Roaming children... Arrh!

[gone_cruisin]

I used to call myself an "overprotective" Mom.... but now I see I was just a "responsible parent".

 

My oldest son has cruised extensively and was never allowed to "roam" until he was 15 .... and even then, he was raised to be respectful.

 

Now he is almost 23 years old....graduating as a Chemical Engineer...did a one year internship at a Chemical company and has a job waiting for him....

 

all without having to call me to change a lightbulb.....

 

Some parents use "they need to learn" as an excuse for "I don't want to be bothered on vacation to have to parent."

 

This is just as wrong as being "overprotective".....

 

I agree with you too!

Every kid is different.

I am trying my hardest to instill some independence into my bf's 16 year old boy - but he flat out refuses. He has grown accustom to his mother doing everything for him....and he seems to prefer to keep it that way.

 

All I can think about is the movie Failure to Launch.

[ilovetheislands]

It has been my experience that kids these days are actually very mature, aware of their surroundings and intelligent. . . Individually. But the more of them you put together the lower the level of maturity, awareness and intelligence becomes. :eek:

 

It's not scientific by any means, but as a general rule of thumb, use this handy formula:

 

Subtract one year from your kid's age for every other kid your kid will be "hanging out" with and you'll get a better sense of what to expect.

 

For example a 12 year old going to the lido for ice cream is a 12 year old going to the lido for ice cream. But three 12 year olds going to the lido for ice cream is like 3 9 year olds going to the lido for ice cream.

 

Keep this in mind when a 16 year old wants to hang out in public alone with four or five friends. :eek:

 

 

VERY VERY VERY smart lady :o.

I have been on cruises where there are lots of kids and I never even know they are there and then some like 2009 where you can't get away from them. That was my fault entirely for sailing at Spring Break. No it wasn't - people should keep a leash on thier kids ;).

 

All joking aside though - This depends on you, your child, what both of you are comfortable with, the specific ship you are sailing, what time of year, how many kids are on the boat, and each and every opinion on this board will vary. For example. We sailed on the Pride in 2009. My friend spent most of her time on the ship wandering around looking for her room. She and her kids were first timers and had a hard time orienting themselves. They were only permitted to go ANYWHERE using the buddy system. NO EXCEPTIONS. My kids applied the same set of rules. We were sailing at Spring Break so there were tons of kids on board for them to interact with. This was good and bad (see quoted post, I had to nip some issues in the bud early on). Set some specific rules and stick with them.

 

My kids were 13 and 11 at the time.

[nothomeonacruise]

My daughter had a walkie talkie with her, and she had a few trustworthy friends she made. I didn't feel so worried if I knew she was not alone. I'm very protective, too. Our last cruise she stopped hanging around one group, because the boys would grab left over drinks from tables and finish them. They also grabbed drinks at the bar if left unattended. My daughter immediately told me about this happening. She's a good kid. Like the other poster, I never saw the parents for the boys doing the drinking.

 

The early curfew is very important!!

[ilovetheislands]

Yep, DD or DS are probably away at college going buck wild with all of the freedom they now have. I've seen it way too many times when I was in school. The kids who were over protected and smothered by their parents go wild and do ALL kinds of crazy stuff that their parents never find out about hopefully.

 

Seems to me like every kid of a CC member is well-haved, polite, beautiful, independent, responsible, etc. etc. etc. I'm sure that is what most of you believe too......;)

 

 

You nailed that one on the head. My son is very responsible...to the point of being severe. My daughter could find trouble if it was hidden in a lock box in ten feet of concrete. You cannot spend your entire life in fear of what might be hiding around the next corner. You educate your kids, give them enough space to test the waters and be just far enough behind to yank a knot in their butts when necessary. I know which of my kids need what kind of boundaries. Some parents are just oblivious.

[gone_cruisin]

You nailed that one on the head. My son is very responsible...to the point of being severe. My daughter could find trouble if it was hidden in a lock box in ten feet of concrete. You cannot spend your entire life in fear of what might be hiding around the next corner. You educate your kids, give them enough space to test the waters and be just far enough behind to yank a knot in their butts when necessary. I know which of my kids need what kind of boundaries. Some parents are just oblivious.

 

Ha ha ha - that's a great way of putting it!

[nrdsb4]

I wont say how old I am, but I will say that my Mom is 76 and last year when we took a cruise on the Carnival Liberty, she told me in no uncertain terms that she expected me to back to our room by midnight! Of course I balked at that!.

