Noordam 1/17, or "If Carnival and Cunard Had a Love Child"

Okay... 75 cents a minute here...

NEW YORK: Got mugged and viciously assaulted. Two black eyes. Very embarrassing. Totally traumatizing. Wearing sunglasses at night. More to follow.

EMBARKATION: a snap.

CABIN: Somewhere between a Floating Marriott and a Hilton At Sea- regular room. Very tasteful, everything works, all good. I'm in 4005 (Upper Verandah- I think), which has the dreaded non-plexiglass barrier. That is truly a bummer- don't book it. I also miss the sliding glass doors of my last balcony. MORE TO FOLLOW.

CAPTAIN: Is it possible to have a happy and fulfilling marriage and be in love with the captain of a cruise ship? Just wondering. This guy is everywhere, all the time. He is probably the most familiar face to me (besides CC'ers) at this point. He is friendly- great sense of humor- speaks well- looks great- what can I say here? MORE TO FOLLOW.

CC MEET AND GREET AND MINGLE AND ALL THE REST OF IT: Great turnout! HAL put out a nice spread, and not only did the omnipresent El Capitan show up, but so did the CD, the hotel manager- the works. The CC'ers on board are GREAT.

FELLOW PAX/HAL DEMOGRAPHIC: If you were born before 1920, chances are you're downstairs in the Vista dining room right now. Wheelchairs? Check. Four wheel drive walkers? Check. Passengers being wheeled to the Lido on gurneys with IV poles? Probably. There are also some people in their 40's and 50's... maybe ten kids...

FOOD: Some very nice highs, one low, the rest in a very nice place in between a six and an eight on the cruise ship scale. Desserts surprisingly good!

GRAND TURK: Fair-to-middling Turk.

TORTOLA: Belize/Roatan.

DRESS CODE: Once and for all, people, stop bickering! I can't believe the energy spent on CC re: the dress code. Do you really think a bunch of 65 year old people are going to wear ripped or torn jeans ANYWHERE? And hello, if you're in a Tux or a suit, if you're sitting on a chair with wheels I really can't TELL.

SHIP: Gorgeous. A little on the boring side, maybe, but hey- I'm not bored. This is a beautiful ship. I can't say enough about it.

HAL EXPERIENCE: This is Cunard Carnivalized. I mean that in a good way. None of the stuffiness of Cunard, very friendly crew, and the service? EXCELLENT. I can't say enough about HAL- from the fruit at night to the comped beach bags (did I really have to leave a 20.00 deposit for a towel on the Elation?)- the crew carrying the trays for you (did the Spirit really 86 trays last year?- YES-)... MORE TO FOLLOW.

Mark my words, people, hear me now: I WILL NEVER GO BACK TO NCL.

More later.

Having a great time. Everybody is starting to really relax and get happy and mellow.

Okay... 75 cents a minute here...

 

NEW YORK: Got mugged and viciously assaulted. Two black eyes. Very embarrassing. Totally traumatizing. Wearing sunglasses at night. More to follow......

.....Mark my words, people, hear me now: I WILL NEVER GO BACK TO NCL.

 

More later.

 

Having a great time. Everybody is starting to really relax and get happy and mellow.

Carlalena:

What? What? What happened in New York!!??:eek: Oh my dear, how you manage to keep up your wonderful sense of humor and lively observations intact, I don't know. You are a remarkable lady. Oh please, I hope you have a sensational rest of your cruise to make up for it.

Sending good thoughts your way,

Karin

Okay... 75 cents a minute here...

 

NEW YORK: Got mugged and viciously assaulted. Two black eyes. Very embarrassing. Totally traumatizing. Wearing sunglasses at night. More to follow.

 

CAPTAIN: Is it possible to have a happy and fulfilling marriage and be in love with the captain of a cruise ship? Just wondering. This guy is everywhere, all the time. He is probably the most familiar face to me (besides CC'ers) at this point. He is friendly- great sense of humor- speaks well- looks great- what can I say here? MORE TO FOLLOW.

 

As a New Yorker I am disgusted and saddened about your horrible experience. Please know that most New Yorkers are law abiding, friendly, helpful people. Where did this terrible hting happen to you? Near the cruise ship port? That area has been improved so much in recent years. I am just so sorry you had this experience. It IS very traumatizing. Please take care of yourself healing physically and emotionally.

I hope the love affair withthe captain helped your healing process. And yes, it is possible to fall for a Captain. It happened to me on a Windjammer Cruise some years back---he was just SO perfect in those cute shorts!

CAPTAIN: Is it possible to have a happy and fulfilling marriage and be in love with the captain of a cruise ship? Just wondering. This guy is everywhere, all the time. He is probably the most familiar face to me (besides CC'ers) at this point. He is friendly- great sense of humor- speaks well- looks great- what can I say here? MORE TO FOLLOW.

Don't let Susan Scott hear you - she might not appreciate you drooling over her husband...

