9/25 Dream Experience - Painfully Long

Hi Folks. I wanted to post the experience I had with the Carnival Dream that began on September 25th. I wouldn’t be so bold as to say this as a “review” of the dream, because hey, who am I to review a three quarter of a billion dollar ship created by people with years and years of maritime experience? Just because I read Cruise Confidential doesn’t make me a cruise expert. So this isn’t my review of the boat, instead, I’ll provide the highlights of my week long experience aboard the Carnival Dream.

Here’s some background information about me. This was my third cruise, the first being on board the Voyager of the Seas in 1999 (its third voyage) and the Legend in 2007. All three cruises consisted of just myself and my lovely wife (and no, I’m not going to use those abbreviations). We are both in our fort…well…I guess our ages aren’t important. We booked this cruise sometime last year as we like to book way in advance, that way we have all that time to look forward to the trip. And pay it off.

 

As with any vacation, this one began with us boarding our two DBs (darling Beagles). Oh darn, I said I wasn’t going to use those abbreviations. Anyway, to avoid any unnecessary stress, we told the DBs that they were going to “camp”. They seemed to buy it and they were in good spirits when we dropped them off. Off to Port Canaveral we go. Since we’re in Tampa, we have a good two hour car ride ahead of us.

 

Embarkation could not have gone any better. We arrived at 10:30, had a short line to park, found a great spot on the up-ramp leading towards the garage and handed off our luggage. Another short line to enter the terminal, went through the x-ray machine (tickled a little) and now upstairs to check-in. After we provided our documentation, I was asked whether my wife should have charging privileges on the sail and sign card. Boy, you should have seen the look on my wife’s face as I paused to think about the pros and cons of that answer. Have no frets, though, the pause was my little joke. There was no doubt she was going to have charging privileges. Yeah, that’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

 

By 11:30 we were in the boat eating. Can’t beat that, huh? We entered the boat, had our picture taken about 35 times whether we wanted it or not, then went straight up to the buffet as all rooms would not be available until 1:30. We took this time to try to get familiar with the ship as it does take time to figure out where everything is. Truth be told, even by the last day, I still couldn’t tell which was the front of the boat and which was the rear. It seemed like no matter which direction I decided to go, it always took about two steps before I realized it was the wrong way. Worse that that is getting off the wrong floor and then having to turn around and sulk back in the elevator in shame. Usually muttering under my breath but loud enough for everyone to hear, “oops I guess I got off on the wrong floor”. As if the action of me turning around and getting back on the elevator wasn’t enough of a clue.

 

Why are people so uptight? The doors leading to the staterooms are closed, thereby preventing us from accessing our rooms prior to 1:30. So with the whole ship at your mercy, what do most people do? That’s right, they stand next to those closed doors waiting for them to open. But here’s the kicker. As I’m walking up the stairs, there’s this guy standing at a closed door looking at his watch and yelling at his wife, “THEY SAID THEY WERE GOING TO OPEN THE ROOMS AT 1:30”. I looked at my watch and it was 1:31!! Can you believe that?

 

The room was great. We had a balcony on the seventh floor – even side of the boat. The room was deceivingly large. It looked small. It really wasn’t. We had three large pieces of luggage (one was almost entirely shoes. No, not mine). However the luggage fit under the bed. Nice thinking. Also, we brought extra hangers. However we didn’t need a one. Plenty of shelves too. We didn’t even use all of them. The bathroom was another example of genius engineering. Again, it looks small, but we didn’t even use all the shelves in the bathroom. The shower? Brilliant. First, you can set the water temperature. I can’t even do that at home. And even though the shower looks small, two people can comfortably fit in it. Don’t ask how we know that. Last thing about the bathroom. As we all know, what goes in must go out and needless to say, we be doing a lot of eating on this trip. Which means, yes that’s right, we be spending a lot of time on the..uh..commode, which has to be the most uncomfortable seat on the planet. The thing was hard as a rock. It would have been more comfortable to use one of those orange Home Depot buckets. Don’t ask me how I know that either.

