Mild Alzheimer's Mom traveling with us

[cheshyrkat]

2Oregonians, you must have been posting at the same time I was! I'll leave mine anyhow. Good luck and God bless!

 

Nobody here is being realistic in my opinion.

 

 

 

Honestly, I can't say whether or not our suggestions are realistic. No matter how much experience we have with these things, the bottom line is that I haven't ever met the OP's mother, so I can't really judge for her what is appropriate.

 

The examples I gave were intended to shed light on some of the possible problems. The info I referenced was intended to help her judge for herself whether or not the trip is even realistic. If she decides the trip isn't realistic, or that she wants to hire someone, I have faith that she'll do what she needs to do. :)

[2Oregonians]

Honestly, I can't say whether or not our suggestions are realistic. No matter how much experience we have with these things, the bottom line is that I haven't ever met the OP's mother, so I can't really judge for her what is appropriate.

 

The examples I gave were intended to shed light on some of the possible problems. The info I referenced was intended to help her judge for herself whether or not the trip is even realistic. If she decides the trip isn't realistic, or that she wants to hire someone, I have faith that she'll do what she needs to do. :)

Thank you. I read the articles you suggested. :)

[lostone65]

I agree with the wrist band idea. It will save your mother's dignity and provide a safety net/reminder for her. You mom is obviously in good hands with you and a you have her best interest at heart. Letting NCL know she will be on board is an excellent idea and so its the roll call/meet and greet. I wish you all a happy cruise!

[triplett]

I haven't read through all of the responses, so forgive me if is a duplicate. We are planning to take my DMIL on a cruise and she has dementia. I have wondered the very same thing. I thought about writing a note.... a large note, and taping it to the door to remind her not to leave the room. That we will be back at X time to get her.

[2Oregonians]

I agree with the wrist band idea. It will save your mother's dignity and provide a safety net/reminder for her. You mom is obviously in good hands with you and a you have her best interest at heart. Letting NCL know she will be on board is an excellent idea and so its the roll call/meet and greet. I wish you all a happy cruise!

 

Unfortunately, I'm the only member of our roll call thus far! Weird... I've been in roll calls before that had way more action 6 months out.

 

I haven't read through all of the responses, so forgive me if is a duplicate. We are planning to take my DMIL on a cruise and she has dementia. I have wondered the very same thing. I thought about writing a note.... a large note, and taping it to the door to remind her not to leave the room. That we will be back at X time to get her.

 

I thought about that too. I think I'll warn the steward that he may see lots of notes everywhere! I leave her notes all the time at the apartment.

[FLAHAM]

I would suggest not leaving your 78 year old mother with significant short-term memory issues alone in your stateroom or anywhere else on the ship.

[conandrob240]

I agree with this. You cannot leave your mother alone at all with her memory issues. The kids club idea was ludacris however, likening the way you have to approach this to looking after a child is appropriate. You would not leave a child alone in the room to go out and you also shouldn't with your mother. Although it sounds from your description like she functions well, the fact that you have to leave lots of notes even in her home and that she already had a difficult transition period to a new home/ surroundings and significant short- term memory loss unfortunately suggests to me that she is not in stage 1 or even 2 of dementia anymore. She should not be left alone. I think if you plan to be with her all the time, this can be a wonderful experience for her but go into it with your eyes wide open, knowing you will not have any free time apart from her and that it may have some challenges.

[HokiePoq]

Holy cow.... you make her sound like some sort of drooling imbecile. Put her in the kids club? Really??? My mother is in the earliest stage of her dementia. As I explained in my original post, she is fine in every way, it's just that she forgets things she was recently told. Such as a room number. She has been on about 24 cruises and remembers them. She CAN function. She knows the difference between a toilet and a sink. She can figure out how to look at a bracelet. And I don't need to hire anyone. I've been taking care of her and know her better than literally ANYONE, including my husband and brothers.

 

Thanks to everyone who had helpful advice. I will definitely talk to the cruiseline and have them note our situation. I'll read some of the articles that someone linked. And I'll use some sort of a wrist band situation to write down our room number. Those were great suggestions! :)

 

Thanks to the people who talked about not feeling comfortable in a new environment. When we moved her to her apartment after Dad died, it did take some getting used to. She is now very comfortable and in a routine. I think the regular routine probably helps a lot. I hadn't thought about that. However, I think this cruise will be ok because she's done so many of them before and remembers them well. We recently looked at pictures from past cruises and she reminisced about tablemates and where they were from, and some of the ports and which excursions they took. She's fine with past memories, and that's where the cruise will fit in. She's also done this itinerary (Alaska) about 5 times. We're in a mini-suite, since someone asked.

