Canyon Ranch is no longer the spa on Oceania. It's now called "Aquamar." OneSpaWorld, which operates something like 80% of all cruise ship spas took over the franchise a couple of years ago. How is that working out? We took our 15th cruise on Riviera and we reached “gold” in the loyalty program and received two spa certificates worth $150 each. They say “Don’t look a gift horse in mouth.” You might find out it hasn’t got teeth. This was the first time I ever got a massage that left me more stressed when I left than when I arrived.
We proceeded to see how we could get the biggest bang for the buck. This required numerous trips to the spa because prices aren’t published in any brochure or on the tv in the cabin. (There is a price list available at the spa desk if you know enough to ask for it. Trust me, no one is going to offer it up unsolicited.) Apparently they ascribe to the philosophy that if you have to ask, you can’t afford it. We did ask and we got lots of different answers about how we could use the spa credit.
There is a different spa special advertised in the Currents every day and it actually includes the price! (There is also a verbal special on port days of either "free extra minutes" or "10 or 20% off" (but turns out only on their "signature services" which are indicated by a faint mandala symbol on the price sheet.) You know what they say about verbal contracts.
Get out your calculator. I decided on a 75 minute Swedish massage (not one of their signature services so never 20% off) “regular $249 today only $219.” (A 12% discount.) Small print: “For your convenience, a 20% service charge will automatically be added to all services.” Well, if it’s for my convenience. . .
That brought the total to $262.80—$3.50 a minute. Yes, you can use your spa credit for the special, No, you can’t use the spa credit for the special. Finally, we thought we had the definitive answer that we could use it. When I arrived at the spa I figured it would be good idea to verify but the bored girl at the desk told me to discuss it with the masseuse. There seemed to be an extraordinary reluctance to answer straight-forward questions. The masseuse came to fetch me and I told her I was getting “the special” and that I was using a certificate. After she escorted me to the massage room she told me that the special was not valid with the credit despite this having been verified numerous times prior. In other words, it would cost just about $420 or I could select an alternative. I said, “No. I want to cancel the appointment. I’ll get dressed and think about how I want to use the credit.”
“No, no, I will tell my manager I forgot and you will get the special.”
I strongly suspect this is standard operating procedure.
Most people when faced with this situation will just accept being ripped off. You’re already vulnerable—sitting in a little dark room naked with only a bathrobe with someone who has been tutored in how to upsell you. I think they learned their techniques from time-share presentations. I’m probably the anomaly--I'm not susceptible. This is not in the category of payday loans in Arizona. Oceania is a semi-luxurious line and it ain’t cheap. If rich folks get clipped an extra 50 bucks it’s not got going to break the bank or anyone’s heart. Nevertheless. . . .
I got the massage. It wasn’t so great. What did I expect? The poor girl was ticked off and unhappy and so was I. It wasn’t until I signed the bill that I discovered yet another exclusion. The spa credit does not include the service fee. The $48 was charged to shipboard credit. (They really keep this information close to vest).
Forgive the painful details of this little foray into OneWorld Spa. Canyon Ranch is looking mighty good in retrospect.