother's Day week. It will be me, my hubby, my 3-year-old daughter, my mom, and our family friend.

 

Due to a knee injury several years ago, my mom cannot walk long distances, or climb many stairs. She uses a cane for some areas where she knows she'll have to stand for a while or climb some stairs. She also has a transporter chair (wheelchair with small wheels), for really long distances. We'll be taking both the transporter and her cane with us when we cruise.

 

Now. Here's my problem. How do I get my mom to get off the ship and enjoy herself?!? I'm trying to make our port days very kid-friendly for my 3-year-old, but also include things that would interest the rest of the group. (How I became the events coordinator for this crazy bunch, I have no idea! LOL!)

 

So for St. Thomas, I thought we would visit Coral World, spend a little time at Coki Beach next door (I think that's the name of the beach), then head back to Havensight for a little shopping before we get back on the ship.

 

My mom said "eh! I'll just stay on the ship and read a book or something." Why? Because she doesn't want to go to the beach! Why? Because she can't sit on the sand and she said "I'll look stupid sitting in a wheelchair on the beach!"

 

I told here there would be lounge chairs we could rent. "Nah! Don't spend your money on that." I told her the transporter was more like a camp chair than a wheelchair anyway. She said "And how are you going to push it through the sand, huh?!?" I said "Well, it folds up. I'll carry the chair, we'll pick out a place on the beach near Coral World, then I'll set it up again for you to sit." She countered back with the "That'll look stupid. I'll just stay on the ship."

 

Now, I WOULD suggest that she join us at Coral World then get us a taxi back to port for shopping while DH, our friend, and DD enjoy the beach, but I really would like to play with DD on the sand for a little while as well. And there's no WAY I would send my mom back to Havensight alone. She is "navigationally challenged" even in our hometown.

 

I didn't even bother mentioning Maho beach in St. Martin the next day. All I have to say is the "b" word (beach) and she immediately says she wants to stay on the ship.

 

Not that staying on the ship isn't pleasant, but the Glory looks so HUGE, and I know she won't stray far from her inside stateroom alone.

 

Sorry, I kind of went off on a rant there. Anyone have any suggestions?!? This cruise was my mom's (and my) mother's day gift, and I don't want it to be a disappointment for her just because she too self-conscious to get a little sand between her toes.:(

[Arlened236]

How do I get my mom to get off the ship and enjoy herself?!

 

First I want to say what a wonderful Mother's day gift. Your mother will enjoy herself if she sees all of you enjoying yourself. If she is worried about using a chair or a cane, she will not be in the minority...there will be many men and women of all ages using them plus all the electric scooters and electric wheelchairs she will see on board. Beaches are a problem with any type of chair, but if you check some beaches offer special large wheel chairs for the sand.

Most important...do not take the transporter chair....it is impossible to push on the carpet on the ships, does not go over small threshholds easily, and most important she cannot manuver it herself. She should consider a lightweight folding wheelchair with large wheels, or a rollator with a seat so she can sit when she needs to rest.

you mentioned Coral world...it is very accessible, I don't know about the beaches but I am sure someone else will have that info for you. Check the thread above for information about accessible Eastern Caribbean ports.

You are correct there is always alot to do on board, but it would be a waste to spend it in a cabin.

Have a wonderful cruise

[uppitycats]

I can't help with the beach questions as I've never cruised the Caribean (I don't do hot! :D )..

 

but I agree with Arlene -- the transport chair is a really lousy option. See if you can find a collapsible manual wheelchair for your mother to use, and get it before your cruise so she can "practice" with it. Even if you (or someone in your family) end up pushing it, regular manual wheelchairs are much easier to maneuver over rough surfaces, sidewalks, bumps, that sort of thing. And if she does learn to use it, she can get around at least a little on the ship. The rollator Arlene suggested is a great idea, too -- one with a seat would allow her the ability to walk around the ship a little, sit when she's tired and watch the rest of the passengers move about, and she might not be quite as self-conscious about that as she would be in a wheelchair.

 

No wheelchair or transport chair will "work" in the sand. And I don't know the age of your mother, but I at 62 would prefer not to be near a beach either. I also would likely opt for staying on the ship!

