Engagement Announcement/ Save the Date/Cruise Wedding Invitation Etiquette

[LoveSetsSail2015]

Ok so I'm newly engaged.. about a month now & need to know the etiquette for when to send out engagement announcements, save the dates, & finally the wedding invitation. I know it needs different timing as need to allow those who will be traveling down to arrange & save money as well as those cruising along with us. So heres where I need guidance.. so me & my fiancée are going to be doing engagement announcement photos, a childhood friend of mine's mother offered to do them for us, but a marina & with water in the background. we both have family out of state & we wanted to send a nice photo of us as an announcement. So we got engaged Oct 11th on our 4yr anniversary, we're doing photos on Nov 16th & will put them together & send them out.. ok so our target wedding date will be June either 13th or 20th of 2015. So by December we're told Carnival Cruiselines will have travel schedules of June 2015 so at that point we can pay for the package & lockin a wedding date..

 

Now with a cruise wedding, when do you typically send out a save the date & do you put where your registered at on those? and when should invitations be sent out? Per carnival they say final headcount 20days prior to sailing..

 

The invitations we have found come with the invitation, rsvp postcard & a small business size information card.. going to put our website from the knot.com w the info of registration & such on it.. is that tacky to put on info card "For detailed travel information & Registry please visit our private website..." my sister thinks its tacky to mention registry on invitation.. but hello its rude to not bring a gift to a wedding!

 

ANY HELP/SUGGESTIONS would be appreciated!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[JAC1213]

Hi Lovesetssail,

 

It's perfect to send out your engagement announcements now. Your save the dates should go out at least a year prior to your cruise sailing date; so that it gives guests enough time to save take vacation and all that good stuff. Your registry is it for your wedding or bridal shower. Wedding gift etiquette should be a monetary gift. From what a read guests are supposed to double the cost per plate. If you do want to include a registry it should be on your wedding website not the card itself, but that's just my opinion. The actual wedding invites should be sent 3-6 months prior to your wedding. Are you planning an embarkation wedding or destination wedding? Remember it's your day you do what you want.

 

Crystal

Edited November 5, 2013 by JAC1213

[LoveSetsSail2015]

Thanks Crystal! So yea we're gonna do engagement announcements now, we're planning on embarkation day for wedding.. and the invitations we chose come w a small info card, that's where I was going to list our website which then would have details on hotels in area, for those out of state that don't want to cruise, info about cruise as well as cabin prices for those interested & list our registries on there.. we really need stuff for our place, we're currently looking at living together & will need stuff for the home.. but I don't know whats way out of line to register for.. my fiancée said to put a reasonable tv, a grill stuff we'd use LOL but I don't see people paying hundreds on a gift! LOLwould be nice but I don't see it! LOL

[Lil_One]

Congratulations!!! My wedding is in April 2014 and I sent save the dates one year in advance. The invitations just went out last week at six months and I've asked for RSVPs in February. We had a lot of people book after the save the date so the invitations are more of a formality at this point.

 

As for the registry, I agree that it shouldn't be mentioned on the invite. I put something like, "for more information, please visit our website" on both the save the date and invitation. The website has links to our registries and I will use the little cards to send with shower invites.

 

Hope this helps a little!

[ducklite]

Maybe I'm out of the loop, but it used to be that if you had a destination/cruise wedding, the gift you expected was people to attend. You didn't also ask them to buy a gift after spending thousands to celebrate with you.

 

We gave a check when we attended a cruise ship wedding, but we didn't sail, just drove three hours to the port, saw the ceremony, went to the lunch, then drove three hours home. If we had cruised with them, I don't k ow that we would have given anything more than a card and maybe some sort of token gift related to the cruise.

 

 

Autocorrect responsible for most typos...

