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Disturbing 'rumor'? I hope :\


gumballz

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My 16 year old daughter was talking to some friends at school about going on a cruise and one of the kids said that they had gone on one over the summer. This boy said that during the week he was on the cruise, the teen group onboard were having sex with each other each night. They took turns 'watching out' for each other and passed around partners without worry. A girl that was in this discussion piped up and said that she too had witnessed this behavior on a cruise that she went on earlier in the year (these were on two different cruise lines). Apparently the 'motto' on both cruises was 'What happens on the cruise stays on the cruise'. The girl also said that on the cruise she was on, some male employees were very insistant in pursuing her and when she declined their advances they insinuated that if she wanted to be welcome in the teen activities she needed to either participate or keep her mouth shut.

 

Have any of you noticed, or heard of, anything like this happening? I keep an eye on my daughters and trust them......but I'd also like to be able to feel comfortable letting them participate in the teen activities without having to worry that they're being pressured to have sex or to do things they don't want to do. It's their vacation too and I'd like them to be able to just have fun meeting new friends, laying out in the sun, etc without the typical pressures of teens today.

 

I know this is 2005......but........ :( ......maybe it's just kids making things up? I hope.

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My feeling is that you can't believe everything that you hear. It is not at all unusual for teenagers (let alone adults) to brag about sexual escapades even when very little of it is true. Of course, that doesn't mean it didn't happen either. It would be naive to think that teenagers never engage in sexual behavior.

 

For me, cruise ships are no different from the rest of the real world. Just because it's self-contained doesn't mean there are no dangers (from some ship's personnel or from predatory passengers) or that you should allow children to be completely unsupervised. You know your daughters and you trust them. To me, that means you have a relationship that includes openly discussing the dark realities of everyday life (not trusting strangers, date rape, etc.). If that's the case, I don't think you need to be overly concerned about permitting your daughters to participate in the teen activities.

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Let me preface this by saying I'm 17.

 

There might be a some truth to this, but I am fairly sure that some is exaggeration.

 

On my first cruise, when I was 16, I was not at all involved in the teen club, so I couldn't tell you from personal experience. However, I have had heard from people my age I know that teens do "hook up" with each other on cruises. It is casual, no-strings sort of thing. I haven't heard about a lot of actual sexual intercourse - more just making out and fooling around. I think the kids having sex would be kids who were already having sex before the cruise, not virgins, though that's just speculation.

 

Teens "hook up" with each other frequently. Its seen as acceptable in high school, though not exactly respectable. Its not something that happens just on cruises, though the vacation atmosphere, freedom from parents, and general isolation from the rest of the world could certainly encourage the behavior.

 

Still, its not really an issue associated with cruising, but more with a lot of teens' livestyles. I don't think it is a "2005" thing, either - has anyone seen "Fast Times At Richmond High"? That was a good 20 years ago! I think most of the teens that participate in that type of behavior already do that sort of thing in their normal life. At least that's the impression I've gotten among my friends.

 

I have definitely never heard of the teen club as being a group devoted to sexual activity. I don't think your daughter should have to worry about "peer pressure" that much. Like I said before, the kids who are promiscious will be promiscious.

 

I have heard about crew members hitting on teenage girls, but never in the blackmailing sort of way you were describing.

 

Everyone exaggerates, and teenagers are especially guilty. The kids talking to your daughter may have just gotten on a roll and gotten carried away. Or maybe the boy that said that stuff was trying to look cool or "bad". Your daughter shouldn't take that type of information too seriously, and just use the same common sense she would use at a party on the mainland.

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I couldn't agree with Johngl more . . . you know your kids. Bad things happen no matter where . . . on a cruise ship or in the back seat of a car. Just make it clear to your daughters that you trust them but need to know where they are at all times when not with you (in case of an emergency) . . . and try to make it known that you'd really like for them to spend as much time as possible with the family . . . after all, a cruise vacation is a family vacation.

 

As the mother of a twenty-eight year old son (Coast Guard helicopter pilot that I'm extremely proud of) . . . who took several cruise with his Dad and I (and them just me after the divorce) . . . I never for one moment worried about what went on when he was out with new found friends. We were always in constant contact . . . we/I knew where he was at all times and he knew where we/I was at all times.

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That's pretty much what I was hoping/guessing. I know kids have sex and I'm sure there are plenty of hook ups on vacations as there are anywhere. I'm very close to my daughters, so they would tell me if anything like that happened (a crew member pursuing them and not accepting no as an answer). If they told me that happened, you can bet I'd be finding out exactly who did that and making sure their superior was aware of his/her behavior.