 

I hope all this works out for you. Being an old lady myself, all I can do is tell you my preference: if you were taking me on this cruise, I would indeed prefer to stay on the ship, even if it meant staying in my cabin and ordering room service, than "burdening" you with watching out for me, moving me around in a wheelchair, worrying about whether I'm having a good time on teh beach (I wouldn't be! :o).

 

I'd just be glad to be going, watching you all have fun, and enjoying your stories when you came back to the ship.

[Lady_Jag]

Thanks for the advice (and speedy responses!) I will look into renting a "real" wheelchair for my mom for the cruise to make getting around easier.

 

She will be 60 in June, but I don't think she would use a rollator when it took us the better part of a year to convince her to use even a cane; and she's a plus-sized woman.

 

As far as the beach goes, maybe I can make a deal with her that we won't stay longer than 20-30 minutes so my 3-year-old DD can play in the sand, then she and I can go back to Havensight to get a jump start on shopping while hubby, DD, and our family friend play at the beach a little longer.

 

Aside - I still don't get the aversion to the beach. This past July, she planned a full day at our local beach with my brother and his 2 kids. (We live in FL, so you know it was HOT in July!) I always thought sand was sand, no matter where you were. :rolleyes:

[spanner14]

I think you're doing the right thing in renting a manual folding wheelchair; they are much more adaptable than transport chairs, and who knows, your mum may even start wheeling herself short distances (it's really quite fun).

 

Just tell your mum from me there's no need to feel self conscious using a chair or a cane - I'm still in my 30s and have become disabled with a lower back injury. It's not nice being stuck in a chair or having to use a walking stick but for me it's a whole heap better than not going anywhere.

 

My walking cane is great; it's pink and stripey and looks like a candy cane. I decided that if I had to have a walking cane at my age I was going to have a fun one! So no need for your mum to feel self conscious.

 

I can't walk far so I'm going to be renting a folding chair. I even read about some beach resorts having balloon-wheeled chairs which can go on sand, so that may be worth enquiring about.

 

She may feel that she doesn't want to be a burden but it's worse to be a martyr. Tell her that you're trying to please everybody so if she could agree to coming to the beach for a while the whole family would love it, but that if she insists on staying in her cabin you'll only worry about her and you won't have a good time - that's not fair on you; it's your holiday too!

 

Have a really wonderful time,

Spanner :)

[vickila]

I think you're doing the right thing in renting a manual folding wheelchair; they are much more adaptable than transport chairs, and who knows, your mum may even start wheeling herself short distances (it's really quite fun).

 

Just tell your mum from me there's no need to feel self conscious using a chair or a cane - I'm still in my 30s and have become disabled with a lower back injury. It's not nice being stuck in a chair or having to use a walking stick but for me it's a whole heap better than not going anywhere.

 

My walking cane is great; it's pink and stripey and looks like a candy cane. I decided that if I had to have a walking cane at my age I was going to have a fun one! So no need for your mum to feel self conscious.

 

I can't walk far so I'm going to be renting a folding chair. I even read about some beach resorts having balloon-wheeled chairs which can go on sand, so that may be worth enquiring about.

 

She may feel that she doesn't want to be a burden but it's worse to be a martyr. Tell her that you're trying to please everybody so if she could agree to coming to the beach for a while the whole family would love it, but that if she insists on staying in her cabin you'll only worry about her and you won't have a good time - that's not fair on you; it's your holiday too!

 

Have a really wonderful time,

Spanner :)

 

Take Mom to a large store and put her on a scooter -- then rent one for the cruise (plus size about $350) from CARE Vacations -- it will be worth every penny as it will make her totally independent of you. Have fun. V

[spanner14]

Take Mom to a large store and put her on a scooter -- then rent one for the cruise (plus size about $350) from CARE Vacations -- it will be worth every penny as it will make her totally independent of you. Have fun. V

 

Scooters are great, I've rented them on the odd occasions when I've been to a large shopping centre or a country show, but I suppose it depends if the OP's Mum has an accessible cabin or not.

 

If they're in a non-accessible cabin I'm not sure there would be the space to keep a scooter whereas a fold-up wheelchair can be stored more easily.

