My Daughter Doesn't Like To Cruise!!

[Warm Breezes]

I was an evil witch to my parents when I was 17 and I bossed them around. What I didn't learn from them is that life has rules and I am not special and yes, the rules apply to me.

 

What rules are they breaking by letting you know that they don't enjoy something?

[LemurCat]

I was an evil witch to my parents when I was 17 and I bossed them around. What I didn't learn from them is that life has rules and I am not special and yes, the rules apply to me.

 

I wasn't. I was definitely manipulative though. I knew if I just played by the rules for a little while longer I could go to college and debauch myself to majestic heights without my parents being able to do a thing about it.

[Wants2cruise]

Jesse...thanks! Only problem is we are going to Jupiter FL in June....where we have a home. I was going to surprise them (my two girls) with a short cruise down there. Now what!! I cannot leave her by herself....well, she is seventeen!!!???

 

 

We drove cross county when my oldest was about that age. He wasn't a happy camper about most of the trip. There was a few experiences that he was willing to admit that he enjoyed, but for the most part he was pretty disagreeable. I did consider leaving him at home more than once. :D

 

Now that he has several more years and life experiences under his belt, he thanks me for that family adventure. I can safely say that he is very appreciative of having those experiences.

 

So bite the bullet and take her. She might not like it now, but when she matures she will be thanking you. It is her age speaking, not her true self.

[spleenstomper]

I think he should make her go. But I already said that. Yes, at 17 she certainly has the right to make her opinion known. He could either let her stay home with friends or he can say, "I know you don't want to go but I want you to go for the family since you will be going off to college soon and we might not be able to arrange family vacations this easily when that happens."

 

My reference to my parents meant they should have MADE me fall in line and "do what they say" because when I got out in the real world, that was a hard fast fall into reality to find out that the rules did indeed apply to me.

[cruisebie]

Kids! They sure can take the wind out of your sails! That's too bad, John, especially since it appears you have been infected with the same cruising bug as the rest of us. I feel your pain, too. It takes an act of Congress to get my hubby to agree to cruise. He just doesn't love it the way I do.:(

 

Since you were planning a shorter cruise this time, I would say go ahead with it. She may like a shorter cruise better. Maybe an excursion that would give her a sense of the local culture would be good for her. My DD is a little older than yours, but she has enjoyed trips to ruins and hiring a local guide to take us sightseeing. Really, I can't think of anything better than a cruise for experiencing things you don't get to see or do in everyday life. You get to know people from all regions and countries on board and there is something new to do in every port.

 

No, kids don't always appreciate the things we do for them. I know I didn't when I was a kid and I suspect there were times that I stretched my Mom's patience pretty thin. It's a funny thing, though. Those same family outings that I hated as a kid are the ones I look back on and smile about now. Keep making those memories, John! Your daughter will appreciate it a few years down the road.:)

[RatherBFishin]

We tell the story of what we heard from the actress, Gweneth Paltrow, who saw Paris for the first time with just her and her Dad. ...

 

I can relate to the whole DH/DD dynamic.

 

I guess I fall into the "softy" camp, versus the "tough love" camp. True story.....

 

DD wanted to go to the mall recently to spend some of her babysitting money. She's got no friends to go with when she's up at my house, but I've got the nicer mall nearby. So I agreed to take her over. One condition though: She asked if I wouldn't walk around with her. She said she wasn't embarrassed by me or anything like that, but just wanted to do her own thing. When we arrived, I bought a magazine and a coffee, picked a bench, and said to meet me back in an hour (or so). We both had our cell phones, and she could call if necessary.

 

It felt weird. At first I was a bit mad. She actually preferred to be alone than with me! But then I remembered how awesome it was to get a bit of freedom at that age. And I remind myself that her independent, self assured, confident personality is one of her best qualities (and it comes from me).

[Warm Breezes]

We drove cross county when my oldest was about that age. He wasn't a happy camper about most of the trip. There was a few experiences that he was willing to admit that he enjoyed, but for the most part he was pretty disagreeable. I did consider leaving him at home more than once. :D

 

Now that he has several more years and life experiences under his belt, he thanks me for that family adventure. I can safely say that he is very appreciative of having those experiences.

 

So bite the bullet and take her. She might not like it now, but when she matures she will be thanking you. It is her age speaking, not her true self.

