Help with Condolences on Carnival Cruise

[fuddrules]

One of our upcoming "cruise partners" had a parent die this morning. :(

 

They will be driving 16.5 hours through the night/morning this coming Fri/Sat after the funeral to make it to check-in. Hopfully with a few hours to spare assuming everything goes as planned.

 

My question is, what would you appreciate someone doing for you if you had that happen? Specifically on the ship, the at home stuff we have covered.

 

Any suggestions would be appreciated.

[WLHyatt]

well, that's a tough one...

 

Buy them a drink and let them talk?

[mapsmith]

After boarding. Just find a quiet spot and allow them to talk if they wish. Drinks or not as appropriate. After boarding, many of the bars, not on the Lido will be somewhat vacant and just find a quiet one. Piano Bar is usually vacant early on.

 

Lost my mother a couple of months back. Even though life goes on, you need a little quiet time for reflection.

[Ms. Fun Bunch]

When my aunt died right before my group's cruise (she was scheduled for the cruise) my travel agent had a dozen of red roses placed in the cabin with a very nice note in my aunt's memory.

[Scrapnana]

Don't know how much you want to spend but maybe a relaxing couple of hours in the spa.

[Lerin]

Oh I'm very sorry to hear of this. What a thoughtful friend you are. All the suggestions are great.

 

A nice note letting your friend know that you are there for them is usually very appreciated. I still have a pile of cards from when my father died. Can't remember much else that anyone may have given or done.

Words on paper last forever.

 

Please do be sure to follow through. If you write that your friend can pull you aside at anytime to talk or cry, make sure you mean it. Not just they can pull you aside if you aren't doing anything fun.

Edited December 24, 2013 by Lerin

[fuddrules]

Thank you all for the good suggestions. I appreciate it and they will help.

 

I know for them the cruise just went from sweet to bittersweet but she's a very positive person and was really looking forward to this vacation, her first cruise.

[LambKnuckles]

All these suggestions are great!!

 

For me, sunrises are the time I smile and enjoy, even without those who are already gone. Stand with them on the bow or aft and watch a sunrise. Have coffee or cocoa for them. Just be with them and see a new day unfold, unwrap.

 

Know they may need alone or quiet time. That tears may come easily and freely. Have tissues always with you.

 

Ask if they want to be alone, or with someone.

 

On one cruise, we got together as a group, and did a memorial talking about those who weren't cruising with us, those who left holes in our hearts, and how they touched us and loved us.

 

The spa, a drink, a BINGO game. flowers, sincere notes or cards... are great treats to extend and I know they will be treasured -- and just being a friend and helper to them!!!

 

And also realize, they may want to remove themselves and forget the whole thing -- just go on like it was -- but know or have that tissue handy, it will be there at times they couldn't imagine when a memory will hit them!!

 

May GOD BLESS them and prayers are offered to them and to you!!!!

[mzloolue]

My mother enjoyed cruises.

 

She died on January 2 two years ago.

My sister needed to get out of the house and it occurred to me that we needed a cruise.

We looked online and there was one the next week for $199 so it was like it was meant to be. It was Triumph out of New Orleans.

One of my daughters had recently graduated from college and unemployed so she had been helping out taking care of my mom.

We took her and my other daughter came along too and we had a girl's cruise.

It was a healing time for us.

We just took it easy.

We skipped formal night and ordered room service in our pajamas.

 

I agree with Lambknuckles about the sunrises.

We were on Lido right next to the "secret" door and it was easy to step outside.

Several times I got up early and sat out there and watched the sun come up by myself in the early morning quiet.

It helped.

 

And on the bright side, I loved Triumph.

My dh and son felt left out, so we did another Triumph cruise in the spring so they could go too.

 

My advice is to just go with the flow on the cruise.

Go to dinner, eat in the buffet, hang out together or let them sit by themselves, take naps, have early nights, just do whatever seems right at the time.

Edited December 24, 2013 by mzloolue

[RuthlessBoss]

My mother enjoyed cruises.

 

She died on January 2 two years ago.

My sister needed to get out of the house and it occurred to me that we needed a cruise.

We looked online and there was one the next week for $199 so it was like it was meant to be. It was Triumph out of New Orleans.

One of my daughters had recently graduated from college and unemployed so she had been helping out taking care of my mom.

We took her and my other daughter came along too and we had a girl's cruise.

It was a healing time for us.

We just took it easy.

We skipped formal night and ordered room service in our pajamas.

 

I agree with Lambknuckles about the sunrises.

We were on Lido right next to the "secret" door and it was easy to step outside.

Several times I got up early and sat out there and watched the sun come up by myself in the early morning quiet.

It helped.

 

And on the bright side, I loved Triumph.

My dh and son felt left out, so we did another Triumph cruise in the spring so they could go too.

 

My advice is to just go with the flow on the cruise.

Go to dinner, eat in the buffet, hang out together or let them sit by themselves, take naps, have early nights, just do whatever seems right at the time.

 

I agree, just go with the flow. Let her know you are available, but it being so very new there will still will be moments of feeling loss.

[irishnyc]

I wouldn't plan for anything, and just take their lead.

[PortSideCruzan]

Hi Fuddrules,

 

Oh my, I'm so sorry to hear of this sad news. I really can't

think of anything other than a lovely bouquet of flowers

with a warm heartfelt note attached. And of course being

there for them when they need to talk. Have tissues handy.

 

Again, so sorry for this loss.

 

 

[fuddrules]

Thanks again for the advice and stories. Last year it was my MIL that was touch-n-go for a while. It doesn't like there's ever a dull moment for us with a cruise.

 

I did order flowers. The Spa is possible I'll wait until we are on the ship to see if/how that will work for her.

 

We do have two excursion heavy days one of which was her request so I do know she'll want to do that.

 

But otherwise the time is all open ended so we will be able to go with flow. Her and her husband also have a nice balcony cabin in a quiet area so that may end up being even more handy than initially anticipated.

Edited December 24, 2013 by fuddrules

[mosaic_mom]

I just cruised earlier this month after losing my only child (25 yo) in late July. I only went because she had paid for the cruise as a getaway for us.

 

I would say let your friend decide what they want to do and not want to do, and don't force them to do things they don't feel like at the moment. But also don't force them to make the decisions on everything that is done. Make yourself available to talk if they need it. Expect tears, but don't make a big deal of it. Sometimes just a hug or a kind word or letting them know you are there is so much better than anything you could purchase.

[blondietink]

My 91 year old father just passed away on the 22nd. He had a good long life and the past few months have been very stressful. We are going on a planned cruise next month.

 

I will find the time on the cruise to remember that he loved boating, although he never went on a cruise. If I knew people on the cruise and they knew my situation, I would appreciate a kind word, a card with a handwritten note, flowers, a cocktail and/or quiet time.

 

You are so kind to want to do the right thing. Whatever seems right to you will be much appreciated.