 

Lady_Jag, is your Mum in an accessible cabin, or an ordinary one?

 

Spanner x

[Lady_Jag]

Scooters are great, I've rented them on the odd occasions when I've been to a large shopping centre or a country show, but I suppose it depends if the OP's Mum has an accessible cabin or not.

 

If they're in a non-accessible cabin I'm not sure there would be the space to keep a scooter whereas a fold-up wheelchair can be stored more easily.

 

Lady_Jag, is your Mum in an accessible cabin, or an ordinary one?

 

Spanner x

 

It's an ordinary cabin. I considered a scooter, because my mom used them in theme parks and such before, but then I was a bit concerned about getting it into cabs and buses while we're in St. Thomas and St. Martin. (We're exploring on our own instead of booking ship excursions due to the unpredictability of my 3-year-old.)

 

The other concern I had was her getting around the ship on a scooter. When we were in Disney and Universal Studios, she would go 3 feet, then stop because someone walked in front of her. Then she'd start to go again, then stop because she was afraid of running over someone else who just walked in front of her. I can only imagine how many stops/starts she'll have to do on a big ship like the Carnival Glory. LOL! I've told her to just go at a steady pace, keep a reasonable distance behind the person in front of her, and if someone suddenly jumps in front of her, it's their own fault if they get bumped. But she's much nicer than I am, I guess. :D

[uppitycats]

It's an ordinary cabin. I considered a scooter, because my mom used them in theme parks and such before, but then I was a bit concerned about getting it into cabs and buses while we're in St. Thomas and St. Martin. (We're exploring on our own instead of booking ship excursions due to the unpredictability of my 3-year-old.)

 

The other concern I had was her getting around the ship on a scooter. When we were in Disney and Universal Studios, she would go 3 feet, then stop because someone walked in front of her. Then she'd start to go again, then stop because she was afraid of running over someone else who just walked in front of her. I can only imagine how many stops/starts she'll have to do on a big ship like the Carnival Glory. LOL! I've told her to just go at a steady pace, keep a reasonable distance behind the person in front of her, and if someone suddenly jumps in front of her, it's their own fault if they get bumped. But she's much nicer than I am, I guess. :D

 

 

Yes, getting a scooter or power chair in/out of transportation is almost impossible outside of the US, and darned-right difficult here. That's why I would have suggested -- had you had a handicap-accessible room -- that you get both a scooter (or power chair) AND a collapsible manual wheelchair, the scooter for in the ship, the chair for off the ship.

 

Getting used to using the scooter or power chair does take some doing..and yes, people don't "see" you when you're in a seated position, whether in a wheelchair or scooter. They'll step right in front of you, or back up right in to you. I can't begin to tell you how many folks I've had sitting in my lap -- not MY choice :p -- because they didn't "see" me.

 

You might just look in your local newspaper ads for a manual chair. You can get them pretty cheap -- I've seen them for as little as $50 -- which would be less than what you'd end up paying for a rental. And then you can use it to help your mother get around the airport (yes, I know, the airport has wheelchairs, but that's a challenge, too!) as well as on/off the ship.

 

Have a great cruise!

[spanner14]

Gosh, it's such a problem; the minute you're in a scooter or wheelchair you become invisible! I can't tell you how many times I've had to stop suddenly because someone just walked out in front of me. Lots of scooters have horns but you'd be hard pushed to hear them!

 

At least if you have a folding wheelchair that someone can push your mum in, the person pushing won't suddenly walk into the back of your mum because she's stopped!

 

I swear wheelchairs and scooters should have bicycle bells on. We fixed one to my DD's baby buggy because people used to walk right into that too. It was great in shopping centres! We'd ring the bell and people would jump right out of the way! :D

 

I think I'm going to rent a wheelchair because that way they get delivered right to the ship and you just leave the chair there when you go. But if it's too expensive it may be worth looking on ebay for a used one. Sounds like you'll be able to store a chair in the cabin easier than you would a scooter though.

 

Spanner x

[vickila]

Gosh, it's such a problem; the minute you're in a scooter or wheelchair you become invisible! I can't tell you how many times I've had to stop suddenly because someone just walked out in front of me. Lots of scooters have horns but you'd be hard pushed to hear them!

