I, too, am a U.S. vet and the only time I've ever saluted during the national anthem was when I was in uniform. As a civilian now, I neither salute nor put my hand over my heart, and simply choose to stand at attention. So long as the CD conducted the rest of the gathering in a respectful manner, what does it matter what he chooses to do/not do during the playing of a song? Sounds like he acted respectfully by standing quietly, so I don't see a problem...?