For those w/ Kids - Would YOU feel guilty?

[Effie]

My husband and I are thinking of taking a quick getaway 3 night cruise to the Bahamas in Aug. withOUT the kids (13 yr old twin daughters and a 5 year old son). We've taken three other cruises. The 1st was for our 10 year wedding anniversary back in Aug. 2001. The next two were in Sept. 2002 (5 nights to Key West/ Cozumel on Fascination) and June 2003 (6 night Bahamas from Norfolk) and we took the kids on both of those. That last one was nearly 2 years ago and we are having withdrawal symptoms! We'd like to just take a quick 3 night cruise for our 14 year anniversary in August but I can't help feeling guilty for leaving the kids behind. We've already rented a cabin in the mountains last month for 5 days for a family vacation and I'm sure we'll go somewhere together again in the fall.

 

Other parents: do you ever take trips (cruises) without the kids or do you always take the kids with you or a combo of both types of vacations?

[GoinCruisin]

This has been posted several times over the years, and the majority of parents have responded that "no" they don't feel guilty. You work hard as parents and deserve some "adult" time and "adult vacation"... The fact that you have waited this long is amazing! LOL!!!!! GO FOR IT!!!! It's only 3 days! Many do this for a week... My sis did her first week away when my nephew was 14 months old, sure it was hard, but her and my BIL really enjoyed it!!!! It has made life easier when they want those quick getaways every so often... They don't want to forget that they are still husband and wife!!!! Just because you are a parent does not mean you and hubby can't have a vacation on your own. I hope you have a fabulous vacation!!! and a very Happy Anniversary!!

[mcgore83]

We take a vacation to the mountains of Asheville, NC, every year without the kids. One long weekend to re-kindle the flames. We discuss our plans for the future, our dreams for our children, our love for each other and our family and friends. We come home refreshed and ready to tackle the challenges of another year. Our kids accept and ever encourage our weekends, saying we come home "chilled out". We also take 2-3 vacations with our kids and family. On these trips we are totally about our kids, their needs and wants take priority. We have yet to cruise with our children, only because I a paranoid about them falling off the ship (I know, don't flame). We definitely plan to cruise with them in the future, in the meantime, they don't appear to be scarred for life because we leave them one in a while. They understand the balance. JMHO.

[hstrybuf]

I don't feel one bit guilty about leaving my kids at home when we cruise. Of course, they aren't small anymore. Parents need some alone time too and a short anniversary cruise sounds perfect.

[OJulie67]

GO!! and go alone!!

 

My Dh and I went on a 7 day land and sea on Disney last year and left the baby with her auntie. We took our 6 year old and had a ball!

Last October DH surprised me with a 3 day for my birthday for the 2 of us...had his sister come out again and watch both girls this time.

We leave on Sunday for our next cruise and we are bringing both the girls this time, but I wish the 22 month old was staying home again! LOL It'll be interesting!

Parents need a break from their kids. Go, have a great time...and don't think twice about it!!;)

[Effie]

So when I tell the twins that we are going to do this and they just look at me without saying a word, maybe they aren't really thinking "You evil, selfish witch!"?? Maybe they're thinking, "How lovely, mom and dad are reconnecting."? LOL

 

Maybe they're thinking, "Thank God, some time away from the parents!" By August they'll be readying themselves for their last year of middle school and probably won't miss us much anyway.

 

Thanks for the responses. In my heart I knew it wasn't a bad idea but sometimes you need to "hear" it from others who've been in your same boat (or ship) so to speak.

 

Going downstairs now to tell my husband I'm packed and ready to go! Now, which cruise do we book?

[jckvpa0]

:eek: , I think your making a big mistake!!! Three days what are you thinking? You need at least seven :D !!! Really the best thing you can do for your kids is have a happy & healthy relationship with your spouse. Just about every year we go away by ourselves. Besides the vacations & maybe more importantly, you have to take the time for yourselves all year long. Once a week or so you need to do something special just for the two of you.

So please try to change that three day into something longer, It can only be a win win situation all around!!! ;)

[swiss]

We try to get away at least once a year by ourselves. Not only does it keep a spark in the marriage, but we think it sets a good example for our children. Your marriage needs to be as much as a priority as your relationship with your kids. Too many people forget that, then end up growing apart and loosing interest in their spouse, too many divorces. Your family life is so much better when parents are excited about each other. We have been married 25 years this month and each year gets better because I think that we have taken the time to invest in each other.