 

Did you drive cross country before and he didn't like it or was this a new experience for him? If it is a new experience for our family then I would get their input on what they wanted to include in the trip and have everyone go. However in this case she tried cruising and did not enjoy it. Why force her to do it again if she knows she won't enjoy it and will be unhappy therefore making you unhappy and making everyone's trip unenjoyable? I will say again you can not force someone to enjoy something. It is personal thing whether you enjoy doing something or not. If you haven't tried it yet is another story. You need to experience it first before you can decide if you enjoy it or not.

[Cruise, J.D.]

Who knows? Last year, DW's two younger sisters (14 & 16) claimed their cruise was boring. This year, they both lobbied hard to go again. :confused:

 

At 16, I refused to go with my family on a 2 week road trip out west to Yellowstone. I stayed back to be with my friends. I can't remember a good story or memory from those 2 weeks, but I do get to hear all the funny stories and memories from my family about the road trip. :(

[jbroons]

Kids! They sure can take the wind out of your sails! That's too bad, John, especially since it appears you have been infected with the same cruising bug as the rest of us. I feel your pain, too. It takes an act of Congress to get my hubby to agree to cruise. He just doesn't love it the way I do.:(

 

Since you were planning a shorter cruise this time, I would say go ahead with it. She may like a shorter cruise better. Maybe an excursion that would give her a sense of the local culture would be good for her. My DD is a little older than yours, but she has enjoyed trips to ruins and hiring a local guide to take us sightseeing. Really, I can't think of anything better than a cruise for experiencing things you don't get to see or do in everyday life. You get to know people from all regions and countries on board and there is something new to do in every port.

 

No, kids don't always appreciate the things we do for them. I know I didn't when I was a kid and I suspect there were times that I stretched my Mom's patience pretty thin. It's a funny thing, though. Those same family outings that I hated as a kid are the ones I look back on and smile about now. Keep making those memories, John! Your daughter will appreciate it a few years down the road.:)

 

Thank you soo much Jeanie....wimp that I am *crying*:(

[jazm2011]

We just had our first cruise ever on Freedom.....GREAT time. I was just planning our second cruise and my oldest daughter tells me..."Dad, I don't really like to cruise...I just like to experience things...you know". I said..."No I don't know....I just spent $7,000 so that you could "experience" something.....?".

 

Maybe I will just plan a cruise with guys....or better yet, just a girl!!

 

I think it's just an "age thing". My daughter took her 1st cruise around that same age with her dad and brother and she was less than thrilled.

 

Think about it - too young to go to the clubs. Too young to gamble. Too old for the kids stuff. And unless they find a group that they "click" with, I can understand being less than thrilled. I bet if she had a friend along, she would have a blast. However, I realize that is not always an option.

 

Give her a couple more years and I bet her opinion changes a lot!

[Vanessa L]

Did you drive cross country before and he didn't like it or was this a new experience for him? If it is a new experience for our family then I would get their input on what they wanted to include in the trip and have everyone go. However in this case she tried cruising and did not enjoy it. Why force her to do it again if she knows she won't enjoy it and will be unhappy therefore making you unhappy and making everyone's trip unenjoyable? I will say again you can not force someone to enjoy something. It is personal thing whether you enjoy doing something or not. If you haven't tried it yet is another story. You need to experience it first before you can decide if you enjoy it or not.

 

Because at that age there is little above friends and the mall that matter. I can retrospectively look back and be unbelieveably grateful that my parents did drag me kicking and screaming all over the country because today, I can say I've been in all 50 states as a result. Not a lot of Americans can say that. But GAWDDDD did I hate them in the moment. I think that making her go and dragging her out of her comfort zone is MUCH healthier than allowing a minor to dictate what is and is not going to happen with the family vacations. In the long run, I have very little doubt that she will be grateful she was "made" to go.

 

At 17, it's not that she doesn't like cruising per se, it's that she doesn't want to be away from friends and comfort zones. However, also at that age, she does not have the ability to recognize the selfish bubble she lives in (which is normal). As such, she verbalizes her way by being manipulative and by pushing the buttons of the parents (look at jbroons words here, it's working ;)) rather than being able to be honest and say that she would really rather be with her friends. The thing is, very few teenagers have the ability to be that rigorously honest, with themselves or others. It just is what it is.

 

If this was an adult (say of 23 or 25 since 18 years olds are no better--though, if they are not living at home anymore can certainly refuse to go) who voiced that they just did not like cruising this would be an entirely different can of worms.