[LoveSetsSail2015]

Hmm I don't know.. to me no one is being forced to spend money to travel, they could use this time as a vacation with family as well as celebrating a marriage. Hell normal weddings have engagement parties, bridal showers, then the wedding.. all involving gifts at each... so I'm not saying i'm expecting a gift or demanding one.. just registering like anyother engaged couple as we are starting our lives together like anyone else.. we chose the cruise route to save money as we're a young couple, but should still be treated like a normal wedding.

[ducklite]

Hmm I don't know.. to me no one is being forced to spend money to travel, they could use this time as a vacation with family as well as celebrating a marriage. Hell normal weddings have engagement parties, bridal showers, then the wedding.. all involving gifts at each... so I'm not saying i'm expecting a gift or demanding one.. just registering like anyother engaged couple as we are starting our lives together like anyone else.. we chose the cruise route to save money as we're a young couple, but should still be treated like a normal wedding.

 

I've only been to a couple of engagement parties, they aren't the norm in any social circles I've ever run in ( which range from a country club crowd to blue collar). To me it just seems like you at grubbing if you are expecting gifts three times, plus people to spend thousands to cruise. They might prefer other vacations, or for many that cost could equal three years of vacations. When my friend got married on a cruise ship, she wanted us to sail with them, but we had already booked our vacation for that year and weren't willing to change those plans. (My vacation last year and the one I'm taking next year were both booked a full two years in advance.)

 

I also think that registering for high ticket items like TV's is dicey unless you only have a couple of them that a group can pitch in on. I hate it when I go to buy a shower gift and the only things in the registry run $75 and up. Sorry, not spending that on a shower gift, and often I don't know any of the brides other friends. When we got married we registered for a variety of things that ranged (in today's dollars) from $5 to $100. I think we had one the g that might have hit $150, and my mom told me to put it in the list because she wanted to get it for me, but wanted to make sure it was the right one.

 

We had no engagement party and a few girls from work threw me a small shower, even though none were invited to the wedding, which I was very touched by, and certainly didn't expect. My friends and relatives all lived several hours or more away, my only attendant lived on another continent, and her coming to the wedge was the only gift I expected.

 

It is of course, your choice. I'm just letting you know that most people will be put off by expecting to come up with three gifts plus travel expenses that go beyond the typical gas and tolls or airfare and a couple nights in a hotel. I know I would be, and would probably decline all but the shower and just send a card for the wedding. Just my two cents, although I know a lot of people feel the same way.

 

 

Autocorrect responsible for most typos...

Edited November 5, 2013 by ducklite

[Carnival_Brides]

Hmm I don't know.. to me no one is being forced to spend money to travel, they could use this time as a vacation with family as well as celebrating a marriage. Hell normal weddings have engagement parties, bridal showers, then the wedding.. all involving gifts at each... so I'm not saying i'm expecting a gift or demanding one.. just registering like anyother engaged couple as we are starting our lives together like anyone else.. we chose the cruise route to save money as we're a young couple, but should still be treated like a normal wedding.

 

@Ducklite--did you even read the OP's posts?!? She lives outside of Tampa and is having an embarkation wedding. Her guests do not have to sail.

 

OP, you are actually completely right. Normally I'd agree that your guests presence is the present, but you live in Florida and you're using the ship as a venue.

 

We didn't have an engagement party or shower, but there is nothing wrong with having one, because again, you're not making your guests cruise to attend your wedding.

 

Since you're having an embarkation wedding (I assume near your hometown) I'd wait a couple of months to send the Save the Dates (they should go out about 12 months before the wedding) and your wedding invitations should go out when they would normally when they normally would, 6-8 weeks before the wedding, a little earlier if you need the time to put together the list of license numbers and birth dates for Carnival. We were originally going to ask for our RSVP's to be back to us on the 1st and the list was due to Carnival on the 21st--there is always a straggler that you have to track down.

 

I agree with the PP's that the word registry should be omitted from your wedding invitations and save the date.

 

Make sure you register for a range of items. For some of the big ticket items you might have a group of people go in on it and give it as a group gift. This happens a lot when it's a young, professional couple who already live together and have the household necessities.

