I am just sick about this....

[01Sweetpea]

I have no idea what my DH is going to do. We are taking our first "family" cruise on the 7/3 Miracle. Our family is a mix of his and her kids, so it took ALOT of changes, schedule rearranges, flexability, etc for my DHs daughter to be able to cruise with us. We just found out this mornng, that his daughter has MANDATORY cheer camp the exact week we are booked for this cruise.

 

The plane tickets are already paid for, DH & I have already requested the time off we need, this is not good. I know everyone's easy answer will be either:

 

1. change the dates of the cruise - not possible, DH only got 2 specific weeks of vacation for this summer, we scheduled the cruise for one and his ex is taking the kids away on the other

 

2. Don't send her to camp - this would be DHs choice, however it WILL be a battle with his ex for her to miss this camp. His daughter is VERY into cheering, it's competitive cheering, not school sponsored, so I'm not sure she's going to want to miss it.

 

I can't believe this!

[S.S. Cruisers]

Sweatpea: How old is the daughter? You might let her decide, and then as for the ex? Good luck. We had one of those (ex) for years, it was a fun roller coaster! :( As to your original question, looks like the daughter may not get to go on this one. Which is also not a good solution. I know how expensive summer cruises are. I hope you get it worked out. Let us know.

[Chucksta63]

Let her make the decision. Time to be grown up and this is some of the choices you have to make in life. Cheer Camp or Cruise. Her decision she gets to live with it. Her decision should not effect your cruise. These Cruises are not cheep with all the air fair and hotels etc... I would not change my plans after paying for all of it. Bottom Line Bummer. I fight the same thing with hockey camp and my son. He is cruising this year! :) Good luck it is not easy but stand ferm this is your vacation too! :)

[LadySpoilt]

I can feel for you. The almost exact thing happened to us several years ago, but fortunately we were able to change dates, but had to change from Carnival to RCL. We have sons, but family going with us had a daughter in competive cheering, and MANDATORY meant MANDATORY. Either you attended the camp, or you were off the competive squad.

Good luck...this is tough one!!

Sandra

[cruisinonmymind]

I will probably get bashed for this answer, but my Dh also has an ex and 2 kids with her so I have been in your shoes.I would go on and go without her if need be. I understand that it was supposed to be a family vacation, but if you cancel or try to reschedule, you are disappointing more than 1 person. If she can't get out of going to camp, maybe she can go next summer on a cruise. It definitly would not be fair to the rest of the family to accomodate one child. We have had to have our kids decide between sports and family events. My stepdaughter plays softball (3 leagues) and basketball and my stepson runs track and plays football, as well as having a 6yr old who plays soccer, football and tee ball and a 3 yr old toddler. it is very difficult to schedule any time off but once it is scheduled, it is too much trouble to change.

 

For our anniversary Dh and I have planned a cruise, but will have to miss my stepson's football game and son's football games. But due to other reasons and commitments this is the only time to go.

 

Besides, if your DH daughter is really into cheerleading and that is where she wants to spend her week, let her. Years ago, my stepdaughter lived with her mom and did not want to go with us, she wanted to stay with relatives when we went on our family cruise, and she made the week miserable. That child was complaining from the time we left for the airport until we got home. :mad: For the money and time that goes into a vacation, I would not cancel.

 

But that is just my opinion so guys don't be so hard on me.

[kujobie]

I would let the girl decide. If she chooses not to go, you will probably have to eat the cost of the plane tickets but you are still far enough out to get a full refund on the cruise. You will have to decide soon, though.

[I Live 4 Cruises]

I think you all should go and if she wants to stay she can stay and if she wants to go with you all let her. Don't let her decision ruin your trip though. :)

[01Sweetpea]

Thanks everyone....My step-daughter is 9, and she WAS really looking forward to the cruise.

 

We've already been down the "yes I'm going on vacation with you, but now I change my mind" road. Last year, when the girls were cheering at Nationals at Disney, DH & I decided to make it a long vacation (9 days) with all 4 kids. DH's oldest daughter asked not to go (fine, at 14 she can be miserable when she doesn't get her way) but the 9yo couldn't wait to go. About 3 months before the trip, she started hesitating about coming, until finally the ex called and said she wasn't coming. No discussion, she just wasn't coming. DH was crushed, but we went anyway, had a great time, and watched the girls cheer. In the end SD realized she would have had a much better time is she stayed with us.

 

DH will have to talk to SD this weekend, and have her make a decision. We can't wait for the next few months to pass us by. Final payment is due in 4 weeks, and if we need to change cabins (we currently have 2, but would only need one) I want to make that decision now!

 

UGH!

[Gingee]

My daughter is on a cheerleading competition team. Fortunately I think our coaches would be sympathetic. Have they tried talking to the coaches and telling them this was already planned? If they aren't sympathetic, maybe she could stay with another cheerleading friend while you are gone?

[01Sweetpea]

The problem isn't finding her a place to stay, she lives with her mom, the problem is that we have the cruise booked, she was really looking forward to going, and now that camp has come up, I'm sure she'll back out.

