Single Mom Sailing with 7 year old... help me?

[bplazo]

Being a single mom at one time, when I took my daughter on vacation the point was to spend time with her. I think you are being a little hard on Barbgaaz (she was a little blunt). I agree that the kids have a great time at the kids club but it is a family vacation. I would limit the time a child that young spends at the kids club to an hour or two a day.

 

Your children grow up so fast and I will always cherish the time my daughter and I had together when she was that age. Now that she is a teenager I am lucky if she talks to me.

[Cruiser_Guy]

RCCL=best vacation ever!!

[Folgy]

I am just looking forward to having Grandchildren.......I keep telling my children, but they don't seem to be interested

 

There are increasing numbers of us (like your children) that have NO interest in having kids. Don't be discouraged accidents do happen ;)

[Leejnd4]

Being a single mom at one time, when I took my daughter on vacation the point was to spend time with her. I think you are being a little hard on Barbgaaz (she was a little blunt). I agree that the kids have a great time at the kids club but it is a family vacation. I would limit the time a child that young spends at the kids club to an hour or two a day.

 

Your children grow up so fast and I will always cherish the time my daughter and I had together when she was that age. Now that she is a teenager I am lucky if she talks to me.

bplazo, if you check Barbgazz's previous posts, you will see that she has a pattern of attacking parents who bring their kids cruising. I've since learned that she is notorious for this. So this wasn't a one-time thing, and she can get downright nasty in her grenades.

 

I understand your point about spending time with your kids while vacationing. I know that I enjoy the times we spend together on our cruises. But I also enjoy some grown-up vacation time, and my kids LOVED the time in the kids programs. And I think it's up to each parent to determine how much time they want their kids in the programs. In my case, as a stay-at-home mom and a very involved dad, we don't feel that we need to catch up on time with our kids while on vacation -- we spend plenty of time with them every day. So I have no qualms about letting them stay as long as they want in the kids clubs, knowing that we are ALL having a blast. And with RCCL, we know we'll be getting plenty of regrouping family time due to the closing of the clubs at meal times. :)

 

LeeAnne

[Msprof68]

I read the posts from work, and, wondered all day why I ever joined this group, given the snippy attitude I received from a certain poster. I thank all of you who spoke up for me, and more importantly for the encouragement you have offered for me to go on with this vacation. I feel like I've met some like-minded people (and a very nice chat room host, too!)

 

Is there perhaps another board on here for single parents to meet and discuss issues specific to us? If not, would anyone want to start a topic somewhere in the miscellaneous (or whatever it's called) section? I have received several private e-mails from some of you that I will respond to, but, it sounds like there ARE plenty of us out there who cruise with kids and no "partners," and, I'm interested in talking with more of you.

 

Anyway, I am DEFINITELY going ahead with the cruise, that's for sure! :-) I'm goin' single and proud and, after a few cocktails, LOUD! lol I look forward to sitting on a balcony after my son is asleep, reading a book and watching the waves go by!

 

I also look forward to meeting lots of nice people..... we are going back to sea World camp THIS year only because the people we met last year have become close friends and we plan on meeting up with them again this year!

 

Anyway, I'm excited. I was listening to "5:00 Somewhere" today, thinking about all the stores I read over on the "cruise mistakes" topic elsewhere. All those poor folks learned what I learned on my first cruise ever... PACE YOURSELF on the booze! But today, given the state of affairs at work and other places, I was really thinking about that bon voyage cocktail party!

 

So..... thank you thank you thank you!

 

MsProf

[baseballmom]

Your children grow up so fast and I will always cherish the time my daughter and I had together when she was that age. Now that she is a teenager I am lucky if she talks to me.

 

bplazo, I understand what you're saying completely. Right now my son (15) does like spending time with me, but I know that it could change in a flash! Obviously, it's different traveling with teens than with younger kids -- he did go to the teen center on our last cruise, but unfortunately most of the other kids were either way younger or way older. I'm hoping that he does make a few friends on this next cruise, because I think he'll be bored just hanging with me all day. I'm content reading a book on deck or on our balcony, but I want him to have a wonderful time, too (we only get one vacation week each summer due to his baseball schedule). I expect him to eat meals with me, and I hope we'll spend time together during sea days (of course we'll be together for excursions), but I'm also looking forward to my downtime. If MsProf is OK with her son spending most of the time in the kids center with his pals, then it's a win-win for both of them.

