Jump to content

Obnoxious Table Mates???


Recommended Posts

Bethwte,

 

You were far more gracious than I would have been. I'm sure I would have at least doused him with a drink before leaving the table. What a pig.

 

Anne

 

Beth, your father was alot more gracious then I would have been...if I were in your dad's shoes I probably would have belted the SOB if he acted like that with my daughter.

 

Mike

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well, we’ve always had good dinner tablemates, but there was this one bad lunch experience. On our last cruise (a few weeks ago, in February), my mother was off at the pool with my little sister, and so my father and I went to lunch together in the dining room. I’m 18 and he is 50. We were seated with a bunch of lovely couples, and one "gentleman" who was by himself. At first the man kept staring at us, and then would wink at my father and kept asking what he did for a living (engineering). I’m fairly shy sometimes, so I kept fairly quiet as the rest of the table held conversations. About the time out main courses were out, he said in a slightly hushed tone, "engineering must be quite the well paying job to have such a pretty young girlfriend" and kept going throwing words like trophy. He also alluded to the fact that since I had been quiet, I must be one of those girls who was a real looker, but didn’t have too much upstairs. When my father said I was not his girlfriend, he flat out asked if I would "escort" him that evening to dinner, and come back to his room later. The entire table had by now begun to watch this unfold with astonished looks on their faces. Appalled, I stood up and walked out (apologizing to the waiter for not finishing my meal, and assuring him it was not his fault). My father followed after telling the man I was his daughter, and should he catch the man speaking to me, or any girl like that again, he had better know how to swim, and well…

 

Thinking back, I still feel fairly insulted, LOL. Thankfully he was only 1 out of probably 100s of tablemates we've had.

 

I just wanted to comment on how articulate your posts are. You have a great gift for writing. I hope you pursue it!

 

My terrible tablemate story was on an NCL cruise 6 years ago. We actually had a very fun group except for one couple. They sat with us for 2 evenings. The husband tried to act the part of the upper crust intellectual but it was painfully obvious that he wasn't. We all nicknamed him "Frazier". He would not speak to us around the ship and even during dinner, he was very curt. He did talk to one young couple who ordered a cheese tray for dessert. He felt the need to comment on how "European" it was and how the man had "fine taste." (meanwhile Frasier is drinking cheap red wine- acting like he was a sommelier- droning on about it to no one in particular) On the 3rd night, he and his wife moved to a table for 2. When we saw him after that we realized he was 1/2 in the wrapper every night after dinner. He would sit in the public areas with his wife, she would strike up a conversation with us while he sat, his eyes fluttering open and closed, muttering to himself in a wine induced fog. We felt bad for his wife and went out of our way to acknowledge her for the rest of the cruise.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I agree that one should not assume what a relationship is between 2 people.

 

So, if you are in a relationship that is "not the norm", do you try and tell people discretly in conversation to save yourself the questions?

 

i.e. you refer to your much younger spouse as you spouse early in normal conversation so they stop wondering if they are your child

 

Since I usually travel alone with my 7yo DS, I am not in quite the same situation, but we have been asked questions by dining room staff based on their assumptions concerning my wife who is deceased. Things like "Is your mom still in the cabin getting dressed?" I can also see the questions in the faces of my dinner companions when we first meet, so I always try to refer to my late wife quickly which seems to take the curiosity out of them.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My soon to be DH is 18 years my senior and we have found ourselves in awkward predicaments.. We never let it bother us, and I take advantage of his age when I want to embarrass him in a fun loving way, ...nothing makes him blush more than when we're in public and I refer to him as Dad, ...I'll threaten him with every once in awhile too. Yes, I might sound immature, but we're pretty laid back people. :D

 

The downside to cruising with the age gap is finding the right tablemates. We have been lucky on Carnival where we were actually sat with tablemates who were dating with ages that range from a small to large gap, and it was a lot of fun the rest of the cruise comparing notes.