 

On another note.......I discussed with my daughter the two people making these claims. She said that the boy that told her these things is the type to want to 'brag' but that the girl isn't the type to exaggerate.

 

Who knows. I guess the bottom line is that it's just a good thing to know so those of us with children can let our kids know to watch out for this type of thing (among other types of things) and be just as careful on vacation as they are everywhere.

 

Oh.....and yes herecomesthesun.....I'm very well aware of Fast Times At Ridgemont High. Gnarly! lol 23 years ago and as fresh in my mind now as it was back then.:D

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I am sure it happens BUT not every teen hangs out with all the teens on the boat. it' slike in school there is the popular croud and the not popular croud and the average people and blah blah blah.. Just because these 2 people say these thigns does not mean your daughters want to or will be involved in these types of activities. I'dthink the sex part is probably exaggerated from just plain old making out.

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herecomesthesun has said it all pretty well, especially for a teen. It's good to know that some teens really "get it". As a mother of two teens, I have to say that I have spied on my kids at the teen club and there was nothing going on that I would have objected to.

 

No matter what the age of your kids, you still need to be aware of where they are and what they are doing. You do hear of some teens drinking, wandering around all night creating havoc. It would be silly to think that none of them are having sex. But, I think the majority of teens nowadays are decent people, we just hear of the bad apples instead.

 

The only part of what herecomesthesun got wrong was the part of teens lifestyles being similar only 20 years ago. I was 16 thirty six years ago and I shudder to think of what went on then. My father, who was 40 when I was born, would be 92 if still alive today, admitted to me when I was 40 that my behavior paled to what he did as a teen. It's' just a time where kids are testing the waters, pushing the envelope and growing away from their parents. We only hope we have taught them well before the teen years to be responsible and make wise choices.

 

Your teen behavior can actually follow you into adulthood, we see it every Saturday night on Cops, every day on Jerry Springer.

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I think , just the fact that your daughter told you about the conversation at school is a great thing. That means to me that she has no interest in this kind of behavior and knows it is not for her. If she did, i would think she would have kept this information to herself. Keep an eye open, but have a great vacation.

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My 16 year old daughter was talking to some friends at school about going on a cruise and one of the kids said that they had gone on one over the summer. This boy said that during the week he was on the cruise, the teen group onboard were having sex with each other each night. They took turns 'watching out' for each other and passed around partners without worry. A girl that was in this discussion piped up and said that she too had witnessed this behavior on a cruise that she went on earlier in the year (these were on two different cruise lines). Apparently the 'motto' on both cruises was 'What happens on the cruise stays on the cruise'. The girl also said that on the cruise she was on, some male employees were very insistant in pursuing her and when she declined their advances they insinuated that if she wanted to be welcome in the teen activities she needed to either participate or keep her mouth shut.

 

Have any of you noticed, or heard of, anything like this happening? I keep an eye on my daughters and trust them......but I'd also like to be able to feel comfortable letting them participate in the teen activities without having to worry that they're being pressured to have sex or to do things they don't want to do. It's their vacation too and I'd like them to be able to just have fun meeting new friends, laying out in the sun, etc without the typical pressures of teens today.

 

I know this is 2005......but........ :( ......maybe it's just kids making things up? I hope.

 

Our teenage daughters (17 and 16) will be with us on our upcoming cruise. They are wonderfully responsible and trustworthy at home, so I don't doubt they will also be trustworthy on the cruise. The part the worries me is the thought that a crewmember would pressure. Of course we don't know if there is any truth to that, but in light of the Natalee Holloway situation and other such tragedies, that concerns me. :( Does anyone know of any bona fide incidences of crewmembers getting involved with teenage passengers and how it was handled by the cruiseline (if at all?)

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OK were some of the kids doing this? Probably. Were all of the kids doing this? Of course not. Was this a boy that made the statement? Well then it is probably exxagerated and yes you know when you were a teen boy, men reading this, that you lied about sex, you all do! Well women lied too, that we were not having it as much as we might have been. It's a sad statment on th double standard.... anyway.

 

Teenagers are not, usually, as responsible on vacation as they are at home. I am sorry and I know you parents want to believe it but the truth is you do not have a repuation to uphold and you are on vacation and you are not going to see these people again. Does that mean they are all going nuts? Of course not. Your kids are also not telling you everything. Oh some kids have great relationships with their parents on the boards here, I don't doubt it, but some only think they do cause kids are sneaky. Yes they are too!

 

So what do you do? Well the truth is kids are more likely to have sex after midnight. You are tired and your inhibitions are down. Set a curfew. I don't care that the other parents arent and you are a "bad parent" it's the truth. They are also more likely to have sex if they are drunk. They can and do get it on vacation anywhere. Make sure they don't drink if you can.