 

Go for the trip, sure you'll feel a little guilt, you feel that because you are a good parent! The kids will have fun having someone else take care of them for a few days.

[gwe21]

No guilt...well maybe a little..... We cruise kid free too. Our son is 4 and that is his special time with Grandma or Nana. Although next year we plan to do a big family cruise and he will go then...only because his grandparents will all be cruising with us, so no babysitters at home.

 

I think that it is nice to have adult time without your children every once in a while. I think it would be different if it were something you did all the time, or never took your children anywhere.

[corina27]

No guilt here either.I have a 3 year old and she will be staying with grandma.

I think that it will give us a week to relax and be a couple.:)

[Cotton]

Effie - GO! Book that cruise! My motto is: "Life is short - Do it NOW!"

 

My children are grown and gone, but I'd would like to give you a tiny bit of advice. We took every vacation with the kids as far back as I can remember. Every theme park and beach resort in the South, as well as land trips in MX and Bahamas....and very seldom even a weekend just for the 'two of us'. The kids always came first, and we all enjoyed our wonderful vacations.

 

In retrospect...I wish my darlin' and I had taken more of those little 3-day-getaways. A few years ago, he passed away suddenly, and I now travel alone. My kids continue to travel, take great vacations, and I'm happy for them. BUT, I think back and wonder why WE didn't get away for US, y'know?

 

So - don't you dare feel guilty! (You just did the mountain trip with the kids.) You and your husband deserve the time together. Live my motto.:)

[my3kids]

Effie

 

Please - please - please - take the time and use it wisely..........GO GO Go NOW!!

 

As all of the above posters have replied........do it!!! And DO NOT think about anyone but yourselves for the time you have carved out as your own.

 

You deserve it - and NEED it!

 

Go and have a wonderful time. We just recenlty went on the Fascination - and LOVED IT........peaceful, beautiful weather and great food.

 

Just my $.02!!

[SanFranBayCruiser]

My brother, sister and I have a rotating schedule and we all take the kids on a special trip every third year - thus giving the other parents time to themselves. In other words, this year is my year, so, while I am taking a normal vacation on the Liberty in July; I will also be taking my 2 nieces and 2 nephews (no kids of my own yet) to Disney, Seaworld and Universal in Florida in June for 10 days. This gives my brother and his wife and my sister and her husband free time to vacation or just be alone together and the kids are never the wiser and we always make sure the kids have a blast! The amazing part is that we pull this off every year in spite of the fact that I am in California, my brother is in NYC and my sister in Chicago! I realize not all families have the financial freedom to do as we do but, you could make arrangements with who ever is watching your kids to make sure they have a special time while your away - maybe a day at theme park or water park or even a picnic. You'll have a much happier family all the way around - so go and enjoy yourself!

[corky14]

we took our first cruise in 2002 on the 5 day holiday without our kids. then took them on 3 cruises. they love them very much but we are going again next week on the holiday again for 5 days without them. they understand that sometimes we have to do things for us. they are not really happy about not getting to go but just told them we will book another one soon and take them again. they have been given the choice before to either go to disney world or to cruise and they have always chosen a cruise. so go and have fun. the kids will be there when you get back and you can always bring them back a present and it always seems to make it up to them..

[JMKO]

Did we feel guilty on the Miracle? Yes-but not all the time. Every year we take the kids on vacation. Last year was Disney and Boston. This year is Lake George NY and Niagra Falls. I feel if we are not using our typical family time or funding to go alone the guilt can't stop me. I spent 7(well 8 but I've already gone there in another thread) alone with the man I married 15 years ago. I discovered he is still the man I love and would do it all overagain. We decided to have four children (11,6,6,6) but, I think the strain of children often clouds why we had them. A week alone brought back every reason clearly and reassured me of where we are going as a family. Plus a little uninterupted sleep is always a good thing.

[tef43]

Other parents: do you ever take trips (cruises) without the kids or do you always take the kids with you or a combo of both types of vacations?

Back in the day when the kids (3 of them) were younger and still living "at home," we *never* felt the slightest pangs of guilt over going on vacation and leaving them with one or the other set of grandparents.

[hill6]

I would definitely go without the kids and not feel guilty for a minute especially if it is for your anniversary. We have been going away without our daughter now and then for a few years. Most years we go away 2x. Once with her and once without her. They need vacations from us as much as we need from them. I am going to assume that they would be with family members and would proabalby have a blast without you and be spoiled rotten while you are gone.