 

On my last cruise on RCCL just a week ago, my best friend and I went for a mommy's spring break, and we were sat with a young newlywed couple from Mexicali, Mexico who spoke very little to no english, ..it was a short cruise and although they were nice enough, ..we decided to let them have the table and we buffeted it, ...and still had a great time nonetheless.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The last two cruises my boyfriend and I have taken we have been unlucky with tablemates. While I can certainly understand that it is impossible to match people up for dinner tables, I feel that we lost out on meeting new people.

 

The last cruise on the nos we were at a table for 8. There was a nice couple from england (the husband was very friendly but the wife didn't like that). Another couple who complained about everything and spoke about politics and school systems, etc. And another couple who were newly engaged and were so uncomfortable, didn't show up two nights.

 

My thinking on vacation is fun, fun and more fun. I want to laugh not worry and talk about serious stuff.

 

I was seriously thinking about a table for two this time on aos.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I agree that one should not assume what a relationship is between 2 people.

 

So, if you are in a relationship that is "not the norm", do you try and tell people discretly in conversation to save yourself the questions?

 

i.e. you refer to your much younger spouse as you spouse early in normal conversation so they stop wondering if they are your child

 

Since I usually travel alone with my 7yo DS, I am not in quite the same situation, but we have been asked questions by dining room staff based on their assumptions concerning my wife who is deceased. Things like "Is your mom still in the cabin getting dressed?" I can also see the questions in the faces of my dinner companions when we first meet, so I always try to refer to my late wife quickly which seems to take the curiosity out of them.

 

When you are in a different type of relationship, the polite thing is to do exactly what you do which is add something to the conversation early to answer an unspoken question without someone having to dance around an issue. The best thing is to keep it short and unobtrusive like you did. I think your early quick comment about "my late wife" is perfect and addresses that problem. In my case, since we are an interracial couple, I make it a point to introduce myself and my wife with both of our names. This tends to get that issue out of the way and then most people don't think twice about it after that and we become just another "nice couple they met on the cruise" like everyone else.

 

And kudos to you for being courteous enough to anticipate in a very unobtrusive way, your dinner/cruise companions problem and answering it early and easily.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Not sure what "not the norm" is, however, I never use titles for anyone, not even DH. I simply introduce him by his first name. First of all, it's no one's business and if they really need to know and they don't ask, then I suppose they can just continue to assume.

 

If you meet 2 females or 2 males who are travelling together, do you ask if they are gay or straight or brothers or sisters or friends. No. Besides, what difference does it make?

 

Now, if I was at a table with a spousal abuser, I would leave the table immediately.

 

Sounds like some of the crew members need major diversity training.

If the diningroom staff ever asked my child where her mother was, I'd have the restaurant manager at my table in a NY second. :eek:

 

As far as the table companions, they could "guess" until the cruise was over and I wouldn't care whatsoever. Suppose you had never married? Suppose your wife/significant other just decided not to cruise? Suppose the child was a relative or the child of a friend? Suppose you daughter was adopted? Would you find the need to explain? I certainly wouldn't.

 

I have never felt as though I need to justify anything to strangers on a cruise ship or anywhere else. Let them guess, if they must. If they don't have the nerve to ask, then, so be it. Let them whisper among themselves and have a ball doing so.

 

So sorry for your loss. You sound like a great dad. ;)

 

I agree that one should not assume what a relationship is between 2 people.

 

So, if you are in a relationship that is "not the norm", do you try and tell people discretly in conversation to save yourself the questions?