 

At least if you have a folding wheelchair that someone can push your mum in, the person pushing won't suddenly walk into the back of your mum because she's stopped!

 

I swear wheelchairs and scooters should have bicycle bells on. We fixed one to my DD's baby buggy because people used to walk right into that too. It was great in shopping centres! We'd ring the bell and people would jump right out of the way! :D

 

I think I'm going to rent a wheelchair because that way they get delivered right to the ship and you just leave the chair there when you go. But if it's too expensive it may be worth looking on ebay for a used one. Sounds like you'll be able to store a chair in the cabin easier than you would a scooter though.

 

Spanner x

 

Havensight mall in St. Thomas is wonderful with a scooter -- right off the ship -- but awful in a wheelchair -- too low -- just got pushed past it when you decide you want to see it. Scooter -- she can do it!

 

St. Martin - long boardwalk to shopping area -- it's quite a push in the hot sun. Also pushing a wheelchair on the ship is tough too -- the carpeting makes it sink and the threshholds are sometimes high -- again -- rent both, but get her to do the scooter -- practice makes perfect and if in congested areas like the dining room, she can hopefully park it and walk to her seat.

 

From experience I think people look with a smile (of poor person) in a wheelchair and another type of smile (good for you) on a scooter! V.

[Arlened236]

Lady Jag...everyone has given you very good suggestions, but I do understand your mother's concern with renting an electric scooter (which I always do from CareVacations.com...1-877478-7827, they also rent manual wheelchairs if you don't want to buy one) it takes practice not to run over people that cut right in front of you...(does not matter your size...you are below everyones eye level when you are in a wheelchair or scooter) I like the independance a scooter gives me on the ship plus my husband does not have to push me around, but I do take my manual wheelchair when I go ashore, I am an above the knee amputee so I can walk and climb stairs but when its hot or the distance is great I like my chair. Plus you can take them on busses or taxi's with no problem. I don't do beaches because sand does not mix with my chair or my prosthesis...but I have a big beautiful beach hat and I love sitting in the shade and watching my family or husband enjoying the water and the sand. The ports you will be visiting can get very crowded if more than one ship is in port, the streets are narrow with a lot of cars, and the sidewalks are not always in good repair and many without cut-outs for w/c's. Scooters are just not practical in these situations.

 

I also agree with Spanner...I have a collection of beautiful folding canes...I get them to match my outfits since I cant wear beautiful shoes anymore.

I refuse to stop living just because I cannot do what I did before, you just have to find a new way to enjoy. My motto is "when life gives you lemons....make lemon meringue pie"

Arlene

[klauer]

Just a different thought -- maybe it would really be enjoyable for your mom to have a quiet day reading by the pool vs. having a busy day of sightseeing, going to the beach and shopping with an active group including a 3 year old? I get bored very easily and like to have something planned every minute, but I have to realize that my idea of a "good time" isn't shared by everyone else. So I am wondering if your mom has concerns other than just getting around the beach in a wheelchair.

[Arwenmark]

Gosh, it's such a problem; the minute you're in a scooter or wheelchair you become invisible! I can't tell you how many times I've had to stop suddenly because someone just walked out in front of me. Lots of scooters have horns but you'd be hard pushed to hear them!

 

At least if you have a folding wheelchair that someone can push your mum in, the person pushing won't suddenly walk into the back of your mum because she's stopped!

I have had three different people end up in my lap while being pushed in a WC also had one hit me in the face with a cigerette as they swung it by there side.

I swear wheelchairs and scooters should have bicycle bells on. We fixed one to my DD's baby buggy because people used to walk right into that too. It was great in shopping centres! We'd ring the bell and people would jump right out of the way! :D

 

I think I'm going to rent a wheelchair because that way they get delivered right to the ship and you just leave the chair there when you go. But if it's too expensive it may be worth looking on ebay for a used one. Sounds like you'll be able to store a chair in the cabin easier than you would a scooter though.

 

Spanner x

 

....