;)

I don't usually chuckle when I read these threads, but Carla that was great. :D It was all so true and totally in line with our Noordam experience last month, but I could never say so much, so well, with so few words.

Of course, I wasn't chuckling at the first part. :( What a horrible thing!

Hi Carla, Your post was so amusing, and informative! I hope you are OK and feel so bad about your 1st part of your trip. Please let us all know the follow~up!

:)

I am going for the read between the lines, Carla humor. My theory is that getting mugged means having her pix taken and perhaps the black -eyes are mascara smears from teary-eyed laughing and if I am wrong, I am so sorry to make light of a misfortune.

Carla...hope you are enjoying a great cruise. Amusing descriptions of your experiences so far...good form! Except for the NY bit, that is. Look forward to (much) more, as we board Noordam on the 7th. Have a ball!!:)

Carla, hilarious, still laughing! I'm with Hammy, maybe I'm wrong, but I also think that "mugging" was tongue in cheek. (Now you've got Caribbean Girl all nervous!:eek: )

What time were the scooter races?;)

I am with Copper and Hammey;) I too love the humor and the Love Child Title is so right there:D Also now I am really wondering will this good looking Captain Scott be the Master of the Noordam when we sail her June 17th? I guess I will have to keep my fingers crossed, Hey I am happily married but a girl enjoys a nice view once in a while:)

I love NY:o ...been there many times and never had a problem. Plus, I grew up in a city so am not easily scared off by cities. I do realize that they are a different kind of 'animal' if one is used to a small town atmosphere. Bottom line is stuff can happen anywhere. I totally hope Carla's story is more wit and humor than fact. I wish her a wonderful trip.:)

Captain John Scott

Thanks for the pic Copper! We were all real curious.....( especially the females! ) lol

Thanks for the pic Copper! We were all real curious.....( especially the females! ) lol

No prob! OK, in the interest of being fair, a pic for the guys of hottie cruise director Michelle "hubba hubba" Worthley

Another NY'er apologizing for what happened to you. I hope you are OK and glad that you are enjoying your cruise.

I have to say that your review is hilarious - my office wants to know why I was laughing so hard - but of course I can't tell them!!!! YOu should definitely be a writer - I would be the first one to buy one of your books.

Please follow up and let us know what happened to you....

Lynn

Love the title of this thread. I hope you attend the Captain's talk where he answers questions about the ship and promotes his book. If I had known I would have brought my copy from home for him to sign!

 

DRESS CODE: Once and for all, people, stop bickering! I can't believe the energy spent on CC re: the dress code. Do you really think a bunch of 65 year old people are going to wear ripped or torn jeans ANYWHERE?

That was funny... Gave me a good laugh :D

No prob! OK, in the interest of being fair, a pic for the guys of hottie cruise director Michelle "hubba hubba" Worthley

LOL! I'm going to forward this pic to Hubby! I'm sure he will appreciate it!

I am also embarassed by your terrible experience in NYC. What animal would punch a lady in the face!?!

Let me find him/her and give them a lesson.

Where did this happen?

Your review is on par. Just came back (well a wk ago) from sailing the Noordam.

Had a great time and food was very good. The staff really make the ship.

Hope you are feeling better.

Ronnie

Glad you enjoyed your cruise. What a bad experience in New York.

Please come back and tell us more.

Copper 10-8

Your pictures didn't show up -- just a block with a red x in it.

Alllrighty everyone- lets get back to business, shall we?

I have to say that I spent 60 bucks in the Explorations Cafe writing a humorous and informative post, only to have it NUKED by the WSOD. Not funny!

GREAT SCOTT: Captain sightings were so plentiful that I began to worry that he would think- or worse, that Susan would think- that I was stalking his fine New Zealander self. I wasn't! I really was not. He's just everywhere you look. At the last day I gave him a hug goodbye- okay, outside of your friend piloting a Boston Whaler, what Captain of a vessel hugs you goodbye?

So, breakfast in the Lido, cruising around deck 5, in the Oak Room- this is where he hangs out.

How does this translate, cruise-wise? It makes you feel like a GUEST, not a lowly customer. It makes the crew look like they are part of a humanely treated quasi-family, not exhausted serfs. It makes you feel as though you could ask him any question at all, like "Captain, why are you sailing us into Gale Force 10 seas? And what is that incessant banging noise in the bow? And why are waves crashing over the CROW'S NEST for Christ's sake?"

Signs of a relaxed crew with a cool Cap'n:

1. Crewmembers riding in the ELEVATOR. They're carrying in room service trays, stacks of linen, cleaning supplies... pressing actual buttons like humans. This is one thing I will remember forever from this cruise.

2. Crewmembers laughing.

3. Crewmembers relaxed while 10 officers eat with or near the Cap and his tall, extremely cool wife, surrounded by 500 pax milling around, getting more coffee- that sort of thing.

I'm going to post- if I get the WSOD I will never post again.

.....

......I'm going to post- if I get the WSOD I will never post again.

Oh good, I think she's going to post again.;) :D Waiting to hear......the rest of the story. This lady can write!