 

Thanks also to "lampchoplady". That was very sweet of you to say!

 

Thanks, folks! ;)

 

Wish you the very best with this. You know your mom better than anyone. We'd had three of our four parents with Alz and the fourth with dementia. One was docile and would do whatever he was told. No problem. My dad was a wanderer and this would not have worked for him or my mother in law who was combative. My mom would have been fine if someone stayed near her....just the short term memory problems, otherwise functional.

I've seen people in various conditions on cruises, especially HAL. You might even try their board for suggestions. I also recommend calling the Alz Association. They were there for advice when I needed them.

[johnsak123]

I think you should go with the wristband and also put the room key in a small pouch attached to a lanyard with the room number written in it.

The ship is chock full of security so even if someone breaks in when you arent there they will be caught

Also, just as a precaution lock your valuables in the safe when you leave.

the minute your mom loses the key card you can go to the desk and reequest new ones and they can void the old so they no longer work

Enjoy!!

[Junebug27]

2Oregonians-

 

I think it is awesome you are taking your mother! My grandmother had Alzheimer's and we did things with to keep her quality of life full and happy for as long as we could! It sounds like your mother is still in the relatively early stages and will probably really enjoy this.

 

I think a good point was made that she may have coping skills for home and you can't really be sure of what she will need until you are on the ship. The suggestions of calling the Alzheimer's Association and Ncl are right on. Your best bet would be to be prepared, have a wristband, lanyard, walkie talkie, anything else you can think of and use them as you see fit!

 

The insensitive post about putting your mother in the kids club or not taking her is really too bad, especially that someone who may work with people with Alzheimer's, Yikes!!

 

Alzheimer's has such a range of individuals at different stages, who deserve respect and frankly to have someone in their lives as wonderful as you clearly are. To make a blanket statement that about someone that poster doesn't know is so unfortunate, maybe as a social worker that poster sees more people in advanced stages and is making an incorrect assumption. And even if it was like having a preschooler, which in your case it is obviously not!, I am bringing my toddler on this cruise who will need my absolute undivided attention at all times and I know we are going to have a blast.

 

Obviously you are a caring, thoughtful person who is planning in advance in order to make this a wonderful experience for all of you. I commend you for giving your mother this experience, you are a wonderful daughter!!

[2Oregonians]

Wish you the very best with this. You know your mom better than anyone.

 

Exactly. Thank you! :D

 

2Oregonians-

 

I think it is awesome you are taking your mother! It sounds like your mother is still in the relatively early stages and will probably really enjoy this.

 

The insensitive post about putting your mother in the kids club or not taking her is really too bad, especially that someone who may work with people with Alzheimer's, Yikes!! Alzheimer's has such a range of individuals at different stages, who deserve respect and frankly to have someone in their lives as wonderful as you clearly are. To make a blanket statement that about someone that poster doesn't know is so unfortunate, maybe as a social worker that poster sees more people in advanced stages and is making an incorrect assumption.

 

Obviously you are a caring, thoughtful person who is planning in advance in order to make this a wonderful experience for all of you. I commend you for giving your mother this experience, you are a wonderful daughter!!

 

Thank you very much for the kind words of understanding!! Yes, she is most definitely in the early stage. I'm going to have to abandon this thread as a small percentage of people are starting to get on my bad side. lol. :rolleyes: She functions just fine. It's just facts, numbers, places, times, etc. newly going in that do not stay put. The notes around the house are for things like "Potluck in the rec room 5:30. Bring plates and utensils", or "Andy Griffith (her favorite show) comes on every day at 11:00 am channel 91". Things like that. Just reminders. She can do the rest. In conversation, if we say something about my nephew getting such and such award... she won't remember it until we tell her several times. Or that my brother is flying up over Valentine's, I have to tell her over the course of about 3 days until it finally sticks. Then she'll remember that he IS coming, but will ask what day and for how long. A couple days later, that will stick too. So it's just new information or facts, people. She's not going to need fort knox security if we go next door and visit with the rest of the family. I really apologize if I sound sarcastic, but a small amount of people either didn't read what I wrote, or just wanted to spout their so-called "knowledge" of MY situation. This thread started out simply enough. "My mom might forget our room number. What ideas do you have to remind her?" Somewhere it took a left turn.