 

Keep in touch with your kids. Plan family time. Dinner every night etc.

 

Are all the teens copulating like rabbits? Nope, just a select few, but it's never the kids you think it is (ok sometimes it is). Just don't let your guard down because you are on vacation.

 

All these tips are based on how I was as a teen (nightmare and lucky I grew up at all) and not personal experience with teens. I had so many ways to pull the wool over my Dad's eyes that I should have won a gold medal. My kids are going to have to be pretty creative to fool me. I hope, I hope, I hope. I sure don't want them to get away with stuff that could kill them.

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Does anyone know of any bona fide incidences of crewmembers getting involved with teenage passengers and how it was handled by the cruiseline (if at all?)

 

A couple of years ago, we were on a spring break cruise. Friends of ours were next door to a cabin containing 4 teenaged girls. A crewmember (deckhand) entered their cabin using a maintenance passkey and hid under one of the beds. In the wee hours of the morning, he was discovered when he lifted the sheets on one of the girls' beds. All the girls started screaming and raised a huge fuss, at which point the crewmember ran away.

 

Since he had used his passkey, it was very easy to determine who the crewmember was since every use of any card key is recorded. He was positively identified by the girls. The last we saw of him was on a dock in Mexico, in handcuffs, being turned over to Mexican authorities. A security detail kept an eye on the girls' cabin for the remainder of the cruise.

 

IMO, these girls were lucky.

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I have a son about to be 18 and I gotta say that for kids to be having sex while others keep an eye out seems a bit weird. Doesn't seem like something they would do. Kids that age tend to keep it more secret. Also....as the OP was describing what this kid said I had to think "what a bragger"....a 16 y.o. boy bragging about his cruise and what they did on that cruise...he probably also bragged about bartenders giving him liquor with no questions asked. But bottom line here....it is impossible to keep your eye on your teenagers during the entire cruise. They are going to do their thing while you do yours. So you just have to lay down the rules and hope they abide by them. Our number one rule was for our son was to be dressed and ready for dinner in the dining room with the family every night no matter what. Number 2 he had to go on all excursions with us (we plan them together) and could not go off on his own while in port.I gotta say "herecomesthesun" you have quite a way with words for a 17 y.o. You seem very mature....

Anyway....for those of us with teenagers you just gotta trust they will do the right thing because you can't be with them 24/7 on a ship.

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Regardless of the age, if that's the way a person lives their life, what they do is what they do, whether they are on a cruise ship, home, some other vacation, or "where ever". What ever values have been instilled in you (or not) that's pretty much the way you are going to live your life, no matter where you are.

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I agree Marco......but if a grown man is trying to force either of my daughters into doing something that she doesn't want to do......then I become personally involved. I think that was more of what I was getting at with this thread than just kids having sex.

 

But you're right, everyone chooses their own lifestyle and it's them that has to live with it. :)

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I agree with the one young person about lifestyles of some teens who already sexually active may take the chance to "hook up" on a cruise. But I don't think this is necesarily a given. I know my daughter when she used to attend the teen clubs siad it was really silly and funny. all the boys would be on one side of the room and and all the girls on the other both sides being afraid to ask the other side to dance.

 

AS far as cruiseship employees being envolved in this-NO WAY-and I should know as on our Fascination cruise 5 yrs. ago our assit. waiter was reprimended just because he went with my daughter and her friends into Matrinique. The poor fellow was taken off the dinningroom service and put on in the lido restuarant for the rest of the cruise. We had no idea that cruiseship employees were not supposed to "mingle" with passengers in their off time. I felt really bad that this happened.

 

And as the young person mentioned in an earlier post here- this has been going on on vacations with teens for a long time. I remember back in 1970 one of my sister-inlaw's girlfriends came back from senior trip at Myrte Beach pregnant. The poor girl did not even know the boy's last name, only his first name, and that he was from somewhere in North Carolina. So today there is a man in his mid fifties somewhere in North Carolina that has no idea he has a 35 yr. old son.

 

Bottom line is if parents do not want their kids behaving this way then it is up to the parents to supervise their kids and check in on them.

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Communication is the key here......My parents trusted me and I trust my 3 teens...I was treated with respect and so are my children.......so far so good......yes, those things happen, but it is a small %.... that have big mouths...just like adults some never mature and grow up.

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However, I have had heard from people my age I know that teens do "hook up" with each other on cruises. It is casual, no-strings sort of thing.