 

Oh, here’s a useful warning. You know those deadbolt locks that are on your door? That second knob that’s on the inside that’s suppose to give your added security? IT DOES NOTHING! How do I know? Funny story. Well, it’s funny now. Not when it happened though. After we unpacked, we decided to …uh…you know, do things that married people do. I don’t have to draw you a picture, do I? Well, we’re in the middle, if you catch my drift, and we hear a noise at the door. “Did you hear that”? “Don’t worry honey, I used the deadbolt”. Now I have a complete view of the front door and the wife…uh…didn’t. Click. “Did you hear that”? “No worries, snookums, the door is locked”. The next thing I know, the door is swinging open. Now here’s where things get fuzzy. It was like a car accident. Everything was in slow motion. As I think about it now, I guess my options were limited. I could have grabbed something and covered up. Or better yet, I could have grabbed something and covered us both up. But at the time, the best I could come up with was to run to the door yelling “DON’T COME IN” with my hands flailing above me. Gee, I think I may have stepped on my wife’s head trying to get to the door. It turned out to be the room steward, who just wanted to introduce himself. Well, good thing I’m fast on my feet, or he would have gotten a full introduction, if you know what I mean.

 

Well, we’re standing out on the balcony when the ship pulls out of the harbor and my wife gives me the old, “I can’t take you anywhere” speech. I look at her inquisitively and she continues, “can’t you control yourself for one minute”? I finally realized what she was talking about. “No honey, that’s the boat. For some reason, it gives off that rotten egg smell”. She then gave me that dismissive, “uh huh”. I don’t think she bought it, but it wasn’t me. I’m telling you, it was the ship. Actually, I’ve read about the smell, but I only noticed it that one time. Oh, yeah, there was one other time. But I attribute that to the Mexican buffet they were serving on the Lido deck.

We decided to take the boat tour, which was given by Calvin. It seemed like it was the first tour he had ever given and that he really didn’t want to be bothered. Even though a large group took the tour, he talked very low. When he moved us from one area to another, he didn’t even wait for the entire group to arrive before he started talking. He spent more time telling us what we weren’t going to see than what we were going to see. Very disappointing, but what the heck, we eat in 12 minutes.

 

For dinner, we took the early seating and we sat in the Scarlet room upper. We were paired with another couple who even though they had taken cruises before, didn’t realize you could order more than one item. Silly people. The food was great, although I did have one disappointment. Now understand, I love chocolate. Love it. Anything with chocolate is great. You name it, I’d eat it. Chocolate covered broccoli, chocolate covered beats, doesn’t matter. That chocolate melting cake? I didn’t like it. SORRY. I tried. I had it twice. Just couldn’t get into it. Maybe they use dark chocolate? I’m more of a milk chocolate guy. I don’t know what it was, but it didn’t float my boat. Ha, a boat metaphor.

 

Ah, that damn door bit us in the butt again. One of the sea days we decided to sleep a little late. Now, since this isn’t my first rodeo, I learned (albeit recently) that the deadbold isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be. So me, using my noodle, decided to put the SNOOZING sign on the outside of the door. Well, we’re trying to catch some extra Z’s and we hear a noise at the door. “Did you hear that”? “Don’t worry honey, I put the SNOOZING sign out”. Click. The next thing I know, the door is swinging open. “WHOLLY CRAP, ARE YOU KIDDING ME? DIDN’T YOU SEE THE SIGN????????”. It’s the room steward again. “oh, sorry, someone must have turned the sign around" (so instead of “snoozing”, it read “Cruising”). I can’t believe it. Someone was screwing with us. Good one.

 

How about some food talk? The pasta bar? Fantastic. They really could give smaller portions. I don’t know why they give you so much food. Then again, I shouldn’t have eaten everything just because they gave it to me. Regardless, we were still full by the time 6:00 rolled around. So we didn’t do dinner. We hit the buffet later in the day. Wouldn’t you know it, that was the day they served Seafood Newburgh and Filet Mignon, which we were told was fantastic. Damn pasta bar!