[LemurCat]

I think it's just an "age thing". My daughter took her 1st cruise around that same age with her dad and brother and she was less than thrilled.

 

Think about it - too young to go to the clubs. Too young to gamble. Too old for the kids stuff. And unless they find a group that they "click" with, I can understand being less than thrilled. I bet if she had a friend along, she would have a blast. However, I realize that is not always an option.

 

Give her a couple more years and I bet her opinion changes a lot!

 

Exactly. Security would have to drag me out of the casino three times a day at that age, especially because my parents have been taking me to play the slots in AC since I graduated fronm 8th grade.

[45014]

I must be the in the minority, cruising just isn't for everyone. If you want to cruise, go ahead, but don't make your daughter miserable because you think she "should be grateful" that she gets to vacation twice a year. And yes, I had a teenage daughter at one time and found that she needs a little space, also. Let her stay with someone you trust and go and enjoy yourself.

Our son does not really enjoy cruising either, but hey, I respect his opinion, too.

[Warm Breezes]

At 17, it's not that she doesn't like cruising per se, it's that she doesn't want to be away from friends and comfort zones. However, also at that age, she does not have the ability to recognize the selfish bubble she lives in (which is normal). As such, she verbalizes her way by being manipulative and by pushing the buttons of the parents (look at jbroons words here, it's working ;)) rather than being able to be honest and say that she would really rather be with her friends. The thing is, very few teenagers have the ability to be that rigorously honest, with themselves or others. It just is what it is.

 

If this was an adult (say of 23 or 25 since 18 years olds are no better--though, if they are not living at home anymore can certainly refuse to go) who voiced that they just did not like cruising this would be an entirely different can of worms.

 

So you are saying that at 17 she isn't allowed to have an opinion on whether or not she enjoys something, that she did experience, just because of her age? My oldest is 15 and my youngest is 12. I would still listen to whether or not they enjoyed something, that they experienced, and keep that in mind when planning something that involved them. I allow them to have an opinion and I will respect that opinion. If they had not tried it yet is another story. They can't tell me they don't like it when they haven't tried it. But if they tried it and don't like it why force them to try it again. I'll respect their opinion and I'll go without them if I really wanted to go there. Then we are both happy.

[Ship Addict]

Wow. Poor kid. My mother was seasick on the cruise we took her on and we tried all sorts of seasickness medications to make her feel better. I know she would not enjoy going on a cruise again and I would never ask her to. You can't force her to like it especially if she experienced seasickness like that on it. Find someone to watch her at home and go without her. You will all be much happier.

 

See, the thing is, the SeaBands DID help her. But as soon as she started feeling better, she took them off. I could not get that child to keep them on for anything! She even had some of the ginger soup one night and felt instantly better. She just would not follow direction and do the things I told her would help. I have told her in no uncertain terms that on the next cruise she WILL follow direction and she WILL wear the bands or take the medication or chew the gum or whatever it is, or she will spend the week in the cabin being miserable. She's 10. She's old enough to follow instructions. I think she was just being manipulative this last time by not doing what I said and intentionally making us ALL miserable cos she was. She is only 10 but already a full-blown teenager!

 

And most likely the people that we would ask to watch her at home will be on the ship with us, so we really can't leave her behind.

[Warm Breezes]

See, the thing is, the SeaBands DID help her. But as soon as she started feeling better, she took them off. I could not get that child to keep them on for anything! She even had some of the ginger soup one night and felt instantly better. She just would not follow direction and do the things I told her would help. I have told her in no uncertain terms that on the next cruise she WILL follow direction and she WILL wear the bands or take the medication or chew the gum or whatever it is, or she will spend the week in the cabin being miserable. She's 10. She's old enough to follow instructions. I think she was just being manipulative this last time by not doing what I said and intentionally making us ALL miserable cos she was. She is only 10 but already a full-blown teenager!

 

And most likely the people that we would ask to watch her at home will be on the ship with us, so we really can't leave her behind.

 

Sorry to hear that. I hope you all have an enjoyable cruise.

[Vanessa L]

So you are saying that at 17 she isn't allowed to have an opinion on whether or not she enjoys something, that she did experience, just because of her age? My oldest is 15 and my youngest is 12. I would still listen to whether or not they enjoyed something, that they experienced, and keep that in mind when planning something that involved them. I allow them to have an opinion and I will respect that opinion. If they had not tried it yet is another story. They can't tell me they don't like it when they haven't tried it. But if they tried it and don't like it why force them to try it again. I'll respect their opinion and I'll go without them if I really wanted to go there. Then we are both happy.