 

Her mom and her sister are going to push her to attend camp (this has happened in the past), and this 9yo is going to be caught in the middle. My DH is going to be crushed if she chooses camp over vacation.

 

DH could "force" her to go (there is a court order in place about vacations), but who wants to do that? The last thing I want is a miserable 9yo on vacation with us after we spent thousands of dollars to go.

[Randy & Carmen]

My thoughts is she's 9.....let her cheer.......she can always cruise but not always cheer on a team.

[Tom-n-Cheryl]

Sweetpea : I feel for you guys! I do look forward to seeing you all (just over 100 days now!)

 

Very tough spot... On our March 2003 Glory cruise our, then 16 yo, son informed us that he DID NOT WANT TO GO... this was at the moment we were ready to pull out of the driveway - car packed.... we called grandpa, who stayed with him for the week... We did NOT want to force him to go.. we all would have regreted it! (The amazing thing is that CCL refunded his full fare - we did not ask - it magically appeared on our credit card statement a few weeks following the cruise!)

 

Whatever you decide - it will work out...

 

Tom

[TonyCruise]

No offense to anyone involved with organized sports, etc., but isn't it sad that a 9 year old has to be forced to make a decision like this? Choose between a MANDATORY camp and a family vacation otherwise she cannot be part of the team? This is indicative of the overall trend of youth sports becoming much too competitive and serious at such a young age.

 

Sorry - the soap box is now stored safely back in the basement. :o

[BlueHerons]

I know this doesn't help you know but facing a similar situation, this is what I did.

 

I booked my husband's 50th Birthday cruise 13 months ahead of time and made sure the kids and the ex knew the dates. I have periodically reminded my stepchildren to update passports (24, 22, & 17 years old) and reminded them of the dates.

 

I even called my 17 year olds high school to find out the last dates of school including snow days for worst case scenario.

 

My 22 year old is finishing college and the 24 year old has already graduated from college and is a professional.

 

My 22 year old called me a month ago to tell me there may be a problem with her work (Nordstroms).

 

I let her know the plans had been made, we have 35 people going on the cruise and she needed to decide which was most important and re-adjust her schedule accordingly. The work thing wasn't mandatory and could be rescheduled with a little effort on her part.

 

I would have hubby put his foot down and nix cheerleading camp. Go behind the scenes maybe and talk with her coach and find out exactly how 'mandatory' camp is.

 

20 years from now your stepdaughter will regret not going on this family cruise with her daddy. She will not regret not going to cheerleading camp.

[BlueHerons]

Randy, most respectfully as someone who lost her father at a young age, you can't make up daddy time.

[wtevrfltsurbt]

Being that you have busted your behinds to make this cruise happen I can suggest only one solution. Put the question directly to the daugter, "what would you rather do, cruise or cheer camp?" and live with the answer.

Good Luck!

 

 

 

I have no idea what my DH is going to do. We are taking our first "family" cruise on the 7/3 Miracle. Our family is a mix of his and her kids, so it took ALOT of changes, schedule rearranges, flexability, etc for my DHs daughter to be able to cruise with us. We just found out this mornng, that his daughter has MANDATORY cheer camp the exact week we are booked for this cruise.

 

The plane tickets are already paid for, DH & I have already requested the time off we need, this is not good. I know everyone's easy answer will be either:

 

1. change the dates of the cruise - not possible, DH only got 2 specific weeks of vacation for this summer, we scheduled the cruise for one and his ex is taking the kids away on the other

 

2. Don't send her to camp - this would be DHs choice, however it WILL be a battle with his ex for her to miss this camp. His daughter is VERY into cheering, it's competitive cheering, not school sponsored, so I'm not sure she's going to want to miss it.

 

I can't believe this!

[bsdmhutch]

No offense to anyone involved with organized sports, etc., but isn't it sad that a 9 year old has to be forced to make a decision like this? Choose between a MANDATORY camp and a family vacation otherwise she cannot be part of the team? This is indicative of the overall trend of youth sports becoming much too competitive and serious at such a young age.

 

Sorry - the soap box is now stored safely back in the basement. :o

 

I'm with you there. I've read this thread a couple of times and although my children aren't involved in anything (yet) that would call for a mandatory attendance, I am wondering something.....

 

Why would an organization make a *mandatory* camp the week of a NATIONAL HOLIDAY that many people take as a vacation week?:eek: Perhaps to *test* the committment of the team members (and parents). I just don't get it.

 

I'm sorry that she is going to be forced to have to make a decision, but I would be irate at the organizers at picking a week that so many people travel anyway.

 

Okay....I'm off my soapbox now too. I just had to let that one out:D .

[serene56]

. Put the question directly to the daugter, "what would you rather do, cruise or cheer camp?" and live with the answer.

Good Luck!

 

 

My opinion- will a 9 year old be able to distinguish the importance this is to her dad? I doubt it-- her cheerleading to her is more important. a 9 year old has no idea of time. Mortailty--her dad will be around forever.

