How to Make Ship's Management Crazy

[Jim Gallup]

One of my former colleagues emailed me today. He manages one of the larger ships sailing in Mexico right now.

From the comment cards last cruise:

 

The bath towels were far too large.

Every photo taken of me, my eyes were closed. Why?

I don't like the ports. We sailed here last year and they haven't changed.

I don't like paying extra for soft drinks; just add $50 to the price of the cruise so I won't have to worry about it.

I don't like paying extra for shore excursions; just add $300 to the price of the cruise and give me unlimited shore excursions.

I don't like paying extra for the Salon; just add $200 to the price of the cruise and let me use the Salon anytime.

Drinks should be included in the price of the cruise; just add $350 to the cruise price and let me drink as much as I want.

Gratuities should be included in the cruise price; just add $100 to the price so I won't have to carry extra money.

We don't think there should be an extra charge for laundry service; just increase the price of the cruise by $100 and give us complimentary laundry services.

Internet on ships should be free; just increase the price of the cruise by $200 so I can surf the net as much as I want.

Medical care on ships should be free; just add $250 to the price of the cruise and give me free medical care.

The ship is too big.

Why don't you have a rock-climbing wall like Royal Caribbean?

All the other cruise lines serve free sodas; why can't you be like them?

All the other cruise lines allow me to bring liquor to my cabin; why don't you?

All the other cruise lines have self-service laundry; why don't you?

All the other cruise lines offer free juices all day long; why don't you?

Other cruise lines give free wine with dinner; why don't you?

Cabins on other cruise ships are much larger.

The anchor chain makes too much noise.

Why did you sell me a cabin under the disco when you knew I had a baby with me?

The ship is too warm.

The ship is too cold.

There are too many cigarette smokers onboard.

There are not enough places for me to smoke.

There are too many children on board.

There are too many old people on board.

All the entertainment is for old people.

Too much entertainment is geared towards young people.

The food is too spicy.

The food is too bland.

Why so much fancy food? We want more regular food.

I paid top dollar and all I see is hamburgers and ribs.

Too many port days.

Too many sea days.

Not enough activities on sea days.

Too many activities at the same time; I couldn't go to all of them.

Bar staff too agressive. Won't take No for an answer.

Never a bar waiter around when I want one.

Loved the cruise director; he is the best we have ever seen.

Hated the cruise director;he is terrible.

It rained on Thursday. I am very disappointed.

We went on the Rainforest Tour and it didn't rain. We want a refund.

We went deep sea fishing and caught nothing. We want a refund.

We went whale watching and only saw a few whales. We want a refund.

On the snorkeling tour we were splashed by a wave. We want a refund.

 

And on and on and on.......................................

[candydane]

How sad that these complaints are undoubtedly true. Some people are never satisfied and always want to blame someone else! :(

[richtersl]

You made my day. Some of these complaints so ludicrous that you left me no other choice but to LMAO!

 

My favorites:

 

I don't like the ports. We sailed here last year and they haven't changed. So don't sail this itinerary again!

 

Why did you sell me a cabin under the disco when you knew I had a baby with me? Haven't you ever heard of a deck plan? And, I hope that baby grows up to be smarter than you.

 

:p :) ;) :D

[Fam of 5]

i think the staff should be able to write comment cards for the guests. Now that would be some interesting reading.

[rockymo]

Just came back from a cruise on another line. I was in line to attend a matter at tour desk. The man in front of me was complaining that he and his wife ( 60 somethings) went on a party boat excursion ( his words) and every one was drinking!!!! He said they were rowdy and all singing, etc. He also said they had the same type of excursion scheduled the next port and wanted to cancel that one!! The person at the desk managed to keep a straight face during the whole diatribe. Am I the only person that assumes that if the description says unlimited alcohol means that people will actually drink the stuff??

[Judyb]

error

[Sophie]

Funny post!

 

[PA Cruisers2]

This is a VERY funny thread. And I can add to the sillyness.

On our last cruise we usually ate dinner early so that we could enjoy the evenings activities. (Also, if you get there early, you can get a table by the window!) After a day at the pool, we showered and dressed and headed down to Windows Restaurant which opens at 5:30 PM. It was 5:20 PM (10 minutes before the door was to open) and there was already a line. About the 6th couple in line were a lady and her husband and she was complaining, "I can't believe how long you have to wait to be seated at this restaurant. We have been waiting here for 15 minutes. I don't like freestyle. Let's go to a different restaurant!" They left.

 

At 5:30 PM the doors opened. We were seated by 5:35 PM at a window table. I still wonder what happened to those happy cruisers!

 

Sophie...that quote was beautiful...and so true. I wrote it down and will pass it along to others. Thank you.

[runner1909]

These have been good for a laugh. Here's one that we witnessed--we were perusing the dinner menu while waiting for one of the main dining rooms to open at 5:30, when up walks an older couple. The husband elbowed his way to the front of the group, then after glancing at the menu, loudly announced to his wife that he had had seafood the previous night, beef the night before that, pork the night before that, etc. "Let's go" he barked, "there's nothing here new to eat!" We could all barely contain our laughter until they got out of earshot. The women all agreed that we were glad we didn't have to cook for that man at home every night.

[cruzegirl]

That was a pretty funny post.... All those complaints..... lol... I can agree with 2 of them though...... I think soda should be free and there are too many smokers, IMHO..... But I choose to go on ships that allow smoking so I deal with it....... But the towels too large........please.....lol........

[calee]

Imagine........going snorkleing and getting splashed by a wave. I'd want my money back or, at least, a bigger towel!!

[SweetEmi]

Hehehehehehehehehe!!!!

[calee]

Here's one of my favorites.....my wife works in the travel industry and reviews comment cards on a regular basis. She had a complaint recently from a woman who went to Punta Cana with her hubby for a week at an all inclusive. The vacation included a dive package. It seems that the woman wanted a refund because it was too hot there and the vacation brochure was misleading as the people shown weren't depicted sweating, if it had she wouldn't have gone........yeah right !!

[thequeen]

and the really scary thing is that these passengers (using this term loosely) are probably raising children too..............oh my gosh!

[Copper_beeches]

and the really scary thing is that these passengers (using this term loosely) are probably raising children too..............oh my gosh!

 

Lol, which term, Passengers or Raising?:D