Edited November 5, 2013 by Carnival_Brides

[ducklite]

@Ducklite--did you even read the OP's posts?!? She lives outside of Tampa and is having an embarkation wedding. Her guests do not have to sail.

 

OP, you are actually completely right. Normally I'd agree that your guests presence is the present, but you live in Florida and you're using the ship as a venue.

 

We didn't have an engagement party or shower, but there is nothing wrong with having one, because again, you're not making your guests cruise to attend your wedding.

 

Since you're having an embarkation wedding (I assume near your hometown) I'd wait a couple of months to send the Save the Dates (they should go out about 12 months before the wedding) and your wedding invitations should go out when they would normally when they normally would, 6-8 weeks before the wedding, a little earlier if you need the time to put together the list of license numbers and birth dates for Carnival. We were originally going to ask for our RSVP's to be back to us on the 1st and the list was due to Carnival on the 21st--there is always a straggler that you have to track down.

 

I agree with the PP's that the word registry should be omitted from your wedding invitations and save the date.

 

Make sure you register for a range of items. For some of the big ticket items you might have a group of people go in on it and give it as a group gift. This happens a lot when it's a young, professional couple who already live together and have the household necessities.

 

I apologize, I didn't see that she lives near the port, and in that case, you are correct.

 

That said, I think it's over the top to have an engagement party, shower, and wedding. My husband pointed out that the two engagement parties we went to, one was actually an engagement/housewarming with a "stock our bar" theme and the other was a couple who eloped, so no shower or wedding.

 

 

Autocorrect responsible for most typos...

[janm8144]

It is impolite to expect any gift for your wedding. Most people will want to give you a gift, but etiquette states you should not include registries on invitations ( including showers) as it looks like you are asking for gifts. Weddings are a celebration of your love & commitment to one another, you invite people to your party NOT to help pay for it. I find it insulting when I get an invitation with registries listed & tend to not be as generous in gifting those.

 

 

Sent using the Cruise Critic forums app

[NL2134]

I would send out STD's about a year before. Make sure to include your website info on the STD, so people can book at that time if they want or at least know what costs are. And if you want some people to cruise with you, its ok to tell them informally in person and let them start planning. Then, like PP's said, formal invites should go out about 6 months prior.

 

We decided to skip the STD and just to formal invites about 10 months prior. We also coordinated the schedule & plans with our immediate families, who we want to cruise with us, before we booked anything, so they already knew all the plans. We included a preliminary RSVP, just so we could get general idea about who plans to cruise, attend but not cruise, or can't come at all. We got about 3/4 of those back, because some people just aren't sure that far in advance. Then I plan to send out an information packet with final RSVP about 4 months prior. This one will also include printed info about hotel options, wedding attire, pre-wedding schedule & events, etc. I will also request the guest info requested by ship: name, phone, address, drivers license or passport number, and birthdate. I'm requesting final RSVP with info to be due about 1 month before I need to provide it to ship, so I have time to chase down any info I didn't get.

 

As far as registry, proper etiquette dictates that it is rude to include anything referring to registries or gifts on your STD or invites. You are inviting people to celebrate with you, not inviting them to buy you stuff. They are in no way obligated to give you a gift, nor do they need to provide gifts in exchange for or that covers cost of their meal. And if they are travelling for wedding, their cost to attend wedding definitely negates any need to also buy a gift, since they are already spending money to honor you by accepting your invitation. There are too many brides out there that "expect" gifts and get upset if they don't get gifts or get items cheaper than they think they are due to receive. This is a celebration, not a gift grab.