 

i.e. you refer to your much younger spouse as you spouse early in normal conversation so they stop wondering if they are your child

 

Since I usually travel alone with my 7yo DS, I am not in quite the same situation, but we have been asked questions by dining room staff based on their assumptions concerning my wife who is deceased. Things like "Is your mom still in the cabin getting dressed?" I can also see the questions in the faces of my dinner companions when we first meet, so I always try to refer to my late wife quickly which seems to take the curiosity out of them.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well, we’ve always had good dinner tablemates, but there was this one bad lunch experience. On our last cruise (a few weeks ago, in February), my mother was off at the pool with my little sister, and so my father and I went to lunch together in the dining room. I’m 18 and he is 50. We were seated with a bunch of lovely couples, and one "gentleman" who was by himself. At first the man kept staring at us, and then would wink at my father and kept asking what he did for a living (engineering). I’m fairly shy sometimes, so I kept fairly quiet as the rest of the table held conversations. About the time out main courses were out, he said in a slightly hushed tone, "engineering must be quite the well paying job to have such a pretty young girlfriend" and kept going throwing words like trophy. He also alluded to the fact that since I had been quiet, I must be one of those girls who was a real looker, but didn’t have too much upstairs. When my father said I was not his girlfriend, he flat out asked if I would "escort" him that evening to dinner, and come back to his room later. The entire table had by now begun to watch this unfold with astonished looks on their faces. Appalled, I stood up and walked out (apologizing to the waiter for not finishing my meal, and assuring him it was not his fault). My father followed after telling the man I was his daughter, and should he catch the man speaking to me, or any girl like that again, he had better know how to swim, and well…

 

Thinking back, I still feel fairly insulted, LOL. Thankfully he was only 1 out of probably 100s of tablemates we've had.

 

 

Your dad is a better man then me.... I'd would have been thrown in the Brig... And he would have been still recovering.....

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Not sure what "not the norm" is, however, I never use titles for anyone, not even DH. I simply introduce him by his first name. First of all, it's no one's business and if they really need to know and they don't ask, then I suppose they can just continue to assume.

 

If you meet 2 females or 2 males who are travelling together, do you ask if they are gay or straight or brothers or sisters or friends. No. Besides, what difference does it make?

 

Now, if I was at a table with a spousal abuser, I would leave the table immediately.

 

Sounds like some of the crew members need major diversity training.

If the diningroom staff ever asked my child where her mother was, I'd have the restaurant manager at my table in a NY second. :eek:

 

As far as the table companions, they could "guess" until the cruise was over and I wouldn't care whatsoever. Suppose you had never married? Suppose your wife/significant other just decided not to cruise? Suppose the child was a relative or the child of a friend? Suppose you daughter was adopted? Would you find the need to explain? I certainly wouldn't.

 

I have never felt as though I need to justify anything to strangers on a cruise ship or anywhere else. Let them guess, if they must. If they don't have the nerve to ask, then, so be it. Let them whisper among themselves and have a ball doing so.

 

So sorry for your loss. You sound like a great dad. ;)

 

Hmmm...I think your perspective seems very Americentric to me. The crew and your fellow pax are from a very diverse world. My last cruise had crew members from about 60+ countries and a manifest from about 30+ countries. We had a huge melting pot of cultures and very different intermingling sets of attitudes, manners, and cultures. I guess I, try to find some sort of comfort zone with the staff and tablemates that I'll be spending a significant amount of time with over the next 6-7 nights. The question about the mother is intended to be polite small talk and not intended to be invasive. If you treat it as such, then IMHO, you get this week-long relationship on tenterhooks. If you don't want to talk about the situation, an answer of "she's not sailing with us." should curtail that line of discussion. I personally think that dad son team handles it well.

 

Many people mean well and when they are trying to cross cultures. Having grown up in a bicultural family, I am used to something being polite in one culture and possibly rude in another. You learn to assume that people are not being "nosy" when they are trying to be "polite" and that seemingly rude comments may not be in the correct context. I try to assume the best (me and my rose colored contacts) and it usually works for me. Obviously YMMV.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Oh, I agree with you totally. Hmmm...Americentric, never had my perspective described as such. I am probably one of the most accepting people you would ever meet. I/we always share great times with strangers and have never encountered anyone we felt was being too nosey. I am also part of a very diverse world. I know how different cultures create different attitudes and I have no problem with anyone from anywhere. I love spending time listening to others' opinions and if we agree to disagree, that's fine. Diversity is what makes the world go round.