 

 

Laurie

[Msprof68]

LeeAnne,

 

I know what you mean about not needing every minute of vacation with your children. I have primary custody, so I am with my child every day, and, usually every other weekend. Even though his dad is entitled to four nonconsecutive weeks in the summer, and has been for the past 5 years, he has only taken ONE in all that time (and only when I insisted on it). He's active, yes, but, primary repsonsibility for almost every day-to-day need still rests with me.

 

Which, by the way, I LOVE. But, I also have a job that has flexible work hours, and, I can work at home a lot, at night when he is gone to bed. So, he is rarely left in aftercare. I get him at 3:15 when school ends, and, we are together all afternoon and all evening.

 

Even if we weren't, I am yet to see anyone on a "family" vacation who didn't need some time to themselves. If everybody tries to do EVERYTHING together, everyone ends up miserable. Or, one person never gets to do anything they want to do.

 

That was something I noticed over on the "mistakes" board you and I were posting on (and by the way, your point about the folks who got left behind was well-taken, I didn't respond to tell you I largely agreed, because the moderator had asked everyone to cool it and move along to another subject). One of the biggest "hints" people kept offering was make SURE that if you travel with other people or family members, you are all clear that you should not HAVE to be joined at the hip 24/7.

 

One reason I never even attempted a cruise before he was 5 was because I knew that neither of us would be happy APART, but, we also wouldn't be happy together all day. As my OB/Gyn told me once, "When you have kids, vacations are rarely about YOU, they are about the kids." And, that's true. And that's okay. But, when you have a chance to get what EVERYONE wants in one location, well, why not??? That's just a wonderful bonus!

 

I am really big into scrapbooking, and I filled up TWO huge 12x12 albums from our Disney experience (3 nights at the park, 4 nights on the ship), because there were so many NEW things to do and see. Many of my pictures were some of the interesting people we met (I loved the guy who got his beard corn-rowed in Nassau... HAD to photograph that!) I cannot imagine how many pictures a 7 night cruise will bring! lol

 

(Can you tell I'm really giddy about this?)

 

I'm going to do a little more competitive shopping on Expedia and other places, then see if I've really gotten the best price. if I have? Well, 'BOOK 'EM, STEVE-O" (Travel agent's name is Steve. haha)

 

Thanks again!

Msprof

[baseballmom]

Is there perhaps another board on here for single parents to meet and discuss issues specific to us? If not, would anyone want to start a topic somewhere in the miscellaneous (or whatever it's called) section? I have received several private e-mails from some of you that I will respond to, but, it sounds like there ARE plenty of us out there who cruise with kids and no "partners," and, I'm interested in talking with more of you.

 

Anyway, I am DEFINITELY going ahead with the cruise, that's for sure! :-) I'm goin' single and proud and, after a few cocktails, LOUD! lol I look forward to sitting on a balcony after my son is asleep, reading a book and watching the waves go by!

 

MsProf

 

Good for you! I would be interested in such a thread! I also intend to have a great time on my next cruise -- I did feel a little out of place on our first cruise, but that was my own fault -- everyone we met was very nice. This time, while my boy is off hanging with his pals, I will happily have a cocktail, listen to music, lose money in the casino, or just relax and be grateful that I'm able to give both of us such a wonderful trip!

 

Laurie

[Leejnd4]

Y'know, it's not just being 24/7 with kids that can driving you crazy, it's anyone! I will be cruising to the Mediterranean with my mother in May, and we know quite well that we're GOING to need some time apart. Of course we love each other, but being joined at the hip with her would surely have me considering jumping overboard! ;) We've already agreed that there will be at least a couple ports where we will be doing separate shore excursions, due to different interests. I've also traveled in Italy with my sister, and we made the mistake of not discussing in advance that we would need some time apart. We figured it out about half-way through our trip, and we got along much better after we started doing some things on our own!

 

But to get back to the topic of kids -- I know a woman from my church who has what I consider to be rather extreme views about parenting. She believes that parents really SHOULD be with their kids 24/7. She homeschools, and takes her kids wherever she goes, even places where most would feel that kids don't belong. Her view is that children are a gift to society and everyone should be willing to accommodate them wherever they go. She has no patience for anyone who has a problem with the inevitable disruptions that children cause -- she says that "children noise" is a natural part of life and we should simply expect it, allow for it and not complain about it, wherever it is. She doesn't believe in babysitters at all, saying that any parent that feels they need time away from their kids shouldn't have become parents...that it's evidence of their lack of responsibility, or unwillingness to "take on the whole job".

 

Contrast this with the parents you will see onboard cruises who truly leave their kids utterly unsupervised morning to night. They don't seem to feel they need to spend any time at all with their kids, and clearly haven't spent ENOUGH time with them at home to teach them basic manners!