 

 

SanFranBayCruiser I like the rotating vacations. That is great. It will work out great when you have kids and they just join the rotation.

[lrizit]

I have an 8 and a 4 year old. We will be going on our 3rd cruise without them in June. Sure, I feel a little guilty...stress little. Mostly because the 4y.o. is starting to give us crap about leaving. And yes I miss them sometimes. But I really enjoy doing this with my husband. The kids get a little disappointed, but they live. We will start taking them next year....but I still plan on doing some little get-a-ways without them.Have a great time.

[rucruzin]

Effie,

 

we have been on 11 cruises and have only taken two of our kids on one of those cruises. My kids are great kids and I love them but time alone with my husband is my first priority. We had been on several by ourselves before we ever took the kids...we set the tone way early on that this was our time, our special vacation to be together. We did take the kids with us on other trips but not on the cruises...for one we couldn't afford to take them. They would ask, "when do we get to go on a cruise?" My answer was always, "when you have a job and can pay for it yourself. My parents never took me on a cruise."

 

Our family vacations as a kid usually consisted of loading up the dirt bikes, pithcing a tent and cooking over a fire, sometimes the camping was preceeded by a long, high elevation climb up above treeline on some mountain. Carrying a fishing pole and a tackle box, my brothers made me clean all the fish as a reward for letting me go with them. We did go to Disneyland once...when I was 5. Kids have and expect way too much these days, I try to keep it real for them so they have things to look forward to as adults.

 

We did enjoy the time we spent with the kids on the one cruise we took them on and they still talk about how it was their best vacation ever. It was a very special vacation for all of us. But...this last cruise that just the DH and I went on was so romantic and so relaxing...you owe it to yourselves to and to your kids to do things by yourself, fall in love, be romantic, be all alone with the man you fell in love with and remember...

[halos]

Yes...you will feel guilty.

BUT that feeling is wrong.

Listen to the 'guilt queen' :D .......Book it. Feel guilty (and worry like crazy) the whole time you are waiting for the cruise day. Leave the house...by the time you get to the port, the guilt somehow vanishes....why you ask??? Because it was ridiculous!!! :p The feeling is very real, but guilt is never valid.

When you get back from that 3 day cruise, all refreshed and happy, you'll wonder why you were being so silly.

 

But...even though you will wonder why you felt so guilty, for no good reason at all, when the opportunity to cruise alone again comes up, don't be surprised if you don't put yourself through the same torture all over again. :rolleyes: It may take a few times until you learn!!! :p

 

Call me, 'been there, done that'!

[lhall85917]

Our kids are 23 and 19 and last year was our first trip without kids! Looking back, I think it would have been a good thing to go without them once in a while. Once they start leaving home you forget what it was like to be a couple if you haven't been doing that all along. Make any necessary arrangements that you are comfortable leaving, then go and enjoy!

[DreadPirateRobert]

Book it now. I understand the feelings of guilt but take it from a more seasoned parent. You owe it to yourselves to get a way and have some fun ....alone.

We did several trips without kids. They spent true quality time with grandparents and have wonderful memories and experiences. When we got back it turned into a game of "who had more fun"

[BND]

Just remember, long after they're grown and gone you'll still have each other and it will be a lot nicer if you've spent time without them through the years to maintain your marriage. It really doesn't matter what the kids think when you go away without them. They'll survive and actually will learn that when they get married, that it's okay to have adult time away from their own kids. It definitely makes for a healthier marriage in the long run. If you spend all your time with your children, when they leave you'll look at each other and say "now what?" And "who are you again?" My boys are in college now and my DH and I tried to get away once a year for a night or two while they were growing up as well as going on dates almost every week. So, when we had an empty nest this last year with the second leaving for college, it was just a smooth transition. Now, they're coming home in a couple of weeks for the summer to work locally and we're thinking now we have to remember to close doors. LOL We're also taking a cruise after a disney vacation this fall while they're at school.

[DreadPirateRobert]

BND

It sounds like we are in very similar positions. Both ours are in college now and we love our empty nest. It was a little tough when the second one left but we've adjusted. I know they love us but never gave a second thought about leaving. That's the way it should be.

[BND]

Pirate, That's so true. We always felt our job was to raise competent human beings who were ready to go out into the world. And they also didnt' really look back either and that's the way it should be if you've done it right.