[virginiacruisin]

My mom and I have gone on several cruises together and a few years ago she stopped going ashore. There are still activities going on on the ship and the spa is always open - she could treat herself to something special there and treatments are often less expensive on port days. She might like the alone time to take a long shower or do her hair. But I promise you she can still keep busy on the ship on port days. Going ashore does involve a lot of walker, crowds, often hot uncomfortable weather, if she doesn't enjoy swimming she may not enjoy just sitting on the hot sandy beach ... and she will get the same view of the water from the ship. My mom always points out she is paying for the ship so why not stay on board and enjoy it. She is doing what makes her happy and is glad I will still go ashore and do what I want to - then we have lots to talk about when we compare our days.

[montgomeryfamily]

Your idea for St Thomas for your Mom is actually very workable. Coral World is very accessible except for the underwater observatory, which requires walking down steps. They are very nice to the disabled there and the last time we went, they actually had complimentary wheelchairs available--you just need to ask.

 

Going to Coki Beach directly from Coral World is a good idea except that you need to avoid the steps--there are a lot of steps if you go to the first entrance from Coral World. If you go down to where the taxis are, there is another entrance along a board walk that only has a few steps. We actually go all the way down to the main road and walk (with one of our party in a wheelchair) and there is another entrance to Coki beach from the road. You go through a short sandy area through vendors to the beach--it is very close. There are chairs and umbrellas for rent quite cheap. You can see fish very close to the shore. It is more of a walk, but if you walk down to where the rocks are, there are lots of fish there.

Much of the beach is hard packed, so it makes it easier to walk with a cane.

 

Once we used the wheelchair from Coral World to go to Coki and returned it after getting to the beach. There are lots of taxis outside Coki and it is not necessary to go back to Coral World for the taxi. Once we also actually took our wheelchair and some of the people on the beach actually helped to push it on the sand. (Would not recommend this in general, but our disabled party really wanted to go into the water swimming and we needed the wheelchair to get him into the water--then we carried him in the water). So there is a lot of help at Coki if you need it and it is a fun beach for kids and adults alike with the fish so close to shore.

 

Another option for St. Thomas is Sapphire Beach. It has covered tables on pavement right up to the beach. Mom could stay there and eat/drink and you and kids could play in sand on beach.

 

Hope this helps.

[kanitter]

Lady Jag, have you thought about getting your mother one of those canes that have a seat built on them. When you're walking it's just like a regular cane with a circle attached on the side. But when you need to rest the seat unfolds into a 3 legged stool. They are actually pretty neat. But on another note I would like to add, If your mother doesn't want to go to the beach let her stay on the ship where she would be more comfortable. Just be glad that she is still around at all. My mother died 2 years ago and I would give anything if she was around to go on our cruise with us.:( So enoy having your mother cruising with her, but don't get upset if she doesn't want to do all of the things you want to do. Just have fun!!:D

[Lady_Jag]

Wow, these are all great ideas. Thanks! You've given me a lot to think about.

 

I checked into renting a wheelchair for the cruise, and it was a great rate of only $95 that includes delivery and pick-up. I asked my mom if she wanted me to rent it for her, and she said "nah! I'll just stick with my transporter." :confused: I explained to her the difficulties of using the transporter, and she said "well, it's more portable, and I CAN walk and do a few stairs." So there it is. I told her she should at least think about it, and she told me ok, but she's pretty much made up her mind on it. Oh well! It was worth a try.

 

A couple of years ago, we got my mom a lightweight "feminine looking" aluminum cane that she seems to be using a little more these days, so we'll be sure she brings that along.

 

Mom's really excited about the shopping in the ports, so I want to be sure we get her through at least a few of the "good" stores. She is also completely in love with her granddaughter, so I don't want her to "miss out" on spending time with the little one in the ports, especially since we plan to make use of Camp Carnival during sea days. ;)

 

So things are starting to look up. (Or maybe I'm just starting to settle down.) I've even gotten my mom to consider going to Sunday Mass with me in Nassau, which is a HUGE deal on many levels. LOL!