 

That being said, most people generally will buy you gifts or give money, even if they travel. We've actually told people we don't want any gifts, since everyone is travelling for our wedding, but people are still insisting and are seeking out registries, so we've put together a couple registries to accommodate them. Some people feel that gifts are their way to contribute to your happiness. Many people prefer to buy gifts off registry so they know they get you something you need. Definitely include registry info on your website. And since you are providing them the website address, they will undoubtedly find it there. You can also have family or wedding party informally direct people to where you are registered. Make sure you register for a wide price variety of items. Some people would rather get small items, or several small items, and some will buy larger items. Most items should be under $100, with several options under $50, but its okay to add a few larger cost items to the list. Most of our items are $50 or less, but we also added on a $400 vacuum, which we don't expect to receive, but you never know what parents or grandparents are willing to spend. Although, I also was offended when a cousin of mine included a $1000 big screen tv on their registry, so you need to be careful... large items (over a couple hundred bucks) should probably have a legitimate purpose, not just entertainment... or at least be somewhat reasonable... like maybe a 32-inch tv would be ok.

[JAC1213]

You should be able to celebrate in anyway that you would like to. Engagement party, bridal shower, bachelors party, rehearsal dinner, wedding, it's all in good fun. If you have items that you hope to have you should put them on your registry. My sister in law had a baby shower and added a $700.00 crib to the registry. Many people complained or laughed, but my mother and I split the cost and purchased the crib. It's not for anyone to be upset over it. If you can afford it, buy it, if you can't just pass it by. Many guests attending a cruise wedding may feel as though they shouldn't give a gift because they spent enough money on the cruise. This is very understandable, but as NL stated many will still give a gift. You shouldn't expect anything but think positively and hope for good things.

[msj_rn]

Completely agree with Jac1213

[tinkerbell_82]

Hi OP! Welcome to the wedding cruise forum, and to cruisecritic in general. As others have mentioned, you may want to take some time before your STD's/Invites go out to create a wedding website. You're welcome to use anything from mine if you find it useful:

 

http://www.weddingwire.com/Tinaandbill

 

We directed people there on our STD, which we sent about 11 months before the cruise. Our invites just went out about a month ago (6 months before the wedding).

 

As for the registry, just do what you and your fiance want to do. I wouldn't mention anything at all about gifts on your invite, but definitely make a registry if you want one and put it on your wedding website.

 

Good luck with your planning!!

[LoveSetsSail2015]

I would send out STD's about a year before. Make sure to include your website info on the STD, so people can book at that time if they want or at least know what costs are. And if you want some people to cruise with you, its ok to tell them informally in person and let them start planning. Then, like PP's said, formal invites should go out about 6 months prior.

 

We decided to skip the STD and just to formal invites about 10 months prior. We also coordinated the schedule & plans with our immediate families, who we want to cruise with us, before we booked anything, so they already knew all the plans. We included a preliminary RSVP, just so we could get general idea about who plans to cruise, attend but not cruise, or can't come at all. We got about 3/4 of those back, because some people just aren't sure that far in advance. Then I plan to send out an information packet with final RSVP about 4 months prior. This one will also include printed info about hotel options, wedding attire, pre-wedding schedule & events, etc. I will also request the guest info requested by ship: name, phone, address, drivers license or passport number, and birthdate. I'm requesting final RSVP with info to be due about 1 month before I need to provide it to ship, so I have time to chase down any info I didn't get.

 

As far as registry, proper etiquette dictates that it is rude to include anything referring to registries or gifts on your STD or invites. You are inviting people to celebrate with you, not inviting them to buy you stuff. They are in no way obligated to give you a gift, nor do they need to provide gifts in exchange for or that covers cost of their meal. And if they are travelling for wedding, their cost to attend wedding definitely negates any need to also buy a gift, since they are already spending money to honor you by accepting your invitation. There are too many brides out there that "expect" gifts and get upset if they don't get gifts or get items cheaper than they think they are due to receive. This is a celebration, not a gift grab.