 

Perhaps I didn't portray myself correctly. I have no problem telling anyone anything about my life, but, I do have a problem when people assume things about others and base their acceptance of someone on their assumed beliefs.

 

I did overlook the fact that the staff person was most likely from another country and was probably just being polite. I do, however, still think the question is inappropriate. I would think if the staff person was waiting on a table of women and children , he/she wouldn't ask where the husbands were or where the wives were to a table of men with children.

 

I applaud you for introducing your wife as you do. It's wonderful to be proud of the choices we make. However, if I met you on a cruise ship, I wouldn't expect you to tell me you were married. It would make absolutely no difference to DH or me.

 

We've made friends on every cruise and every vacation we've ever taken. I would just love to see the day when people accept people and the choices they make without question. No, I'm by no means perfect, but I try to be as open minded as I can possibly be.

 

Thanks, Marylander. ;) (not familiar with YMMV:confused:)

 

Hmmm...I think your perspective seems very Americentric to me. The crew and your fellow pax are from a very diverse world. My last cruise had crew members from about 60+ countries and a manifest from about 30+ countries. We had a huge melting pot of cultures and very different intermingling sets of attitudes, manners, and cultures. I guess I, try to find some sort of comfort zone with the staff and tablemates that I'll be spending a significant amount of time with over the next 6-7 nights. The question about the mother is intended to be polite small talk and not intended to be invasive. If you treat it as such, then IMHO, you get this week-long relationship on tenterhooks. If you don't want to talk about the situation, an answer of "she's not sailing with us." should curtail that line of discussion. I personally think that dad son team handles it well.

 

Many people mean well and when they are trying to cross cultures. Having grown up in a bicultural family, I am used to something being polite in one culture and possibly rude in another. You learn to assume that people are not being "nosy" when they are trying to be "polite" and that seemingly rude comments may not be in the correct context. I try to assume the best (me and my rose colored contacts) and it usually works for me. Obviously YMMV.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

One of the couples at our table on a recent cruise seemed like your typical couple. They referred to many previous happy cruise experiences, they acted affectionate towards one another, etc. It took a LONG time into the conversation before she finally said, in response to someone else's conversation, that they were brother and sister, not husband and wife. No one had said anything that would have embarrassed either themselves or that couple, nor was anyone uncomfortable one way or the other, but it was the sort of information that WOULD have put everyone much more at ease if she had worked it subtly into the conversation at the very beginning. (everyone started looking at each other, straining to remember if we HAD said anything inappropriate)

 

Madelinerose, it's just good manners to want to put others at their social ease.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My thinking on vacation is fun, fun and more fun. I want to laugh not worry and talk about serious stuff.

.

 

I know exactly what you mean! I was on a cruise once and the people were so rude! They talked about politics, religion, human behavior, psychology, art, literature, current events, travel, and lots of other stupid stuff like that. I showed them, though. I just yawned in their faces, put my head down on the table and told them to wake me up when they were through talking about stupid stuff.

 

Allen

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Oh, I agree with you totally. Hmmm...Americentric, never had my perspective described as such. I am probably one of the most accepting people you would ever meet. I/we always share great times with strangers and have never encountered anyone we felt was being too nosey. I am also part of a very diverse world. I know how different cultures create different attitudes and I have no problem with anyone from anywhere. I love spending time listening to others' opinions and if we agree to disagree, that's fine. Diversity is what makes the world go round.

 

Perhaps I didn't portray myself correctly. I have no problem telling anyone anything about my life, but, I do have a problem when people assume things about others and base their acceptance of someone on their assumed beliefs.

