I am just sick about this....

[Top-Cat]

I've been reading this one all day..

 

As a former coach of cheerleading ages 9-12 for four years, let me say the following..

 

At age 9, we are still in an learning stage. I know the mentality of some coaches who lived and breathed this stuff, even with 9 year olds. We also had competitions. I am not saying that this is not important as each child has a space to fill in a routine.

 

However, on the other hand, family time is a lasting lifetime thing. Children in their early ages also learn how they will look at life when they become adults including how they interact with their own families. I think family bonding and making memeories is even more important than a week at camp. Think of this. At age 35, sitting around a family gathering remembering memories, would you rather recall a certain move learned at a cheer camp some 25 years ago, or would you remember a great week of experiences of time you spent with your dad doing a maybe once in a lifetime thing?

 

I, as a coach, realized that families went on vacation every summer. Heck I did it myself. I agreed to work with these children seperately giving my own time to help them catch up because I believe that family time is super important in a day in time when step families are becoming the norm. Maybe you can talk to the caoch and ask him/her if you could possible pay her to work with your SD after your return to catch up. I have seen many of these camps. They teach mostly fundamentals and some little routine.

 

Just curious (so don't stone me), is the ex possibly jealous of SD going? I also have step children, but they are adults. We took a family cruise two years ago. Both our girls opted not to go (ages 22 & 18. Both in College). It broke my heart, but then they are adults.

 

Top-Cat

[barbgazz]

While I sympathize with your dilemma, to your SD, it's not really a "family" vacation since her mom is not going. So I'm sure the importance of the time together is lost on her since she is only 9 years old.

 

Maybe she really doesn't want to be so far away from her mom at such a young age. Maybe that's why she ended up not going last year without explanation. She is very young. Perhaps you should consider her feelings and not force her to attend.

 

Being enthused about going before it actually becomes a reality doesn't relieve the feeling in the pit of your stomach if you don't want to be that far away from mom.

 

I could be way off base on this, but wanted to give you another side to look into.

[01Sweetpea]

While I sympathize with your dilemma, to your SD, it's not really a "family" vacation since her mom is not going. So I'm sure the importance of the time together is lost on her since she is only 9 years old.

 

Maybe she really doesn't want to be so far away from her mom at such a young age. Maybe that's why she ended up not going last year without explanation. She is very young. Perhaps you should consider her feelings and not force her to attend.

 

Being enthused about going before it actually becomes a reality doesn't relieve the feeling in the pit of your stomach if you don't want to be that far away from mom.

 

I could be way off base on this, but wanted to give you another side to look into.

 

Then, technically, SD will NEVER have a "family" vacation because there will NEVER be a vacation where her mother AND her father are there, that's just the facts of a divorce. And yes we ARE a family, she and her sister have a very large, extended family. Both girls consider my family and their step-father's family as THEIR family.

 

And as stated before, DH has NO INTENTION of forcing this child to go. We certainly hope she comes with us, but in the end it will be a decision that HER PARENTS make together.

[L2J]

While I sympathize with your dilemma, to your SD, it's not really a "family" vacation since her mom is not going. So I'm sure the importance of the time together is lost on her since she is only 9 years old.

 

Perhaps you should consider her feelings and not force her to attend.

 

 

That is quite the assumption. Exactly why wouldn't this be considered "Family" without Mom?

While I believe I said earlier that she shouldn't be forced....what about DADS feelings. That's the problem...rarely are they considered.

[Lemarier]

I guess that I am amazed that a 9 yr old would pick the cheer camp over a cruise. My kids would pick a cruise any day over ANYTHING.

 

My daugher has been dancing on a competitive dance team for 10 years (she just turned 17) - they have 2 weeks in august that is mandatory dance camp for them (instructors fly in from all over to work with them) and she (or I) would explain to the her teachers that she cannot attend - she has a vacation booked. She has missed a few competitions over the years during our April vacation - they (the dance team) survives. If you stepdaughter is that good (and it sounds like she is) I can't imagine the team (or coach) would want to lose her to begin with.

 

Allowing her to pick may just confuse her even more - she will feel pressure from both sides - especially if her mom wants her to go to camp. I agree about talking to the coach and explaining the situation -

[barbgazz]

Golly, sorry, I didn't mean to offend anyone. My mom passed away years ago and my dad is remarried, but she is "not", I repeat "NOT, my mother and she isn't even my family. She just happens to be the woman my father married. Even though she is very nice and I like her a lot.

 

That is a fact.

[Nliedel]

When my sister was 10 we had a family vacation planned. On the day of the trip she decides she is not going and RUNS away from home.. The police found her and my Dad sat on her till we were halfway there (a 9 hour drive)... Sigh.. Just give her the choice. She can talk to her Mom but it is her choice and she has to live with it.. You will need to sit everyone down together for it.. Hard but it is for her.