 

Anyway, I feel that both are way extreme types of parenting, and I believe in something much more reasonably in the middle. I believe that becoming a parent does not mean you stop being an individual, or that you must give up all of life-without-kids. :)

 

LeeAnne

[Msprof68]

...long, sorry....

 

(sort of) that a question about kids and the amenities cruise ships offer has turned into a side-debate about how much time a parent SHOULD spend with their children on vacation. :-)

 

I respect everyone's opinion when it is politely and thoughtfully stated, as almost ALL have been. Since people were kind enough to offer some friendly and motherly advice (which you cannot have too much of!)... let me respond.

 

I fully understand that there will come a day when he doesn't WANT me around. I remember from age 12 to about 20, my parents somehow became instantly retarded and gross and embarrassing. They seemed to regain their social worthiness and their "coolness" and their wisdom sometime around my 20th or 21st birthday. Imagine that. I know I'm in for it, too.

 

Which is EXACTLY why I try to make our vacations fun for BOTH of us, and, memorable for him. Everyone's definition of what's "right" for a kid depends on their needs, and, of course, the children involved. I could certainly be doing MORe for myself by banking some of this money for retirement. But, he's only young once. He should get to be a kid while he's a kid.

 

Those who encourage people like to me to spend "more" time with their children, though, don't know exactly how much I already spend. As I stated previously, I have a very flexible work schedule, plus primary custody. We ARE best friends, and, we are buddies. We tell jokes together, choose movies together, and sometimes spend hours on various activities together. I have coached his soccer team, I'm the team "mom" this season. I have never missed a game, and, rarely missed a practice. I am at almost every school event (the valentine party on Monday was a bust, though, cuz he was in detention when I got there, but I still had fun! lol) I have NOT done everything I could do at my job to win points or promotions. Why?

 

He's only young ONCE, and, his school events and plays and other things are far more important to me than brownie points with a boss who probably won't be there in another year or two.

 

I love every mintue of it, but, there are times he wants to be with his own friends. Or, times he wants to be alone. Many times, YES, he wants to be with me (LOVES going to work with me!) He misses me when I'm gone, but, he also knows that I'm always there if he needs me, too, so he is secure enough to stay in clubs or kids' only activities. (I contrast that with my folks, who rarely EVER left me with a baby sitter. I had NO ability to be away from home until I reached the teenage years and then wanted away only so I could get into trouble!)

 

ARRIVING at our destination is half the fun. We always have a great time getting to the airport, flying, and traveling to where we are going. We make everything an adventure, and, I'm teaching him to "roll with the punches" when flights are diverted or cancelled or late. (Growing up, my parents were NOT particularly flexible in this area... it's a skill I've had to learn for HIS sake, because I don't want him being as neurotic as I was in my early years about travel).

 

We always plan what we will do when we get there. He has reached an age that he LOVES to do things on his own, and by himself. He has equal input into our joint vacations, but, he also has learned that the key is OUR. Nothing is completely about him, and, we have to give and take to enjoy a trip as a family. And I'm GLAD. I don't want him hiding behind me or holding on to me when it's time to get out and make friends or try new things. I don't want him thinking that the vacation is all about being together at the expense of doing what we BOTH want to do.

 

He's very independent, LOVES making new friends. We went to Acapulco when he was 4 with my mother. Mom was terrified of being in a foreign country (note to self... next time you want to treat mom, take her to Vegas... :eek: ), but he was a little go-getter, having no pre-conceived notions about what a place SHOULD be. Everyone was a potential friend, there was no history of making up his own mind about race or stereotypes or anything. The place just WAS, and, the people just WERE. And he loved them.

 

I can remember walking through the lobby of our hotel, past the bar. We had been in the night before for dinner and the servers treated him like royalty. He was SO happy to have his own "friends." "I want to go there... my FRIENDS are waiting on ME!" lol (FOUR years old, I tell you!... he was ogling the pretty girls for sure!)

 

The same has gone for Sea World camp and cruises. The things we've done together have been great, but, given the chance, he wants to choose his own activities and his own friends, knowing that I am close by if he needs me, and, that I'm having fun, too. It ends up being a VACATION that way, not a "trip" that he or I is forced to endure. We BOTH come home rested and happy with new penpals that way.

 

The alternative? "You'll have to go to dinner with ME..." Well, if he doesn't WANT to--if he has more fun in a kids' dining room--then dinner will ultimately be miserable for BOTH of us. "Let's have breakfast together before the kids' club opens, then you can have dinner with your friends" works FAR better. When I pick him up from the kids' activities, he is happy, giddy, and pleased that he was a "big boy" and left to make his own friends.