 

I did overlook the fact that the staff person was most likely from another country and was probably just being polite. I do, however, still think the question is inappropriate. I would think if the staff person was waiting on a table of women and children , he/she wouldn't ask where the husbands were or where the wives were to a table of men with children.

 

I applaud you for introducing your wife as you do. It's wonderful to be proud of the choices we make. However, if I met you on a cruise ship, I wouldn't expect you to tell me you were married. It would make absolutely no difference to DH or me.

 

We've made friends on every cruise and every vacation we've ever taken. I would just love to see the day when people accept people and the choices they make without question. No, I'm by no means perfect, but I try to be as open minded as I can possibly be.

 

Thanks, Marylander. ;) (not familiar with YMMV:confused:)

 

YMMV is "Your Mileage May Vary"...sorry...netspeak...

 

I didn't mean to imply that I felt you were rude...just that your style seems to be based on American standards where we are very accepting and don't inquire unless info is offered. In foreign cultures, it is very common to make certain common assumptions and it is a courtesy that if you don't fit those norms to let the others know so they have the appropriate standard of reference in discussing things. For example, it is not unusual to assume that familiar couple that shows obvious connection is a couple. If you are not, then you can introduce yourselves as "Jane and my boyfriend, John" so they don't end up asking "where is your husband tonight?" It's just a different style of conversation. It's funny, I think of the way similar conversations go when I converse in Chinese with family and friends and when I converse in English and there are whole different standards and assumptions that are made culturally. I just find that when you can ease something unobtrusively into the conversation to give frame of reference, it helps those from different cultures assimilate things easier (especially when you or they are conversing in someone's second or third language).

 

My comment was about your reference to calling the head waiter over an incident where your waiter made a reference to a missing parent. Rather than calling the head waiter, informing the table waiter that "her mother is not travelling with us" would have been sufficient and then no one need refer to the mother unless the dad wanted to.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I have read all these posts and am just very glad I don't recognise myself !!!:eek:

We have always been fortunate and have enjoyed the company of our tablemates on all our cruises. We had one instant when an older couple "disappeared" after the first night but all others remained. We never found out why, but did all ask ourselves " was it us?, did we say something to offend ? " We get on with all ages,sexes, races etc. but I do realise that in new situations I do tend to talk too much.!!! may be that was it . I am working on it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

On my last cruise, we ended up at a 10 person table, 8 sitting there including us. One couple were mutes, they barely said anything at all, and when they did you couldnt hear them, like the Seinfeld low talker. One couple was in their early 20's, one was a couple in their 40-'s-50's. These couples, all they did was talk about were drinking stories. How drunk they had been, planned on getting, and the like. Everytime the waiter came over, they would start clapping and carrying on. They were talking about sex, size, frequency, you name it. Telling off color jokes about Mexicans (my gf is Mexican) We begged for a two person table, and finalyy got one. The mute couple never returned!!! We caught dirty looks from them all all week

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Wow - I feel lucky that in 7 cruises we have never had bad tablemates. Well one time, but I can't discuss it big details since we met them here. Suffice to say, there was alcohol involved and most nights someone left the table mad or drunk or both. (shudder)

 

As for assumptions it can be funny. I'm 5 years younger than Mr Wolf but apparently either I look younger or he looks older (don't tell him I said that) but once our tablemates were a little cool towards me until they figured out that I was not a trophy wife and that I was indeed old enough to remember the 70s (ok, I remember most of the 60s too but I'm not admitting to that!) Then I found out one of them was younger than me. Just goes to show....

 

We always get a large table. I love Mr Wolf but I can eat alone with him 51 weeks out of the year - we enjoy the socializing at dinner. But as I said, we must have been fortunate.

