Died and gone to heaven!

[Roboat]

Last night I dreamed I went to Heaven. What a disappointment!

 

First all the, crowds for embarkation were outrageous. Apparently it was Purgatory vacation time, and several million people were transitioning from Purgatory at the same time, so the place was packed. We had to wait, since they let the people who were there before we were board first.

 

We ate in the buffet and found the food was not filling. I ate several large plates of steak, lobster, etc. The lobster was NOT pre-buttered; you had to dip in your own butter. They have some gizmo that supposedly takes all the cholesteral, calories and carbs out, (which is unnecessary since we all get titanium arteries on Day 1 anyway.) Anyway, they added some new "reverse-loaves-and-fishes" thing, where no matter how much you eat, you never feel uncomfortably full. I like to know when I'm full. I mentioned this to Emeril and I am hoping for some credit.

 

We finally got to our cloud around 1:00, and I filled out my Appearance Preference Card. I had already done this online, but it didn't seem to "take", so I had to do it again. Except this time they were OUT of Brad Pitt shoulders!! So I settled for the Russell Crowes. DW said that was fine with her. She got the Heather Locklear legs she wanted,

 

Our cloud was VERY small. The brochure shows it as 28 acres, but they conveniently left out that the 28 acres INCLUDES the tennis courts, monster truck park, heliport, driving range, outlet mall, theater, and guest cottage. So I had to ask our cloud attendant to find a place for the St. Andrews golf course I had ordered. The hair dryers are a joke.

 

The entertainment was not that great. They have a standard list, and you can add anyone you want, living or dead, but not everyone is listed. We saw the Beatles, but they looked very old-fashioned. Simon and Garfunkle were OK, as were Queen, Elvis, Glenn Miller, Judy Garland, Jerry Seinfeld, and Bob Hope. But the 20 minute private time with each of the standard selections was either too much or not enough. What am I going to chat about with Ja Rule for 20 minutes?

 

Cloud service was sl-o-o-o--w-w! Only once was it delivered before I hung up. Obviously, we took auto-tip off.

 

The dress code in the dining room is NOT enforced. There were knights in full armor, cowboys, wizards, etc - all wearing shorts!! How am I supposed to enjoy a meal when I'm sitting next to Lana Turner at age 26 and she's wearing shorts!

 

We didn't opt for any excursions. DW wanted to do the "Trip to Anywhere in Time," but what's the point? It's all old stuff. And how are you supposed to choose, anyway? Too many options!

 

Believe me, this will be my LAST trip to Heaven. I cornered Peter, the Cruise Director, and voiced my complaints, and he just patted my head! I asked him about a cloud credit, but he wouldn't budge. However, it looks like, finally, I may be getting some satisfaction. He said that, since I appear to be truly unhappy with Heaven, he would arrange for me to be transferred to another location. We'll see.

[Druke I]

I do believe we were tablemates on one cruise - I do remember the whining.

[dbmiller1956]

Roboat, now you tell me you were miserable. I invited the Cruise Director to our get-together on the CB. Promise me that if he gives you the transfer to another location, you don't take us with you!!

 

I can butter my own lobster!!

Deena

[spongerob]

Good one! :)

[TorontoTL]

Good story....LOL.

[Lynda90]

Very entertaining.:D

[LARGIN]

funny :D

[cruiserforlife]

Boy,first spongerob's little funny and now this...

 

It's becoming a regular Comedy Central around here lately...but I like it!:o

 

Who'll be next to entertain us...LARGIN maybe?

[crusdiva]

Very clever...thanks for the laugh.:D

[meemeec]

Very, very amusing. :D :D :D

[Widespreadpanic]

KEEP 'EM COMING!!

[devinc]

KEEP 'EM COMING!!

 

WSP fan here!