 

Ice Cream Bar? Heaven. I hit that bad boy twice a day. Yogurt on the left, ice cream on the right. Why anyone would take yogurt when they could have ice cream is beyond me. They have cones and bowls. I don’t know, there’s something a little dainty about a guy licking ice cream off of a cone. I’m a bowl guy. You can stuff more ice cream in a bowl than you can stack on a cone anyway. Now, if they only had sprinkles….

 

Steakhouse? Worth the price of admission. Everything is better up there. Even the waitresses are better looking. You start off small. Very small. So small you think you’re going to have to hit the buffet after dinner. They start you off with something that is literally one bite. “Pass the bread dear, I want to get my money’s worth here”. Don’t worry though, with each passing course the portions get bigger and bigger. I had the surf and turf and was ready to burst. Had enough room for the chocolate sampler, though, which was actually disappointing as there were only two real chocolate servings. There was a banana thing and tira misu, which I’m not too crazy about. We actually sat next to Butch, our cruise director, who was there with his family. Well with that, I might as well talk about…

 

Butch – our cruise director. Remember Calvin, who couldn’t be bothered with our boat tour? Well take the complete opposite and you have Butch. If you look up “enthusiasm” in the dictionary, you’ll probably see his picture. Ok, I know you won’t. But you could! He’s just what you’re looking for in a cruise director. I read that people complained that he made too many announcements. What? Are you kidding me? Don’t you want to be informed? These people would probably complain if he made too little announcements. He was a great emcee to the shows and he kept us informed throughout the cruise. I even watched his morning tv show that he did with Baby Butch, the assistant cruise director. Butch really enjoys his work and it shows. Either that or he’s one terrific actor.

 

Water slide – There’s actually two slides. One which concluded with you sliding around and around in a circle which surely would’ve had me losing my lunch all over the place. Twice. So in consideration of the other passengers, I decided to do the other one. I got to the top of the ladder with my crocs (I hate walking on the hot floor barefoot) and sunglasses. The assistant looked at me and said “no”. I looked at him for clarification. He looked at me. I then turned to my wife for clarification. She looked at me. I looked back at the assistant for clarification. He looked at me. Well this isn’t going too good. Oh wait, I’ll take off my glasses and crocs. Ah, that must have been it, because he pointed to the two slides and looked away. I guess I’m free to go. Glasses in my right hand, crocs in my left, feet first in the slide and away I go. You start to pick up speed, water starts splashing in your face, and when the slide is finally done with you, it spits you out into a very shallow canal, feet in the air, butt on the ground, face full of water. Pretty fun, but the landing was pretty severe. How do I know? Well, my bathing suit felt a lot tighter than it did before I went on the slide, but most importantly, my glasses were no longer in my right hand and my crocs were no longer in my left. I stood up dazed and momentarily confused and I noticed people acting like nothing happened. Well that’s good, at least nobody witnessed my debacle at the end of the slide. Fortunately, my crocs were floating right next to where I was standing and my glasses were right there as well.

 

Casino – Well folks, you’re looking at the Casino Slot Tournament Champion. First time I ever won anything in my life. $20 to enter and the people with the 9 highest scores enter the championship round. All the losers are given a raffle ticket, which is thrown in a barrel and after the last round, they randomly select one person to be the 10th finalist. I was that person. The 10 finalists then have another 5 minutes at the slots to rack up as many points as they can. Surprisingly, I won. $500. Yippee. The rest of the time we found a video poker machine that kept us busy for hours while only eating $53.00 the whole week. I’ll take that as a big win.

 

Shows – Were great. We had a magician, and juggler and a dance show. Don’t miss any of them. Oh, we attended one show just for the sake of killing time, but it turned out to be very entertaining. It was called, To Tell The Truth, the Liar’s Club or something like that. Calvin, who couldn’t be bothered with the ship tour, really excelled during this game. I would say this was a must see.