 

That being said, thank you SO, so, so much to the helpful, understanding people... and to the ones who gave encouragement. That's why CC is so wonderful. :D

[2Oregonians]

If it worked, here is a picture. :)

[youngestof9]

she's beautiful :) Have a wonderful time. What a wonderful daughter you are! You got some great suggestions. What memories you will have!

[DaisyGoldberg]

One tip that I find helps ME (a person without memory loss) is that the artwork in the elevator lobbies is different on each floor. Always taking the same elevator might help her, even if it takes you out of your way when you're with her. I know for the first few days of my last cruise I'd come out of the elevator and say to myself "the room's on the side with the Norman Rockwell painting!" A landmark like that may get her closer to her room, which you could mark in a way she would recognize - perhaps a picture of the family or something, not anything that would mean anything to a stranger. If as somebody suggested, she had a little notebook with her to follow steps, that's something you could practice in the time between now and the cruise (as a supplement to the notes you leave)

 

Another thing I'd recommend is that in addition to the room number on the bracelet you should add "In case of emergency, please page _______" - that way if she shows it to a crew member they can locate you swiftly.

 

I took my first cruise with my grandmother (and parents, but I shared a cabin with her). The sea sickness patch interacted with her medication, or her age, and she got quite disoriented for a couple of days, and we didn't let her out of our sights. I know how scary it was because I was dead tired and she kept getting out of bed and pulling out her suitcase and I was terrified if I drifted off to sleep she would wander. We had the advantage of knowing it was temporary, of course.

 

Is it possible to get one of those alarms they have for sleepwalking kids, so that you would be awoken if she tried to leave the room at night?

[keeponcruising]

Mom (78) has taken over 20 cruises when Dad was alive. It has been about 8 years since their last cruise. She didn't think she'd go on another one, but my husband and I decided recently that we'd go on "one more" and take Mom.

 

She now has mild Alzheimer's, however. At this stage, it's all about the short-term memory. New information just does NOT stay with her. She gets along fine as far as safety issues. She lives in an apartment by herself and doesn't do anything unsafe as far as leaving the stove on and things like that. She's still pretty "with it" as far as those things go. However, she'll definitely forget our cabin number. I can guarantee that! And if we go our separate ways at any time (on the ship), there's no way she'll remember to meet at X place at X time. Most likely I'll have to stay with her the majority of the time just for that reason.

 

However, I'm sure there will be times where she wants to stay in the room and rest while my husband and I are roaming about the ship. If she decides to leave the room, she won't remember the room number, and maybe not even the floor we're on.

 

My question for you all is, do you have any suggestions of things I could do? She'll be wearing the key card around her neck on a lanyard. I cannot write the room number on the key card (or whatever ncl calls it) because if she leaves it somewhere, then people can get in our room. I thought about maybe bringing a sharpie and writing the room number on her arm or something. Is that cruel? lol. It'll look like concentration camp numbers tattoed on her!! (I say arm, because it would get washed off her hand most likely.)

 

Obviously she can just go to the purser's desk and tell them her name and they will tell her what room she's in. But my mother is the type that doesn't want to be a bother to anyone, so I picture her trying for an hour to find her way back. That would be too upsetting. For her AND for me!!

 

I was just reading something about decorating doors. I could do something like that. Put something on the door that she would easily recognize. However, that assumes that she will remember the FLOOR we're on, and even the general area. I don't know..... I'm really starting to worry about this trip as far as she's concerned. At ports she will be with me ALL the time, but on the ship, there are bound to be times when we're not together. I just thought I'd throw it out there and see if you guys have any ideas or suggestions. Thanks!!

 

You might find that her memory will worsen on the cruise. I am speaking from personal experience with my father who had Alzheimer's disease. I brought him on a cruise in Dec 04 and I didn't think his memory was so bad. But the whole cruise, we were searching for him. Then the following March we went to Ireland. By the end of the trip he was so bad, he told my mother and I he had a problem. We asked what it was and he said he didn't know his way home. My heart just sank and I realized at that point the severity of his memory loss.

 

I work in a nursing home and I see first hand what taking someone who has memory issues out of their normal environment does to them. I don't want to scare you and I hope you go, but you may have to pay closer attention that what you think.

 

Ellen

[FLAHAM]

[quote name='2Oregonians'] I'm going to have to abandon this thread as a small percentage of people are starting to get on my bad side. lol. :rolleyes: :D[/QUOTE]

Well, you did "throw it out there" for our "ideas and suggestions."