 

Oh Heaven's no, I absolutely think that they can have an opinion. What becomes a problem is when the parents begin to lose control to that "opinion". As many have pointed out here, kids hate to travel when they are that age. There are just too many factors that make them want to stay in their comfort zone. But as many have also pointed out here, taking the kids OUT of their comfort zone and encouraging them to experience new things, in the long run, goes much futher, and teaches much better life lessons for the child (i.e., you are not always going to get your way). I've yet to read anything here from a grown adult that says, "You know what, my parents drug me all over the place when I was young and, at 45, I still hate them for it." That is just not how real life works.

[Warm Breezes]

Oh Heaven's no, I absolutely think that they can have an opinion. What becomes a problem is when the parents begin to lose control to that "opinion". As many have pointed out here, kids hate to travel when they are that age. There are just too many factors that make them want to stay in their comfort zone. But as many have also pointed out here, taking the kids OUT of their comfort zone and encouraging them to experience new things, in the long run, goes much futher, and teaches much better life lessons for the child (i.e., you are not always going to get your way). I've yet to read anything here from a grown adult that says, "You know what, my parents drug me all over the place when I was young and, at 45, I still hate them for it." That is just not how real life works.

 

Here's the thing. She already experienced a cruise. It's not a new thing. She said she didn't like it. Who are we to discount how she feels. I do encourage my kids to experience new things ... but if they say they don't like it after they tried it, I'm not going to force them to do it again.

[poobears]

Shockingly kids have to do things they may not like. If it was up to some they wouldnt' spend a minute with their family. While all opinions should be taken into consideration, no child should be telling their parents where they will and will not vacation. Sorry you don't get to make that decision, that's a parents job.

 

From what I read she didn't hate the cruise, just wasn't thrilled with it. Absolutely fine to feel that way but that doesn't give you a permanent opt out of that family vacation. Just like if a kid decides they don't like Disney, or going on a family drive etc. Sorry it sucks, but that's part of being a family.

[figs]

I've yet to read anything here from a grown adult that says, "You know what, my parents drug me all over the place when I was young and, at 45, I still hate them for it." That is just not how real life works.

 

The last family vacation I went on was when I was 15. I loved almost every family vacation before that - but this time, I was miserable, I hated every minute of it (outer banks beach house). There were no other kids my age around, my sister was in the terrible twos, and my stepdad was never much of a good traveler. I spent most of the trip reading out on the porch and trying to NOT fight with my parents. We NEVER fought, but I was just too old to enjoy sitting around a beach, with no one to swim with or talk to that was my age. I wasn't self-centered or selfish, I didn't wish I was with my friends instead. I just didn't have anything in common with my parents at that age - they didn't listen to my music, read my books, know my movie references, etc. They wanted to sit on the beach, relax, read a book - I wanted to DO things, talk to people -our needs were just incompatible.

 

I didn't go the next year, or any year after that. Since then, my Mom and sister and I have traveled together, and had a blast. Not because I was "selfish" as a kid, but because I'm older, my Mom is no longer a "parental" influence, she's my friend. We have common ground to talk about now. And sis always finds kids to play with, since she's still in her early teens.

 

On a ship, without a friend, a 17 year old would probably feel a bit out of place, too. Unless she can hook up with other kids (which depends on personality and a LOT of luck), she's gonna feel lost - as others have said, can't drink, can't gamble, etc. It's just a rough age.

[Warm Breezes]

Shockingly kids have to do things they may not like. If it was up to some they wouldnt' spend a minute with their family. While all opinions should be taken into consideration, no child should be telling their parents where they will and will not vacation. Sorry you don't get to make that decision, that's a parents job.

 

From what I read she didn't hate the cruise, just wasn't thrilled with it. Absolutely fine to feel that way but that doesn't give you a permanent opt out of that family vacation. Just like if a kid decides they don't like Disney, or going on a family drive etc. Sorry it sucks, but that's part of being a family.