 

I agree with others that state ask the coach how important this week is. and make the decision based on his/her response.

[01Sweetpea]

My opinion- will a 9 year old be able to distinguish the importance this is to her dad? I doubt it-- her cheerleading to her is more important. a 9 year old has no idea of time. Mortailty--her dad will be around forever.

 

Serene has hit the nail on the head on this one. DH is VERY supportive of his daughters cheerleading. He voluntarily gives up part of his parenting time on his weekends so that they can do this. During competition season, he can go weeks without seeing them, they attend MANY out of state and we just can't afford to go to all of them. For my SD (and her mother) this is her WORLD.

 

Unfortunately, DH comes second to cheerleading. :(

 

Usually camp is one of the last 2 weeks of August, however, they got invited to a "better" camp (2 of the gym's teams took National titles this year) so they are going.

[Randy & Carmen]

 

20 years from now your stepdaughter will regret not going on this family cruise with her daddy. She will not regret not going to cheerleading camp.

 

As someone that had an ex with our daughter in cheerleading camps and grew up with 3 sisters that cheered.....I would say quite the opposite.

 

 

Randy, most respectfully as someone who lost her father at a young age, you can't make up daddy time.

 

As someone that DID in fact miss time with my daughter due to cheering camps and other functions...and had sisters that missed time with my late father due to the same....I'd totally disagree....I think fathers letting their daughters enjoy growing up and doing all the things little girls do makes them heros in their daughters eyes.

 

I wish the best for the OP's situation as I've dealt with it many, many years.

[suseg]

Thanks everyone....My step-daughter is 9, and she WAS really looking forward to the cruise.

 

We've already been down the "yes I'm going on vacation with you, but now I change my mind" road. Last year, when the girls were cheering at Nationals at Disney, DH & I decided to make it a long vacation (9 days) with all 4 kids. DH's oldest daughter asked not to go (fine, at 14 she can be miserable when she doesn't get her way) but the 9yo couldn't wait to go. About 3 months before the trip, she started hesitating about coming, until finally the ex called and said she wasn't coming. No discussion, she just wasn't coming. DH was crushed, but we went anyway, had a great time, and watched the girls cheer. In the end SD realized she would have had a much better time is she stayed with us.

 

DH will have to talk to SD this weekend, and have her make a decision. We can't wait for the next few months to pass us by. Final payment is due in 4 weeks, and if we need to change cabins (we currently have 2, but would only need one) I want to make that decision now!

 

UGH!

 

We have raised five children, between us, is there no other cheer camp? I know that we went through various themed camps, on several occassions...it may be a different camp but it would still be a cheer camp. There must be hundreds. Why not do some research and present her with several options.

 

One daughter was a nationally ranked swimmer and she went to three different swim camps one summer...both of our boys were debaters and the both did different camps...so why not look into that option?

 

We're a blended family also, fortunately for us...unfortunately for the kids, hubby's children had little to nothing to do with their "mother" after she left so while we had many issues at least I didn't have to deal with her interference. Good luck, my dear.

[halos]

I agree with the posters who say to leave it up to her. Let her make the decision and battle it out with her own mother. Your plans are made and can't be changed. I know this is devastating...but if you leave it up to her, you have no reason to feel any guilt. More than likely, she will choose the camp. That is what is important to a child. If this is important to her then you must respect that and just take the cruise without her. Promise yourselves AND her that next time you plan a vacation, you will all be together and have a great time.

[halos]

As someone that had an ex with our daughter in cheerleading camps and grew up with 3 sisters that cheered.....I would say quite the opposite.

 

 

 

As someone that DID in fact miss time with my daughter due to cheering camps and other functions...and had sisters that missed time with my late father due to the same....I'd totally disagree....I think fathers letting their daughters enjoy growing up and doing all the things little girls do makes them heros in their daughters eyes.

 

I wish the best for the OP's situation as I've dealt with it many, many years.

 

 

Randy, I couldn't agree more.

 

These things are important to a child and to trivialize things that ARE important to a child, isn't healthy for them. Allowing her to make her own decison is really good parenting. It lets her know that you respect her decision because YOU understand the importance of cheering to her.

Her Dad can make up that lost week by spending extra time with her when he gets back from the cruise...going and watching her cheer would be a great way to show his love for her...seeing her do what she loves to do, and showing support will create quite a bond....she won't EVER forget that.

The decision for her will be difficult, but it will be a learning experience...the first of many tough decisions she'll have to make in her life.

Whatever your decision, I wish you luck!

[01Sweetpea]

The camp is for her whole team. The gym she cheers at has 7 different teams so they will ALL be going. As will her older sister.

 

So she has to choose between a vacation with her dad or a week with all her friends at cheer camp.

 

There is no easy answer here.

[L2J]

I think fathers letting their daughters enjoy growing up and doing all the things little girls do makes them heros in their daughters eyes.

 

 

Bingo! Well said!

 

I don't know how many times I've had a visit planned and "something" has "come up". DH is just going to have to suck it up and let her make the decision...my bet is that she'll choose camp.