[01Sweetpea]

Golly, sorry, I didn't mean to offend anyone. My mom passed away years ago and my dad is remarried, but she is "not", I repeat "NOT, my mother and she isn't even my family. She just happens to be the woman my father married. Even though she is very nice and I like her a lot.

 

That is a fact.

 

I never said that I am her mother, I'm not. She has a mother, a wonderful mother who I would never ever try to replace.

 

I guess it really depends on the age when the remarriage took place. I was very young (28) when my first husband died, leaving me with 2 children under the age of 3. Now my DH has not adopted my kids, but they do call him dad, and he refers to them as his sons.

 

When DH & I announced we were getting married, the first thing his older daughter said was "Yea... we're getting brothers!"

 

These girls have 4 "parents" 2 biological and 2 step. We are often all together for school functions, parent teacher conferences, etc.

 

We are ALL a family.

[halos]

We are ALL a family.

 

 

That is awesome...and it means that you should put your faith in the fact that no matter what, this will turn out OK, no matter what decision is made.

Whatever happens, don't let this ruin your cruise...there are your kids to think about as well. ;)

[01Sweetpea]

That is awesome...and it means that you should put your faith in the fact that no matter what, this will turn out OK, no matter what decision is made.

Whatever happens, don't let this ruin your cruise...there are your kids to think about as well. ;)

 

Thanks Halos!

[Randy & Carmen]

Sweetpea?.......if she doesn't go......will you adopt me for a week?:D

[bsdmhutch]

 

These girls have 4 "parents" 2 biological and 2 step. We are often all together for school functions, parent teacher conferences, etc.

 

We are ALL a family.

 

That is awesome!! My parents divorced when I was 4. They have now both been remarried for 31 years and 28 years. I tell my children that I am blessed to have two moms and two dads (but that I don't want them to have that *blessing*;) . My parents and step-parents get along great (especially now that I am grown). Unfortunately, my children don't get to see any of their grandparents as much as they would like. We are in NC and two sets of gparents are in IL and one set in TX.

 

I know this will all work out for the best for you. I will keep your family in my thoughts and prayers as this isn't a easy decision for your SD or your DH (and the ex).

[01Sweetpea]

Sweetpea?.......if she doesn't go......will you adopt me for a week?:D

 

Randy - as long as you can pass yourself off as a 9yo girl, you're more than welcome to come along!

[TXRoo]

This is just my assumption, but did it ever occur to anyone that the mother may be manipulating her with guilt (you get to go on a vacation, I don't...I paid for your cheer camp and now you will be wasting the money, etc...) and then the daughter doesn't want to go because she feels like she will be hurting the mom???

 

I hope this is a totally wrong assumption, but I have seen things like this happen before.

 

Maybe she really doesn't want to be so far away from her mom at such a young age. Maybe that's why she ended up not going last year without explanation. She is very young.

[Randy & Carmen]

Randy - as long as you can pass yourself off as a 9yo girl, you're more than welcome to come along!

 

Well.....when all the CC Hosts went on a cruise last year....they talked me into putting a dress on for a pic....I did but I looked older than 9!:eek:

[01Sweetpea]

TXRoo - DH & I certainly HOPE this is not the case. Cheering is VERY important to SD and to her mom. The girls miss alot of functions (b-day parties, planned outings, etc) because of it. When the choice is given to go to practice or to the event, it's cheering 100% of the time.

 

Camp is not paid for yet, and DH does contribute to all extra activities for the girls so it's not a cost that her mom must pay 100% for.

[lisaluvscruising2004]

Just a quick comment. If the daughter lives with the mother, and is going to be staying home and going to mandatory camp, instead of going with father and family on vacation -- why won't the child's wonderful mother let her go the next week with her father?? It seems to me (IMHO) that the child's mother is playing some interference role here. It appears she (the mother) is all gung ho that her daughter not miss this camp, but on the other hand this mandatory camp does not really affect her time with her daughter. Seems to me that mother's not as concerned with her daughters welfare (letting her go with dad without any guilt) than with her own personal agenda. Again, I don't know any of the parties involved, but my opinion only. I personally would hope the mother would see this, give her daughter her week at camp and the following week with dad. You all could push back your cruise one week and family trip o.k.

[01Sweetpea]

Just a quick comment. If the daughter lives with the mother, and is going to be staying home and going to mandatory camp, instead of going with father and family on vacation -- why won't the child's wonderful mother let her go the next week with her father?? It seems to me (IMHO) that the child's mother is playing some interference role here. It appears she (the mother) is all gung ho that her daughter not miss this camp, but on the other hand this mandatory camp does not really affect her time with her daughter. Seems to me that mother's not as concerned with her daughters welfare (letting her go with dad without any guilt) than with her own personal agenda. Again, I don't know any of the parties involved, but my opinion only. I personally would hope the mother would see this, give her daughter her week at camp and the following week with dad. You all could push back your cruise one week and family trip o.k.