 

Yes - the parents do decide where you go on a family vacation. I guess that is where I am different. I would rather plan a family vacation that everyone would enjoy so we all could have a great time and wonderful memories versus planning one that one of my kids or DH or I would not enjoy and not have fun and therefore making the trip less enjoyable for everyone else. I want us all to have fun and it is as much their vacation as it is mine (even if I am paying for it). A vacation is for having fun. If they tried it before and don't like it, I don't want to pay for something for them if they are not going to enjoy it. I'll just go do that on my own or with DH.

[24butterfly]

We just had our first cruise ever on Freedom.....GREAT time. I was just planning our second cruise and my oldest daughter tells me..."Dad, I don't really like to cruise...I just like to experience things...you know". I said..."No I don't know....I just spent $7,000 so that you could "experience" something.....?".

 

Maybe I will just plan a cruise with guys....or better yet, just a girl!!

 

Throw her overboard next time.

[Wennfred]

We just had our first cruise ever on Freedom.....GREAT time. I was just planning our second cruise and my oldest daughter tells me..."Dad, I don't really like to cruise...I just like to experience things...you know". I said..."No I don't know....I just spent $7,000 so that you could "experience" something.....?".

 

Maybe I will just plan a cruise with guys....or better yet, just a girl!!

 

At least she didnt call in a Bomb Threat at the Cruise Terminal like that other 19 year old girl because she wanted to stay home with her Boyfriend.:eek:

 

 

 

Fred

[tef43]

At least she didnt call in a Bomb Threat at the Cruise Terminal like that other 19 year old girl because she wanted to stay home with her Boyfriend.:eek:

The one that I remember was on a RCCL ship sailing Ensenada-Honolulu in 2003. She left a threatening note in one of the public restrooms aboard ship.

 

Don't recall what ultimately happened to her, but she *should* have been locked up for a very long time.

 

Her parents must have been *so* proud.

[cherylroslyn]

Understood...we just did parasailing in KW. Rays, Reef & Rum Pointe Beach in GC. Dunn's River Falls/Bamboo beach Club in Jamaica...OR. Maybe I just have a wonderful, spoiled 17 year old teenager.....I think that I have to stop trying Jesse.

Its nearly impossible to please a seventeen year old girl. I took a cruise with my eighteen year old two years ago and I nearly had a nervous breakdown. Night one she kept me up until about 5:45am and was finally found by security sitting in a lounge chair talking to some boy. Although the front desk kept telling me plenty of teens were wandering around the boat at 1am, 2am, 3am, finally after 5am they recognized that there were no other teens wandering around the ship and they immediately sprung into action to find her. At Horseshoe Bay, Bermuda she ran away from me and said I would never see her again. An hour later she came back to the beach after taking a shuttle to Fairmont Southhampton(a hotel she knew nothing about) to take money out of an ATM so she could buy rum swizzles on the Beach against my wishes(The drinking age in Bermuda is 18). I then had to be humiliated publicly as I tried to get my very tipsy daughter back to the ship without offending anyone. Finally, I came within minutes of being dissembarked in Bermuda as my ship was leaving for New York. When she wasn't missing in action getting men(who should have known better) to buy her drink she was laying in the room telling me she was "sick" from germs on the cruise. I made reservations for some specialty restaurants on my ship and had to go alone because she wouldn't go. What was supposed to be a great mother daughter bonding experience turned into me sobbing on the ship at various times and having other passengers that I got to know on the ship help me look for her and give me advice on what to do with her (both on and off the ship). For the next year or so I would hear her bad mouth the cruise as if it was torture and accuse the ship of making her sick, when in fact it was her abuse of alcohol on the ship that made her sick. I was so resentful that I spent four thousand dollars to give her a great experience (one I never had when I was a kid) and that she took it all for granted. Despite all that happened on that trip I fell in love with cruising:) When I got back I was so angry about the way I had been treated by this "monster" I had created that I set about to treat her differently and to stop spoiling her and indulging her. I took the advice of some of my fellow passengers who had been helping me through some of those bad times on the ship. Six months later she decided she wanted to go into the Airforce. She cleaned up her act and turned her life around. She has been in the Airforce over a year and now I am proud to take her anywhere with me. Now she admits the cruise was great and that she shouldn't have complained about germs or anything else and that it was she who caused her sickness not the ship. She now serves with kids who have never been on a vacation let alone a cruise...and I think she appreciates some of the opportunities she had. Well we are going back to the scene of the crime together in August.....hopefully round two will be much different.

 

(I know this was long...and I'm sorry but if your kids drive you crazy sometimes think of me...It could be worse and it will get better eventually)