 

That being said, most people generally will buy you gifts or give money, even if they travel. We've actually told people we don't want any gifts, since everyone is travelling for our wedding, but people are still insisting and are seeking out registries, so we've put together a couple registries to accommodate them. Some people feel that gifts are their way to contribute to your happiness. Many people prefer to buy gifts off registry so they know they get you something you need. Definitely include registry info on your website. And since you are providing them the website address, they will undoubtedly find it there. You can also have family or wedding party informally direct people to where you are registered. Make sure you register for a wide price variety of items. Some people would rather get small items, or several small items, and some will buy larger items. Most items should be under $100, with several options under $50, but its okay to add a few larger cost items to the list. Most of our items are $50 or less, but we also added on a $400 vacuum, which we don't expect to receive, but you never know what parents or grandparents are willing to spend. Although, I also was offended when a cousin of mine included a $1000 big screen tv on their registry, so you need to be careful... large items (over a couple hundred bucks) should probably have a legitimate purpose, not just entertainment... or at least be somewhat reasonable... like maybe a 32-inch tv would be ok.

 

 

 

Thanks for the response... ok I planned on sending the info card with the invite as its a package deal & will list a website that will tell cost of cabin & such.. with registry there- a lot of my fiancée's fam is out of state & will want to send a gift since they cannot attend. We are only registering for reasonable household items (no xbox or stupid items like a $50 soup laddel!) and a $400 vacuum is a bit much, i'd rather a $500 tv that's worth it LOL but to each his own..

[LoveSetsSail2015]

Thank You! Yes I forgot to point out I have been to soooo many bridal showers where they either registered for giftcards to resturants, or workout gear-like clothing to movies, to bluray players or $30 accent pillows & $20 soup laddels and babyshowers with $400 breatpumps, nursing bras, $300 rocking chairs... I mean bridal stuff should be same.. And i'm planning a joint Wedding Shower.. to involve my fiancée..

 

 

 

 

 

You should be able to celebrate in anyway that you would like to. Engagement party, bridal shower, bachelors party, rehearsal dinner, wedding, it's all in good fun. If you have items that you hope to have you should put them on your registry. My sister in law had a baby shower and added a $700.00 crib to the registry. Many people complained or laughed, but my mother and I split the cost and purchased the crib. It's not for anyone to be upset over it. If you can afford it, buy it, if you can't just pass it by. Many guests attending a cruise wedding may feel as though they shouldn't give a gift because they spent enough money on the cruise. This is very understandable, but as NL stated many will still give a gift. You shouldn't expect anything but think positively and hope for good things.

[NL2134]

Thanks for the response... ok I planned on sending the info card with the invite as its a package deal & will list a website that will tell cost of cabin & such.. with registry there- a lot of my fiancée's fam is out of state & will want to send a gift since they cannot attend. We are only registering for reasonable household items (no xbox or stupid items like a $50 soup laddel!) and a $400 vacuum is a bit much, i'd rather a $500 tv that's worth it LOL but to each his own..

 

Yeah, the $400 vacuum is a Dyson Pet vacuum, because we have 2 dogs that shed, so there's a reason for it. I'd say a $500 tv is still reasonable, it's not overly extravagant, but a 60" tv with surround sound system costing well over $1000 is a bit much (I've seen it in a registry before).

 

Also, from my own experience, be careful with listing cabin prices on your website. There are many variations to the prices, based on cabin type, class, location, passenger age, military status, past guest, or current cruise promotions. And prices can change all the time. Unless you plan to update site very regularly, you may be better off just including a link to the cruise website. At the very least, if you list prices on your page, make sure to say "prices starting at" and list the date of that price ("pricing as of x/x/2013"). I listed prices on my website and found myself checking and updating it daily for a while, before I finally switched to just a link.

[CCMS14]

We became engaged in December 2012, and we had informed our family and friends of our plan to have a destination wedding by Christmas. We sent out our save the dates (for a February 2014 wedding) in January, and then followed with the invites in July. We set an early RSVP date in order to have time to have enough time to get all of the information from the guests and to the cruise line in time.

 

We are having an at home reception, so we have registered, but only included the registry information in bridal shower invitations.