 

Comedians – The comedians perform in the Burgundy Lounge. The configuration of this lounge is confusing. Some seats face away from the stage. Some seats are completely blocked by the floor-to-ceiling pillars. It’s also too small, but I can see the problem Carnival faces. This room is probably only filled during the comedy shows and is probably close to empty the rest of the time. It wouldn’t make sense to make this room bigger. I guess that’s why they have the comedians perform the same act on different days – in order to accommodate those people who couldn’t fit in the lounge for the first act.

 

Demographic – I would say the vast majority of the people on board were seniors. Not just seniors, but place-a-mirror-under-their-nose seniors. Next were couples in the 30 -50 age brackets. Kids? I didn’t see them. I’m sure there were some on board, but they weren’t where I was. Unfortunately, hot chicks in skimpy bikinis were few and far between. Note to wife: The previous commentary was made in the spirit of being thorough to the fine readers of Cruise Critic who are interested in such things. Yeah, that’s it.

Disembarkment – Smooth as silk. We were zone 5, which meant that we called down at about 7:30 and we were on the road home by 8:30. No real lines to speak of.

 

Well, I guess that’s it. Sans a couple of embarrassing moments and a bar tab that would take down moose, I have no complaints. It was nearly a perfect week and everyone associated with Carnival should be proud. They do a great job. Now if they could only design a lock that works……….

LOL!!!

 

One of the more entertaining reviews I've ever read!! :D

thanks for posting your review. it was wicked funny!!!!!

great review!!!! hilarious!

I love Butch. He was our cruise director last year on the Liberty and he totally and completely deserved the Dream. I'm assuming it's a job promoted to the top cruise directors and he was OUTSTANDING!

Very entertaining review! Well done.

 

Now, if you had only posted some pictures......

Great review. Thanks for the positive reports. I'll have to remember to check the deadbolt. LOL

Very entertaining review! Well done.

 

Now, if you had only posted some pictures......

 

There's a Carnival Room Steward site where they post pics they capture.

Thanks for the funny review. I will be on the dream next Saturday. I am heading to the pasta bar first, lol.

 

We have a cove balcony, and can not wait.

 

:D

Loved your review. I laughed quite a few times. Great job!

This was very entertaining. Enjoyed it a lot. Also had Butch on the Liberty & he's the best out of my 5 previous cruises. I'm on the Dream in Dec. & so happy that you loved it.

Thanks for sharing! You have a good sense of humor and had me laughing at some of your comments.

 

Glad you enjoyed your cruise!:)

What a perfect time to read this review. It's Friday!!!!!! And one more week until we are on the Dream. Loved the humor. I can identify with just about everything you mentioned. Thank you, I really enjoyed it.

Well thank for the review.

Great review. Definitely a different perspective on a few things.

Shore Man - loved your review & sense of humor :)! You should send your review to John Heald on his blog. Your humor reminded me of John Heald (Carnival's senior CD & brand ambassador).

 

Thanks again for the very humorous yet honest review. I too will take note of the dead-bolt issue and yes, drunk people in the passageway messed with you by turning your sign (it worked :p).

 

Marty

Very very long, title could not have been more correct. But great review. Thanks for the information on everything.

Bravo!

 

Maybe well see YOU headlining in the comedy club one of these cruises.

Great Review!! I was also on that sailing and it was one of the best cruises. I didn't have a problem with my room steward we rarely saw him but the room was clean and the towel animals were there each night.

Great "review".....:D:D I have little grandkids always running around my house, so you know what I do to all my doors that lead outside? I have those door hangers with large bells on them....i originally only hung them on the knobs at Christmas, but they worked so well at announcing when someone was coming in...or OUT, that i leave them year round....maybe you could get something like THAT next time you cruise, so when the steward walks in again, and you are busy doing....well....what married people do....you might have a precious extra second or two to cover up....:D

Great review. To the point with useful information. And all in one post!

Great review ! You are a good writer :) Congrats on your nice win at slots...sweet !!

Shoreman

Great Job on the review! - you are 1 funny guy!!!!:D

You should write a book or somethin LOL

We sail on her next month on a group cruise!!:)

Woo hoo that was a grand review!:)

I really loverd it. GREAT read:D

LOL funny!!