 

Dani - you are a bad girl but Mr Wolf would certainly enjoy it and I would get quite a few laughs out of it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Good to know I'm not alone with the bad tablemates thing. And thank you so much for the wondeful compliment soxfan05. I'm afraid my writing may not come in too handy as a business major, but you never know. :)

 

Oh, I showed my father all of your responses to my post, and he thought it was quite amusing. He said to pass on that yes, it took a GREAT deal of restraint not to deck the man, but he'd rather be able to laugh about the man's ignorance now than have gotten in a lot of trouble with the cruise line and god knows who else (with everyone being so lawsuit crazy nowadays, it would figure the man would sue my father if he'd hit him). I did see some women from the table later on in the week who informed me their husbands were not quite as polite as my father had been about the situation. I love the commraderie of cruising, where else would people stick up for you, and continue to try to comfort you throughout the cruise?

 

Thank goodness we don't let stuff like this turn us off from crusing right? :D

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I know exactly what you mean! I was on a cruise once and the people were so rude! They talked about politics' date=' religion, human behavior, psychology, art, literature, current events, travel, and lots of other stupid stuff like that. I showed them, though. I just yawned in their faces, put my head down on the table and told them to wake me up when they were through talking about stupid stuff.

 

Allen[/quote']

 

Bethwte - I love your attitude.

 

Allen - IMHO, talk of politics and religion IS rude at dinner (with strangers on vacation) - the other topics are fair game. Am I misunderstanding your sarcasm??

Link to comment
Share on other sites

We had an old English guy at our table one night. It was Princess cruises, and we had anytime dining, so we didn't have to eat with him twice, thank god.

 

Anyhow ... I am fluffy. Or as I like to say ... "just plain 'ole fat! This one dorkwad at the table with us listened to me order my dinner. I ordered an entree, a salad, and three appetizers. I ordered 3 because I'm picky, and don't always like everything, but try new stuff all the time. I knew I would like 1 of them, but the other two were iffy's.

 

King dorkwad then began to lay into me about how I'm fat because I ordered 3 appetizers. I ignored him, just another person who was "temporarily out of service". Naren wanted to shout at him, but I felt no one would understand him, so I told him not to say anything. Another lady at the table did speak up. She said that she'd rather eat with fat people than rude people.

 

... he never said anything derogatory again to me that night.

 

With regard to odd tablemates, one sailing, my mom and I were seated with 3 people across from us. It was a guy with two women. He introduced himself as the husband, and to his right was his wife, and to his left was his girlfriend. :eek:

 

He wasn’t kidding either!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My DW is 12 years my senior, so I always let her pay at resturants, some clothing stores, etc. Heck 10% is 10% lol

 

But I have been asked in the ER if I had permision to sign for my mother... DW took it ok but I went off.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Good to know I'm not alone with the bad tablemates thing. And thank you so much for the wondeful compliment soxfan05. I'm afraid my writing may not come in too handy as a business major, but you never know. :)

 

Oh, no, Beth, you are SO wrong. We NEED more people in the business world who can write. The current level of communicative ability there is so low that it terrifies me. Go out there and set a good example!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Our most obnoxious tablemates? On our last Radiance cruise, we were at a table for 6...one of the other couples first names were the same as my ex and my hubby's ex!! Okay, not obnoxious, but really funny! When they introduced themselves, hubby and I looked at each other, then at them, and told them we didn't like them.....and immediately told them why....they thought it was hysterical, and we had a great time with them . . . .

 

Michele

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

  • Forum Jump
    • Categories
      • Welcome to Cruise Critic
      • Hurricane Zone 2024
      • New Cruisers
      • Cruise Lines “A – O”
      • Cruise Lines “P – Z”
      • River Cruising
      • ROLL CALLS
      • Cruise Critic News & Features
      • Digital Photography & Cruise Technology
      • Special Interest Cruising
      • Cruise Discussion Topics
      • UK Cruising
      • Australia & New Zealand Cruisers
      • Canadian Cruisers
      • North American Homeports
      • Ports of Call
      • Cruise Conversations
×
×
  • Create New...

If you are already a Cruise Critic member, please log in with your existing account information or your email address and password.