 

Well wouldnt you know that was the very night that I was on a "hot" machine in the casino. ( Not that hot, just kept giving me back what little I lost regularly ). Anyway, I reluctantly left my hot machine about 10 minutes to midnight, and headed down to our room, and found her getting up and getting dressed. Yes she was getting up and dressed to come looking for me! I asked her what perils she though I might come to, and she reamed them off.

 

I reminded her of my age, and that ladies of my age who dont look for adventure dont usually find any, but it mattered not to her. Long and short of it. Once a parent, always a parent! Doesnt matter the age of the child.

 

Wow. I can't imagine allowing my mother to impose a curfew on me at my age. I wouldn't be disrespectful about it, but neither would I come marching back to the cabin by midnight if I wasn't ready to call it a night. I love my parents, but I've earned the right to call my own shots.

 

I've got two kids and understand the concept of worrying about their safety. But once they're adults, you can't let natural tendencies to worry translate into controlling behavior. Not healthy.

[ilovetheislands]

I am a professor and a textbook author, and I speak on college campuses and to parents all across the country (I'm a developmentalist with a concentration in sexuality, have written 5 books). I respectfully disagree with your statement about pedophiles.

 

Because of the nature of this forum, I can't go into details here. All I can do is urge parents to be very cautious and very careful. Today, there is no such thing as being "too safe."

 

 

And the earth is going to explode and we are all going to die in 2012, right? You can't go into details here because the editor of the textbooks and your agent that books you at colleges would want you to charge a fee for all of this great professional advice, right?

 

Folks -yes pedophiles are everywhere. They are men, women, white, black, young, old, and from every nationality and ethnic background. Be very cautious by educating your kids early on about stranger danger, being aware of who is around them and where they are, and about appropriate touching; That it is OK to do whatever is necessary to draw attention to yourself when you are being threatened, touched, or hurt. Be careful by teaching them that there is safety in numbers and not to wander off alone. Be careful by setting rules and sticking to the punishment when they are broken. This is simple, good parenting.

 

But you can't keep them glued to your side 24/7. How did you learn to do anything independently? This mentality that they must be with you all the time and never alone until they get married and are with someone else all the time is ridiculous. Raising generations of moronic ninnies whose mommies still wash their drawers for them...and who are scared to walk down their street and speak to their neighbors. The sky is not falling Chicken Little. :rolleyes:

[Unknotted]

IMHO not at any age--over the age of 18 they are considered adults. We've been over this a 1,000 times here at CC. IMHO it's the parents problem and the guests get the brunt of their darlings being out of control. If you know where they are, who they are with and what they are doing, no problem. It's when the parents aren't aware of all the later and don't care is the problem. Please keep being protective of your kids and thank you.

 

 

I totally agree with this. Some of you are so busy protecting your kids from US that you forget that we need to be protected from your kids too! I am not a grouchy old witch, but I raised my kids to be respectful and responsible. So if your child is running down my hallway banging on every door as they pass it, or coating the elevator walls with icecream, or yelling obscenitites with friends in the corridors at midnight I WILL CALL SECURITY.

[nrdsb4]

 

But you can't keep them glued to your side 24/7. How did you learn to do anything independently? This mentality that they must be with you all the time and never alone until they get married and are with someone else all the time is ridiculous. Raising generations of moronic ninnies whose mommies still wash their drawers for them...and who are scared to walk down their street and speak to their neighbors. :rolleyes:

 

I have to say I agree. We now live in a culture of fear. The news just feeds it as well. "Are your children in danger? Details at 10!"

 

As to the OP, I think 13 is old enough to run and fetch a towel or grab an ice cream. Presumably you've taught him to not talk to strangers, not to go into a stranger's cabin under any circumstances, and to yell, scream, kick and generally make a huge scene if someone grabs him and tries to drag him somewhere (seriously, not going to happen). Then again, don't listen to me, do what you believe is best for your kid.

[nrdsb4]

You're correct on one front--that when kids get to college they oftentimes make many, many poor decisions. Sometimes these decisions are great life lessons. Sometimes they're fatal.

 

But it's not just the kids who are over protected and smothered by helicopter parents. It's a significant majority of today's students. For example, 78% of college freshmen end up in unwanted sexual situations before their first semester is over. Why? Because they trusted the person they were with.

 

Anyway, I'm sorry if I come across strongly on this topic. My life's passion is to educate parents and students about healthy sexuality. It saddens me when I see parents on ships allowing their children to roam freely.