 

Ultimately, you know your audience, and you would have the best idea of what they are/are not comfortable with. This is YOUR day, and what works for someone else doesn't always work for you & vice versa :)

[Amy from Delaware]

And i'm planning a joint Wedding Shower.. to involve my fiancée..

 

Since your questions are about etiquette, I will point out that brides don't host their own showers (nor moms-to-be, etc.) Not long ago, it was also considered inappropriate for anyone in the bride's (or groom's) family to host the shower. However, now it's fine as long as the family member is also part of the wedding party and/or logistics mean it's the only realistic choice.

 

So if your sister (for example) is your Maid of Honor, it's okay for her to send shower invites, and okay for the shower to be held at your mom's house. And it's fine for her to include your registry info with the invitation. It's okay for you to give names and addresses to whoever is hosting your shower, but you should not be inviting people to your own shower.

[klauer]

Definitely you shouldn't be throwing yourself a bridal shower; you can give the hostess a list of who you want to invite, though. I agree with everyone else that it is not considered proper etiquette to include your registry information with the wedding invitation. In the past you could just have friends and family pass the word, but now it is really easy with the websites. I think that guest etiquette would include sending a gift to your home, not bringing it to the ship (where a check could be lost or someone has to transport the gifts back to your house).

[dolita22]

Congrats on your engagement! A cruise ship wedding sounds awesome.

 

I don't have much else to add besides what PPs have said, but in regards to your question regarding etiquette, check out the Etiquette board on The Knot's website (http://forums.theknot.com/categories/wedding-boards_etiquette). It's super helpful for many etiquette-related questions!

 

Happy planning!

[lightskinedgyal]

As a recent bride i will give my two sense lol ....to give a back ground we sent out 200 invitations as we have big families and had 66 guests at our wedding and about 100 guests at our shower.....many guests at the shower did not attend the wedding

 

1) Engagement party i did not put any registry nor expect gifts we got a few gifts cards and lots of wine LOL

 

2) Shower we registered and most items were 50 - 80 dollars on our registry we got many many gifts pretty much our whole house is ready to go LOL.....my mother and bridesmaides put on the shower and it was very nice consisted of speeches, was in a hall, a dj, full cooked meal, games.....i think asking for a gift was reasonable for the type of event it was......

 

 

3) bacherlor party was a small goup of close friends NO GIFTS just fun fun fun!

 

4) Wedding we did not register nor expect gifts if people asked we said monetary gifts only......we received allot of money from people who did not attend the wedding FYI many people will give you money after the wedding we did not expect it but it was very much needed and appreciated to pay off the wedding we left the wedding with no debt. I would say out of 66 guest at the wedding 33 gave us money and it was a good amount! on Average it was about 150 a person........was a very pleasant surprise!

 

 

Just my two sense! LOL

Edited December 11, 2013 by lightskinedgyal

[evstarr]

I also am newly engaged. Planing wedding for December 7th, 2014. Many of my friends have been married multiple times etc. EVERYONE is asking if I'm going to have several showers since I'm in my 50's and never been married. I do not feel that people owe me anything. I have a huge list of individuals I want to invite however, I know we can't afford a ton of people and on top of it with having the ceremony at time of embarkation, we can only have a total of 100 guests with no more than 50 who are not sailing.

 

As far as etiquette goes, I don't know what the correct thing is to do. We have notified family and close friends with contact information for the travel agent we're using and we've already got 25 people that are sailing with us.. I'm at a loss for what to do and not do. I've got friends that want to throw a "pre-wedding" party the Friday before we leave, so a lot of people that can't or won't join us on the cruise can attend a party. I'm not sure what to do.

 

I know we need to send out save the date notifications, which we will do in the next three to four weeks.

 

Oh one more thing... I really don't want to do a website because of an issue that could arise if someone from my past discovers plans, etc.

 

Any advice anyone has, please let me know. I'm a bit overwhelmed and not going to have a lot of time to do things as I'm starting a new job that will require a lot of overtime for the next six months. Need help but I'm happy.. hehe

 

Thanks..