 

Unfortunately, pushing back the cruise is a no-go. As I stated before DH was given the option of 2 specific weeks for summer vacation. BM already had a vacation planned for the one week, so we scheduled our cruise for the other. It's that specific week only, and I'm not cancelling!

[lisaluvscruising2004]

Sorry, I thought you meant you had the option of two weeks. My bad. Truly sorry for the situation though. Hope it works out.

[Decali]

Sweetpea : I feel for you guys! I do look forward to seeing you all (just over 100 days now!)

 

Very tough spot... On our March 2003 Glory cruise our, then 16 yo, son informed us that he DID NOT WANT TO GO... this was at the moment we were ready to pull out of the driveway - car packed.... we called grandpa, who stayed with him for the week... We did NOT want to force him to go.. we all would have regreted it! (The amazing thing is that CCL refunded his full fare - we did not ask - it magically appeared on our credit card statement a few weeks following the cruise!)

 

Whatever you decide - it will work out...

 

Tom

Say what??? It's easy to see who wears the jockey shorts in that family but I do agree that whatever you decide, it will all work out.

 

It's sometimes hard to see the world through the eyes of a child but I'm sure you probably know what she wants to do.

 

There are a lot more cruises left in this world and this just may give you an opportunity (excuse)to book another. I think they call that a win/win.

[halos]

This is just my assumption, but did it ever occur to anyone that the mother may be manipulating her with guilt (you get to go on a vacation, I don't...I paid for your cheer camp and now you will be wasting the money, etc...) and then the daughter doesn't want to go because she feels like she will be hurting the mom???

 

I hope this is a totally wrong assumption, but I have seen things like this happen before.

 

I may be wrong (and Sweetpea can correct me if I am) but it doesn't sound like manipulation going on here...all parties seem mature and out for the best interest of the kids....even with no manipulation, this is a HUGELY difficult decision for a kid to make, but in the long run, it's best if she make it.

[BarbaraSails]

I'm a mother and stepmother. My biological daughter is 12. At age 9, I would have allowed her to make the choice.

 

Your SD is probably going to have doubts either way, but it's something she has to live with. Tough at nine years old, I know. But that's life. I don't mean to sound insensitive.

[Girlsnightout]

That is too bad, but not worth getting sick over! The way I see it, this girl has 2 very nice choices, it's her decision. Don't feel guilty or change your plans, it's very difficult to do when cruising with a large group.

 

If you let her decide, then she will be responsible for that decision. I know my kids love cruises and would never pick camp over one, but then again they aren't cheerleaders, just ballplayers.

 

Last summer my oldest missed the first week of football practice to go with the extended family to the outer banks, and he'll do it again this year. The coach was fine with it and he wasn't the only one.

[Landlubber54]

...how was the issue raised? Who called whom, and how did the initial conversation go? Did the DX lay down the law, or did she present it as a "possible problem"?

And leaving it up to the 9 yo just sets her up for manipulation from both sides. She's nine, for crying out loud. I think her parents have to get together, without her, and work something out with the cheer camp. If, at 9, she's THAT good, the camp should be willing to accommodate a UNITED family.

That said, I am glad I don't have to deal with the situation personally.:(

[kdickers]

I too am a mother and step-mother but this situation kinda came up with my DD last year. Fortunately it wasn't that she was going to miss camp but . . . the entire week before a national competition (my DD's in Middle school and this was the school squad).

 

The kids and parents all voted at the beginning of the year to attend a competition in March (I think it was) in Myrtle Beach well . . . there were some "scheduling" problems with a couple of the parents that also had kids on the High school squad so . . . the coaches rescheduled the competition to the beginning of Jan (they did this in Nov right before Thanksgiving). And needless to say . . . the entire 2 wks before a competition is MANDATORY too.

 

Well . . . firstly let me say . . . my oldest step-daughter has coached the HS squad for MANY YEARS and took a break last year and didn't coach but she's now back so, I understand things from a coaches perspective. But . . . my family lives at the other end of the state and we don't get to see each other very often unlike most ppl in eastern KY where they all live within miles or ft of each other, well . . . my family had arranged and reserved accommodations for the week between Xmas and New Years to all get together.

 

I just told the coaches that my DD would not be there . . . family comes first. They sure didn't like it but . . . what could they really do . . . my DD is one of the 2 top flyers and tumbles quite well too so . . . they got over it. I told them that we had made these arrangements based upon the agreed competition dates and that we (as a family) couldn't help that they (the coaches) changed the dates with just 6 weeks notice.

 

A couple of the other kids tried to give my DD a hard time about "letting the squad down" but I just told her that FAMILY IS FIRST . . . especially through the holidays!!!! Needless to say . . . they ALL got over it . . . the squad went to the competition (we ended up coming home 1 day early to "accommodate" everyone as much as possible) and did GREAT . . . came home with their trophy and everything!!

 

Talk to the coaches . . . they're human . . . I PROMISE!!!!!!!!