 

I'm sure she won't get bored on the ship, but I don't want her to have any regrets, so I will gently encourage her to join us for some of the things like Coral World that I know she will enjoy if she just tries. The spa is pretty much out of the question because, she said, "I don't like other people touching me." She doesn't really do pools because she's self-conscious about her weight and hasn't worn shorts or a bathing suit in about 40 years, but she enjoys tea and music, so I'll make sure she makes it to tea time during our trip.

[SunshineGirly23]

Thanks for the advice (and speedy responses!) I will look into renting a "real" wheelchair for my mom for the cruise to make getting around easier.

 

She will be 60 in June, but I don't think she would use a rollator when it took us the better part of a year to convince her to use even a cane; and she's a plus-sized woman.

 

As far as the beach goes, maybe I can make a deal with her that we won't stay longer than 20-30 minutes so my 3-year-old DD can play in the sand, then she and I can go back to Havensight to get a jump start on shopping while hubby, DD, and our family friend play at the beach a little longer.

 

Aside - I still don't get the aversion to the beach. This past July, she planned a full day at our local beach with my brother and his 2 kids. (We live in FL, so you know it was HOT in July!) I always thought sand was sand, no matter where you were. :rolleyes:

 

Lady Jag,

 

I definitely commend you on your care and concern for your mom. My mom is 73 and had a hip replacement a few years ago, and is facing some of the same issues.

 

That being said, ( and I am not trying to flame you) , but why do you feel the need to "make" your mother have fun? Did you consider that your mother really might not want to go to the beach, and not just because she might have mobility issues? She might be anticipating some time alone on the ship to explore on her own while you go off with the rest of your family. Maybe staying on the ship IS her idea of fun.

 

I am only saying this because I tried to do the same thing that you are doing. All I ended up doing was wearing myself out and making everyone miserable. I spent so much time trying to bend everyone to my idea of what would be fun, I didn't stop to consider everyone else's feelings.

 

Talk to your mom and find out if there are some interesting activities that will be going on on the ship while you are in port. Perhaps she would like a trip to the ship's library, bingo, or something else. Arrange for a crew member to escort her if necessary.

 

If she is anything like my mom, she knows herself, and knows what she is willing to go through or put up with.

 

Just my opinion.

[Lady_Jag]

Yeah, I get what you're saying, Sunshine. Thanks for the insight. You are right - sometimes I DO get so carried away trying to take responsibility for the rest of the group that I wind up being miserable myself.

 

Anyway, I know mom, and I know she wants to do shopping and even more she wants to get out and be with us...especially her granddaughter. She's just one of those "so polite you want to smack her" types who would sooner have red hot pokers shoved in her eyes than have to ask anyone for anything. She once sat in the dark in our living room one night while she was babysitting our daughter because she couldn't find the light switch and didn't want to call us and ask where it was. :D

 

But there's good news on the situation. I got a stroke of brilliance last night, and posted a want ad for a cheap manual wheelchair on craigslist. By 7:00 this morning, someone responded and told me she had one that has only been used twice that she would sell me for just $25. It folds up and is just what the doctor ordered! Plus, at $25, it's just over 1/4 the price of renting a wheelchair while we cruise.

 

Yay!

[uppitycats]

Yeah, I get what you're saying, Sunshine. Thanks for the insight. You are right - sometimes I DO get so carried away trying to take responsibility for the rest of the group that I wind up being miserable myself.

 

Anyway, I know mom, and I know she wants to do shopping and even more she wants to get out and be with us...especially her granddaughter. She's just one of those "so polite you want to smack her" types who would sooner have red hot pokers shoved in her eyes than have to ask anyone for anything. She once sat in the dark in our living room one night while she was babysitting our daughter because she couldn't find the light switch and didn't want to call us and ask where it was. :D

 

But there's good news on the situation. I got a stroke of brilliance last night, and posted a want ad for a cheap manual wheelchair on craigslist. By 7:00 this morning, someone responded and told me she had one that has only been used twice that she would sell me for just $25. It folds up and is just what the doctor ordered! Plus, at $25, it's just over 1/4 the price of renting a wheelchair while we cruise.

 

Yay!

 

I am really glad you went ahead and got this chair for your mother! Once she gets over being a bit self-conscious about it, she'll find it so much easier to get around, and it'll really give her more independence than she imagines is possible. We still hear "confined to a wheelchair" as if a person is strapped in or something, when in fact my wheelchair lets me go places and do things I would never be able to do without it...and like your mother, I'm not so willing to ask for assistance.