NEGATIVES:

I think I just mentioned something about Gale Force 10 winds? How about 18 foot seas?

The Captain got on the horn with some unintelligible news about "bad weather" (you can't hear anything by the Lido pool). The winds started up. Two hours later it was insane. DH and I headed for the aft hot tub. I think most of you have heard me go on about my past as a Maritime atty, so it won't surprise you that all I could think was where the negligence was happening at that point.

1. Umbrellas left up while crew stared at the clouds. I was just saying "Those things turn into massive arrows that spear old people in the back" when one lifted up, turned, and went whipping across the deck like a giant squid. Banged some guy in the back.

2. Deck chairs unstacked, clacking and blowing around, some with people on them LONG after the deck should have been closed.

3. Pools undrained, inside and out, while kids and then adults went "WHEE!!!" with the super-cool waves, banging their heads into steel dolphins and pool walls.

4. This one takes the cake: after 24 hours of completely insane sea conditions, the hydrotherapy pool was still undrained. The walkway outside of it, also known as the only way to get to the Lido buffet from the fore elevators, was soaked with water, with nothing but a lowly "wet floor" cone to warn people. The wet floor cone flipped over every time a wave hit, which was about every three seconds. The rugs in the spa and even the stair area were soaked. People with canes and walkers were trying to walk by, which was difficult enough in those conditions, and it was a DANGEROUS MESS.

The weather got very bad. We were in the middle of two massive disorganized weather patterns and the seas were complete chaos. The night it began we got zero sleep. The incessant banging in the bow was beyond scary. The waves were so high you were lifted off the bed, then thrown down in the worst way- with a series of jolts that made it feel as though the ship was breaking apart. We went up to the Lido at 2 and had tea, then got up for good at 5. When daylight broke we could not believe our eyes: waves crashing over the bow, and giant lashes of water on the Crow's Nest windows. Everywhere you looked there was a wave coming right at us. Forget swells- these were boiling seas. I love bad weather and I never get seasick, but I couldn't watch it. All I could think was "floating hotel/shallow draft."

Rumors:

1. Half the crew was sick.

2. A lady fell and broke her hip and was given morphine before they could even move her- but sick bay was full, anyway.

3. Some guy fell in the shower and was found hours later.

I NEVER REPORT RUMORS BUT CC MEMBERS TOLD ME THIS FIRST HAND! Take it for what it's worth.

So- the weather was not a negative per se. The crewmembers should have been on high alert asap- that was clearly a huge negative.

NEGATIVES:

I think I just mentioned something about Gale Force 10 winds? How about 18 foot seas?

The Captain got on the horn with some unintelligible news about "bad weather" (you can't hear anything by the Lido pool). The winds started up. Two hours later it was insane. DH and I headed for the aft hot tub. I think most of you have heard me go on about my past as a Maritime atty, so it won't surprise you that all I could think was where the negligence was happening at that point.

1. Umbrellas left up while crew stared at the clouds. I was just saying "Those things turn into massive arrows that spear old people in the back" when one lifted up, turned, and went whipping across the deck like a giant squid. Banged some guy in the back.

2. Deck chairs unstacked, clacking and blowing around, some with people on them LONG after the deck should have been closed.

3. Pools undrained, inside and out, while kids and then adults went "WHEE!!!" with the super-cool waves, banging their heads into steel dolphins and pool walls.

4. This one takes the cake: after 24 hours of completely insane sea conditions, the hydrotherapy pool was still undrained. The walkway outside of it, also known as the only way to get to the Lido buffet from the fore elevators, was soaked with water, with nothing but a lowly "wet floor" cone to warn people. The wet floor cone flipped over every time a wave hit, which was about every three seconds. The rugs in the spa and even the stair area were soaked. People with canes and walkers were trying to walk by, which was difficult enough in those conditions, and it was a DANGEROUS MESS.

The weather got very bad. We were in the middle of two massive disorganized weather patterns and the seas were complete chaos. The night it began we got zero sleep. The incessant banging in the bow was beyond scary. The waves were so high you were lifted off the bed, then thrown down in the worst way- with a series of jolts that made it feel as though the ship was breaking apart. We went up to the Lido at 2 and had tea, then got up for good at 5. When daylight broke we could not believe our eyes: waves crashing over the bow, and giant lashes of water on the Crow's Nest windows. Everywhere you looked there was a wave coming right at us. Forget swells- these were boiling seas. I love bad weather and I never get seasick, but I couldn't watch it. All I could think was "floating hotel/shallow draft."

Rumors:

1. Half the crew was sick.

2. A lady fell and broke her hip and was given morphine before they could even move her- but sick bay was full, anyway.

3. Some guy fell in the shower and was found hours later.

I NEVER REPORT RUMORS BUT CC MEMBERS TOLD ME THIS FIRST HAND! Take it for what it's worth.

So- the weather was not a negative per se. The crewmembers should have been on high alert asap- that was clearly a huge negative.