A Conquest Review In Verse

[jgmpuma]

A Conquest Review In Verse

 

Greetings, friends, and fellow cruisers, DOD drinkers, chair hog abusers.

Complainers, drunks and steak house diners, Carnival cheerleaders, trolls and whiners.

Early savers, compulsive planners, kids who haven’t learned their manners

Balcony snobs, inside roomers, flamers, blamers, gloom and doomers.

 

Cigar afficionados (stogie smokers), hairy-chesters, karaokers.

Show attenders, belly floppers, sushi eaters, champagne poppers.

Liquor smugglers, countdown clockers, Carnival cheerleaders, NCL knockers

Early savers, vow renewers, honeymooners, cruise reviewers.

And those who like my wife and me, just dream of days upon the sea

 

The director of this little cruise will be Calliope, the poet’s muse.

Guide me, Cal, in this endeavor, for many times I’ve wished I’d never

Tried to write a review in verse. (Poetic ambition can be a curse)

And many times I’ve sworn to quit, cursed and said the hell with it

But onward and upward: Excelsior! Maybe I can rhyme just one line more,

And share with cruisers, far and near, on this the worldwide blogosphere

Our happy times, the sounds and sights, of seven days and seven nights

Of bliss.

 

And so upon the Sabbath Day we packed the car and made our way to the port of embarkation,

To leave behind the daily grind for our nautical vacation.

Farewell dogs, goodbye cat, hello sun-screen and tropical hat.

I have clean undies for a week. Sure hope those Rumrunners don’t leak

Or my stuff will smell just like Knob Creek.

Get a move on, wifey dear, boarding time is drawing near

Time to leave. The ship is waiting. No more of your procrastinating

We are packed and we are ready, for our date with Funship Freddy

 

Checking in was not that hard. Here’s our docs. There’s your S&S card.

You are almost set to go, but wait! Let that guy take a photo.

Bon voyage! You’re in for a thrill! (But don’t forget to pay your bill.)

 

A Guy’s burger on the lido deck? Make it two, what the heck.

We’re on vacation, mon ami. So maybe I’ll just order three.

And after the painless muster drill we made a pass by the Mongolian grill,

to sample their delights.

 

Right on time at half-past one they said our room was ready.

We climbed up to the Verandah deck and met our steward, Freddy.

We gave him a bill with a picture of President Jackson.

He treated us like royalty, to our total satisfaction.

 

 

 

And then just after five, we commenced our trip, upon the muddy waters of the mighty Missisip.

The wife has a drink with a pink umbrella. A beer for me. Just a regular fella.

 

Our fellow cruisers were the usual lot. Some were slender, most were not.

A few of them were double-wides: the water in the hot tub went over the sides.

Some were quiet, most were talkers, some were young and some used walkers.

Some wore thongs, with lots of cheek. Sorry, lady, but that physique

Just doesn’t cut it and the vote is no on your chubby husbands little Speedo.

Take it inside, thanks a bunch. Rather not see that while eating lunch.

 

We started with two days at sea, my sons, my daughter, the wife and me.

The skies were blue, the seas were green, as smooth as we have ever seen.

No need for barf bags on this cruise, and we can forget the Dramamine.

 

Our waiter’s name was Geeno. He was a Filipino.

His assistant’s name was Janni. She was a Pakistani.

They brought us fish, they brought us meat, and othe tasty things to eat.

We of course could not say no, to that garlicky, buttery escargot.

 

But being a bit of a contrarian, I ordered Indian vegetarian on four nights out of seven

for those who love Indian food it was a slice of heaven.

And bring us, please, for goodness sake, more warm chocolate melting cake.

 

On morning one the wife slept late but I was up with the chickens

When I tried to awake her she gave me the dickens

So off I go to the breakfast buffet, to bring her breakfast to start the new day.

Some scrambled “eggs”, a slice of ham, some fruits and biscuits with strawberry jam.

A reminder from the policers of bacon that my full allotment I had taken.

 

Bingo? Asks the wife at ten, and off she goes, she knows she will win.

I’ll stay here and take a nap. She thinks that I am a hopeless sap

So did the wife come back a winner?

Good thing we don’t pay for dinner.

 

On morning two we slept in late, since we figured what the heck

We won’t get chairs now on the lido deck.

The hogs have been out since six a.m.

Theres a book, theres a towel, listen to the others howl!

But we are happy upon the sea as the sun shines down on wifey and me.

We drank a cold beer before it was noon,

We danced on the deck by the light of the moon.