[spanner14]

Lady_Jag, how did you get on getting the wheelchair? Was it OK? What did your Mum say?

 

Don't keep us in suspense! :)

[Lady_Jag]

Lady_Jag, how did you get on getting the wheelchair? Was it OK? What did your Mum say?

 

Don't keep us in suspense! :)

 

The wheelchair was a great find and in brand new condition! It is one of the kind that has the seat that lifts up and out of the way so that it can fold more compactly. The leg rests are adjustable for size and position and are easy-peasy to clip on and take off. It's pretty lightweight, as I was able to lift it up and out of my car without any help or straining any muscles.

 

I couldn't wait to give it to my mom, so I went straight from the house of the lady who sold it to me to my mom's house. My mom's first response was "WHY did you do that?" Then she went into a big spiel about how her transporter chair was fine and look how easy it is to take along and how it folds up and blah, blah, blah.

 

Then she asked if I could return the wheelchair, and I said "no." She said, "well, let me pay you for it." I refused, and she said "why did you spend your money on that?!?" I told her I got it dirt cheap, to which she sarcastically replied, "Oh yeah, right. They just GAVE it to you!"

 

I said, "Practically," and told her that it was only $25. I think that shocked the ___ out of her, because she FINALLY settled down and stopped arguing with me. :D

 

So now that I've assured her that I didn't have to take out a home equity loan to buy her a "real" wheelchair, she's happy with it. She's still self-conscious about using any sort of w/c, but she will use it when she needs to. I tell her that it's nothing to be self-conscious about, but then she gets teary-eyed and says "you don't understand! People treat you differently when you're in a wheelchair."

 

I guess I don't understand. I mean, I have never seen anyone treat someone mean just for being in a wheelchair. I haven't even seen anyone treat someone in a w/c like a second-class citizen, but then maybe I'm just naive and inexperienced.

 

In any case, the standard w/c recommendation was great advice, and I'm glad now that we have one to use at least in the ports, if not on the ship.

 

Thanks!

Laura

[uppitycats]

I'm really glad that worked out for your mom.

 

But yes...since you said it..you are a bit naive and inexperienced. We who are in wheelchairs DO get treated as second-class citizens, DO get treated meanly. Do get stared at, ignored, get "funny" looks, get treated poorly, a lot of the time. There is a long history of disability abuse, and people in wheelchairs are the target of a lot of it. Looks of pity, looks of digust. Blamed for being lazy. Told that if we'd "just pray harder", or "just accept (their version of) God" we'd be cured. Asked -- even by people who know better -- things like, "are you sure you need that? Can't you just walk over here??" Or having (as I did on my last cruise) a bunch of thoroughly able-bodied young men joke about me in my power wheelchair, telling me how much they'd enjoy one of those things, how easily I could get around. I told them I'd trade my power chair for their legs that worked...

 

Being treated as a second-class citizen includes such things as -- and you'll find this out quickly enough as your mother uses her chair -- all the places she can't get in to, because there is not access, including bathrooms, stores, banks, even hospital rooms. Areas of the cruise ship, including seating for shows. When you're with your mother, having people ask you what she wants, assuming she's not able to answer for herself. People not talking to her at all. Not having access to tours, because the only available transportation are buses with steps up, and she cannot manage steps. Not being able to book suites on a cruise ship, because none of them are handicap-accessible, nor are the doors wide enough for a wheelchair.

 

I could go on, but this is a start to your education of your mother (or other people with disabilities) as second-class citizenship. I'm sorry, but your mother is right.

[Arwenmark]

Well, Uppity said just about everything I was about to say. People DO treat you differently or fail to treat you at all, like you are invisible. As I say I have had three people in my lap because they "didn't notice I was there".

But at the same time, your mother should adopt an attitude that you do whatever you need to do to live your life. Cane, Chair Scooter, adapted car, adapted Home, whatever it takes. OTHERWISE the disabilty whatever it is WINS.

By the way not all people treat you badly some are very nice.