 

The time that we do spend together is restful, and, it's pleasant. It's QUALITY. I can't complain.

 

I'm not out to win any awards for being a good Mom. Like someone on here said, having kids is sometimes an "accident" (albeit not a mistake, at least for me!). I still have NO patience for parents who do not make their children mind on cruise ships or anywhere else. One thing that amazes me about the folks they hire to staff these kids' clubs is that they ARE masters at keeping a diverse group of kids both under control AND happy!

 

So, if you've done the RCCL and have suggestions about what's good and bad for the kids and the adults, I'd love to hear them!

 

Thanks,

MsProf

[Msprof68]

LeeAnne, you bring up a great point that has been hard for me this time. the last two years I have taken Mom to the beach. I don't take Dad, because he hates the beach. He would go if I asked, but, then everything would revolve around his dining habits (there's three food groups.... steak, steak, and steak), and, his aversion to the sun ("I'll just stay in the room..." later followed by "Don't y'all ever get tired of being out in the sun?")

 

I have struggled with inviting her on this trip, and, I've decided not to. She does not do well in other countries, nor does she do well with crowds. And, she isn't willing to go do things on her own such a shore excursion. IF I wanted to go do something onshore, and, she didn't wnat to go, I would get one of two reactions... "I don't want you to be alone, I'll go with you..." (then she would be afraid, or, reluctant to try new things. She may not SAY anything, but the vibe would be there).

 

OR, she would do the guilt thing, "Don't you think someone should be here for him, in case he needs something?" (Admittedly, he MIGHT need something... but, that's also the case if you leave them at school, or a babysitter).

 

I also know that she goes to bed a lot earlier than I do, and, she gets uncomfortable with a kid going one day without a bath. I prefer that my son take a bath EVERY day, but, if it's 11:00 at night and he's exhausted and I'm exhausted, I am okay with wiping him down. Call Child Services. hahah

 

So, I've decided that as much as I would enjoy having an adult with me, THAT particular one won't work. Especially given how small staterooms are.

 

It's gREAT that your mom will go do things by herself. I have just learned that the exotic is not for my mom. Take her to Vegas? Oh MAN... she has no problem saying, "Bye....I'm off to the casino!" But, outside the U.S., that isn't going to happen.

 

Cruises seem to be great for people with differing interests, IF they are willing to try new things ALONE.

 

I don't suppose anyone on here is planning on being on the Mariner in July??? If so, let me know!

 

MsProf

[Msprof68]

Okay, I've started the thread. Come one, single moms and dads... let's talk!

 

MsProf

[kimbo106]

I also, am a single mom. Although my daughter was 13 on our last cruise and will be 14 on our next, I thoroughly understand your feeling of being odd woman out. We sailed on the Mariner last year and the kids programs are great and I never saw my daughter...she always siad she was busy.

 

I am not a shy person and I met some very nice people, both married and single that I hung out with during the cruise. Don't be afraind to make friends. The ship is wonderful and I am sure you and your son will both have a wonderful time.:)

[nynewfies]

Not that I want to be a cloud in the perfectly blue sky that cherishes every moment of your child's life, I have a slightly different viewpoint. EIther that, or my child was just slightly less perfect than some people's, or perhaps I am not as talented as a parent, or perhaps I have a better (clearer?) memory of some fairly challenging times. Seriously, haven't the rest of you parents had moments when you just wanted to scream with some frustration? Parenting is wonderful, but hardly without its difficult moments. Although I have never actually been single since my child was born, there were several years when my husband and I worked in different cities 500 miles apart, so I spent 3 out of every 4 weeks, at least, as the sole parent living with my child. I love him dearly and have fond memories of every stage of his life, but it is important to recharge your own batteries once in a while so that you can continue to be a great - cheerfully great - parent. A cruise is probably the ideal way to do this. I never, for many reasons, sent my child away to a sleep-away camp other than a 2 week boy scout camp once. On the cruise, if your child is gregarious and enjoys the kid's activities as much as my son did, you can enjoy some hours by yourself without any reason whatsoever to feel guilty. This is really precious for any parents, but for single parents, all the more so. Go and have a great time! And I think a single parent thread is a fantastic idea.

[bostonlass]

Okay, I've started the thread. Come one, single moms and dads... let's talk!

 

MsProf

 

You may also want to check out the family section of these boards. I have seen a few posters there who are single parents. I'm not at all interested in cruising to the caribbean in the heat of summer (it's hot enough in the winter!) and I don't think I could swing an Alaskan cruise anytime soon, though I would love to give that to my kids as a graduation gift, but I would LOVE to do a cruise sometime with a bunch of single parents. It hink that would be so nice for both the adults and the kids!