 

 

 

 

 

Thursday night was formal night: we dressed up to the nines.

Enjoyed a lobster tail (or three) and sampled some fine wines

We finished with a cup of steaming cappuccino,

Said goodbye to Geeno and Yanni and went to the casino.

 

You think you know where this is going, don’t you fellow cruisers?

That we would throw away our bucks and leave pathetic losers.

But luck was with us on this evening so fine.

Wifey won twelve bucks and I won nine.

 

“No problem, mon!” is what they say in the city of Montego Bay.

We love this place, but our personal fave is the gorgeous beach at Doctor’s Cave.

We took a dip, the wife and me, in the warm waters of the Caribbean Sea.

A Pina Colada for wifey dear, and bring me please a Red Stripe beer.

And before we leave to board the boat, let’s share a plate of curried goat.

 

At Grand Cayman we snorkeled at Eden Roc. Those big fish were a bit of a shock.

But the locals said to have no fears. They have not eaten a tourist in years.

We saw parrot fish, green and blue, an octopus and a starfish too.

A barracuda lurked nearby, giving us the evil eye (or so it seemed to me.)

And so we thought that it was time to get out of the sea.

A little shopping at the pier, just to satisfy wifey dear.

At Diamonds International we did not bite. We did not purchase Tanzanite.

No Cartier, no Fendi, no Patek Phillipe. I love the wife but I’m way too cheap

To buy you those expensive baubles, cheapness being among my foibles.

 

Bienvenido a Cozumel! They sure have lots of stuff to sell.

No, gratias, senor, I do not wish to see your store.

You say you have the lowest price, and that your merchandise is nice

In Mexico there is no finah, but that label says “Made In China,”

And, senor, I do not know where I would go, wearing that three foot wide sombrero.

But bring me please, my good fella, a bottle of your finest vanilla.

Then off we went to the eastern side, where the seas are wild and the beach is wide.

Our rental car was not that new. It shook, it shimmied, did the boogaloo,

But got us where we wanted to be, on Coconuts, o’er the Caribbean sea.

We ordered salsa and tortilla chips, avocado and other spicy dips

Coconut shrimp, sauteed fish, and more goodies for my senorita.

And we maybe just to be polite we could have a marguretta.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

One last day upon the sea for wifey, sons, daughter and me.

More grilled burgers and a bucket of beer. Disembarkation is drawing near.

Tomorrow we shall surely be back home with our dogs and orange cat.

Not that anything’s wrong with that. Life is good in New Orleans,

But Monday morning surely means

Work, dirty laundry, and worst of all, one choice for dinner. That is all.

No appetizers and no soups to choose. We are no longer on a cruise.

 

And so, Conquest, we bid you adieu. We hope to be back in a year or two.

But if good fate should us befall and wifey wins the Powerball,

Our very first call will surely be, to our friendly PVP.

[Sargent_Schultz]

Excellent.

[Cruise, J.D.]

That was awesome! Thanks.

[ktinnc]

Wow!!! That was impressive! Thanks for sharing! How long did it take to write?!? :)

[slybear]

Clap, clap, clap......really nicely done! Queenie salutes you!

[tandemcruzr]

Very good! Never seen that before. :D

[Rena921]

Lol, that was great! :D

[lovestocruise19]

That was so awesome! :D

[jgmpuma]

Thanks. It was fun to write.

[jolyn928]

This put a smile on my face :D wonderful job!

[LuvtheBeach10]

Greatness!.....Thanks! The part about Cozumel was spot on and cracked me up!

[Bookbug53]

So very funny:D

And quite amusing:p

So much fun :)

Are you done??:eek:

[poptart]

bravo! bravo!

what a good job-o

 

:D:D:D

[Cruzfrek]

That was great!

[Smiling Cruiser]

Wonderfully done!

[Lovefuninthesun]

Well done & very entertaining!

 

 

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[MaraBerk]

What a treat! Very impressive read :D

[Kel040]

Thanks - that was fun ! Nice job!!! :)

[NelF1025]

Wow.. that was awesome.... I had to read it twice.... and then a third time to hubby! Well done!

[Orpheo]

Just amazing!

[sjn911]

*******Bump********

 

so good!!! thank you!!!!

[Fun@Sea4Me]

Standing ovation!! Just read the whole thing to DH! It brought a huge smile to both of our faces! :)

[heidio313]

Bravo!

 

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[Saltz]

We're sailing in June. Loved this!! :D

 

 

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[Minoushka]

Bravo bravo ...did a great job