 

It also saddens me that there's still so much misinformation out there, and that so many are hurt by people with dangerous intentions.

 

So shouldn't the solution to this be better education rather than tethering our kids to our sides until they're "45?" Seems like rather than shielding them from the world, we should educate them on how best to protect themselves. Which is NOT to say we should let really young children roam the ship alone. However, the OP's kid is a teenager who should really be equipped to handle a trip to the towel counter.

[Tbay-eh]

Wow. I can't imagine allowing my mother to impose a curfew on me at my age. I wouldn't be disrespectful about it, but neither would I come marching back to the cabin by midnight if I wasn't ready to call it a night. I love my parents, but I've earned the right to call my own shots.

 

I've got two kids and understand the concept of worrying about their safety. But once they're adults, you can't let natural tendencies to worry translate into controlling behavior. Not healthy.

 

I totally agree - I saw it within our own famiy - my SIL and BIL both did EVERYTHING for their kids - right down to brushing their teeth well beyond age they should be. Did their laundry, cleaned up after them, made lunches etc well into highschool. Well the kids are young adults now and know dick all about life and both a moaning how much they still have to do. Give them independence and responsibility early (not too early) and they will appreciate it and in the end so will you

[gone_cruisin]

Wow. I can't imagine allowing my mother to impose a curfew on me at my age.

 

That would have been my first and LAST cruise with my mother if she pulled that!

[MistyRo76]

On our recent cruise on the Splendor, I traveled with my brother, sister-in-law and my 12 year old nephew. I wasn't sure how much leeway they gave him to roam the cruise ship. But pretty much after the first day, he had the run of the ship. They gave him designated meeting/check in times and locations and he never missed a one of them. He did a lot of the Camp Carnival activities, but also just went to hang with new friends on his own. The first night, his parents went to bed and he was told to be back in the room by 1AM (there were some late night CC activities going on). My other sister and I were at Blackjack table at about 12:30 AM when all of sudden we heard "Hi Aunt Misty, Hi Aunt Julie". It was my nephew. Of our group of 20, we were the only three still up. He did great for the whole trip! Probably knew his way around the ship better than most of the adults.

[7toEleven]

OK you only made me more nervous. MY son is a seasoned cruiser. Its not him I'm worried about. It's the possible wierdos lurking. He does stay home alone for an hour or two,. He'll be 13 and 1/2 at time of sailing. He's been on several criuises. But he is innocent. I know.... Make him a man etc. Cut the cord.....but,I'd rather be an annoying mother than have another ARUBA situation. What are the odds??????????Am I the minority??:o

 

 

This would also be my vote, only in numbers, and to avoid the wierdos!! Too many places something can happen so quickly if the kids are by themselves.

[Tbay-eh]

I meant also to say in my post that the old broad would be getting dressed looking for me every night because there is no way I would be put on a curfew especially at your age. It is you who has to cut the strings not her - don't think she is capable of it at her age. What else do she dictate in your life.

[footballfu45]

My first cruise is in December, so take this with a grain of salt, but I think 13 is fine. It all depends on how mature he is. I would have been fine, but there are some 13 year old's who are mischievous and would cause trouble. At that age I was allowed to walk around malls and theme parks. I have seen kids that age that should not have been allowed alone. I would just make him check in every couple hours or so.

[fendere]

Our two kids, now 11 and 9, have been cruising since they were two. They're getting ready to go on their 13th cruise this December. The last few cruises, we let them go TOGETHER to get ice creams, to go play mini golf, giant chess, water slide (with the non-pool splash entrance) etc. with frequent check ins if we are at the pool ourselves. We only let them go ahead if we know of their EXACT destination and they cannot go somewhere else without coming back to us first. We also only allow them to go somewhere specific IF my husband and I are going to also be in a stationary location. Sometimes we use walkie talkies with them, too. They are both very well-behaved- are not the types to run, scream, make mischief (at least not yet).

[bonniemari]

I guess I must be one of "those" mothers. I took my son on his first cruise when he was 22. I can remember sitting out on my balcony occasionally peeking over the railing, watching for his return from his Carnival diving excursion in Cozumel. I breathed a sigh of relief once he was back onboard. He came to the cabin and said he had met a couple of people on the dive trip and was going downtown to do a little shopping/sighteeing. Even tho he was never much of a drinker I still warned him about Carlos & Charlies. I debated whether or not to say ok I'll go with you-but decided against it. So I once again watched and waited on the balcony til he was safely onboard again.