 

Teens "hook up" with each other frequently. Its seen as acceptable in high school, though not exactly respectable. Its not something that happens just on cruises, though the vacation atmosphere, freedom from parents, and general isolation from the rest of the world could certainly encourage the behavior.

I'm not a teen, but I do work with that population every day, and I think this is a fairly accurate description of how most of today's teens view "hooking up".

 

"Hooking up" can mean anything from heavy making-out to actual intercourse. But it always carries the connotation of being quick, casual, and meaningless emotionally.

 

As has been true for generations, it seems to be more acceptable for boys to "hook up" for one night than for girls. "Good girls" don't general "hook up" unless they're drunk (though they may become drunk so they'll have an excuse for having "hooked up". Lots of kids do it, but I agree it's not really something they'd brag about. Kids who do it on a regular basis DO develop bad reputations around school. Kids may be more likely to engage in "hooking up" behavior on vacations because they can "go a bit wild" without hurting their at-home reputation. I DO believe that some kids would be willing to have sex in public places with other kids stationed as "lookouts".

 

I think it's wise to have a discussion with your children ahead of time; warn them that they may be aware of other kids doing these things, but it is not acceptable in your family. But it's not something to be paranoid about. Shoot, I've personally caught kids having sex in the school restrooms and under a remote stairwell; yet the great majority of kids would never engage in such behavior.

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I'm in my mid twenties and I don't think high school has changed that much since I left.

 

I always get a laugh out of the older generation's opinions about "kids these days". The never-ending downward spiral picture that some of you infer to is a little off base. I know...some things are talked about a little more openly with the information explosion that the Internet has brought. I've just read and seen enough to place a heavy wager that the younger generation of the 60s was far more sexually careless then the current generations growing up in the 90s and the 00s.

 

I don't think any cruise staff would step out of line towards young girls without losing their job. It probably keeps all except a very small fractional percentage from making any kind of advances toward your daughters. The biggest thing you can do is just reinforce that they have to tell you if anything wierd like that happens with crew or staff. I'm sure they'd tell you anyways, but just remind them once or twice.

 

 

BTW...please don't complain about the double standard crap. It seems that few can talk about it in a way that doesn't promote women being able to hook up constantly without any negatives. A better way to equal the double standard is to have girls care a little more about the number of girls the guy has been with. I’d like both genders to be more responsible instead of vice versa. Just mho.

 

Regardless, your teens can and do hook up with others. Although it may be a bit more casual and lack emotional ties on a vacation such as a cruise. I doubt that very many are randomly getting together in high school without any kind of emotions. I remember the teen years having far more drama about "who likes who" then in college. There are usually too many emotions with kids that age. There is lots of puppy love and immaturity. Anyway...I've made this post too long already. Sorry if this rambling bored ya.

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I'm in my mid twenties and I don't think high school has changed that much since I left.

 

I always get a laugh out of the older generation's opinions about "kids these days". The never-ending downward spiral picture that some of you infer to is a little off base. I know...some things are talked about a little more openly with the information explosion that the Internet has brought. I've just read and seen enough to place a heavy wager that the younger generation of the 60s was far more sexually careless then the current generations growing up in the 90s and the 00s.

 

I don't think any cruise staff would step out of line towards young girls without losing their job. It probably keeps all except a very small fractional percentage from making any kind of advances toward your daughters. The biggest thing you can do is just reinforce that they have to tell you if anything wierd like that happens with crew or staff. I'm sure they'd tell you anyways, but just remind them once or twice.

 

 

BTW...please don't complain about the double standard crap. It seems that few can talk about it in a way that doesn't promote women being able to hook up constantly without any negatives. A better way to equal the double standard is to have girls care a little more about the number of girls the guy has been with. I’d like both genders to be more responsible instead of vice versa. Just mho.

 

Regardless, your teens can and do hook up with others. Although it may be a bit more casual and lack emotional ties on a vacation such as a cruise. I doubt that very many are randomly getting together in high school without any kind of emotions. I remember the teen years having far more drama about "who likes who" then in college. There are usually too many emotions with kids that age. There is lots of puppy love and immaturity. Anyway...I've made this post too long already. Sorry if this rambling bored ya.

Does the Name Natalee Twitty ring a bell here???

 

She was 17 and NOT on a cruise ship - so please don't blame the cruise industry. As many other posters said - talk to your kids. STUFF HAPPENS

and BAD STUFF happens all too often. I am not saying lock the kiddies in the room with an armed guard but don't blame the cruise line if your kids act up and find a way to get alcohol and drugs - they would do it on land if they are so inclined.

 

I raised two daughters - one of which tested the limits - Now both are married with 4 1/2 yr olds and are getting paid back in spades <heh heh>

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