[Leejnd4]

Nynewfies -- are you kidding?? I find myself struggling to suppress loud screams DAILY!! ;) Yes, I adore my kids, but show me a parent who hasn't had visions of strangling their kids at least a few times, and I'll show you a parent in a coma! :D

LeeAnne

[nynewfies]

Thanks LeeAnne. For a moment there I thought I had entered a whole new place on the space-time continuum where everybody else led a blissful existence or something. Kids are great, but like somebody once said, parenting isn't for the faint of heart. :)

[Msprof68]

I've only been commenting on the vacation aspects of my relationship with my child.

SCREAM.... ME scream? OH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.............
<maniacal laughter ensues>


Did your kid ever decide that your $1 international postage stamps made great stickers for his art work? Oy vay!

Did you ever spend money for a cruise with your kid and your betrothed only to discover that they are BOTH jealous of each other? That might not be so bad if you weren't trapped in a 200 square foot room together. I KNEW it was a bad sign when I ended up crying in the bathroom before we even left port.

(Obviously, since I"m single again, you can tell who I decided was more important! lol)

But you gotta love 'em. And, as my grandpa used to tell my mom when we were little... "You're payin' for your raisin'" :-D Everytime my kid does something that crushes me, irritates me, etc., I can always remember something I did to my parents. I guess that's just part of growing up!

MsProf, still giddy about that cruise!

[Msprof68]

I am happy to report that we are finally going on a RCCL ship next Sunday, the Mariner of the Seas. and Yeah, it's just me and my boy, who at the age of 10 now, still finds my company enjoyable.

He told me today that he doesnt' want to spedn too much time in the kids' club, because he would rather be with me. We're going snorkeling together and have already talked about the things we'll do, and, the places we'll go.

Whoever that poofer was who initially accused me of dumping my kid off on a ship... I hope they've gotten a life by now.

LET'S ALL MEET ON THE MARINER AUGUST 5, IF ANY OF YOU WILL BE THERE! E-mail me at [EMAIL="b.wells15@verizon.net"]b.wells15@verizon.net[/EMAIL] to connect.

Brenda

[Merion_Mom]

[quote name='Msprof68']I am happy to report that we are finally going on a RCCL ship next Sunday, the Mariner of the Seas. and Yeah, it's just me and my boy, who at the age of 10 now, still finds my company enjoyable.

He told me today that he doesnt' want to spedn too much time in the kids' club, because he would rather be with me. We're going snorkeling together and have already talked about the things we'll do, and, the places we'll go.

Whoever that poofer was who initially accused me of dumping my kid off on a ship... I hope they've gotten a life by now.

LET'S ALL MEET ON THE MARINER AUGUST 5, IF ANY OF YOU WILL BE THERE! E-mail me at [EMAIL="b.wells15@verizon.net"]b.wells15@verizon.net[/EMAIL] to connect.

Brenda[/QUOTE]Oh my, Brenda, talk about your updates!!!!!!!:eek: ;) :)

I am glad that it's still "me 'n' my kid" - have a great cruise. I can't wait to sail on the Mariner - My first is still a year and a half away.

[Merion_Mom]

[quote name='Msprof68']
LET'S ALL MEET ON THE MARINER AUGUST 5, IF ANY OF YOU WILL BE THERE! E-mail me at [EMAIL="b.wells15@verizon.net"]b.wells15@verizon.net[/EMAIL] to connect.

Brenda[/QUOTE]Brenda, here is your Roll Call: [url]http://boards.cruisecritic.com/showthread.php?t=442685[/url]

[Bigmama2n1]

Your son will love the Adventure Ocean activities. We went on our second family cruise a couple of weeks ago aboard Enchantment.

Our kids (DS 13, DD 8) enjoyed the activities so much that when we arrived in Cozumel they both asked to stay on the ship and go to their activities instead of going ashore with us.

I think some of the other posters have also talked of having to drag their kids out of Adventure Ocean's late night party. I had to bribe DD with the midnight buffet to get her to come back with me.

We chose early seating dinner and it worked out perfectly. I would pick up DD at 5 from her activities and we would dine at 6. We were usually finished and had time for her to change before taking her back to Adventure Ocean for their evening schedule of events. Her favorites were Pirate night when they "took over the ship" singing and chanting loudly through the theater before the show, and then doing the same in the dining room, as well as nightly games of "gaga ball".

Your son will love it and you'll be able to have some adult time too. Have a great cruise!


OH that's too funny!!! I just realized your original post was in 2005!!!!