 

We also took my DH's 11yr old grandaughter on a cruise and she was either with me, my DH or in Camp Carinval at all times. I have witnessed quite a few not so nice things that some of these "packs" of teenagers do and I would be leery of letting any child under the age of about 16 have free run of the ship.

[nothomeonacruise]

I think it's somewhere between over protective and running totally amuck. We all know our kids. Yes, some kids are wild. We just have to use good judgement with them. I have a trustworthy child who has called us to pick her up at parties where the kids were doing things she knew was wrong. She thinks it's stupid. I do did put rules with her and a curfew. A few moments of unpleasant complaining from an imposed rule was well worth not having to worry later!!

[room010]

I believe the phenomenon of young adults being completely unprepared for even the smallest glitch in their over-protected and over-managed lives is called "learned helplessness". I see it all the time among my son's 17yr old friends, especially the boys. Some of them seriously don't know how to boil water. I'm sure their mothers think they've done a stellar job - after all, motherhood is a competitive sport these days - but I seriously worry about these kids ever being able to live independent lives or even grow up. I just dread the day my daughter brings one home as a prospective husband :eek:

[nrdsb4]

I guess I must be one of "those" mothers. I took my son on his first cruise when he was 22. I can remember sitting out on my balcony occasionally peeking over the railing, watching for his return from his Carnival diving excursion in Cozumel. I breathed a sigh of relief once he was back onboard. He came to the cabin and said he had met a couple of people on the dive trip and was going downtown to do a little shopping/sighteeing. Even tho he was never much of a drinker I still warned him about Carlos & Charlies. I debated whether or not to say ok I'll go with you-but decided against it. So I once again watched and waited on the balcony til he was safely onboard again.

 

 

It doesn't sound like it to me. You worry about your adult son (totally normal and expected). However, you didn't impose your worries onto him by dictating what he did and when. You gave advice, not orders, and pretty much dealt with your worries like a grownup by treating him like the adult he is.:)

[ohitssunshine]

I am a bit overprotective myself- I have a 14, 12 and 10 year old. When they go around the block I want them to have their cell with them. But at the same time I try to let them experience some real life. I do not want them to grow up in a bubble, but I do want them to know the world is not made of rainbows and sunshine!

 

This cruise will be their second so I am anxious to see how it all plays out. I am not going into it thinking they will be by my side the entire time, but I am also not ready to say here's your key, see you later!

[nrdsb4]

I am a bit overprotective myself- I have a 14, 12 and 10 year old. When they go around the block I want them to have their cell with them. But at the same time I try to let them experience some real life. I do not want them to grow up in a bubble, but I do want them to know the world is not made of rainbows and sunshine!

 

This cruise will be their second so I am anxious to see how it all plays out. I am not going into it thinking they will be by my side the entire time, but I am also not ready to say here's your key, see you later!

 

Fortunately, there is a lot of middle ground between those two extremes for you to play with.:)

 

I confess that when my 16 y/o goes for long jogs, I ask her to take her cell phone.:o After she saved for an i-phone it became a non issue, since she jogs with the phone as an MP3 (one earbud only so she can hear cars, though).

[Tbay-eh]

I am in my mid 50s so may make a difference here - but when did everything change so much. We would go outside at 9AM come home at lunch go out until supper then go out again until bath time. We had no cell phones - TV had 2 channels - no computers. We were young but we knew our limits, our curfews, to respect others. If I did something wrong or bad the parent who saw it, and not always my own, would discipline me. We had chores, guidelines, given responsibilities and we turned out okay. I basically was the same with our children - at what point and why did we become so over protective of our kids. Maybe it is where we live - often I will go out and forget not only to lock my door but leave it wide open. I wish we could take a step back in time

[travlcrayZ]

This is a great thread!!! We are parents of 2 rather mature girls...ages 12 and 14. We are taking them on their first cruise over christmas break. I am one of those overprotective mothers....don't want to leave them alone at all. Not even to go to the room for a towel......

We took them to a resort last year for their first time( we have been to many)...and only left them in our room for a half hour one particular night. They are VERY mature girls....and I am telling myself they will be fine doing the kids club and such on their own...but it really is depedent on the kids and parents themselves. I would like to think that they will be fine....and as for maturity....My eldest would be like an earlier poster....she will be showing the other passengers around!! I usually don't know my way around after a whole week and she will know her way around after just a few hours!! I would hope that she would be responsible enough to show someone who is "misplaced" the right way to go!!!